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| Fucking poseurs. |
Welcome to the MLS Week 2 index, which, let me tell you, is
already a goddamn mess. I’ll try to stitch that into a coherent narrative over on
Orange & Blue Press, but the top-level take-aways for every team in MLS
appears below. While there are three perfect teams so far, only two of them feel
believable right now – that’s Los Angeles FC and Seattle Sounders – but
Minnesota United FC could take a step toward legit next weekend with a win against
the Los Angeles Galaxy…near LA. In the broader scheme, points aren’t everything yet – by which I mean that I wouldn’t call Real Salt Lake and the Houston
Dynamo better than Sporting Kansas City (hence the order below), or even Toronto FC until further
notice/results – and some deficits seem more endemic (e.g., the San Jose
Earthquakes) than others (e.g., the Philadelphia Union). Also, I see a brighter
future for some teams on 0 points (e.g., Vancouver Whitecaps) than I do for some
teams on 1 point (e.g., New England Revolution.
Overall, though, MLS Week 2 didn’t re-write the whole damn
script or anything. Some teams did goose their status (LAFC and Columbus Crew
SC, for me), and the San Jose Earthquakes already look doomed, but there’s more
wiggle going on in the MLS standings than you’ll ever see at a Wiggles concert.
Not that I’ve ever been to one. Anyway, the good stuff, the data, is below.
Oh, whoops. It occurred to me this morning that I totally
failed to explain the extra row at the bottom of all those tables down below,
so, with an eye to making amends: at the midway point to the regular season,
most teams’ patterns become entrenched enough for me to declare each team “IN”
(the playoffs), “OUT” (of the playoffs), or “MARGINAL” (because I don’t know
what the Hell to make of them). Over the past several seasons, the real “ins”
and shameful “outs” set pretty hard in the standings by the halfway mark and without
shifting around a ton, but isn’t that just the freak-case that proves the rule?
To give just one recent example, the Sounders picked up just 16 points from 17
games through the middle of last season, only to storm into the post-season
like one of those bullshit fast zombies that, when you get right down to it,
break the genre…but I digress.
Here’s are the results/infoboxes (what I call the gridded
stuff) after MLS Week 2.
MINNESOTA UNITED FC,
2-0-0, 6 points, 6 gf, 2 ga, (0-0-0 home, 2-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
|
W
|
@ VAN
|
@ SJ
|
3-2
|
3-0
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: If these games weren’t on the road…one
helluva start regardless. Worth keeping tabs on till further notice. And, yes,
I put them up here because I could.
Next Game: @ Los Angeles Galaxy…and if they win that one,
which wouldn’t surprise me…
LOS ANGELES FC,
2-0-0, 6 points, 6 gf, 2 ga, (2-0-0 home, 0-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
|
W
|
v SKC
|
v POR
|
2-1
|
4-1
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: They announced their intentions. Count me
a convert. There will be a link to extended commentary in the Portland section
below (WAY below because that’s where they are.)
Next Game: @ NYCFC, which feels like a game to watch, but
mostly for LAFC.
SEATTLE SOUNDERS, 2-0-0,
6 points, 6 gf, 1 ga, (2-0-0 home, 0-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
|
W
|
v CIN
|
V COL
|
4-1
|
2-0
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Preliminary confirmation that they started
2019 sharp, but against shit/unprepared teams.
Next Game: @ Chicago Fire…aka, still more padding. Good time
to load up the points.
REAL SALT LAKE,
1-0-1, 4 points, 2 gf, 1 ga, (1-0-0 home, 0-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
|
W
|
@ HOU
|
v VAN
|
1-1
|
1-0
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: They got the good, validating win.
Next Game: @ DC United. A(n unlikely) win in DC would signal
something.
COLUMBUS CREW SC, 1-0-1,
4 points, 3 gf, 1 ga, (0-0-1 home, 1-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
W
|
v NYR
|
@ NE
|
1-1
|
2-0
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: See above. A WIN against in Columbus would
announce some intention.
Next Game: v FC Dallas
FC DALLAS, 1-0-1, 4
points, 3 gf, 1 ga, (1-0-1 home, 0-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
W
|
v NE
|
v LAG
|
1-1
|
2-0
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Good step, but there’s a bigger one ahead.
See below.
Next Game: @ Columbus
HOUSTON DYNAMO,
1-0-1, 4 points, 3 gf, 2 ga, (1-0-1 home, 0-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
W
|
v RSL
|
v MTL
|
1-1
|
2-1
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: A good three points. These “nothing” wins
in March pad the account down the stretch.
Next Game: v. Vancouver. This is a great example of the
early expectations game; if a team beats Vancouver at home, what’s that say,
really?
DC UNITED, 1-0-1, 4
points, 2 gf, 0 ga, (1-0-0 home, 0-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
|
D
|
v ATL
|
@ NYC
|
2-0
|
0-0
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Strong result, but it’s probably worth
checking into Atlanta’s line-up.
Next Game: @ New York City FC (where anything but a tie will
be notable).
SPORTING KC, 1-1-0, 3
points, 3 gf, 2 ga, (1-0-0 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
|
W
|
@ LAF
|
v PHI
|
1-2
|
2-0
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: The kind of win they must-win to stay
sexy. They stayed sexy.
Next Game: @ Colorado, which would take a seriously weird
result (e.g., whistle-to-whistle domination) to look meaningful.
TORONTO FC, 1-0-0, 3
points, 3 gf, 1 ga, (0-0-0 home, 1-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
|
@ PHI
|
3-1
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Idle, but good start. Apart from the whole
“getting out-scored by 5 goals to 1 against Panamanian team” thing.
Next Game: v. New England Revolution, which looks like a
gift they should not squander.
LOS ANGELES GALAXY,
1-1-0, 3 points, 2 gf, 3 ga, (1-0-0 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
|
L
|
v CHI
|
@ FCD
|
2-1
|
0-2
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Not a shocking loss, not much to expand
on. Watch this space.
Next Game: v Minnesota…and watch this game. A loss or draw
here should raise eyebrows.
MONTREAL IMPACT, 1-1-0,
3 points, 3 gf, 3 ga, (0-0-0 home, 1-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
|
L
|
@ SJ
|
@ HOU
|
2-1
|
1-2
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Results probably say more about San Jose
than anyone else involved – including Montreal.
Next Game: @ Orlando. Well, shit. I can’t think of any
outcome from that would give a worthwhile signal.
NEW YORK CITY FC,
0-0-2, 2 points, 2 gf, 2 ga, (0-0-1 home, 0-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
D
|
@ ORL
|
v DC
|
2-2
|
0-0
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Noted…still…so keep your eye on their
stock for now.
Next Game: v. Los Angeles FC – especially with this on their
plate.
NEW YORK RED BULLS,
0-0-1, 1 point, 1 gf, 1 ga, (0-0-0 home, 0-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
@ CLB
|
1-1
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Steady as she goes.
Next Game: v. San Jose, again, a must-win on the level of
simple dignity.
ORLANDO CITY FC,
0-0-2, 2 points, 3 gf, 3 ga, (0-0-1 home, 0-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
D
|
v NYC
|
@ CHI
|
2-2
|
1-1
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Second good result. On balance. Again.
Next Game: v Montreal
COLORADO RAPIDS, 0-1-1,
1 point, 3 gf, 5 ga, (0-0-1 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
L
|
v POR
|
@ SEA
|
3-3
|
0-2
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: As noted in the extended comments (see
above), both their ringers rang. That’s good.
Next Game: v Sporting KC. The scheduling gods were as cruel
to Colorado, as they were kind to Seattle.
PORTLAND TIMBERS, 0-1-1,
1 point, 4 gf, 7 ga, (0-0-0 home, 0-1-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
L
|
@ COL
|
@ LAF
|
3-3
|
1-4
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Well, no, obviously that wasn’t good. But
they had moments, which I’ll describe more fully in this space…soon. And when I
do, it’ll go right here.
Next Game: @ FC Cincinnati, which suddenly looks more
complicated…
NEW ENGLAND
REVOLUTION, 0-1-1, 1 point, 1 gf, 3 ga, (0-1-0 home, 0-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
|
L
|
@ FCD
|
v CLB
|
1-1
|
0-2
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Depends somewhat on how Columbus keeps
trending, but, no, not a good start.
Next Game: @ Toronto
ATLANTA UNITED FC,
0-1-1, 1 point, 1 gf, 3 ga, (0-0-1 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
|
W
|
@ DC
|
v CIN
|
0-2
|
1-1
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Not good result, but also not a big deal.
Next Game: v. Philadelphia, also, a shot at (uncertain)
progress (against an unknown team).
CHICAGO FIRE, 0-1-1, 1
point, 2 gf, 3 ga, (0-0-1 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
|
D
|
@ LA
|
v ORL
|
0-2
|
1-1
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Well, there goes one chance for a
statement…
Next Game: v. Seattle…which does not feel like cause for optimism.
FC CINCINNATI, 0-1-1,
1 point, 2 gf, 5 ga, (0-0-0 home, 0-1-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
|
D
|
@ SEA
|
@ ATL
|
1-4
|
1-1
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Better for being wildly unexpected, but
good point, full stop. My extended notes on the game give cause for dialing down the excitement.
Next Game: v. Portland…which will be captivating for both
teams.
PHILADELPHIA UNION,
0-2-0, 0 points, 1 gf, 5 ga, (0-1-0 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
|
W
|
v TFC
|
@ SKC
|
1-3
|
0-2
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Given the totality of everything so far,
no surprise, but also not yet terrible.
Next Game: @ Atlanta. Call it one Hell of a chance for one
team or the other to get unstuck.
VANCOUVER WHITECAPS,
0-2-0, 0 points, 2 gf, 4 ga, (0-1-0 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
|
L
|
v MIN
|
@ RSL
|
2-3
|
0-1
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: The other “L” came and, no, it didn’t
surprise me.
Next Game: @ Houston, and hardly cause for optimism. A
contrary signal would help.
SAN JOSE EARTHQUAKES,
0-2-0, 0 points, 1 gf, 4 ga, (0-2-0 home, 0-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
|
L
|
v MTL
|
v MIN
|
1-2
|
0-2
|
N/A
|
N/A
|
Current Judgment: Wasted no time in settling to the bottom. Two
losses at home. Jesus Christ.
Next Game: @ Red Bulls, which just seems cruel at this
point…
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