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| "It could be going better!" |
I tend to think of Minnesota as a team that always makes the playoffs, but never looks much like reaching the end of them. That’s only half right, though, if for a couple reasons. First, Minnesota missed the post-season entirely their first two seasons and again in 2023. Second, even when the Loons do qualify – which, to be clear, they’ve done more often not, and directly more often than as a wild card team – they almost always fall out before the quarterfinals. That drops them into the folds of the biggest wrinkle in the Joy Points formula* - i.e., teams only get credit for qualifying as a wild card if they clear the next two hurdles in the post-season – and that choice obscures the reality that the Loons are a solid regular season team. Solidity feels like a good descriptor for what Minnesota has done on the field through their short history, as well. Adrian Heath coached them from their ascent from the USL (in 2017) to round about the latter third of 2023, when they let him go. In my mind, “Heath-ball” has generally meant fielding teams that were constipated in every sense of the word - think stubborn and unimaginative - it took the organization getting its defensive midfield in order. It started with bringing Osvaldo Alonso over from Seattle in 2019 and Minnesota has kept that close enough to effective with additions like Jan Gregus and Hasani Dotson(?). Still, putting a shield in front of “imposing” center backs – i.e., large, slow-ish, but combative and capable center backs like Michael Boxall, Brent Kallman, (briefly) Ike Opara, and Bakaye Dibassy – went a long way toward taking care of one side of the team. On the other, Minnesota has this tic, equal parts knack and limitation, of finding one guy with enough talent to make a competent defense pay off enough times. The most famous version of that was the “mercurial” Emanuel Reynoso (he's a chronic hooky-player), but they've also pulled out a couple wild cards or two, with the too-oft injured Kevin Molino serving as a tragic figure. When all else fails, Minnesota leans into one of the best all-purpose Band-aids in MLS history, one-man multi-tool, Finnish jack-of-all-but-defensive-trades, Robin Lod to steer the ship to shore. When that certain magic player cannot be found, is unavailable, or is, say, refusing to report for duty (see: Reynoso), Minnesota winds up relying on a rotating cast of characters like Darwin Quintero (for whom they had huge dreams, honestly), Ethan Finlay, Bongokuhle Hlongwane (just re-signed!), Tani Oluwaseyi, and half-random guys like, say, Franco Fragapane. All that work and movement has yielded the returns immediately below…
Total Joy Points: 1
How They Earned Them (& *How This Is Calculated, for Reference)
MLS Playoffs Semifinals: 2020
MLS Playoffs/Quarterfinals: 2024
U.S. Open Cup Runner-Up: 2019
Long-Term Tendencies
With just eight seasons in MLS and consistent, yet-middling on-field returns, there isn’t anything too deep in terms of tendencies. That said, Minnesota has never fielded a league-leading attack – in fact, they slip under the average for goals scored more often than not (five times of eight) – and the defenses tend toward right side of average (i.e., fewer) in terms of goals allowed. All very down the middle, in other words, which has been their lane, historically.
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| The Valley of the Shadow of Death comes with balls! |
Against the back-drop above, well enough. Minnesota came in swinging to start the season and ended it swinging even harder. They walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Missing the Playoffs from the last game of May to the Leagues Cup, but they punched down at everyone below them in the standings from there to the end of the regular season. Once they made the playoffs, the Loons went on to do what the Joy Points Scale punished them for failing to do in seasons prior – i.e., they reached the playoff quarterfinals/Western Conference semifinals by grinding out two straight results against 2024’s OG-Non-Miami darlings, Real Salt Lake. Eventual MLS Cup winners, the Los Angeles Galaxy fucking shredded them in said Western Conference semifinal, but I’d call Minnesota’s 2024 season pretty successful given a new head coach, Eric Ramsey, and all the variables they had to navigate. The ever-versatile Lod had a remarkable season and he got a big lift in the assist department from the young Honduran midfielder, Joseph Rosales. The work of actually scoring goals was something of a team effort, but Minnesota did alright.
Questions for Their 2025 Season
The Loons haven’t made a ton of moves so far – keeping long-time midfield distributor, Wil Trapp, and adding Kip Keller in central defense (but will he start) – but that’s also likely a function of the fact they made some big moves in the last summer window. The headliner was the signing of Ghanaian forward Kelvin Yeboah, who lifted them down the stretch in 2024, and Argentine midfielder Joaquin Pereyra, whose signing I’ll just admit I didn’t even notice. Going the other way, they did drop some fat from the roster – e.g., Fragapane and Miguel Tapias – and that may afford them some space and money for upgrades. The question at this point is pretty straightforward: has Minnesota done enough with the players they’ve added to....yet another middling squad to lift them above their regular of making the playoffs and going nowhere? If they haven’t done so already, can they do it with a couple more signings? That lift feels too big for their shoes based on all the above, but time always tells.
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