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| These posts are my tattoos. |
Again, I use the words “IN” and “OUT” to mean teams that are
in and out of the playoffs, respectively, at time of writing. That’s a loose
identifier for “good” and “bad,” basically.
Moving on, the more I feel better about the data, the less I
feel like preambles are necessary. The week featured what looks like an oddity
- i.e., an unusual wealth of road wins - until you check out who played who
(the more obvious examples: New York City FC 0-2 at Orlando, Atlanta United FC
stealing all three points from Montreal Impact FC with a 2-1 win (if with some
notable wrinkles; also, on paper went off at least one script), and the Seattle Sounders 1-0 over at the San Jose Jackpot…er,
Earthquakes). Sure, there was one oddball win - the Houston Dynamo coughing upa 1-3 loss at home to the Philadelphia Union presaged a terrible weak for East
Texas - but, given everything that happened around it (two weeks and some
travel for the New York Red Bulls, plus the solid state of the competition), it
wasn’t so surprising to see Columbus Crew SC win in New York. Whoops, one more: the Sounders looked like a decent bet to beat NYCFC in Seattle, but the score-line (3-1) bears noting.
Because some kind of clockwork explains all the rest (hold on...what's left now?), I want
to close out this preamble with a firm opinion on something. People argue that
teams should “start the kids” and, as much as I agree with that, making that
call is some serious pre-game dunking on your opposition. There’s just a second
side to the equation, that’s all I’m saying.
OK, the usual data-dump unfolds below - e.g., I look at the
last 10 games for every team in MLS down below, create a thumbnail profile from
that. I wrap it all up with a look back (at last week’s game(s)), then a look ahead
(at next week’s game). Caveat lector: I’m looking at highlights and results only, so don’t expect a deep-dive into anyone’s tactics outside the one team I
watch in Major League Soccer - i.e., the Portland Timbers - and whoever they
happened to play that week (Houston, in this case). Here goes, and in the order
of the conference standings, Eastern Conference first:
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Atlanta United FC - 47 points, 14-4-5 (7-2-3 home, 7-2-2
away), 48 gf, 26 ga (+22), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WDWDWLWDWW (6-1-3 (3-0-2 home, 3-1-1
away), 19 gf, 9 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAAHHAA
Record v IN Teams: 4-1-1
Record v OUT Teams: 2-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: They’re not absolutely burying
teams - the balance of their losses are on the late side of their schedule - but,
so long as Josef Martinez keeps scoring (that single-season goals record is
endangered at a minimum), they’ll keep winning the easy games and drawing the
tough ones.
Last Week: They won 2-1 at Montreal, and win on the road is what good,
confident teams do. All the same, do they give assists on the Golden Boot? If
so, Montreal’s defense (this fucking defense) deserves one (e.g.). Just four (right?)
goals to go for Josef Martinez to break the single season record.
Next Week: They play Toronto FC at home. Whatever rumors
you’ve heard about Toronto turning things around, they built that by beating a
Chicago Fire team in free-fall twice in a row. Atlanta will either want to win this, or they
could start some kids and give an innocent “suck it” to TFC at the same time.
5 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 4/7
(Montreal is/was on the bubble)
One of the softest end-runs in MLS, period. They have padding they haven't even started to use yet.
New York City FC - 43 points, 13-5-4 (10-0-1 home, 3-5-3
away), 43 gf, 27 ga (+16), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LWDWLWWWWL (6-3-1 (5-0-1 home, 1-3-0
away), 18 gf, 11 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHHAHHHAA
Record v IN Teams: 3-1-1
Record v OUT Teams: 4-1-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: They look solid, they look fast.
They’re winning every game they should win, so the question - at least from a
Cup/Shield perspective - becomes what happens when they play better teams?
Last Week: They won 2-0 in Orlando before eating a tough 1-3
loss at Seattle. They should always beat Orlando…just anywhere, but, as I said
in last week’s Form Guide ULTRA, Seattle has started to upset patterns, and are
no longer just a good defense. On the plus side, Maxi Moralez featured heavily,
and Anton Tinnerholm is a wonderful “bonus” player, that guy who delivers, and
you have no expectation of it.
Next Week: They host the Vancouver Whitecaps, and should beat the Whitecaps. Keeping that aura of invincibility at home works on a couple levels.
7 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/8
They remain in a good place.
New York Red Bulls - 41 points, 13-6-2 (8-2-1 home, 4-2-1
away), 42 gf, 22 ga (+20), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LDWWWLWWWL (6-3-1 (4-1-0 home, 2-2-1
away), 16 gf, 10 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAAHHAHHAH
Record v IN Teams: 3-3-0
Record v OUT Teams: 3-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: I keep hearing rumors about a
rebuild that’s something short of code, that’s The Mothership (the official
site), but until they stop getting results…and they are.
Last Week: A win on the road against (what should be an
increasingly frantic) DC United, followed by a loss at home to Columbus Crew
SC. They fed Bradley Wright-Phillips a lot more than his 100th MLS career goal in
the win over DC, and they created plenty of chances in that 2-3 loss to
Columbus (see?). They have quality pieces all over, but Garrin Royer and Aaron Long
each had two shots at scoring (overall shots are low, but they got 6 on target,
maybe three real good ones). At least Royer did it once. A fighting loss that
should have ended in points, basically.
Next Week: They host Los Angeles FC, and that feels bigger
game for New York than LAFC.
7 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/8
With the basically favorable schedule, it’s still about just
taking the games one at a time, and taking care of business.
Columbus Crew SC - 36 points, 10-7-6 (7-2-3 home, 3-5-3
away), 30 gf, 29 ga (+1), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DDDLLWLLWW (3-4-3 (2-1-2 home, 1-3-1
away), 12 gf, 19 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHHAHAAHA
Record v IN Teams: 2-3-2
Record v OUT Teams: 1-1-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: First, I’m pretty sure I fucked
up the goals for/against figure for their last 10. All the same, Columbus
strikes me as one of the league’s deeper enigmas. Another number up there, on
the other hand, does matter: Crew SC has played through a tough patch on their
schedule, and they’re still safely in the playoffs. But also failing to launch.
Last Week: Columbus won 3-2 at the Red Bulls, and that’s 1)
a game you don’t expect to win, and 2) bonus! So, great win. Also, lucky win.
See above. Good to see Patty Mullins (this generation's Pat Noonan) keep his career going.
Next Week: Columbus gets a week off, then they host the
Houston Dynamo. Houston isn’t easy (they gummed shit up real good against
Portland), but they also aren’t good. That’s a winnable game.
5 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/6
Columbus gets to coast a bit from September 19 on. They have
to get there whole first, of course, step over some sharks... (and Orlando? Not
sharks.)
Montreal Impact - 28 points, 9-13-1 (7-4-0 home, 2-9-1
away), 29 gf, 39 ga (-10), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLWWWWLWDL (6-3-1 (5-1-0 home, 1-2-1
away), 13 gf, 8 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHAHHAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 1-3-1
Record v OUT Teams: 5-0-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: A myth in the making, in some
ways, this idea that they’ve sorted out their defense, so that just means
Ignacio Piatti [& Someone] has to keep scoring. I don’t buy it, and what’s
wrong with my team? (Now, in over-expectant stage mom mode.) Overall, though, I
think they have a level and their records versus IN teams and OUT teams
outlines it nicely.
Last Week: They lost 1-2 to Atlanta in Montreal and, to
repeat myself, Montreal gifted Martinez both goals (lost him, then fed him slop). Also, and just for the
record, not because it matters, Piatti’s goal really is nuts. I had to watch it
three times to convince myself that it wasn’t a deflection (also, please don’t
mess with me on this one). All in all, there’s a 3-5 team scrum for the
cast-off spots in the East (i.e., 5th and 6th place), and Montreal comes in and out of that at best.
Next Week: Playing DC in Montreal, which Montreal will
somehow do (how does DC still have road games?), is a must-win for any team
that doesn’t want to be the Washington Generals of the playoffs.
6 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/4
Montreal has a puncher’s chance. And my money is no longer
tipping against it. And this still holds.
New England Revolution - 28 points, 7-7-7 (6-3-3 home, 1-4-4
away), 33 gf, 32 ga (+1), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DDWDDWDLLL (2-3-5 (2-1-2 home, 0-2-3
away), 18 gf, 15 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HHAHHAAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 1-1-2
Record v OUT Teams: 1-2-3
Current Thumbnail Profile: Imperfectly capable, and also the
victims and beneficiaries of their surroundings. For all their talent in the
attack, they’re less effective than they should be. Worse, they can neither defend,
nor run up the score. They lack “that thing” they do well, and their ceiling.
Last Week: A much, much, much needed week off. Much needed.
Doubt they have shit straightened out, though.
Next Week: The Revs have a knife-fight against an angry
Orlando team, and they seem like just the team to succumb in a battle of wills.
I’m watching this game for fight more than the result - and that goes double if
the result feels lucky.
4 home games remaining, 9 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/7
That stack of road games spells “DANGER” in neon. The future is, like, right now for the Revs
Philadelphia Union - 27 points, 8-10-3 (5-4-2 home, 3-6-1
away), 29 gf, 34 ga (-5), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWLLWLLWLW (4-5-1 (1-4-0 home, 3-1-1
away), 17 gf, 19 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAHHAHAHA
Record v IN Teams: 1-3-1
Record v OUT Teams: 3-2-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: I think they’ve evolved into
something elegant, that’s in the sense of over-elaborate and fragile.
Last Week: A 3-1 win in Houston, in which nothing made
sense, even the red card. It’s good to see Alejandro Bedoya step up like a captain, or any kind of decisive threat from this team.
Next Week: Away to Portland, who will face a (normally)
possession team for the first time in a while. Should be interesting…and tilt
in Portland’s favor. Unless they’ve figured out a way to stop the Timbers from
getting vertical - like most teams in MLS - Philly’s spine will have to hold.
6 home games remaining, 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/6
Their last six games feature teams that, between quality and
potential, can viciously turn results on a team that can’t handle it. The Union
does not look like they can handle it.
Chicago Fire - 23 points, 6-12-5 (4-6-2 home, 2-6-3 away), 34
gf, 46 ga (-12), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WDDDWLLLLL (2-5-3 (3-2-1 home, 0-3-2
away), 16 gf, 22 ga
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HHAAHAHAHA
Record v IN Teams: 1-4-1
Record v OUT Teams: 1-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: They beat bad teams, but lose to
just about any team that’s above them, and in any table. And, yep, time to
amend that…
Last Week: They lost 0-3, and kindly, to Toronto in Canada. This
was one of their “easy” games and, To float a theory or three, when I see
Toronto spread the defense like that, I assume the defense has lost control.
Sebastian Giovinco, aka, 1/3 Sisyphus, had too many cracks to miss (so, he didn't). Something
about the way it took a deflection whispered, “Chicaggggooooo” in my ear.
Next Week: Away against RSL and, in light of the
just…fucking awful run, I don’t know how Chicago fans get amped for this one
beyond thinking, “you never know, right?”
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/4
That IN/OUT split looks terrible. The best thing I can say
is that I think only 8 of the teams they play are nakedly better than them.
Orlando City SC - 22 points, 7-14-1 (5-5-1 home, 2-9-0
away), 32 gf, 51 ga (-19), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLLLLLWLLL (1-9-0 (1-2-0 home, 0-7-0
away), 9 gf, 31 ga)
Last 10 Home/Away: AAAHAAHAHA
Record v IN Teams: 0-7-0
Record v OUT Teams: 1-2-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: Went from league punching bag, to the league's noblest losers.
Last Week: A 0-2 loss to NYC at home followed by a(n I’m
assuming) demoralizing 3-4 loss in LA, against the Galaxy. If this can shake off that
burden, this team is Rocky. All the same, you have to win at some point. Again, you have to win at some point.
Next Week: They host New England and, honestly, they could
do worse for opposition. If I had to put down money, I’d go with Orlando.
7 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/5
With Orlando in the state they’re in, I can only see walls. Still, they're putting the fear of Gawd into teams.
Toronto FC - 22 points, 6-11-4 (4-4-2 home, 2-7-2 away), 35
gf, 39 ga (-4), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWDLLLDLWW (3-4-3 (1-1-1 home, 2-3-2
away), 22 gf, 18 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHAHAAAAH
Record v IN Teams: 1-2-1
Record v OUT Teams: 2-2-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Two wins in their last 10 games -
and, amazingly, that still holds up (math is weird, people, even the simple
stuff). With their injuries getting closer to under control, Toronto might
stir, maybe even do something? What I do know is, no one thinks of them as “The
Champs” at this point. I mean, why would they?
Last Week: Pounded Chicago 3-0 in Toronto. Saw this coming like the end of
Memento. Chicago is limping wildebeest.
Next Week: Away to Atlanta and a great chance to figure out the exchange rate on two wins against Chicago.
7 home games remaining, 6 road games; IN/OUT Split: 8/5
The road ahead…doesn’t get easier. There’s a lot of
intra-Conference IN opposition ahead.
DC United - 17 points, 4-9-5 (3-1-1 home, 1-8-4 away), 29
gf, 35 ga (-6), 18 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WDLDLDWLLW (3-4-3 (2-1-0 home, 1-3-3
away), 19 gf, 19 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAAAAAHAHH
Record v IN Teams: 1-3-1
Record v OUT Teams: 2-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: While this has been the league’s
goofiest wild card, potentially ™, DC has so far defined downward, even at
home. They are, on the other hand, unquestionably better at home. It’s time to
start racking up wins, though, good ones too.
Last Week: A 0-1 loss to the Red Bulls followed by a 2-1 win
over the Colorado Rapids by the thinnest of margins, and both in the same town
(DC). It makes a very boring kind of expected, but DC has only 3-4 games on
most of their rivals, and they’ll have to win more often than not to make good
one that. The most encouraging thing: Wayne Rooney is finding good spaces. And
the places on his face that bleed (bet he knew that already, tho).
Next Week: Away to Montreal and that would be a good win.
13 home games remaining, 4 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/8
Plenty of dragons swim within that IN/OUT split, but, again,
this team has played only two games at home. And they’ve got five games in
their back pocket.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
FC Dallas - 42 points, 12-3-6 (7-0-4 home, 5-3-2 away), 35
gf, 25 ga (+10), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WWWLWWLWDW (7-2-1 (4-0-0 home, 3-2-2
away), 18 gf, 14 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAAHAHAA
Record v IN Teams: 3-2-0
Record v OUT Teams: 4-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: I had some crap about Mauro Diaz
leaving town, but they’ve been fine since then, and that’s the whole story
really.
Last Week: They beat Sporting Kansas City 3-2 in the Land of
Real Ribs. While that doesn’t mean you pull a Michael Barrios hat trick out yer
ass every time, Dallas did just enough to stave off a desperate, reasonably
talented SKC team in Kansas City (and they let SKC have a lot of the game,
too). That’s always a good result.
Next Week: They host the San Jose Earthquakes. This brings
together sporting etiquette (mercy), player development (does Dallas play the
kids?), trap games (nah), and padding the account for placement in the playoffs
and the Shield race.
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 4/9
Soft as it looks and, honestly, I think Dallas looks good
for the Supporters’ Shield for it. Nothing between them and The Shield than two
mild choke points.
Los Angeles FC - 36 points, 10-5-6 (5-0-5 home, 5-5-1 away),
44 gf, 35 ga (+9), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DLWWWDWDLD (4-2-4 (3-0-3 home, 1-2-1
away), 21 gf, 17 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAAHHAHHAH
Record v IN Teams: 2-1-2
Record v OUT Teams: 2-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: I mean, are they sputtering? By
the numbers, they’re just above average, and against the (loosely) perfect set
of teams for the data set. But they’re still six points off Dallas.
Last Week: They drew 2-2 against the Galaxy at home, and in
a glass-jaw collapse that could have easily seen them loose, and that would
have been justice for the dorks playing hooligan that I saw on lying social
media. If that really happened, cry for yourself, bury your past stupid life,
and seek better hobbies. LAFC played well enough to win it (see: Diomande), but
didn’t do it. All the same (hey!), Lee Nguyen has a free kick. Also, do note
Walker Zimmerman’s experience of the evening (e.g., lots of Laurent Ciman
yelling at or around him).
Next Week: Away to the New York Red Bulls, in a game that
has a quantum mechanic’s level potential for issuing statements.
7 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/8 (the
Galaxy continue to make this tricky)
The time to pad their account is now; things turn to shit
(or just get hard) starting September 15.
Los Angeles Galaxy - 35 points, 10-7-5 (6-4-1 home, 4-3-4
away), 43 gf, 36 ga (+7), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LDWDDWWWDW (5-1-4 (3-1-1 home, 2-0-3
away), 24 gf, 17 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHAHHAAAH
Record v IN Teams: 4-1-2
Record v OUT Teams: 1-0-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Their last 10 are almost all
results of some kind, and they haven’t lost in nine games. More than anything
else, though, their stars are shining - none brighter than the supernova that
is Zlatan Ibrahimovic (and I say that as someone who enjoys the cosmic comedy
of failure).
Last Week: A 2-2 draw “away” to LAFC, followed by a
shockingly violent 4-3 win (see?) over Orlando in their part of LA. Their worst
moment in giving up five (fucking) goals was Michael Ciani’s dumbass backheel own-goal against Orlando. That said, they put in the shots to beat LAFC and,
per the box score, might have even taken the game to them.
Next Week: Away to the Colorado Rapids, and there’s not even
one reason I can offer why they would lose that game.
7 home games remaining; 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 4/9
Honestly, it just gets easier from here. Barring a slew of
injuries or a collapse, this team will be in the playoffs, might even roll into
them.
Portland Timbers - 34 points, 9-3-7 (6-0-3 home, 3-3-4
away), 30 gf, 25 ga (+5), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WWDDDWWDDW (5-0-5 (3-0-3 home, 2-0-2
away), 16 gf, 11 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHHAAHAHH
Record v IN Teams: 1-0-3
Record v OUT Teams: 4-0-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: I’ve been reading and dismissing
articles and/or weekly reviews that harangued on Portland’s habit of either
winning by one thin goal or drawing. This weekend, along with a couple weekends
past, that is catching up with them. Still unbeaten, and still tough as hell,
but this looks more like treading water with every draw.
Last Week: They beat Houston 2-1 at home, but it took (count‘ em) 68 (damn) minutes to do it. While I wrote it up here, and at some length,
I never got a big point. If teams have figured how to stop Portland from going
vertical so damn fast, the Timbers will need to change tactics. That assumes
they’re even built for that. Also, for the permanent record, this is the one
team I follow closely.
Next Week: They host Philadelphia and, if this isn’t three
points…swear to god, I’ll say the meanest shit you’ve ever heard. The meanest.
9 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/7
Most of it looks worse than this team on current form, but
how well RSL is playing toward the end could decide their season.
Sporting Kansas City - 33 points, 9-6-6 (6-2-3 home, 3-4-3
away), 39 gf, 30 ga (+9), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DDWDWLLDLL (2-4-4 (2-1-2 home, 0-3-2
away), 16 gf, 18 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAHAAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 0-3-2
Record v OUT Teams: 2-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Their last five have been brutal
on the points side, but close by the score-line (again, unless I boned the
math). All the same, collecting 1/3 of the points on offer maps The Road to
Purgatory.
Last Week: They lost 2-3 at home against Dallas, and with
most of their starting line-up, however hobbled, on the field. The best sign
they take out of this: Daniel Salloi’s stoppage-time goal. If nothing else,
don’t stop fighting. Also, if they’ve handed the keys to Gerso Fernandes…just
best of luck, all ‘round.
Next Week: Away to Houston, and that puts a lot of pressure
on them.
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/7
Outside a soft patch from early August to…early-ish
September, they’ve got some walls to climb ahead, no question: LAFC twice, FC
Dallas twice, Portland once, etc.
Real Salt Lake - 31 points, 9-9-4 (8-1-2 home, 1-8-2 away), 31
gf, 39 ga (-8), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WWLDLWWLDD (4-3-3 (4-0-2 home, 0-3-1
away), 16 gf, 14 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HHAHAHHAHA
Record v IN Teams: 2-1-0
Record v OUT Teams: 2-2-3
Current Thumbnail Profile: The most quietly positive teams
in MLS (I mean, look at those last five games!), but also one that’s barely
north of .500, and all that implies.
Last Week: A goal-less draw at the San Jose Earthquakes, and
that does not pad anyone’s resume, that’s one fucking low glass ceiling, etc. Still,
keeps ‘em in the playoffs. Had that not beat both SKC and Dallas at home, yes,
I’d be writing them off. But they did.
Next Week: They host Chicago (woo-hoo!), then (I peeked)
Montreal for their next two. What they do in those games will say a lot about
their level.
6 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/6
They have a fairly easy stretch (no offense to…so many teams
and/or fan-bases) in which they can rack up some points, and they better do it
before the end because their last 5 won’t be easy.
Vancouver Whitecaps FC - 29 points, 8-9-5 (5-2-4 home, 3-7-1
away), 34 gf, 44 ga (-10), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DDWWLLWLLW (4-4-2 (3-1-1 home, 1-3-1
away), 19 gf, 20 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAHAHHAAH
Record v IN Teams: 0-2-1
Record v OUT Teams: 4-2-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: They win enough to stay in touch and…ugh, they probably deserve
credit for that. And they've been dipping upward of late, if only a little.
Last Week: They won 4-2 at home against Minnesota, and that
fits a pattern (for them): good against “bad” teams, etc. (where is Minnesota,
that’s the question). It was both awesome and funny to see Alphonso Davies rip apart
the Loons defense, because he’ll be gone…is it next year? Sure, what do they
look like what that goes
Next Week: Away to NYCFC and just about everything about
that match points to bad. They pattern they’ve established (WLLWLLW) doesn’t
point to a promising outcome either.
6 home games remaining; 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 7/5
They’ll have to survive a couple clusters (Games 23-25 &
31-34) to stay in the playoff race. (@ NYCFC is Game 23, btw).
Minnesota United FC - 28 points, 9-12-1 (8-3-1 home, 1-9-0
away), 35 gf, 44 ga (-9), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLLLWLWWWL (5-5-0 (5-1-0 home, 0-4-0
away), 21 gf, 21 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAAHHAHHHA
Record v IN Teams: 4-2-0
Record v OUT Teams: 1-3-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: Looking a little bit better,
obviously, and they posted two LEGIT wins this week, over (current) playoff teams not so long ago. But…hold on….
Last Week: They lost 2-4 at Vancouver and, again, Davies did
they “monkey grabs the peach” on these guys not once, but twice. Worse, they
got played around/through far too often, and by one of MLS’s least fancy teams.
Next Week: They host a rising Seattle team and that could
cut into the one Achilles’ heel (e.g., strong at home) that they’ve got left.
5 home games remaining; 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/4
Things just got a little less brutal for the Loons. Hard
games ahead, but the grabbed all six points and a bunch of goals against one
formerly and one fairly real team, respectively.
Houston Dynamo - 27 points, 7-8-6 (6-3-2 home, 1-5-4 away),
39 gf, 32 ga (+7), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLWLDWDDLL (2-5-3 (2-1-2 home, 0-4-1
away), 16 gf, 16 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHAHHAHHA
Record v IN Teams: 0-4-2
Record v OUT Teams: 2-1-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: Another team that does very much
what it’s supposed to do against its lessers (e.g., the OUT teams), while too
rarely bother their betters. Still, they score and both of those goal
differentials bear minding - but that just evaporated. too.
Last Week: Back-to-back losses, first 1-3 loss to Philly IN
HOUSTON, then 1-2 to Portland in Portland, and everything about that is bad,
down to the math. I already mentioned the wonky red card, but it’s possible
they got out-fought versus Philly, and teams on the margin can’t do that. I can
say that the Dynamo battled hard through the loss to Portland, but they still
came up empty, and that’s that.
Next Week: They host Sporting KC, which, given the state of
both teams has a bit of “Bum Fights” vibe to it. You want to hear that someone
made their lives better, because, Jesus, you don’t want to watch it.
6 home games remaining; 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/5
This team walks through the Shadow of the Valley of Death
mid-September. That’s still out there, and they’re way down here.
Seattle Sounders FC - 26 points, 7-9-5 (4-4-2 home, 3-5-3
away), 22 gf, 24 ga (-2), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLDLWDDWWW (5-2-3 (3-1-1 home, 2-1-2
away), 16 gf, 9 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHHAAAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 2-2-2
Record v OUT Teams: 3-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: Team on the rise, but I’m still
working to understand what’s causing the rise.
Last Week: The best Seattle will take out of their 1-0 win
at San Jose (again, the store’s always open!) is that their brand new Peruvian
(say, I like that sound), Raul Ruidiaz, scored the winner - and then he worked
his butt in the follow-up 3-1 win at home against the definitely tricky NYCFC. The
way Seattle got (great contributions) from Harrison Shipp and (better) Cristian
Roldan could hint that their revived line-up has created openings. (Then again,
watch Roldan’s movement on this goal; shows you don’t have to sprint all the
damn time, so much as keep moving; cause problems, people).
Next Week: Away to Minnesota and, because they’re doing
well, and globally, I like their chances in that one.
7 home games remaining, 4 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/8
“I’d say they might go somewhere if they can pick up
majority of points in the next four.” They just picked up three points. Watch
this space.
Colorado Rapids - 17 points, 4-12-5 (3-5-3 home, 1-7-2
away), 25 gf, 36 ga (-11), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLDWWLLDDL (2-5-3 (1-2-2 home, 1-3-1
away), 12 gf, 17 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHHAHAHAA
Record v IN Teams: 1-1-1
Record v OUT Teams: 1-3-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Neither home nor away is safe for
Rapids, and yet they can steal the odd point - just ask Vancouver. They're improving too, just not enough. On the plus side, they didn't just sit and watch the season float away (see: Acosta, Kellyn).
Last Week: After gaining the momentum of a bird falling out
of the nest, the Rapids crashed to earth (again) away to DC, 1-2. Gift wrap
that beautiful chip by Acosta and keep it warm, because that could be
the last good memory of this season, seeing as the Rapids got beat in every
category, even if closely in a lot of ‘em.
Next Week: They host the LA Galaxy and nothing about that is
good except the venue.
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 7/6
This team needed to start a good run three weeks ago, but it
hasn’t happened and there’s not much reason to think one will.
San Jose Earthquakes - 13 points, 2-12-7 (1-4-4 home, 1-8-3
away), 30 gf, 41 ga (-11), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLLDDDLLLD 0-6-4 (0-2-3 home, 0-4-1
away), 11 gf, 18 ga
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAHAAHH
Current Thumbnail Profile: A team that loses or draws, home
and away, and without much reference for who they’re playing. Trending slightly
upward - e.g., three draws against mid-table equivalent teams (the Revs, RSL,
and LA).
Record v IN Teams: 0-2-3
Record v OUT Teams: 0-4-1
Last Week: They lost narrowly to Seattle at home (0-1), then
drew at home against RSL and, honestly, why does it matter at this point?
Threatening as a toddler on Benadryl at this point.
Next Week: They play FC Dallas away and that should knock
that cocky swagger out of ‘em. (Kidding, they’re dead unless Dallas starts
their academy, and maybe even then).
7 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/5
The wall is coming. Games 25-32 would be tough for any team,
but for San Jose, it’s closer to insurmountable.
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