An MLS History Project: 1996, So Goddamn Thirsty

Desperation should never start here. Pro tip.

With no Major League Soccer to watch and/or write about, I’ve decided to take my...let’s call it chemically-strained memory for a test drive. The vehicle will be a year-by-year personal history of the first 24 MLS seasons; call it my own little commemoration of a 25th anniversary season that may or may not happen (for the record, my money’s against it, but my heart’s for it).

Because this is about what I actually remember, the overall intention is to use minimal prompts – e.g., a couple Wikipedia articles, maybe one specific event or concept I can mine to give anyone who finds this something better than, “and then DC United beat the New York/New Jersey MetroStars*, where they played the Tampa Bay Mutiny** in the Eastern Conference semifinals." (* The original New York team has always struggled with branding. ** Wow, I still type “Tampa Buy Mutiny” the first time ‘round even all these years later.)

The broad goal is to track themes, trends, great players, weird players, bad ideas, good ones, and to just try to get my mind back to what those moments felt like; the underlying goal is to treat the whole thing like a trivia night at the local bar: there will be no googling and no further research after checking…let’s go with three prompts (except to, say, dig up video for something I remember and would like to post).

Before diving in, I can tell you where this whole thing is very likely to fail: I put my chances at not being able to make particular distinctions between, say, 2003 and 2004, very, very high. But that’s not what this is. It’s a trip down Memory Lane. Because, when you’ve got nothing else to look at, why not look at what came before?

The whole thing starts when Major League Soccer started: 1996. Let’s set the scene…

First things first, the league was supposed to start a year earlier, in 1995 (apparently), but it failed to launch in the originally-scheduled Year One. Recalling that knocked loose the memory that having an officially FIFA-sanctioned top-flight domestic soccer league was a condition for the U.S. getting the World Cup in 1994 (how explicit a condition, I don’t recall). When friends asked about that during World Cup broadcasts, I have this loose memory of thinking it’d never happen…and, once the product rolled out, I figured the whole damn thing was doomed.

Anyone who’s checked into it knows about the terrible names (e.g., Kansas City Wiz, San Jose Clash, Dallas Burn, hell, even the Los Angeles Galaxy) the worse uniforms (teal was big), and all the mullets (close as it was to the 1980s, there was always the fear the mullet would come back). DC United got a Year-One bump for a number of reasons, but a decent name and uniforms that didn’t look like teal vomit didn’t hurt (that’s how I chose my first team), and they still had one of the league’s strongest mullets with Marco Etcheverry. With close to no stadium infrastructure in place, they played games in American football stadiums that evaporated what little crowd noise happened; San Jose’s Spartan Stadium was the most reasonably-sized, but even there, the cameras couldn’t track the ball any time it went into the near-side corners.

Things didn’t look better on the competitive side. First, only 10 teams competed and, after a 32-(fucking?)-game regular season that took months and necessarily saw every team playing everyone else a stupid number of times, eight of those teams made the inaugural post-season…after which they played three-game series in each stage of the post-season. “Interminable” and “pointless” are two words that come to mind. Next, to anyone griping about how MLS needs to spend more money to compete, you have no goddamn no idea. Until poking around this stuff last night, I’d forgotten how little MLS players got paid (not to mention for how long), but the maximum league salary and the overall salary cap for that inaugural season tell a sobering story: $192,500 and $1,250,000, respectively. (Just…how did you attract talent?) [Related: If I look into this, I will post it, because there’s no goddamn way, say, Carlos Valderrama and Roberto Donadoni came to MLS for $192,500, unless, that is, I'm so far from 1996 money and that was reasonable for the time.]

If the salaries looked insulting, the on-field mechanics had a rushed, impulse-buy quality to them that would daze any fan who checked into MLS after 2010 (or earlier). MLS chose to follow the three points/1 point movement that took over world around that same time (and thank gods for that one), only, in MLS, and on the (clearly) untested theory that any American loathed them like plague rats, the games couldn’t end in draws. With an eye to “incentivizing” teams to play for a win, they’d get three points for a win during the regulation 90 minutes, one point for winning in a shoot-out, and zero points for losing in either. For those who've never watched a shoot-out, they worked like penalty kicks – e.g., the teams alternate taking shots – only they had the attacking player run one-on-one toward the ‘keeper from…was it 35 yards out? (Does it matter? In retrospect, I guess the biggest surprise is how rarely players tried to chip the ‘keeper, but I suppose that's a statement of its own). At any rate, it was never great to watch – if memory serves, most players missed, and almost always the ones you expected – but, more to the point, if you grew up on the world game, you thought it looked silly. Worst, it came off as a desperate/thirsty pitch to a broader sports audience that didn’t care, still doesn’t, and, in most cases never will…

…now, hold that thought, because that’s the best one word description of MLS Year One: desperate.

I’m not going to pretend I watched many games during the first season. I lived out of market at the time (Portland, OR, in fact) and, again, without pretending I researched it all that thoroughly, finding games wasn’t easy. I only really remember two games from that first season, both of them (probably) because regular old ABC aired them: the inaugural game between…shit…no, I said I’d do this from memory (and I’ll look it up after, for the record), the San Jose Earthquakes and DC United (yep, I got it), and the MLS Cup Final. That said, I have strong memories of both.

To make one thing perfectly clear: the inaugural game looked like a bad weekend in the USL, and like 10 fucking years ago. The aesthetics sucked, the play was stiff, neither team created much for chances…yeah, yeah, then Eric Wynalda scored a, frankly, decent (basically solo(yep!)) goal, and that goal would later get named the Goal of the Year, and I get it, I do. On the other hand, that was soccer’s elevator pitch to sports fans across the country, soccer fans and non-soccer fans both. How’d it go? For the first 90 minutes in MLS’s history, I understood perfectly well why people hate soccer.

The first MLS Cup Final, though, when people tell you it was amazing in real time, believe them. It was a game that kicked you out of your chair time and again, it was played in a deluge and the underdog won. The whole thing looked like war-movie footage because they played it in the tail-end of a Nor'Easter (seriously, chop it up, slow that shit down, put a sick soundtrack behind it, and sell that shit to the masses as “soccer,” and update the music as needed), but the original DC team proved they had the horses for the title that season, and the season after (which I'll talk about...soon). The one thing that made the game/moment great touched on an almost primal impulse from those early seasons: Eddie Pope and Shawn Medved scored DC’s equalizing and winning goals. (And, fine, because I looked it up, Tony Sanneh scored their first; consider the rest of this underlined.) The league drew the best talent it could to MLS for its inaugural year and, it was pretty good. Still, three completely random Americans scored all the goals in the Cup final. Seeing regular Americans win a game – and this was playing against guys from countries you recognize, e.g., Valderrama, Etcheverry, Donadoni – it was…transformational is the only thing I can call it.

And that’s a great segue to the next thing – i.e., the “Marquee Player” concept. To get it out of the way, yes, the “designated player” thing was mostly rebranding. The original roster construction for the 10 inaugural teams was framed around their Marquee Players, two players from the U.S. Men’s National Team (specific criteria unknown, at least by me), plus two foreign players…who were either willing to pay for what I can’t imagine was a competitive salary at the time, but I’m bad with both money and time, so, never mind. Anyway, two foreign players (whoever you can find), and two USMNT players: that was the bag limit back then. Here are the players each of MLS's 10 original teams chose (with very limited commentary); the “U” means USMNT and “F” means foreign:

Colorado Rapids

Marcelo Balbao - U (actual legend; he was as close to a two-way defender as you’ll see)

Shaun Bartlett - F (South African…decent, but…)

Dominic Kinnear (mostly energy, became a solid coach; he bought me a beer once; we’re good)

Roy Wegerle…shit. I thought Kinnear would be the U, but…anyway, unremarkable player

Columbus Crew

Brian Bliss - U (defender, pretty good and prematurely bald)

Doctor Khumalo – F (hyped to the damn ceiling, swear to God, but I’ve got nothing memorable)

Brian Maissonueve – U (long-time snob favorite; trust me, I was one of ‘em)

Adrian Paz – F (this is like trying to place a name at a party, and failing; says something)

Dallas Burn (wow, that name sucks!)

Leonal Alvarez – F (d-mid, feels like a regista now; really silky; this guy was good)

Washington Rodriguez – F(?) (I got nothing, so…)

Hugo Sanchez – U (A great hope at forward, time in with the Mexican leagues; didn't wow in MLS)

Mark Santel – U (goalkeeper? Probably not historically significant?)

DC United

Jeff Agoos – U (This guy had a career, but also kicked by fans more than he should’ve)

Marco Etcheverry – F (really fucking good; Valeri’s a good analog)

John Harkes – U (yeah, that guy; a really fucking solid box-to-box mid in his day)

Juan Berthy Juarez – F (and I got nothin’)

Kansas City Wiz (seriously, it was just the “Wiz” back when)

Frank Klopas – U (had a hot streak for the USMNT that made you believe; good call at the time)

Preki – U (one of the OG legends of MLS; this guy deserves his reputation)

Mike Sorber – uh, U? (a smart d-mid, kind of the model player the U.S. could develop)

Digital Takawira – F (he scored often enough, but never elegantly)

Los Angeles Galaxy

Dan Calichman – U (who became one of the sturdiest defenders in the league’s early days)

Jorge Campos – F (little dude, like a goddamn frog; good and fun)

Mauricio Cienfeugos – F (a great symbol for Central America’s early impact on MLS*)

Eduardo Hurtado – F (El Tanque, The Tank; he was a fun battering ram to watch)

New York/New Jersey (I’m tired) MetroStars

Roberto Donadoni – F (I remember being impressed by him, but not the things around him)

Tony Meola – U (the first famous U.S. goalkeeper, right?)

Tab Ramos – U (I mostly remember injuries)

Damian Silva – F (mostly from old FIFA video games, and now I feel bad)

New England Revolution

Mike Burns – U (I mean, he was solid…but, seriously?)

Giuseppe Galderisi – F (slippery shit midfielder, like Carles Gil; did all right, he was fun)

Alexi Lalas – U (good at getting in the way. to this day.)

Jim St. Andre – F (and goalkeeper, probably? but who remembers or cares?)

San Jose Earthquakes

John Doyle – U (probably the best mullet this league’s ever seen, and an absolute brawler)

Michael Emmola – F (didn’t leave a trace I can recall)

Ben Iroha – F (classy in how he played, but like a mobile brick wall in the tackle)

Eric Wynalda – U (always a hard player to place, but undeniably skilled/determined)

Tampa Bay Mutiny

Clei Kooiman – U (mullet comment above, cheerfully retracted, post pic updated)

Roy Lassiter – U(?) (No one would have guessed he’d hold the MLS record for goals scored for 20 years)

Carlos Valderrama – F (could weight a pass to the microgram**)

Martin Vasquez – F (wait for it)

I typed out the full list as a statement on the talent in MLS Year One, or at least the ceiling for the talent they could attract at the time. For what it’s worth, a quick, loose accounting of that list turned up 28 net positives and 12 net negatives, and that’s a pretty good hit-rate, even with Mike Burns clearing the bar for good. (In fairness, I took a failure to remember a given player as that player's failure, and is that fair?) The league got it mostly right in that first season, in other words, but there’s something deeper in that thought.

Most of the players that I recognize up above came from things they did from 1996, going forward. Roy Lassiter makes for an exception, because I swear to God, I remember that happening, but if I didn't watch any of these games in MLS Year 1....how could I have? (Which is to say, yes, I must be imagining it.) All the same, I can picture a Roy Lassiter goal, even one set up by Valderrama, like I saw it yesterday where I sit. They were fun to watch. I probably missed all kinds of fun shit from MLS’s first year, but the ensuing years filled in the gaps. And that'll be the subject of a future post.

But, to pivot back to the point, it was bizarrely easy to get excited about seeing any American player who looked like he could compete in real soccer back then. Whether by accident or marketing so brilliant that it’ll take 2,000 years to catch up to it, MLS, and the first MLS Cup final, specifically, started the argument about where the United States of America fit into the world’s game.

First, yes, that just popped into my head and, yes, it feels cheaply provocative to me too. All the same, aren’t we still arguing the same question, only with more earth under our feet? Or, to argue from the other direction, people have squealed for literal decades about how competing in Europe will fix everything, but, without assigning any blame, has Christian Pulisic’s stints in Europe’s most exalted leagues let him lift the U.S. attack onto his back and on towards glory yet? Before you answer that, I said “without assigning any blame.” As I’ll (probably) peel through in later, shorter chapters, I spent the first…gawd, 10 years of watching MLS through the very specific lens of which players could make the U.S. National Team. To reverse the order, not having a particular team made the U.S. Men my team by default, so why not do some scouting? In the end, I think that’s what made tracking American players specifically such an early focus. Call that personal, call it a sign o’ the times, that’s how I was watching.

All the same, it took nothing more than reading Wikipedia’s recap of the 1996 season to dredge up a bunch of names to talk about. To start with a name that’s probably lost from time, Antony de Avila, nicknamed “The Smurf,” probably has an analog in Ilsinho today. Portland Timbers head coach, Giovanni Savarese, came into this league as a poaching striker, more skilled than smart, but skilled enough. While I’m on it, 1996 rosters are lousy with current coaches – e.g., Chris Armas and Greg Vanney (and at least only one of these guys has a fan-base hunting for his head). On a level more relevant to 1996, there’s also Raul Diaz Arce, a fox-in-the-box with Wondolowski-esque timing, and Jaime Moreno, a Bolivian player who arrived in the last half of 1996, but who, incidentally, would go on to be the OG MVP in MLS history.

The best thing, or maybe the better thing, was what was going on underneath all that. Players who even soccer people had never heard of – e.g., Matt McKeon, Mark Chung, (yes) Armas, Steve Ralston – would log major minutes in MLS in the years ahead, and, when you get right down to it, that's your real team. Just like now, those are the same players that you’d set up a pillow-fort to defend on the death of your fucking kids in order to keep them from getting traded within MLS (abroad was always both OK and celebrated).

My overall point is that, when MLS started, it was the same and it was different. You still had a collection of players that you got connected to. At the same time, the quality was much worse and the rules were fucking stupid. Whoops, I left some asterisks up there, didn't I?

* Cienfuegos and Diaz Arce, both from El Salvador, were the two main standard-bearers for Central American players - and this was back when getting a player from, say, Costa Rica felt massive. These were the foreign players MLS could manage, a thought/trend I'll try to flesh out in future posts.

** I wanted a pull-out comment about how goddamn amazing Valderrama was. He barely moved and/or defended, but he was like this little dynamo in the middle of the park that just kept the ball moving until, out of nowhere, he'd play this pass that just fucking broke the opposition defense. He, along with Etcheverry, were the class of MLS in those early seasons - from Columbia and Bolivia, respectively (as was Moreno). They seemed like exotic animals for as long as they graced the league. 

That’s it and good night. God knows what I’ll come up with for 1997.