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| Far, far, FAR worse than it looks. |
[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]
Thumbnail History
I’m here to tell the kids that joining MLS as an expansion team today is nothing like what it was in the mid-2000s. Back then, the incoming front office couldn’t sign even one designated player, so, when building their Year One roster, they had to pick through the same crappy buffet as the rest of the league. That’s the league Chivas USA and Real Salt Lake stepped into and, golly, does “stepped into” get right to it. It took Chivas USA just one season to turn over a competitive roster – signing some soon-to-be famous young Americans made all the difference - but it took RSL over three seasons to do the same. And yet, when they finally pulled that off in 2008, they became one of MLS 2.0’s most consistent – and dangerous – teams. The argument for that fleshes out between the Best Season and Names to Know sections below, but RSL made the playoffs over the next seven seasons with two trips to MLS Cup and one to a CONCACAF Champions’ League final thrown in. They turned Rio Tinto Stadium into a fortress on the back of a 29-home-game unbeaten streak that started in June 6, 2009 (their road form, meanwhile…) and the familiar winning formula of having a couple ringers running wild in front of brick wall (aka, an effective attack and a sturdy defense). And then, player by player and season by season, the members of that great team either aged out or moved on. No matter how dangerous they’ve looked at the end of any post-season since, and outside the 2016 and 2019 season (9th and 6th respectively), RSL has finished in 11th place or lower in every season after 2015; they’ve probably forgotten what a trophy looks like by now. They still turn up the odd great attacking player, but they never enough of them on the same roster and in the same season to take them that vital one step further. RSL still rolls reliable center backs off some invisible assembly line, but they otherwise look stuck in MLS 2.0.
Best Season(s)
The easy choice points to their MLS-Cup-winning season in 2009 – aka, the most famous “Rimandoing” in MLS history – but I’m going with the 2010-2011 run to the CCL final. If there’s a better underdog story in CCL history, I haven’t heard it. Moreover, that scrappy little RSL team came achingly close to winning it just three seasons removed from serial failure in MLS. They started the two-leg series by drawing the road leg at Monterrey 2-2, which meant all they had to do to lift the trophy was keep Monterrey off the board at Fortress Rio Tinto – and, to be clear, the final fell within the above-referenced home unbeaten streak. The stars don’t align much straighter than that…but then some guy named Humberto Andres Suavo Pontivo scored at the 45th minute for Monterrey and RSL couldn’t pull back one goal, the end.
