Getting Reacquainted with DC United, A Metaphor on the Benefits of Inherited Wealth

Had some great damn songs, but...

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

Tempting as it is to see DC United as the team that squandered its legacy as the first best team in MLS, that narrative writes their first (and only) renaissance out of its history – i.e., the 2004-07 seasons, which saw them win another Cup and two more Shields. The echo might have been half as loud, but it did happen. Against that, those first straight-up fucking insane seasons – DC won three MLS Cups and two Supporters’ Shields, on top of having a crack at a fourth Cup in 1998 (the Chicago Fire won that one) – created a firewall thick enough for them to hold at sixth place on the all-time Joy Points Scale (methodology below*) despite getting slapped with four (4!) Wooden Spoons and some of the worst seasons in league history. Between them checking out of the post-season a half decade at a time and 10 seasons of Benny-ball (when Ben Olsen was in charge) thrown into the mix, it’s almost impossible to remember that DC United reigned as the undisputed Kings of MLS 1.0. Some of MLS’s first great players starred for DC, not all of them listed below (e.g., Jeff Agoos, Roy Lassiter, and Raul Diaz Arce, to name a few). In fewer words, yeah, the designated-player era passed them by. That doesn’t mean they didn’t try, and that they haven’t had a couple hyped hopes, but they have yet to catch up to a league that seems to get faster with each passing season.

Best Season(s)

I’ll always have a soft spot for MLS Cup I, when DC stepped into the downpour that fell on it as the underdog, but I’d call the 1997 and 1999 seasons the franchise’s high-water marks. I don’t remember 1999 so good, partially because I’d moved on to Boston and rooting for the New England Revolution, but I had a front row seat for 1997 and they ran away with everything that wasn’t nailed down. Special team, special players…also, this is where I picked up my aversion to success…

Long-Term Tendencies

DC built their trophy-winning seasons on reliable, live-wire attacks – sometimes to the point of covering for a shaky defense. The reverse held true as well: they suffered their worst seasons when a stumbling attack became the anchor that drowned them. Defense hurt a little as well, but the offense was always a little worse. And here’s a fun little detail: despite its reputation for playing it safe, the Benny-ball era (2010-2020) didn’t consistently translate into improved defensive performances: DC either hit over or above the average for goals allowed in eight of his 10 seasons coaching the team.

The Late Tackle 02 08 2017: Adu-Shaped Puzzle Pieces That Don’t Fit

Tell me he's not dead. Please.

As I’ll be noting all over the place, I am trying to simplify/routinize what I do across my various projects, despite my steady failure rate with…uh, I prefer the term differently successful.

For now (and for as long as I keep it up), I’ve decided to slim down these Late Tackle posts to one main topic. Outside of these, I’ll write up games (one tomorrow!) and put together the odd larger project (have two in the pipeline). All of it will relate to (probably) the Portland Timbers first, Major League Soccer second, and the U.S. Men’s National Team last. In all honesty, the primary function of these posts is making me keep current on the news.

Oh, speaking of, I will also flag things like results as they come. For instance, the San Jose Earthquakes edged the Seattle Sounders yesterday, the New England Revolution nicked Sporting Kanas City 2-1, and the LA Galaxy drew at ones against Mexico’s Club Tijuana.

There are a couple games on tap for today, but most of them are weird (is that the word I want? I mean is they’re against non-MLS teams, and that trips up context). At any rate, even if they’re preseason games – and “preseason games don’t mean anything” (allegedly; investigation #1) – I still like tracking ‘em. It’s not the best data, but it’s the data we got, people.

Finally, the topic. Future installments will pull out the first two paragraphs, so that should tighten’ ‘em up a bit. And, for what it’s worth, I toyed with writing up Dax McCarty’s pointed comments about his move from New York Red Bulls to the Chicago Fire, but McCarty pretty much covered it…in something like a TED Talk on sports business ethics. Impressed…

MLS’s First, and Only, Child-Star (and the Timbers Rebuild)

Given his long, winding, and increasingly weird career (loaned down to the Finnish Third? damn), it seemed more than a little strange to see even somewhat steady coverage of Freddy Adu’s brief, long-shot trial with the Timbers. I’m not talking about twitter snark, either, but regular news pieces like one that went up on SBI Soccer this morning. How does Adu continue to be worth the attention, except as a cautionary tale? (Here, I’d reference Matt “The Armchair Analyst” Doyle’s brief, brutal take on Adu (think it was on ExtraTime Radio – e.g., “he doesn’t look like an athlete.”)

The Late Tackle 01 25 2017: Perennials, Paths to Roster Construction and (Personal) Timbers' Mysteries.

A strained metaphor. Also, a plant.

I don’t know how Los Angeles Galaxy newcomer/midfielder, Joao Pedro, will play in Galaxy whites, but, in a write-up on his arrival, he has already said the funniest thing that will ever be said about or during Big Bang Theory. Goddammit, I hate that fucking show so much!

I have a pretty tidy topic for today. I’ll wrap with a note or two on the Portland Timbers. Why? Because the post flows better that way.

I should, however, share my personal theory that most of Portland squirted a little with the news that Timbers’ much-beloved, thoroughly-missed left back, Jorge Villafana, finally got the call to join the U.S. Men’s National Team. Whatever the extent to which Portland fans are over the moon, the rest of Soccer Nation should take some measure of solace in seeing another option at a notoriously troublesome position for the Yanquis (haven’t used that word in a while).

OK, on to the body of this thing.

Planting and Fertilizing Your Perennials for Maximum Health and Growth

If you think about (but not too hard) a soccer team isn’t a lot different from a perennial flower – i.e., it’s something that sticks around year after year (unless some collection of bastards moves the local team to another city, thereby ripping fans’ fucking hearts out), only to grow and (maybe) bloom every year. As with any plant, perennials require some amount of care and tending*. With soccer teams, that care and tending comes by way of tinkering with rosters, with an eye to getting the most out of that team during the growing (and/or regular) season.

(* I don’t really know how perennials work; I can kill a plant with a glance #blackthumb.)