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| Forever just two personnel moves away... |
Down below, you'll find all the teams in Major League Soccer’s Eastern Conference listed in the order of their current place in the conference standings, along with the most basic factual information about each of them. After that comes a quick riff on how their 2025 looks so far based on 1) my impression of a given team based on seeing them one way or the other over the season and 2) their last 10 results, more or less.
I pulled Cincy out of the regular order and lifted them to the top with an eye to dwelling on my very own Special Little Guys of the East. If you want depth or real knowledge about individual players, I suggest you hit up local sources – something I encourage people to do in any event and often as they can - or, if you’re into that certain flavor of weird, your local team’s subreddit.
The point of the exercise is to look past injuries to key players or arguments about how totally and thoroughly unstoppable any given team will be if [Player A] would just start doing [X], or if only the stupid fucking coach would get his head out of his ass and start [Player B] or move [Player C] to left back, and to flatten the notes on each team to the cold, hard calculus of the results they’ve compiled, where and against what quality of opposition, and holy run-on sentence, Melville. The animating thought behind it seeks to correct the human habit of holding onto a detail – say, a big win over a good team – and interpreting a team through that flawed lens for weeks, or even months, thereafter. With 18 games crossed off on the calendar for most teams, MLS fans finally have a forest to stare at and, personally, that feels like a better way to clock what’s going on than, to muddle a phrase, get into the trees…and, rimshot.
With that, let’s kick things off the East’s silver-medal team:
2nd - FC Cincinnati
10-5-3, 33 pts., 18 games played; 26 gf, 24 ga (+2); home 5-1-2, away 5-4-1
Last 10 Results: WWLWWDLDLW (5-3-2)
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ CHI (3-2 W); v SKC (2-1 W); @ NYC (0-1 L); v ATX (2-1 W); @ TFC (1-0 W); @ CLB (1-1 D); @ ATL (2-4 L); v FCD (3-3 D); v DC (1-2 L); @ NE (1-0 W)
I want to start by stating, for the record, that I both scouted the New England Revolution and watched Cincy’s 1-0 road win over them with notebook in hand. Notes on the Revs (way down) below notwithstanding, that tracked as a big, morale-goosing win for the Orange and Blue for me. A makeshift defense held firm (heck, I might even like it), Kevin Denkey put in what I’d call his best comprehensive game in a Cincy kit and it’ll take a pile of evidence to convince me Luca Orellano shouldn’t start and, for the most part stay, on the left. I thought they played well on both sides of the ball and handled the game better than they have the last…three games, right? To clarify, yes, a good team can draw at Columbus and, yes, that doesn’t bother me nearly as much as points dropped versus (versus!) Dallas and DC, and what did those lost five points do but make me look at the sloppy blowout at Atlanta as, maybe, foreshadowing…let’s just say the word “complacency” entered the chat.
Pulling lens out a bit, Cincy still looks like a shoo-in for the post-season and will continue to give them a better-than-average shot at not just making some noise, but of getting tangible out of it. They have more things going for them than against them – e.g., a defense that’s strong (enough), but also deep (enough) and flexible; a dynamic, yet sturdy midfield, even if it takes a healthy Obinna Nwobodo to keep the “dynamic” in there; at least one pair of league-elite attacking options – than against them – e.g., injuries (and perhaps questionable decisions) have kept Pat Noonan from fielding a consistent defense; Nwobodo has missed more than a few, as has Yuya Kubo, Tah Anunga is limited, all of which made Pavel Bucha an accidental lynch-pin and…he has more good days than bad, and yet. Before I move on, Cincinnati is second in the East, clean, with all that going on. That is really good depth for MLS.
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| Balance is the essence. |
Cincy has Denkey and Evander and they legit produce - i.e., 18 goals and six assists between them – and, better, hose two can improve, both individually and as a duo. There’s no guarantee they will – particularly with Evander’s mopey artiste tendencies – but I’m not entirely sure they absolutely need to. Orellano’s coming back and finding his place (again, the left, if with some flips to the right) and he should be a good foil for Denkey, but I can also see them getting a couple more goals (or assists) out of Gerardo Valenzuela. On the downside, Evander has had to look harder for the game over the past few matchdays and I’m wondering if Orellano’s growing role hasn’t played a role in that – e.g., does having another “creative” pushing wide and high carry the ball past Evander’s most effective area of operation? I don’t know how that works out, but also feel entirely confident that Pat Noonan, et al, have put more thought into all of the above than I ever will.
We’ll see that they do with it, but, yeah, I feel pretty good about Cincinnati’s personnel. Now, let’s see what they’re up against. And, as first noted above, in order….
1st - Philadelphia Union
11-3-4, 37 pts., 18 games played; 34 gf, 19 ga (+15); home 6-1-3, away 5-2-1
Last 10 Results: WWWDWWDWDW (7-0-3)
Strength/Location of Schedule
v ATL (3-0 W); v DC (3-0 W); @ MTL (2-1 W); v CLB (2-2 D); v LAG (3-2 W); @ ATL (1-0 W); v MIA (3-3 D); @ TFC (2-1 W); @ FCD (0-0 D); v CLT (2-1 W)
Philly’s has chewed their way through the past 10 games – and credit to them for it – but, as laid out above, they’ve also feasted on minnows. With the exception of a fast-sinking Charlotte team that dies on the road, every W in that list came against a team that has lived below the playoff line for most of 2025. That still files under winning games they should, of course, and every one of those wins counts as a building block in a strong season, it’s just…noted and see what happens when the competition stiffens. Tai Baribo may have cooled off from his torrid, sweaty start, but they survived the Daniel Gazdag trade and have plenty to celebrate on the personnel side – e.g., the fresh assists they’re getting out of Quinn Sullivan and the continued, reliable production from Kai Wagner, as well as the emergence of young players like Danley Jean Jacques. The Union is playoff-bound, no question, but they’ll have to beat the “real” teams once they get there – and their record looks mixed on that count.
3rd - Nashville SC
9-4-5, 32 pts., 18 games played; 32 gf, 21 ga (+11); home 6-1-3, away 3-3-2
Last 10 Results: LLWLWDWWDW (5-3-2)
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ SEA (0-3 L); v CHI (7-2 W); @ ATL (1-1 D); v CLT (2-1 W); v RBNY (2-1 W); v DC (0-0 D); @ TFC (2-1 W); @ CLB (2-2 D); v NYC (2-2 D); @ CHI (2-0 W)
Arguably the surprise team of MLS’s East and on a six-game unbeaten streak that might be flying under the radar. The results are by no means perfect – see the home draw versus DC – but seeing them push past actual rival teams (e.g., Charlotte and the Red Bulls) to claim all three points matters, even when the wins come at home. (And, golly, do they have Chicago’s number.) Sam Surridge’s actual arrival (12 g, 3a) has a lot to do with lifting them to third, but the load he took off Hany Mukhtar has given the Egyptian (right?) his first solid season in 2-3 years and Andy Najar (7a) and Edvard Tagseth (3a, but also the energy of a herding dog) look like some of the smartest, quiet acquisitions of the off-season. With one of the league’s stingier defenses behind them, Nashville should have a decent shot at a first-round home series in the MLS playoffs.
4th - Columbus Crew
8-3-7, 31 pts., 18 games played; 29 gf, 25 ga (+4); home 5-1-4, away 3-2-3
Last 10 Results: LWWDDDLDLW (3-3-4)
Strength/Location of Schedule
v MIA (0-1 L); v SJ (2-1 W); v CLT (4-2 W); @ PHI (2-2 D); @ MTL (1-1 D); v CIN (1-1 D); @ CLT (2-3 L); v NSH (2-2 D); @ MIA (1-5 L); v VAN (2-1 W)
Columbus surely remains one of the teams most admired by neutrals and Wilfried Nancy has more pundits mooning over his head-shot than any coach in recent memory. Against that, Columbus’ defense slipped into the shitter at the end of May (10 goals allowed over three games), something that counted as one of the bigger shocks of 2025. They had company around that spell – Cincinnati, notably, but also Miami – but Columbus has dropped more points than several, maybe even the majority, of teams that can still claim contender status. Looking at the draw at Montreal, in particular. The attacking production looks…fine, but Diego Rossi (9g, 3a) could probably stand more help than Jacen Russell-Rowe – and, so far, Daniel Gazdag hasn’t delivered on what he was surely brought in to do. While almost certainly fine for the playoffs, and nice win versus Vancouver on their last match day, but they’ll need to stay frosty to avoid facing a road playoffs series.
5th - Orlando City SC
8-4-6, 30 pts., 18 games played; 32 gf, 22 ga (+10); home 5-2-2, away 3-2-4
Last 10 Results: DWDDWWWLLW (5-3-2)
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ MTL (0-0 D); v ATL (3-0 W); @ CHI (0-0 D); v NE (3-3 D); v CLT (3-1 W); @ MIA (3-0 W); v POR (1-0 W); @ ATL (2-3 L); v CHI (1-3 L); @ COL (1-0 W)
As laid out up above, Orlando can beat just about any team, but doesn’t that just beg the question of why they don’t? Piling on, how does a team in the league-wide top 10 for scoring fail to score against Montreal or Chicago, even if on the road? Recent trends looks better, if with a loud hiccup in the middle from losses at Atlanta and versus Chicago. Orlando is better defensively than about 2/3 of the league, but they have a long history of falling short when it comes to making wins out of draws – and it goes back well beyond the start of 2025. The regular lineup still features plenty of bright spots and they’re getting respectably varied production from players like Martin Ojeda (9g, 5a), Marco Pasalic (6g, 4a) and Luis Muriel (6g, 3a). With all the second bananas (e.g., Alexander Freeman, Cesar Araujo and Eduardo Atuesta) on the roster backing those guys up, they should be fine to make the playoffs and I doubt many teams want to play them there, but it’s hard to see them getting over the hump and, say, reaching the final.
6th - Inter Miami CF
8-3-5, 29 pts., 16 games played; 36 gf, 27 ga (+9); home 5-2-2, away 3-1-3
Last 10 Results: DWLWLDLDWW (4-3-3)
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ CHI (0-0 D); @ CLB (1-0 W); v FCD (3-4 L); v RBNY (4-1 W); @ MIN (1-4 L); @ SJ (3-3 D); v ORL (0-3 L); @ PHI (3-3 D); v MTL (4-2 W); v CLB (5-1 W)
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| Messi & Suarez |
7th - New York City FC
8-6-4, 28 pts., 18 games played; 24 gf, 20 ga (+4); home 7-3-0, away 1-3-4
Last 10 Results: LWWLDWWLDW (5-3-2)
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ NE (0-2 L); @ TFC (1-0 W); v CIN (1-0 W),v MTL (0-1 L); @ DC (0-0 D); v RBNY (2-0 W); v CHI (3-1 W); v HOU (0-3 L); @ NSH (2-2 D); v ATL (4-0 W)
With 7th-place NYCFC, we finally arrive at the first team that would be a contender but for a shaky road record – a big deal for any team that looks unlikely to earn a post-season hosting rights. On the plus side, I see good wins in their past five games (versus Cincy, Red Bull, even Chicago and Atlanta thanks to the goals scored), but I also see a few dog’s ass losses (Houston (badly) and Montreal at home?!). One immediate detail that comes forward when you glance at the list of results: the 11 goals scored in the last five results, a haul that speaks to how sporadically they scored over the 13 games prior; going the other way, having a defense that constantly stands up helps a team get away with shit like that. Still, they have a pair of players delivering for the attack in Alonso Martinez (8g, 1a) and Hannes Wolf (8g, 3a), and Maxi Moralez somehow keeps starting and chipping in nicely at the ripe old age of 50. Words like “reliable” and “sturdy” suit NYC well enough, but they’ll need to keep up that late burst of scoring and do something about that road record if they want to rise up to join the contenders.
8th - Red Bull New York
8-7-3, 27 pts., 18 games played; 29 gf, 21 ga (+8); home 7-1-1, away 1-6-2
Last 10 Results: LWLWLLWWWL (5-5-0)
Strength/Location of Schedule
v DC (1-2 L); v MTL (1-0 W); @ MIA (1-4 L); v LAG (7-0 W); @ NSH (1-2 L); @ NYC (0-2 L); @ DC (2-0 W); v CLT (4-2 W); v ATL (2-0 W); @ ATX (1-2 L)
I want to…no, need to start this by acknowledging how firmly I wrote of Red Bull’s chances of doing anything in 2024, especially after a regular season spent drawing damn near all comers. And yet, MLS Cup. In that context, the relative absence of draws this season seems relevant as does that fact that all the wins they’ve had recently came against the bad (e.g., the Galaxy, Montreal and DC) and the wounded (e.g., Charlotte), and I can’t look at their 29 goals for without knowing they bagged seven of those versus LA. They have at least one big positive in the production by Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting (10 g, 1a) and the early returns, if mainly on the assist-side, look great from Omar Valencia (he has five). They’re good defensively, which is always big, but it’s a whole lot of average from there and that, plus a genuinely crap away record, speaks to how a team lands at mid-table. The home record, not unlike NYC’s, counts as “banging,” which makes counting them out of anything premature, but the project needs an upgrade (or maybe just the return of Lewis Morgan?) to get better than middling.
9th - Charlotte FC
8-9-1, 25 pts., 18 games played; 28 gf, 28 ga (0); home 6-2-0, away 2-7-1
Last 10 Results: WLLLLLWLWL
Strength/Location of Schedule
v SD (3-0 W); v NE (0-1 L); @ CLB (2-4 L); @ NSH (1-2 L); @ ORL (1-3 L); v CHI (1-4 L); v CLB (3-2 W); @ RBNY (2-4 L); @ TFC (2-0 W); @ PHI (1-2 L)
The collapse of Charlotte’s defense (more or less) still ranks highly among my personal shocks of the 2025 season. This team appeared destined to grind out wins and draws to the end of 2025, but that was before the 17 goals allowed over the merry, merry month of May wiped its ass with that theory. The fact I saw a lot of Charlotte before that happened makes it hard for me to wrap my head around what caused it, so I only saw the abrupt fall from grace and down the standings. It doesn’t take looking beyond the results listed above to see the cause – five losses in six road games over the past 10 games, some of them bad – but, hey, at least Charlotte can shove Toronto around at their place. The fact that four of those losses came against strong teams, couple with a strong home record, plus a pair of home games in hand should give Charlotte some hope of getting back over the “real playoff line,” aka, 7th place. Getting anyone among the committee that leads their scoring going – e.g., Patrick Agyemang (6g, 1a), Liel Abada (5 g, 2a), Wilfried “The Prickly” Zaha (5g, 3a) and Pep Biel (5g, 7a) – to actually head the committee would help, but getting the defense re-dialed (and maybe getting some injured players back) feels like the bigger solution.
10th - Chicago Fire FC
7-6-4, 25 pts., 17 games played; 35 gf, 31 ga (+4); home 1-2-4, away 6-4-0
Last 10 Results: DLLDWWLWWL
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ MIA (0-0 D); v CIN (2-3 L); @ NSH (2-7 L); v ORL (0-0 D); v ATL (2-1 W); @ CLT (4-1 W); @ NYC (1-3 L); v ORL (3-1 W); @ DC (7-1 W); v NSH (0-2 L)
Few things speak to the free-for-all that have shaped Greggggg Berhalter’s first season in charge of Chicago as eloquently as the way their recent blowout win over DC erased their earlier blowout loss at Nashville. And yet, after so many…mostly awful seasons, I’m guessing Chicago fans have happily embraced this weird fucker of a season. Tenth place ain’t great, obviously, but how many teams wouldn’t take every win in the Fire’s 6-4-0 away record with a big smile; going the other way, the three home games Chicago has in hand only look like the path to salvation if you forget their 1-2-4 record. The madness continues from there with the Fire being at or around the top both on goals scored and goals allowed. I, along with their fans and everyone else watching, have no idea as to what’s going to happen over the second half of Chicago’s season, but at least they’re not bored, right?
11th - New England Revolution
6-5-5, 23 pts., 16 games played; 19 gf, 15 ga (+4); home 2-3-1, away 4-2-4
Last 10 Results: WWWWDDDDWL (5-1-4)
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ ATL (1-0 W); v NYC (2-0 W); @ CLT (1-0 W); @ TFC (2-0 W); @ ORL (3-3 D); v SJ (0-0 D); @ SKC (3-3 D); @ DC (1-1 D); @ MTL (3-0 W); v CIN (0-1 L)
If I had to give one team the most credit for inspiring the approach to this post, I’d nod toward New England. Until I scouted them ahead of their loss to Cincy, my last memory knew them as a team on a tear – which was true, see five of their six wins in the past 10 games. The weeks since the first four of those wins haven’t been so kind and, crucially, the Revs are dropping points against teams (e.g., v San Jose, and at SKC and DC) that aspiring teams simply cannot drop. On the positive side of the ledger, they have MLS’s second-best defense and 13 of their 19 goals scored total in the past 10 games. The home games in hand they’ve banked would go on the positive side of the ledger, but for that middling home record. They remain Carles Gil (6g, 4a) & Acquaintances on the attacking end and, yeah, what scoring more goals could do first this team. The Revs never looked much like contending in 2025, but they may yet crawl over one playoff line or another. To circle back to the beginning, the above feels like a good thing to keep in one’s head when talking about the Revs as a “tough team.” Stubborn, sure, but...
12th - DC United
4-9-6, 18 pts., 19 games played; 17 gf, 38 ga (-21); home 2-4-4, away 2-5-2
Last 10 Results: LWLDDLDWLL (2-5-3)
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ PHI (0-3 L); v COL (2-1 W); @ TFC (0-2 L); v NYC (0-0 D); @ NSH (0-0 D). v RBNY (0-2 L); v NE (1-1 D); @ CIN (2-1 W), v CHI (1-7 L); @ RSL (0-2 L)
The Revs’ three games in hand over DC provides some sense of scale to the cliff between them, especially with Chicago and Charlotte two more points above (+7). A shock road win over Cincy gave them their best moment since late April, but the string of losses before (and particularly) after it render the three promising draws they managed basically irrelevant. Even if all three of New England, Charlotte and Chicago collapsed, betting on DC to cover the deficit feels like a sucker’s bet. The defense bleeds goals, for starters – only the Galaxy have allowed more – but the attacking collective has yet to make up for Christian Benteke’s drop in production (just 6g, 1a so far) and considerable absence. No other player on the roster has scored more than two goals, and there’s just three of them and a whole lot of singletons from there. Not a lot to hold onto, really. Next…
13th - Atlanta United FC
4-9-5, 17 pts., 18 games played; 21 gf, 34 ga (-13); home 4-3-3, away 0-6-2
Last 10 Results: LLDLDLWWLL (2-6-2)
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ PHI (0-3 L); @ ORL (0-3 L); v NSH (1-1 D); @ CHI (1-2 L); @ ATX (1-1 D); v PHI (0-1 L); v CIN (4-2 W); v ORL (3-2 W); @ RBNY (0-2 L); @ NYC (0-4 L)
The buzz on Atlanta’s off-season investments faded out…what, late April? Mid-May? The only silver lining I can point to – they played six of their past ten games on the road, and they suck on the road – points right back at the problem, i.e., Atlanta sucks on the road. I can paint some happy trees in front of that silver lining by acknowledging that, yeah, those past 10 games would make a hard stretch for most teams in MLS. To redirect your attention back to the elephant in the room that just shat on the carpet, Atlanta poured the MLS equivalent of a mint into the attack and received one of the league’s weakest for an ROI; Emmanuel Latte Lath, Miguel Almiron and Aleksey Mirachuk have 10 goals and eight assists between them, an outstanding figure for one DP, but an acquisition face-plant when split between three of them. If this was the first time Atlanta lit a pile of cash on fire to miss the playoffs…
…oh, and the defense sucks.
14th - Toronto FC
3-10-4, 13 pts., 17 games played; 18 gf, 24 ga (-6); home 1-7-2, away 2-3-2
Last 10 Results: DWLLWLWLLL (3-6-1)
Strength/Location of Schedule
v MIN (0-0 D); @ RSL (1-0 W); v NYC (0-1 L); v NE (0-2 L); v DC (2-0 W); v CIN (0-1 L); @ MTL (6-1 W); v NSH (1-2 L); v PHI (1-2 L); v CLT (0-2 L)
Toronto has won three games in 2025, all within the past ten matchdays. The main thing they have in common is the fact that Toronto can beat a bad team on a good day. The ceiling on Toronto’s ambitions for the current season don’t rise much above the knee; my main hope is that Robin Fraser gets his shot to work on and with the inevitable, near-certain rebuild. To give credit where its due, Federico Bernardeschi leads this team like the ringleader of some doomed circus and, for what it’s worth, I’m glad that he showed up. A turn-around on the attacking side is their only hope, but that shit’s pretty dim.
15th - Club du Foot Montreal
2-11-5, 11 pts., 18 games played; 15 gf, 33 ga (-18); home 0-4-3, away 2-7-2
Last 10 Results: DLLWDLDLLW (2-5-3)
Strength/Location of Schedule
v ORL (0-0 D); @ RBNY (0-1 L); v PHI (1-2 L); @ NYC (1-0 W); v CLB (1-1 D); @ TFC (1-6 L); v LAFC (2-2 D); @ MIA (2-4 L); v NE (0-3 L); @ HOU (3-1 W)
Montreal have won two games over the past 10 matchdays and, yes, I’m laughing at you NYCFC and Houston – and with you hosting to boot! This team is fucking cooked. I remember the last time Montreal was worth thinking about and it is not recent. This is the rare, “yes, burn it all down” situation, before Montreal becomes the Chicago Fire’s forgotten twin.
That’s it for this whale. Till something smaller surfaces. A pilot whale, maybe…
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