Nashville SC 2-0 Portland Timbers: March, or Something Darker?

You get weird shit searching "lion eats lamb."

Nothing says your local team is killing it quite like the broadcast booth doofus saying they “need this half-time whistle." And Nashville SC still had one more goal in them…

About the Game
I noted the Portland Timbers’ first competent breach Nashville’s defensive at the 35th minute in last night’s game. Also of note, the Timbers gave up two penalty kicks in half that time. It’s a hell, goddamn, ass miracle they lost just 0-2 yesterday. No less miraculously, and gods bless James Pantemis, neither of those penalty kicks resulted in a goal. Somewhat maddingly, Nashville didn't need either penalty kick to win the game. Firing at least 21 shots (with 11 on goal) does that for a team. On the same Official Stats page, I see that the Timbers’ fired four shots on goal and, after reviewing the highlights, I also know that half of those came softly off Antony’s shoe, so small wonder, etc. Nashville ran away with just about every attacking statistic and, whatever you think of xG as a concept, seeing theirs at almost eight times Portland’s passes the smell test…

…here I thought the Timbers had a chance at Nashville. Now, I’m just wondering about...things.

Nashville unnerved Portland early by playing balls over the top that put (mostly) Sam Surridge and Hany Mukhtar into a foot race with the Timbers CBs. One super-early one, we're talking just four minutes into the game, saw Finn Surman haul down Mukhtar before he could reach the box, and Zac McGraw shove over Surridge inside it. That was the first penalty, taken by Mukhtar, saved by Pantemis. They got a fair amount of mileage out of that direct attack through the first half, but their second penalty came when Ahmed Qasem slipped into the top left corner of the Timbers’ 18-yard box and Joao Ortiz made that the time to announce his presence with a shove under Qasem’s shoulder. The second penalty, taken by Surridge, and to the same damn spot for some reason, was also saved by Pantemis. Saved penalty kicks often lift a team. Meanwhile, back in Nashville...

Thus began the search for signs of coherence in Portland’s movement on and off the ball and I’m sad to report that the party never came back. Things improved slightly in the second half, notably after Phil Neville pulled Ortiz for Diego Chara (more on that later), but Nashville was already up one goal by then and the rest of game boiled down to them poking and prodding the soft spots in the Timbers’ defense. The goals came, of course, and the only thing that made Nashville’s goals remarkable were the failures that allowed them – e.g., after saving two penalties, how does Pantemis let Andy Najar’s tight-angled shot slip under him? And how much ball-watching does it take for Qasem to run right to left across the seam between Portland’s defense and midfield, before God and everyone, and still get a free, near-post header? Between those and the PKs, that’s four chances, at a minimum, straight-up handed to Nashville. (They left Walker Zimmerman free on a corner! I'm such a snitch!). After the second goal, there was nothing left after that, but the final whistle.

FC Cincinnati 2-0 Toronto FC: A Walk in the Park on Rotated Legs

Blue leg for Saturday, yellow for Tuesday.

It took a while, even a couple of shots at and physically-on goal (i.e., the ball hit the post), before FC Cincinnati finally took the lead in yesterday’s 2-0 home win over Toronto FC. The visitors only had a chance in the way a broken watch shows the right time twice a day – accidentally, and with a massive assist from the gods and circumstance.

About the Game
Yuya Kubo put a messy opening 30 minutes to rest when he kicked his own rebound off the post into the net behind TFC’s Sean Johnson. The goal didn’t stand – a foul before his first shot erased it – but the moment seemed to settle the nerves of a somewhat-rotated Cincy starting XI and steady them for the push. Toronto effectively pinned themselves into their own half for most of the game with wayward passes, naked giveaways, and a kind of pervasive disconnection that must keep Robin Fraser awake at night as he toys with novel ways to say, “this is not who we are.” The Reds had one shot better than jack-shit to show for (almost exactly) 45 minutes’ worth of soccer (the ref couldn’t watch anymore either), but Cincinnati didn’t have much more. Toronto showed some signs of life early in the second half, with a goal-mouth scramble just after the 50th minute counting as highwater mark (was their one shot on goal somewhere in there?), but “their identity” of hitting passes short ‘n’ wild continued. With their last line of defense keeping them in it, Pat Noonan decided to throw in some fresh ammo – most notably, Evander for Luca Orellano (more later) and DeAndre Yedlin coming in for young balding man, Lukas Engel – and the push resumed. Even if it took the ref four minutes and a trip to the VAR monitor to see, Cincy finally got the break they needed when Evander’s attempted cross quite visibly hit, then ran down the length of Tyrese Spicer’s left arm (see the highlights, somewhere; really wish they'd do pull-out highlights for a penalty call). When, at some length, the penalty was given, Kevin Denkey stepped up and made it look easy. While this can’t be proven conclusively (because what would it even look like?), Toronto was probably pushing for the equalizer when Evander picked the ball off of the try-harding feet of Federico Bernardeschi, dropped the ball to Yedlin, who found Sergio Santos, who found Pavel Bucha, who found Evander loitering wide on Cincy’s left, who clipped the ball to Kubo with nothing immediately between him and Sean Johnson’s goal. The game was over but for the time left after Kubo beat Johnson to the far post.

Nashville SC Scouting Report: Folks, I Have a Feeling. A Feeling.

L to R: Muyl, Mukhtar, Surridge?

Think I found a vehicle for smuggling Western-Conference-wide chatter into a post – e.g., inside the upholstery on the seats, also, at the end of this post. First up, the Nashville SC Scouting Report.

Don’t worry. I’ll keep it brief. A good spy knows to talk about only what he observed directly. Oh, in the list of prior results below, W = Win, L = Loss, D = draw. I’m guessing you know that, but some guy last year made a joke about it and I never recovered.

Nashville SC
0-1-1, 1 pt., 0 gf, 2 ga (-2); home 0-0-1, away 0-1-0
Last Results: DL
Strength/Location of Schedule
v NE (0-0 D); @ RBNY (0-2 L)

About what you’d expect, though the home draw versus the New England Revolution had to sting a bit. I watched more of that one than I watched of last weekend’s road loss at Red Bull New York (~35 minutes) – and I watched more of that one than I should have (~30).

Big picture, Nashville’s a mediocre team with new head coach, B. J. Callaghan. Their broad profile remains the same: play hard to beat, let Hany Mukhtar cook. That worked better a couple seasons ago, when Hany had younger, plumper legs and a stronger supporting cast. In 2024, it led to a fucking terrible start to the season (click here, scroll way down), the second-fewest goals scored in all of MLS (click here, scroll down, then up) and missing the playoffs – and the early signs for 2025 don’t point to immediate improvement. You don’t see a lot of attacking talent (flair is dead) when you look at Nashville’s starting XI last week and the week before. After Mukhtar, Andy Najar gives you something up the right, but also from the back. and it’s been a while for Daniel Lovitz (good defender, tho); Alex Muyl provides strong running and competent combination, but that wraps up introductions for the crew tasked with feeding English (right?) forward, Sam Surridge. They haven’t got much to him lately – a (likely bogus) offside call pulled back his only “goal” of 2025 (against the Revs; pretty good) – which forces Surridge to move all over the receive the ball. While posted respectable numbers last season, he’s not a great field player and that just puts things back on Mukhtar and his Mediocre Men to find Surridge in good spots, but he’s not there – see moving all over – and the whole thing looks pretty circular and, no doubt, frustrating for all concerned.

Portland Timbers 1-0 Austin FC: Between Happiness and Satisfaction

This is not a highlight, but that is Ted Unkel.

Yes, ma’am, my homework is late. Yes, ma’am, it’s won’t happen again.

“Grappling with the possibility that I’m watching two mediocre teams play some JV shit.”
- Me, a Bluesky game thread, the 80th minute(?)

Upon further review, that overstates the case a bit. Portland Timbers players attempted at least two (hopeful) bicycle kicks, for one. Still, if I had to offer a key thought to hold in your head as you read everything that follows, that’s up there.

About the Game
The second shortest available video review of last Saturday's game (the "snapshot" is shorter...and pointless) reminded me that Austin FC fired a few more than I remembered – also notable, they fired a few more shots than Portland – including two that forced quality saves out of James Pantemis. Those came early and late, so credit to Pantemis for staying alert even as I was…nodding off, but none of the above has lured me into the Pantemania I saw popping up in various social media threads. You do you and all that, but I can’t think of what it would take me to take sides in a goalkeeper controversy, but assume it lands somewhere between insisting he must wear his “lucky sombrero” to reach his full potential or that three saves every game must be made by the famed scorpion-kick to build his social media brand. Seeing a defense limit the opposition to shots from range will consistently make me happier than anything a goalkeeper does.

Another telling detail in that short video review: the amount of time devoted to showing yellow cards. Few things stage-whisper “dud” quite like two teams failing to produce enough chances to fill a seven- minutes highlight reel.

Austin’s new signing, Brandon Vazquez, gets my credit for the best shot of the game – which, by the transitive property (associative? distributive?) hands Pantemis the best save – but Portland’s fucking new guy David Da Costa scored the goal that counted. It came (very) late, it took a little luck, and it was one of just two shots on goal for the Timbers (out of eight total), but I’m not above dipping my hand into the proverbial unflushed toilet if it means fishing out three points in the end.

Philadelphia Union 4-1 FC Cincinnati: All Kinds of Things Blowing in Their Faces, Plus a Toronto FC Scouting Report!

The wind was a factor, but not an excuse.

“…I can’t imagine a world where Philadelphia pushes Cincinnati around and back like they did against the Lions. Everything I’ve seen from them tells me Cincy will defend not just higher, but more aggressively than Orlando ever did…”

Few things kick a guy’s ego harder than seeing a confident prediction (from here; scroll way down) blow up in his face in just four days’ time. The Philadelphia Union shoved FC Cincinnati into a fucking locker last Saturday, posting a 4-1 home win that left their fans merrily dooping into the night. By the time the ref blew the final whistle, Philly had made off with their lunch money, best friend and first two girlfriends.

About the Game
Both teams came to battle and both looked game for it – even after the Union forced their first goal around Cincy’s right flank a mere six minutes into the game. Related, if mostly in a vibez/spiritual sense, Kai Wagner’s decision to continue his overlapping run contained the seed narrative for the way the entire game played out. Philadelphia’s players read a bounce before Cincy’s time and time again and saw a play develop two beats ahead: whether it was a sixth sense or the sixth day into some shared Groundhog Day, everything a Union player touched turned into something a little better; they played with their wind at their backs, literally, and somehow in both directions. Another thing I noticed: Philly didn’t press, at least not in a greyhound-after-a-mechanical rabbit way; it was more pushing a 4-2-4 to the top of Cincinnati’s defensive third, daring them to play, then getting after anything that moved like a greyhound getting after a mechanical rabbit. The approach proved beyond effective. Cincy struggled to get the ball to the center-stripe and saw it roll back into their defense more times than the Union’s 14 shots (7 on goal!) suggest. Philadelphia would score two more – one at the 30th minute, which included one of those moments when you appreciated VAR for teaching refs some humility (this was an easy call in real time), the second at the 52nd when Tai Baribo wrapped up his hat trick – without Cincy showing any meaningful signs of life. Cincinnati continued to play as if running knee-deep through mud even after Evander scored A Very Evander Goal (i.e., he did it all, start to finish). I’m told Cincinnati fired seven shots somewhere from inside that void and I’m guessing three of those shots and both of the shots on goal came at the end of Alvas Powell’s run from right back to (near) glory just after the 70th minute (this made the full highlights). If this game has a “what might have been,” it was Kevin Denkey tagging his rebound off Andre Blake’s right post instead of into the goal. If that shot goes in, maybe Philly sweats a little instead of making a feast out of another turnover by way of (the impressively effective) Quinn Sullivan feeding Uruguayan striker Bruno Damiani for their fourth. The game was over before it started and Baribo is, however implausibly, the current 2025 Golden Boot leader.