FC Cincinnati 3-0 Portland Timbers: On Watching Your Favorite Child Fail

Fuck it. You sort out who is who.

Don't pretend. You love one kid more than the other(s). You have the sense not to announce it to the world, never mind the kid, but it shows in the way you enroll both kids in all the expected programs, but you really only push the one kid. It’s nothing personal: he/she is just a little more special, smarter maybe, or just kissed with god-given talent that you’re sure you see. Oh, and your other kid(s) knows this to the core of their his/her being and through the next 20 years of therapy.

I’m sure most people can track where this is going. The Portland Timbers are, of course, the special child in this scenario, the team just two goals short of a dark-horse shot at a title last season, the squad of mighty streaks, etc. FC Cincinnati, meanwhile, is the one people have to remind you to talk about now and again.

It was possible to keep up the pretense, probably as deep as 60 minutes into yesterday’s game between the two. Sure, Cincinnati scored the first goal (and that celebration is delightful; let your heart of stone break), but Portland rallied at the end of the first, even managed a little flurry of more or less wild attempts on goal. Somewhere during the next time the game-state rolled Portland’s way, surely they’d equalize.

Yeah, that fell all the fucking way apart when Allan Cruz back-heeled home FC Cincy’s second goal (turns out the game winner already happened). I don’t remember how many times the Timbers defense chased back to their goal like children running from the waves before that goal went in, but, in that precise moment, Junior dunked on Chad. There go your present assumptions about which kid would really benefit from piano lessons. (You will chained to that fucking piano, Chad, till you make me proud, rich or both.) As I was winding down Sunday night, I happened on a tweet from the Portland Timbers' official twitter feed that shouted a big "are you ready for the big leagues?" at Cincinnati like the slowest, most helpless pitch over the middle of the plate in human history. Junior dunks on Chad again, assist by Chad.

Just to throw it out there, save that shit for a present when you haven't allowed seven goals over two games - now 10 goals over three...hey, brought the average down from 3.5 goals/game to 3.0 goals/game. You really cherish the small victories, when they’re all you have.

Before sifting through the guts and horror, credit where it's due: when FC Cincinnati completely and finally flipped the tables yesterday, the Timbers looked whipped and dizzy. Cincy players knew what they wanted to do with every touch, and saw where they wanted to go. The phrase "back to the drawing board" lingered over the field, even though the line-up up Portland fielded just stepped off of one. The worst thing about the loss from Portland's point of view is how an option always seemed to present itself after the inevitable turnover either near midfield, or inside the Timbers' half. If the ball couldn't go forward, it could go back, thus beginning a fresh hell of recycled movement and pressure. Basically, when things fell apart, there was no reassembling them. While I saw Portland make some chances (confirmed), Cincinnati forced them to bite and claw for every one of ‘em. This had to be the Timbers’ best shot, but relive the awkward ballet of that set-up if it escaped your memory. When you’re done doing that, ask yourself what the hell Bill Tuiloma was doing there. (Not too bad for starters…wait, no. A controversy stirred to life in my head the second I finished typing that thought.*)

Going the other way, Cincinnati wrote a beautiful opening chapter in their MLS history - which, conveniently, followed a fairly tidy prologue down in Atlanta. What went right for Cincinnati tonight? God's honest truth, He didn't bless me with the capacity for watching two teams at the same time, so I can only speak to what I saw from FC Cincinnati players in the most decisive moments - e.g., Cruz, and his goal wasn’t the only time. If Leonardo Bertone and Victor Ulloa didn’t make the midfield something like two parallel one-way streets driving into the channels between Portland's central defense and fullbacks (shh, I know sweetie, only in the second half), someone did (* e.g., the controversy: how can I maintain that Tuiloma did well in midfield partnered with Cristhian Paredes if I can write that about Bertone and Ulloa?). Finally, to flip the whole “Chad/Junior” dynamic on its ear, and against some of the commentary I heard during the condensed game, maybe that opening goal had less to do with Claude Dielna losing Kendall Waston than Bertone serving up one hell of a ball. What if FC Cincinnati scouted better than just about everyone either believed or allowed (present company and his persistent kvetching about too many defensive midfielders included)?

To round into the back nine of this post, I know this wasn't Portland's A-team, I know this was the third road game in a long stretch of road Hell, but it's also important to acknowledge that, yesterday, Portland took a stab at developing a Plan B, a line-up to try when, say, Diego Chara is out of the line-up. Giovanni Savarese drove a couple extra miles on that license, and all of it made some kind of sense. I’m guessing he didn’t trust David Guzman enough to anchor the midfield, and that’s why he played a defender (Tuiloma) next to the still-green Cristhian Paredes in defensive midfield. And with an allegedly stacked defensive posture, maybe Savarese thought he’d give Dairon Asprilla and Lucas Melano a chance to show what they could do. That wound up as the usual and as the absolute minimum $5 million can buy, respectively, but the fact that Savarese kept Diego Valeri and Sebastian Blanco in the line-up at least suggests belief that he could get something out of this game with that line-up.

Anyway, there's no calling Plan B a success based on yesterday's outing (and, yes, today’s poll is already lined up). And, to float an opinion, I think Portland needs a Plan B - and probably as soon as this season. It is some cold fucking comfort to know that your favorite team is always just one player away from something close to chaos. While I’d write off only one person from that line-up (Melano…look, I don’t know; send him to T2, see if you can’t goose the guy’s confidence; I want him to succeed as much as anybody), assuming they’ll ever work, all of those players will need reps together to reach whatever potential they have. How much effort do you put into that? Don’t know, but I’d find a way to do it before Chara breaks, whether it comes in practice or league matches. Or before the next time Chara loses his shit in some bizarrely unmenacing way. To give one little shout-out, I didn’t see Tuiloma make a lot of mistakes and I thought Paredes looked decent out there. I also know something went wrong, even if I can’t tell you what.

A couple other things happened, of course: FC Cincinnati scored another goal (good one, too; and the Timbers’ defense made Darren Mattocks into the game-changer he’s always believed himself to be), and, hey! Can we get another suspension for Portland? Yes, we can! (You get a suspension and you get a suspension and you get a suspension!) All in all, yes, I’m happy for FC Cincinnati, the fans, the city, all of it. And they deserved this win, and with no asterisks. They played the hand Portland gave them really well. Junior dunked on Chad and who doesn’t love an underdog story? (Also, no offense to anyone named Chad; it's what came to me.)

At the same time, my rooting interests haven’t changed and, Mary, Jesus and Joseph hanging off the cross goddamn it, shit, watching that game sucked. (HT: Shakes the Clown, the Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies.) I am officially concerned, which isn’t the same as panicked. And while I know (or believe) that Portland will get better at home, I’m not seeing the same bright 'n' hopeful outlines this season that I saw just a few games in last season. This isn’t a case they can’t or won’t turn it around. It is, however, that I’ll have to see it before I agree it’s real. I can’t think of a better time for a bye week, so thank god they have one…

…FC Cincinnati, meanwhile, has a road game against the New England Revolution ahead – which will be a fun test for Cincy and a potentially terrifying glimpse in the mirror/at their own mortality for the Revolution.

Till the next time either team plays (well, and the MLS round-ups).