Portland Timbers 2-4 Minnesota United FC: An Unfortunate Spin on the Usual

What if we screamed louder?

I never mentioned it online, at least not until just before kickoff, but I wanted to see the Portland Timbers’ bench tonight. Sure, the FO grasped for some upgrades in the off-season, but the first team hasn’t changed enough (yet) to kill off my curiosity about who else the Portland Timbers have laying around the clubhouse.

When things started well – and they did, all the way up to “Help Me” Dairon Asprilla’s screamin’ opener (I know where the “help me” comes from, but I don’t get it either) – the narrative of a glorious collective future unspooled in my head. The idea was, Portland getting as many players as possible on the field would make this a real team-effort: all hands on deck, every man playing his part, just total, global buy-in from all concerned, and with plenty of minutes all-'round. It looked plausible too, for as long as the Timbers looked plausible. Then the goals started going the other way. Over and over and (one more) over again. The game ended 2-4, and not in Portland's favor.

I credit the Timbers coaching staff for testing the theory (or a theory) to the bitter end. They even doubled-down, as if someone dared them to do it. The last set of players looked like they took a wrong turn out of Lincoln High School’s locker room, but those young ‘uns took a couple shades off Portland’s blushes courtesy of Ken Krolicki scoring Portland’s second screamer of the night. I scream, Dairon screams, Krolicki screams…can we get two more and go to bed happier?

As a game, it wasn’t awful until it became awful. I think a lot of that had to do with Minnesota, unfortunately. They defended without any kind of intent for the game’s first 30 minutes, not really guarding space and certainly not pushing in some direction away from their own goal, but just kind of milling around in that slow-zombie way. Asprilla’s goal capped it all off, but Julio Cascante nodded a powerful header on goal and Pablo Bonilla fired in a solid near-post shot before that; the Timbers looked like they had the game by the scruff for as long as the Loons seemed willing to offer their necks.

FC Dallas 2-2 Portland Timbers: Plus MLS Week 8.5/9 Review (Chunky!)

I mean, I feel GOOD, right?

If you start from the premise that FC Dallas remains the best team in Major League Soccer, the way the Portland Timbers forced not just a 2-2 draw out of them, but made Dallas earn ev…well, six good inches of that draw, says something. And the absence of Diego Valeri drops a nice exclamation point at the end of that. As in, it says something! (It says yay! See? YAY!)

And, here it comes, my 19th nervous breakdown and the 22nd iteration of these things, but, seeing as I had a short week, this is how it is this week: Timbers up top, the rest of MLS at the back, aka, the Conifers & Citrus mullet – which will be a one-off, so may we never speak of it again. The latest plan going forward (23rd iteration, at a minimum) will feature a stand-alone Timbers post, then a featured match/summary of Week ___, and I'll end that post with 20 “brain farts” about the week just past, as I do below. And, for what it’s worth, I like the “brain fart” concept because I requires less of what makes me a terrible, terrible person – e.g., hyper, several-dimensional elaboration. Or just bullshit.

First, wish me luck because, if you know me, you know I suck at that. Second, do feel free to argue any of those 20 points, or to demand elaboration. I really am trying to shorten these things, and for multiple reasons.

With that, let’s get back to Portland’s win…I mean, draw in Texas.

In spite of some wee shifts – e.g., Sebastian Blanco picking up where Valeri limped off – these were the Timbers we know and, as always (and perhaps too easily), love (good play, people; we should at least demand that; or results; or flowers; just…standards, people, or they’ll stop respecting us). It wasn’t perfect by any means – and for either team – but, a couple inevitable slips aside, both teams kept the ball basically in front of them, and forced the other team’s defense to make the better play in most situations. When the slips happened, though, they generally found punishment waiting…with the clear exception of Cristian Colman’s wild shank over the bar…and, kid, when you’re presented as a solution for a team, that’s just not good enough.