Real Salt Lake 2-0 Portland Timbers: Local Man Loses Popularity Contest* (Wait for It...)

That big fucker should get you $50.

Wanting something to succeed comes with a built-in temptation to want to see the good in things. In last week’s wrap of the Portland Timbers’ win over San Diego FC, I started a thought about Portland being in a weird space after that win, plus the one versus LAFC, and just posed the obvious question – i.e., what would happen if Portland won at Real Salt Lake?

We all know that happened Saturday – emphatically not that – but I wanted to stick with tricks of the eye for a minute. I came around on Kristoffer Velde to the point of thinking I misread my first impression; Jose Caicedo’s rep took a knock for me at Minnesota, but, being a necessary piece, I’ve pinned my hopes on him; I keep hearing the name “Aravena” and figure it must mean something (it hasn't, not so far): players to project onto a brighter future, basically, and yet. While you’re there, stuff Cole Bassett into the frame and why not make room for David Da Costa, Jimer Fory and Alex Bonetig?

With that in your head, step back and ask yourself: did you think, believe, whatever that the Timbers would win at Real Salt Lake? I accepted the possibility they might with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old who’s pretty sure the Tooth Fairy is bullshit, but who still wants the quarter. (Or the dollar. Seriously, what did you get from the tooth fairy?). Again, we all know what happened Saturday – i.e., there was neither tooth nor quarter when we woke, just pain– so let’s kick that around.

Real Salt Lake 2-0 Portland Timbers
What Passes for a Match Report
After re-watching (most of) the first half, the best thing I can say is that it’s not as bad as you remember it. Portland got pulled to shredding, no question, but RSL’s attacks didn’t hit often as they seemed to in real time. 18 shots with 11 on goal says otherwise (the game ended 25/15 to 11/2), of course, and the quality of the chance creation (quite good!) was always the biggest concern. Diego Luna ran rampant, both Zavier Gozo and Morgan Guilovogui ran free in acres outside Portland’s (and Jimer Fory’s) right, and Sergi Solans alternately out-wrestled and out-raced the Timbers oft-clumsy high line. James Pantemis’ thirteen saves kept the bloodbath polite, but every Portland fan with eyes sees the body and most know the state of it.

Close as he came to French-kissing perfection, Pantemis would probably raise his hands on RSL’s first goal – scored early, but Gozo terrorized the Timbers till he came off – and Luna crowned his busy early afternoon, and RSL’s with a goal that looked a lot like the best stuff they played in the first half. Now, Luna’s goal came shortly after the only two shots Portland put on goal – the first a header by Kevin Kelsy off a Cole Bassett cross, the other Antony sprinting inside after rescuing a loose ball on RSL’s right (both probably in here, no doubt) – and those came on either side of the 26th minute (I think), while Luna scored his at the 28th minute. The Timbers fired a couple shots on either side of all that action – e.g., I scribbled a 63rd-minute David Da Costa curled shot from Portland’s right into my notes; still probably missed by a yard – but they fired blanks and looked generally fucking useless on the attacking side. No ideas beyond trying, no visible trust or knowledge between and among the players, just five or six professional athletes waiting on his chance to do something with the ball. Between all the passes to imaginary teammates and a mini-parade of hopeful hopeless shots, Timbers’ players barely seem to notice one another. That said, I caught a few moments that I wanted to flag:

Yeah, similar question. Why?

1) After Guilovogui’s first break through Portland’s high line, but Finn Surman and Pantemis got in Caicedo’s ear and they fell to arguing, if briefly;

2) Immediately before his cross found Kelsy’s head on the sixth for the first of Portland’s two shots on goal (again, that’s two shots on goal), he stood ten feet from either Caicedo or Da Costa, shouting for the pass. It came and the play came off, insofar as it did, but the entire spell of possession looked like an argument in soccer form; and

3) At one point in the second half, Caicedo passed of Solans to the center backs – Kamal Miller and Ian Smith, by then – but didn’t actually do anything besides that. Sure as two follows one, the player he left free (think it was Luna) played Solans behind Portland CBs with a perfectly weighted pass, forcing yet another save by Pantemis.

Wrapping this section where it started, I want to see good in Caicedo because he’s the player Portland hired to cover a position of need; I want to see Velde’s barely-supported soloist tendencies payoff: seeing both of those things come good means the Timbers have a chance to do something in 2026. Watching the RSL game, I saw Velde shooting on goal in the same harried state of mind and from the same stupid places and nothing but grass where Caicedo (or, in fairness, Bassett) should have been standing over and over again. Against that backdrop, all his direction looks more presumptuous than helpful.

Besides all that, half the Timbers looked gassed by 15-20 and only came to life when RSL ceded them the space for all that aimless passing. Defensively, they seemed more interested in keeping their shape than getting the ball, regardless of where they set up their block, and thus a mountain meadow of half-spaces blossomed for RSL all over the field. When that wasn’t on, they broke Portland’s defense over and over again with balls over and through the backline.

What to do after a game more fit for leaving exposed to the elements than a dignified burial? Gaslight the shit out of as many fans as possible and move on to the next one. I’d say it’s fortunate they get Sporting Kansas City after getting run over, but…I mean, what if they draw or, gods forbid, lose to SKC?

Normally, I wrap up these posts with some talking points, but I actually knitted most of them into the above. As such, I’m going to draw those out, and add a couple more thoughts, in a series of statements.

Not pictured: Portland's midfield

A) The defense needs cover. This theme has taken the form of shots from range in Zone 14 and RSL waltzing through the same. I’m not sure who on the current Timbers roster has the talent/chops/disposition to provide it. Diego Chara did that and more for a decade plus, it’s time to move on, but also the front office let go of Cristhian Paredes (eh) and Noel Caliskan.

*B) Portland has neither a player nor a system that brings coherence to the attack. It’s Phil Neville’s job to provide that system – something he should be able to do regardless of who starts, it’ll just be less effective – he’s had ample time to do it and he has failed. The player piece feels like a pickle because I can’t nominate the player to do it on the current roster.

C) Doubling down on both this game and things generally, people around the league talk about RSL’s up and coming players – e.g., Gozo, Solans, and Guilavogui has earned some buzz between prior performances and Saturday. Moreover, when I look at RSL’s bench for this game, I see Alexandros Katranis, Aiden Hezarkhani, and even Victor Olatunji. Gozo has a couple years of hype going out into the world, but I’ve seen moments from all of those players, even just in highlights.

Now, look at Portland’s starting XI, then scroll down to the bench. Who do you have to talk about after Surman and Pantemis? This is a team in 13th place and, even with a game in hand on the four teams above, I put their current ceiling after 11 games at 12th (just over San Diego).

I see Timbers fans clamoring for Phil’s resignation and I’m on that team. That said, confident as I am that better coaching would make them better, I’m not at all sure how much better. This is the team the Timbers have for now. We may be in for yet another transition period. Woo.

That’s all for this one. The MLS-wide post and the Sporting KC scouting report will go up…I’m going with Wednesday, as I’ve decided to pick at that one. Till then…