Portland Timbers 0-0 FC Dallas, aka, The Sum of Our Greatest Fears in 48 Minutes

Oh, it's coming, champ.

A should-win on Wednesday versus Austin FC that ended in a loss, followed by a must-win late this afternoon versus FC Dallas that ended in a gutless, goal-less, leg-less draw. Ye gods, egads, etc.

First question: how to put a bow on that much nothing?

Second question: when was the last time (verb tense entirely deliberate, btw) you could either believe or talk yourself into thinking that the Portland Timbers have a chance to end their season on the highest-possible high? Don’t know what that was for you, but for me it was a playoff (or play-in) win and a dream of bigger things (no matter how implausible)?

I was somewhat optimistic, personally, even through the loss versus Austin. That optimism took a square shot to the stones tonight and I can name the moment the blow landed: somewhere around two minutes after Felipe Mora’s best shot of the day, aka, the 48th minute or thereabouts. To that point in through both games, Portland had a firm handle on the game-states. They weren't scoring, sure...and, okay, Austin snuck one past them, but the Timbers were still doing good, productive, proactive things all over the field. And then even that dried up. If one accepts the conventional wisdom that Portland can't defend a lead, they need to be the team that outscores all comers. Instead, they've now gone 230 minutes without scoring. Closer to the point at hand, Dallas took over the game after that last best shot and that’s how they tagged ‘em both (both balls, I mean, paraphrasing Kingpin).

The Very Basics, aka, the (Perversely Happy) Flashbacks to the Austin Loss
Much like last Wednesday versus Austin, the Timbers rolled up the chances versus Dallas from around the 17th minute to the 39th. Mora blew at least two chances before steering his best chance wide, Jonathan Rodriguez almost caromed home a header off an Evander free-kick at the 22nd minute, and Evander tried everything up to and including (repeatedly) trying to salsa his way through the middle of Dallas’ defense. Both Juan David Mosquera and Santiago Moreno flailed some shots wide – one of them a hopeful bicycle attempt (Moreno’s) off one of Portland’s best flurries of night – but, for a second week running, the Timbers’ shot selection looked more desperate than wise or good. Finishing and finished product aside, the signs looked all right over the first half: the Timbers won every 50/50, not to mention most of the 40/60s, and they recycled the ball into Dallas’ end of the field over-and-over. Seeing a functioning recycling program felt good, guys…

GiOut: A Requiem for an Era

If you’ve got time to listen to an old man ramble, by all means pull up a chair.

To start with the weird one, a large part of me thought it would never happen. I’ve seen fans calling for Giovanni Savarese’s head since at least the middle of 2021. Some of that baying, though not all, rested on a clear belief that he was a singular kind of problem, that his tactics bound Portland Timbers players in chains ‘n’ whips. It was his failure to appreciate the arsenal he had at his disposal, basically, and to deploy it to maximal, devastating effect against any and all opposition that held the team back.

That line of thinking very likely kept me off the “Gio Out” wagon for six months, maybe even more. I’ve seen Portland’s roster and that’s bug-fuck crazy.

It’ll go on like this till I peter out. Something about the whole thing has me feeling philosophical about spectator sports and people earning their daily bread with a barking peanut gallery judging everything they do. Anyway, back to it...

Some part of me genuinely did think the Timbers front office would keep Gio on for another season, maybe even more. Most of the analogies popping into my head involve furniture – i.e., dad’s favorite recliner – even if I can’t land them, but I hope the association makes some sense. Some others about a death in the family burbled up – and you can’t help but wonder how people relate to that metaphor – but I’m miles removed from that kind of fallout. I suppose it’s an idea of turning around and expecting to see something that’s always there, only to find it’s gone.

I’ve always liked Savarese. Seeing local journalists – e.g., Sam Svilar and Abe Asher – praise his openness and good nature helped that along, but, even when he and the team struggled, I wanted him, specifically, to turn it around. He seemed likeable enough for me to not want to see him fail.

I think the best answer to The Big Question – i.e., how much of 2022 and what looked (powerfully) like a dead-end 2023 season was Gio’s fault – is that we’re about to find out.

Houston Dynamo FC 5-0 Portland Timbers: A Game That Felt Like a Curse

Simple, basic. What was missing.

There is nothing to take from that but total failure. The Portland Timbers' 0-5 loss at Houston Dynamo FC was the eternal audition for the not-ready-for-prime-time players, only without the happy ending. It is not worthy of anything but derision and talking points.

Screed the Firste
Portland’s midfield spent the entire damn night behind the ball. Problems abounded all over the field – the Timbers arrived late to every challenge and played a step behind every pass Houston played, which very likely followed from the fact that damn near every Timber spent all night looking like nobody pointed to their marks (hold that thought, close) – but Houston got players behind the Portland’s midfield all goddamn night. It. Was. A. Disaster.

Screed the Seconde
Cristhian Paredes played high for the first 60+ second of the game and...just why? What requirement did that respond to? What was he doing up there besides wandering around like a child lost at a Target. Had he moved around with the purpose of a kid scoring free samples at a Costco, maybe. But that?

Excuse the Firste
Growing pains. I get it. My voice cracked in ridiculous and embarrassing ways too.

The Timbers had new players in key positions, and it showed. I’m talking like underwear affected by black light under a sheer white bathrobe (picture this on a man. C’mon, this is a family blog; and, shockingly, there's no google image for this). I don’t believe I ever grokked the actual formation (ehhh, mabye?) beyond thinking “why is Paredes way up there,” but new-kid Bryan Acosta looked somewhere near as lost with regard to his special purpose on the field tonight as Miguel Araujo did – i.e., fucking miles into the woods, with neither food, water nor compass, and a total aversion to roughing it a la Bear Grylles (sp? fuck it).

Portland Timbers 1-2 Tigres UANL: Three Team Round Robins Are Kinda Dumb

Possible metaphor for capitalism...

I’m going to let the game thread handle the play-by-play for the Portland Timbers...yeah, I’m going to call it disappointing 1-2 home loss to Tigres UANL. I’ve started 100 posts with “I’ll keep this short” only to delete it after I’ve run over by a mile and a thousand meters, but, seriously, this result doesn’t tie into anything besides the present (current?) tournament, there’s no question left but whether the Timbers make the first round and...hold on, I have some breaking news...

The Timbers have, in fact, already qualified for the second round. And, yeah, that makes sense: With Portland still on a +1 goal differential, a Tigres win would kill San Jose’s chances of topping that and vice versa, and San Jose can’t pass them on points even if they won a penalty shoot-out...wow, a three-team round-robin set-up is kinda dumb. Tidy, but dumb.

To briefly summarize the game (again, please also consult the game thread for additional material/insights), the game started with some light groping, only then the Timbers got into a rhythm – seriously, they countered in a way that gave me whiffs of nostalgia – and, before you knew it – POW! (ZOWEEE!) – they went up 1-0 on a cracking free-kick by Evander (c’mon, a non-celebration celebration is still a celebration). Not content to be the hero of the play, Evander made the fool decision to pantomime a swing that grazed the top of a Tigres player’s head, which right got him sent off for a second yellow, two yellows make a red, etc.

Won’t lie, didn’t love what followed – see below – but, the Timbers dodging two fairly reasonable penalty calls aside (don't think either made the highlights, so...), Portland handled playing a man down...let’s go with capably. You don’t have to love what you don’t hate and, honestly, it held together until it didn’t. The decisive moment came when Juan David Mosquera let Jesus Angulo bolt past his shoulder at the back post with the goal yawning wide before him. Tigres scored and the game effectively ended. If memory serves and the numbers add up, Portland managed just one more shot on goal after that and, in my mind...I guess I’d say they did some things I wouldn’t have.

Portland Timbers 1-1 New York City FC: No, It's Okay. Feel Disappointed. You've Earned It

I also want a new drug.

I fully intend to give the Portland Timbers’ 1-1 home draw against New York City FC exactly as much as it deserves and not 20 words more. We’ll see how I do...yeah, it's the same old shit, quality variable.

First, and pursuant to today’s earlier post, no, not good enough. On the plus side, Portland caught some breaks – e.g., Real Salt Lake continuing its soft home form against (the road-ready) Minnesota United FC, and Sporting Kansas City falling as flat against Chicago Fire FC as the Timbers did last Wednesday, i.e., they coughed up three desperately needed points...and isn’t the complaint in the end?

And that goes double, given the other results that went all wrong – e.g., Austin “managed the first half of the bookend” (see "today's earlier post") by walloping Houston Dynamo FC 3-0 tonight while the Vancouver Whitecaps smeared shit all over the Los Angeles FC narrative by beating them 3-2, in Los Angeles too. To loop back to today’s earlier post one final time, yeah, I missed over half the calls (see the paragraph above, as well as this one re Austin), but literally everything in that post relies on the Timbers doing something besides forever burying themselves in the sand (or whatever the hell weird kids do in the backyard sandbox; also, use rubber gloves, always) and, the Timbers simply haven’t done enough of something in this 2023 season. And so they remain below the playoff line.

I have fewer notes on the game itself than I have random notes on things, but to wrap up the game...also, that's another lie. Damn my long wind....pah-fffftt....

First, I’d argue that Portland owed most of whatever success they had in the first half to more or less stuffing NYC’s equally flaccid attack. The sobering, dunk-your-face-in-a-sink-full-of-ice-water reality is that the Timbers struggled to create much more – i.e., I feel like the 1.0 xG posted to The Mothership’s stats page paints a fairer likeness of the Timbers’ game-long threat than the 1.76 xG that AppleTV flashed at the end of the broadcast. In literally any other season over the past (is it?) twelve, I could have looked at tonight’s shot generation – e.g., Claudio Bravo’s shot to the far post, Juan David Mosquera’s late slice over the crossbar, the great look a sharper Santiago Moreno would have put away (dammit!), orEvander’s last-gasp free-kick that pinged off the post – and transmuted that disappointment into some form of hope. In a season where the Timbers’ goals per game barely gets its nose above 1.0 goals per game, however, I can't make the stretch go so far. Again, this is a team under a playoff line pushed low enough to let freakin’ toddlers onto the Disneyland ride of their wildest, indestructible-youth, “cartoon figures never die, so how can I?” fantasies...and is there anything of any consequence after that?

Portland Timbers 1-2 Los Angeles FC: Acceptance

Fuck it.

May as well start where the game did – i.e., with the line-up the Portland Timbers chose to field in a, for them, semi-existential Sunday afternoon. They lined up the now-familiar back three, if with the personnel gently scrambled, and Juan Mosquera and Claudio Bravo on either side of Diego Chara and Cristhian Paredes in a four-man midfield. Mosquera and Bravo played as fully-modern fullbacks - dropping back to defend and running into the attack, as needed., etc. The slightest riff on the more of the same, in other words.

The real place of curiosity, at least for me, was the front line: Dairon Asprilla and Santiago Moreno on either side of Jaroslaw Niezgoda – or at least that’s how ESPN’s broadcast had it. Then again, I’m looking at the pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey version The Mothership posted as official line-up, and who really knows at this point? Assuming I have it right – i.e., Asprilla, Niezgoda and Moreno up top – the big question going in was whether that set of players knew how to handle and/or finish shot creation. Based on what I saw online, the reaction was equal parts underwhelmed and confused; “consternation” sums it up nicely.

As for me, I greeted the line-up with...all right. The broadcast team hepped me to a couple things I didn’t know – e.g., Eryk Williamson had a compromised hamstrung – but I didn’t mind it or could at least find some kind of logic to it. That assumed, however, that Timbers head coach, Giovanni Savarese, held the same thoughts in his head – e.g., that he would play a cautious first half, then trickle in game-changers like Eryk Williamson and Sebastian Blanco to salt away the big, playoff-clinching win. In short, it all made sense to me so long as Gio did certain things at certain times. For instance, get his game-changers into the game with enough time to find it.

Back in the game that happened – i.e., the Timbers 1-2 home loss to Los Angeles FC - Savarese didn’t introduce Yimmi Chara and Williamson until the 74th minute. I can’t say that cost them the game (I don’t do counterfactuals), but that doesn’t feel like enough time for most attacking players to get hold of a game. Yimmi’s special - 90 minutes may not be enough for him - but I would have liked to see another 10 minutes or more for Eryk; it’s not like Jaroslaw Niezgoda did much outside one shining moment early in the 2nd half, after all. Moreover, Eryk strikes me as the kind of player who needs some time to figure out who’s picking up what he’s dropping; Niezgoda’s seems the same, for what it's worth, but I gave up on seeing Gio put him anywhere besides the front line months ago.

Minnesota v Portland Preview: Loons Attack (in a Variety of Ways)

My understanding of the Loons' attack, a visual.

Things have been good for the Loons lately...but have they been too easy?

Maybe? Arguably? But I’d think twice before hanging my hat on it. To start with the basics:

Minnesota United FC
Record/Basics: 10-8-4, 5-3-3- home, 5-5-1 away; 31 gf, 26 fa, + 5 goal differential
Last 10: WLLLWWWTWW (6-3-1, 2-0-2 home, 4-2-0 away; pretty damn easy on that last 5)
Oppo: @ FCD, v NYC, @ NE, @ MIA, @ LAG, v RSL, @ VAN, v SKC, v DC, @ HOU

What We Know About Them
Emmanuel “Bebe” Reynoso & The Loons, right, like one of those bands that vanishes behind a charismatic lead singer? It’s a little more than that, obviously, but Minnesota’s No. 10 tends to dominate conversations about the team – especially when they’re doing well. While that’s not wholly unjustified (I’ll get into it, or at least a theory of “it”), I also think of a Minnesota as a stubborn, pain-in-the-ass of a team, but also one that has legitimately competed over two of the past three seasons. Some famous names from even those past good teams have moved on – e.g., Jan Gregus, Ozzie Alonso, Christian Ramirez and Miguel Ibarra – but, some real mysteries aside, the replacements are doing better than fine (see above and, for Portland fans, look higher in the table). The Timbers are rolling in against a team with five wins in their past six games – even if said run got a boost from a combination of venue and opposition. Going the other way, they did an impressive amount of that good work on the road, something worth estimating in my mind.

To the surprise of no one, Reynoso leads them in every top-line attacking stat, but he gets good support from Finnish international, Robin Lod (6 g, 2a), and, so far as I know, regular soccer player Luis Amarilla (5g, 3a). They have a solid ‘keeper at the back in Canadian international Dane St. Clair, and Michael Boxall still leads a bruising defense. No less remarkably, they’ve sustained that run of form without more current notables like Romain Metanaire and (the talented, yet hard-to-place) Hassani Dotson.

Portland Timbers Preview: Varieties of Desperation

Respectfully noted. For both, ideally.

Like the Old Gray Mare, the Colorado Rapids ‘hain’t what they used to be (‘hain’t what they used to be), but, fun fact, they’re still three points better than the Portland Timbers. If my animal-themed analog for that didn’t mingle horses and glue, I’d use it....wait.

Then again, let us bury the past, and deep as it'll go. To the best of our ability. And then start with some facts:

Colorado Rapids
Record/Basics: 5-6-4, 5-1-2 home, 0-5-2 road; 17 gf, 18 ga, -1
Last 10: LLTWLWLWLT (3-5-2; 0-4-1 road)
Oppo: @ FCD, @ MIN, v CLT, v POR, @ SJ, v LAFC, @ SKC, v SEA, v NSH, @ NYC

What We Know About Them
Broadly, I think of the Rapids as a team that, with a boost from discipline and a collective game-plan (nod to Robin Fraser, who strikes me as just plain good people), plays a step above their talent - or they did last season. Their record notwithstanding, they defend well (barely; see above, league average = 20.8 ga), but they can also move the ball pretty damn smartly; then again, if your attack is built like a spear, only the smith paid more attention to the shaft than the tip...I mean, is that a win? I think of them as the reigning money-ball kings of MLS, honestly. All in all, they’re just as unlikely to beat the Timbers on the road – not with that craptacular road record (wait, what? Microsoft officially recognizes, “craptacular”?), and not, with apologies to Gyasi Zardes, the floppy tip on that spear – but I wouldn’t bet large on the Timbers winning their fourth game of the season. Not unless the other side of the wager makes it interesting. And if Portland falls flat here, Lord knows what I’ll think ahead of the next one against Houston. Fuck me...

Oh, and they’ll mostly be whole. Lalas Abubakar will be out (suspended for serial naughtiness) and I’ve seen chatter about Jack Price as a possible scratch...which wouldn’t hurt. But, again, the collective is greater than whole with this bunch. Expect maybe Michael Barrios...if there’s a more underrated player in MLS history, I can’t name him.

Timbers Preview: Hopes and (...Restrained?) Expectations for a Weekend in Canada

The MLS Standings, in puffin form.

Courtesy of an invitation I can’t refuse (or, honestly, don’t want to), I may or may not actually catch this one. That said, this wouldn’t be a bad one to skip, at least based on what I expect to see. Let’s talk about why…

It’s not secret that the Portland Timbers have…not started strong. The Vancouver Whitecaps haven’t done any better - e.g., two fewer points than Portland, a guano-spattered roost immediately below in the standings (if with the one game in hand, along with most of the league); they have a -6 goal differential to Portlands…-4 (call it a teaser) and the ‘Caps have scored three, count ‘em, three goals in 2022 (0.6 goals per game, woo!). So, why is it so damn hard to see the Timbers coasting to victory up in Canada tomorrow night?

Both teams share similar patterns of play for one, e.g., two shit results aside, both on the road - for Vancouver/the record, their 0-4 loss at Columbus Crew SC in Week 1 and a 1-3 loss at Los Angeles FC in Week 4 (fuck it, I'm doing this once; here's the Form Guide; dig as the spirit moves you) - but both Portland and Vancouver have played the opposition close outside of that. Still, those shit results say both teams are capable of defensive collapses in the right situation. I’d be stunned if that happens to Portland in Vancouver, so stunned I’ll leave that thought there. To dig a little deeper

I have yet to dig deep or, more bluntly, give a shit about the Whitecaps’ in 2022. Between playing so many on the road and hosting tricky teams at home - e.g., they hosted a CCL-leggy New York City FC in Week 2 (0-0 draw), and Sporting Kansas City last weekend (1-0 W, for the ‘Caps) - Vancouver has by and large delivered the results I expected them to in each (i.e., losses, maybe draws), so what’s to investigate? Because I hop on every MLS in 15 highlight like a junkie, and knowing this game was coming up, I did dig into Vancouver’s win last weekend against SKC and, it gives off strong “only a mother/diehard can love this” vibes. The ‘Caps scored a half-trash goal somewhat late, with a big assist from SKC’s aggression approach to defense (two players eager to please “angry dad” (aka, Peter Vermes), bolted after the same ball, leaving the fatal space behind) and the chance for the shot getting tangled between Lucas Cavallini and Ryan Raposo (who actually scored it). Overall, the game had all the grace of a bunch of drunken Labradors chasing a ball on ice skates. The xG sucked (1.0 for Vancouver, a dismal 0.6 for SKC; also this isn't atypical) and no one looked particularly great outside moments, and the game didn’t dish many of those.

Portland Timbers 1-3 Los Angeles Galaxy: Notes on a Parade of Elephants

I, like you, see more than one problem...

Never has a final whistle sounded more like a choir of angels. With that, let us pick the corn out of that piece of shit.

I’d like to begin by thanking the people involved for the few highlights. First up, Bill Tuiloma for delivering the Portland Timbers their one and literally only highlight with an elegant free-kick early in the second half. Second, let’s have a big round of applause for Madison Shanley, who (from what I gather) sang the national anthem while wearing a very red t-shirt with the equally relevant words, “YOU KNEW” in bold black across the front. Way to use the platform and keep on shining you crazy diamond.

Up next, yes, I think the Timbers had two very reasonable shouts for penalty kicks for which, as I see it, PRO Referees should have to answer for not calling - much as they did for a blown call in New York City FC's loss to Toronto FC. The first came when Yimmi Chara got cut down in the area…somewhere after the 73rd minute (I only know because, according to the chronology of my notes, it happened after Eryk Williamson came on for Sebastian Blanco), and, yes, I’d really like to hear the basis for not making that call. The other came later when…again, I apologize, but I’d lost interest at this point and I don’t recall which Timber had made the run, but the Los Angeles Galaxy’s Nick DePuy’s arm, again, very visibly made contact with and/or stopped the progress of a cross, and from an unnatural position. So, yeah, that would have been two penalty kicks to the Portland Timbers and a well-better-than-average chance of seeing an afternoon of mud-wrestling end in a draw. Keep racking up the "significant officiating errors," PRO referees! Really adding value out there. Sadly, I’ve got bigger fish to fry and duller axes to grind…deep breath…

I don’t give a shit about the blown penalty calls because the Timbers got the result they deserved. They lost 1-3 today, in Portland, against a Galaxy team that looked smarter, sharper and that executed better down to the last man; 1-5 wouldn’t have been remotely unfair. The Timbers, meanwhile, were fucking terrible, and uninspired besides - and I very much mean that down to the last man. Nothing can redeem that performance but better ones in future games and, by all the gods in all known religions, that had better fucking start with a change in the game-plan. Happily, I cataloged the myriad failings in a twitter thread, so I can focus on the damning and persistent issues that have led to what I’d like to think even the most hopeful Timbers fan can agree has been a bad start to the season.

Real Salt Lake 2-1 Portland Timbers: So Much Not Trying

Yeah, why not?

Near as I can tell, the Portland Timbers made a total and collective decision to do as little as possible tonight, just to see if they could get away with it. More than anything else, tonight’s 1-2 road loss to Real Salt Lake felt like watching a B-movie, like a real one. It has scene and setting like any other movie, action and dialogue, and real people playing the parts, but everyone involved feels it falling apart around them from one scene to the next, only no one can put their finger on the one change to make, so that everything can fall into place and make something half-decent. And so everyone keeps doing the things they’re supposed to, one bad scene after another; they keep going because that’s the only way to make it end and go home.

What the hell happened out there tonight? I’m too confused to be angry. Moving on…

Judging by what…just kept going on the field tonight, I assume Portland decided to open up the game by spreading out its players, probably with the idea of making space in which to run, play and generally frolick. Playing in Salt Lake usually means saving lungs and legs, so maybe the coaching staff issued a secondary order about taking chances carefully and only moving when the reward outweighed the risk. Setting aside the question of whether or not this was Portland’s game-plan - I have no insight into that - I don’t see anything odd or irresponsible about those choices…but what adjustments do you make when those choices don’t work?

When I talk about a “total and collective decision,” that absolutely includes the coaching staff - it might even start with them - because what the Timbers got nothing of value out of what happened tonight. Not only did the game-plan suck, it shouldn't take two dumps on said game-plan - Douglas Martinez's and Damir Kreilach's - to change the revise or even re-write the damn thing. Worse, they taxed the Diegos (Valeri’s and Chara’s) (slowly) aging legs with 90 full minutes at altitude - and with Portland hosting Los Angeles FC at home this Sunday (so that’s travel too). I mean, if you're gonna go for it, shouldn't you?

Worst, the two main players they called up to audition for playing time - Tomas Conechny and Cristhian Paredes - continued to show they’re not even ready to study under the understudies. Thus, worst feeds worse and you’ve got nothing to show from a trip to Utah.

San Jose Earthquakes 1-1 Portland Timbers: Burner Game...But Can They Afford It?

Yeah, yeah, all good. You forget me, I forget you.

Honestly, my head is swimming after the Portland Timbers’ 1-1 draw away to the San Jose Earthquakes. Sweet Ginger Brown, where to begin?

Broadly speaking and specific circumstances notwithstanding, I will never understand why anyone expects happy revelations of any line-up that doesn’t involve some number of starers. The argument against is in the bare concept of “starter” - i.e., they’re first-choice for a reason. As such, a wholesale change to your local team’s starting Xi should be treated, and I mean this generally, as a “burner game” in the same sense drug dealers use burner phones - e.g., it’s not Plan A and/or what you use to call your family, or even your mistress.

After that top-line thought, things get really complicated…

I want to start with San Jose because, based on what I’ve seen, the current standings and/or their league-leading goals against record - 2.45 goals against, y’all - this is not a good team. I hadn’t seen the goal Jordan Morris scored against them (early) in the Seattle Sounders’ 7-1 demolition of them two, three games ago (for San Jose), but that’s a why are you even in this league moment. Getting beat by the soccer equivalent of the end-around is down-right shameful. Regardless of the specific alignment they chose for tonight (but it looks starter heavy), that’s the team Portland’s reserves played tonight and, frankly, it wasn’t encouraging. Going the other way, that means San Jose either couldn’t bury Portland’s B-team at home - where they haven’t won since August 31 of 2019 (and they lost six straight through the rest of the season) - and while rarely looking anything like goal-dangerous, despite having number heavily in their favor. To the credit of exactly one man (Valeri Qazaishvili, aka, Vako), they scored the one goal they needed tonight earn the draw...if just to avoid shame. And even that barely went in. Look at the box score and weep, San Jose fans.

They had quality shots, though, that, but for the grace of God and Steve Clark’s left or right shoulder (c’mon, do you care?) could have turned the game into a runaway - and at various points throughout. Suffice to say, starting Diego Chara in a sea of newbs had its consequences and the Timbers were fortunate to survive all that, and for as long as it went on (which is to say, Cade Cowell hit the wood work at the 82nd minute and Clark had to bail out Portland again and damn-near the death). In case I haven’t hammered this home enough, there’s a transition coming down the pike for the Timbers and things are looking…again, complicated.

An MLS History Project: 1996, So Goddamn Thirsty

Desperation should never start here. Pro tip.

With no Major League Soccer to watch and/or write about, I’ve decided to take my...let’s call it chemically-strained memory for a test drive. The vehicle will be a year-by-year personal history of the first 24 MLS seasons; call it my own little commemoration of a 25th anniversary season that may or may not happen (for the record, my money’s against it, but my heart’s for it).

Because this is about what I actually remember, the overall intention is to use minimal prompts – e.g., a couple Wikipedia articles, maybe one specific event or concept I can mine to give anyone who finds this something better than, “and then DC United beat the New York/New Jersey MetroStars*, where they played the Tampa Bay Mutiny** in the Eastern Conference semifinals." (* The original New York team has always struggled with branding. ** Wow, I still type “Tampa Buy Mutiny” the first time ‘round even all these years later.)

The broad goal is to track themes, trends, great players, weird players, bad ideas, good ones, and to just try to get my mind back to what those moments felt like; the underlying goal is to treat the whole thing like a trivia night at the local bar: there will be no googling and no further research after checking…let’s go with three prompts (except to, say, dig up video for something I remember and would like to post).

Before diving in, I can tell you where this whole thing is very likely to fail: I put my chances at not being able to make particular distinctions between, say, 2003 and 2004, very, very high. But that’s not what this is. It’s a trip down Memory Lane. Because, when you’ve got nothing else to look at, why not look at what came before?

The whole thing starts when Major League Soccer started: 1996. Let’s set the scene…

First things first, the league was supposed to start a year earlier, in 1995 (apparently), but it failed to launch in the originally-scheduled Year One. Recalling that knocked loose the memory that having an officially FIFA-sanctioned top-flight domestic soccer league was a condition for the U.S. getting the World Cup in 1994 (how explicit a condition, I don’t recall). When friends asked about that during World Cup broadcasts, I have this loose memory of thinking it’d never happen…and, once the product rolled out, I figured the whole damn thing was doomed.

Portland Timbers 1-0 Nashville SC: Malaise & Balance

Get out those sweaters people, and turn down the thermostat.

Unless I’m mistaken, the Portland Timbers’ 1-0 win over Nashville SC had exactly two defining moments. The first happened when Diego Valeri stumbled into the on-side pocket where Andy Polo’s more alert than good header found him; Valeri finished the moment in a manner befitting someone to whom a team pays the big bucks, and that was literally the game. The other happened when Steve Clark tipped Anibal Godoy’s rifle-shot around his far post. Between them, those moments provided Portland’s margin of victory, and, good God, no, it wasn’t fun to watch. Children fidgeted, I tell you...

If a person argued that nothing really happened on either side of those two moments, that person would not be wrong. That person is me. Sure, Walker Zimmerman came close at the very deathiest of the death, but he nodded the ball wide; at the end of the first half, and quite possibly in injury time once again, Randall Leal cut his way into an opening…and then he fired his shot so close to Clark that he didn’t even have to move to save it…

…with that, I believe I’ve covered all points of interest. Thank you for attending today’s tour, just promise that you’ll never speak favorably about it to anyone, any time, ever. Don't encourage this shit, for the love of all that's holy.

This was an awful game, from Portland’s POV in particular. They scored on one of three shots fired, and one of the two they put on goal. For their part, Nashville put up a normal and reasonable number of shots, but I’ve listed the only two that really counted above…and, dear god in heaven, can that really be it?

The grim reality is fairly straightforward: based on the available evidence, Portland will struggle to get even one point out of any game in which they allow the opposition to score. Nashville couldn’t score, and that let the one, beautifully fluky goal Valeri fired in stand up. My memory matches the box score perfectly, in that I can’t recall even one more decent move by the Timbers outside Felipe Mora’s…competent (but no better) shot on Nashville’s goal. To wrap up what I’m getting at, yes, the attack looks that bad right now.

Portland Timbers 1-3 New England Revolution: Chance Creation

Yes, that is who you think they are. 1996.

This week’s special word is “dispirited.” (Can I keep that bit up for 35+ games? Dunno….but I’m also not saying I won’t try.)

Because I came late to the party, I turned on the game already knowing the Portland Timbers lost their last game of the preseason 1-3 to, for what it’s worth, a New England Revolution team that I expect to be good-to-great in 2020. Again, who you lose to can go some distance to explaining why your team lost – i.e., if they’re better, what else would you expect? It’s possible, in other words, that the Revs are just better than the Timbers. I don’t know whether that’s true or not, but, 1) the evidence points to yes, and 2) the question is what that means for Portland’s 2020.

To flesh out No. 1 above, I’d accept that New England has a better sense of how they want to operate on the field and, in that way, they are better than Portland. Even so, the final score damned the Timbers more than it flattered the Revolution. New England never had to be great on Saturday: they just had to defend well enough and put away the chances they created. The extent to which that’s true of literally every team in soccer is all it takes to understand all the problems Portland has going into 2020.

In the Timbers’ defense, putting this game beyond their reach took a bounce lucky enough to look like a perfect pass; the ungainly laws of physics that squirted the ball wide to New England’s Gustavo Bou in that specific moment operate on the same level of probability as a hard 8 in craps, so I feel all right putting Adam Buska’s goal down to blind and/or bad luck. The trouble is, the Revs hit that hard 8 two more times. The second one, Bou’s penalty kick, somehow hurt less, and maybe because Kelyn Rowe slotted a great pass to Buska (who may or may not have been offside; I never got a good angle on the stream). The first one, though, hurt like a mother, because it repeated a disturbing pattern from the blowout loss to Minnesota United FC – e.g., the game I’d allowed myself to write-off because head coach Gio Savarese opted to start T2 over T-Prime. For those who didn’t watch (or rewind the video three-four times), Bou crossed the ball to (I think) Brandon Bye, who then crossed it back to a wide-open Bou at the back-post, leaving him nothing more to do than hitting it with enough pace to slip past Portland’s Steve Clark. It’s the “wide-open” part (hence the italics) that really distresses a fella.

Portland Timbers 2019 Season Review: A Requiem on a Season...Ahead of a Complicated Season

In the top 20 for "end of an era" and it's exactly as shapeless as I want it to be.

“I’m not expecting glory, but I’m also not bracing for disgrace. The goal Portland scored tonight shouted loudly back to the team that punched five, ten feet over its weight through the 2018 post-season. This team at its best really is something – and it has been for years. The concern is that it’s been too many of them.”
- Notes from a 2-1 loss to the Los Angeles Galaxy in LA, and 4h game of the season.

“As I see it, Portland Timbers 2019 never turned into a team to get excited about; it’s a team to support in the hopes of giving guys like Diego Chara, Diego Valeri, and, sure, Sebastian Blanco, and maybe even Jorge Villafana another happy memory before they check out.”
- Notes from the 2-2 road draw at Sporting Kansas City in the 2nd to last game of 2019.

A lot of games came, went and exhilarated or disappointed in the space between those two quotes, and the specifics about each of those games probably undercut whatever point I’m about to make, but it makes sense to me, so I’m rolling with it. The first quote above comes out of a match review of the third game in a five-game losing streak, one that happened at the very start of the season. The second quote comes out of notes on a third draw in three games of the not-doing-nearly-enough that typified the end of the Portland Timbers’ 2019 regular season. The first quote reflected a sort of conventional wisdom that the Timbers, a 2018 MLS Cup team with most of the same starters returning, would find their feet in the middle of a, frankly, awful fucking start to the 2019 season, and so everyone waited and, crucially, believed. The second quote came from the second-to-last game of the 2019 season, which gets at how long it took for people (including me) to accept that the Portland Timbers 2019 would not end in glory. Sebastian Blanco turned in one of his better performances of the latter half of 2019 in that game – all the regular performers did - but the Timbers as a whole couldn’t bring it home. They fell short at a time when they should have been doing the exact opposite.

If you put your money on the Portland Timbers to win MLS Cup (or even reach the semifinals) at any point after mid-September of this season, you’re the author of your own emotional damage; the writing was on the wall by then, and damned lurid. By which I mean, it was so obvious at that point that the only open question was when the Timbers would check out, not if.

The Portland Timbers Spend Some Money: Preliminary, Speculative Thoughts on Brian Fernandez

That said, some very successful people do it...

Yeah, yeah, I know I said I’d do it in a thread, but I just want to blah, blah, blah about the Portland Timbers signing Brian Fernandez for (reportedly) $10 million (and some as yet unrecorded length of time), and without wrestling my many thoughts into 280-character nuggets – even if it means fewer people will read it. Regardless of how the method of delivery, this signing contains a lot within it.

First, I don’t expect anything from any given player based on a resume – something that’s more significant with Fernandez, who has scored enough, and in enough places to make him look like a good bet to succeed in MLS. Snippets of his finer moments and his resume mean nothing: he’ll set his own bar with how he plays for Portland (Necaxa is over) in MLS.

Just to note it (largely because it’s basically impossible to avoid), Fernandez’s signing gives long-suffering Lucas Melano his first real chance to skulk away from serving as permanent cautionary tale in Timbers history. I wouldn’t count on it, obviously – not given a player who has performed well in more talent-laden leagues – but all kinds of things could trip up Fernandez, e.g., failing to adjust to the travel, or a new country/culture; he could just be a massive asshole that poisons the locker room (and I close with this).

Whatever kind of player the Timbers got, paying that much for a player says plenty about the front office’s perception of what it takes to compete in Major League Soccer – and probably starting in 2018. On that level, Fernandez’s signing stands out on two levels for me. First – and this was why I obsessed so much on the length of his contract – his age (24) suggests they didn’t buy him to flip him; unlike what, say, Atlanta did with Miguel Almiron, Fernandez doesn’t look like an investment signing, a young, promising buck the team would play, fatten up a little (metaphorically), and sell to a richer club in a bigger league. To be clear, my relentless “just the results, ma’am” approach leaves me close to functionally ignorant of the international transfer market, but, if I had a dollar for every time someone told me it’s too late to develop a player…well, I’d probably still be doing this shit for free, only with a lot more money in my bank account. Second, and on the most basic level, this signing still strikes me as a significant sunk cost, a kind of all-in gamble on Fernandez being “the guy” who has to produce real numbers. Even though they have delivered like beautiful motherfuckers, I’d argue that not even Diego Valeri nor Sebastian Blanco came in with that much expectation.

Portland Timbers 2-1 Seattle Sounders: Getting Results, Managing Expectations

The rosters may have affected expectations.... 

A mash-up of the Portland Timbers beat an even more deconstructed version of the Seattle Sounders down in Tucson, AZ last night. The final score was 2-1, and, no, the result doesn’t matter. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t interesting, or some unlikely collision of optimism and pessimism. I don’t really know how pre-season works – is there something in a players’ contracts regarding how hard you “go in”? does the coach send them onto the field with something like, “play, but not really, but I’m also watching, so play” for motivation? - I only know it’s different. Not just because of that, but due to the literal throw-shit-at-the-wall line-ups you see, and probably should see, up until the game right before the start of the season…

…if I were a coach, I’d tinker even in that game. Experiments are how we learn, and these are cheap.

Portland Timbers coach Giovanni Savarese did something noteworthy with his 2/3, 1/3 line-up: he fielded two competitive, and reasonably-balanced units. To save you from clicking through a link, here were Portland’s line-ups for the 60/30 shifts, respectively:

First 60: Attinella, Valentin, Mabiala, Cascante, Villafaña, Guzmán, Paredes, Polo, Valeri, Blanco, Melano

Second 30: Clark, Farfan, Tuiloma, Dielna, Miller*, Flores, Chara, Asprilla, Loría, Conechny, Ebobisse

Both units showed good faces and bad ones – also, I don’t think either of those specific line-ups will ever see the light of day in regular season. “Team First 60” had a little more attacking “pop,” while “Team Second 30” had mostly effort/promise mixed with stabilizing influences all ‘round (went with the buddy system, usually a good call), but, regardless of whether the world will see either specific line-up, both sets could manage a game if it had to. I don’t think they’d hold up through a season, but Portland has emergency arrangements, and that’s my happy thought for today.

The bad news is complicated. Both units, isolated parts of them, and individual players all looked good at some point tonight; there was a blessed minimum of stinking up the joint. At the same time, neither Team First 60 nor Team Second 30 faced the Sounders’ best at any point last night. The Sounders played a decent, reasonably experienced line-up for the first 75 minutes – e.g., players like Will Bruin (who had a couple chances, even a PK shout), Harry Shipp, but it was Handwalla Bwana who stood out, and for more than scoring Seattle’s goal – but that team featured…maybe three, four marginal starters for Seattle? They played a passel of toddlers for the game’s final 15 minutes – aka The Seattle Super Junior Sounders! - and that’s who Dairon Asprilla bullied to create the game winner. As far as that goes...

U.S. Open Cup, Portland Timbers 1-0 Los Angeles Galaxy: Good is Good, And That's Good

What Portland defeated tonight, helpfully translated.

Just real quick, in a fit of enthusiasm, I want to talk about the Portland Timbers' 1-0 win over the Los Angeles Galaxy in the U.S. Open Cup. This’ll be bullet-style (will it?) and refreshingly straightforward, but also stylistically frustrating. I walk the line…

When I talk about the Timbers being “good” - even in a post like the last one, where I’m shoving a ceiling on top of the conversation - a game like tonight is exactly what I’m talking about. This Timbers team is organized, it knows what it’s doing out there, and it has reasonable flexibility on top of all that. That’s how a team wins a “Cup” tournament - and, yes, I’m talking U.S. Open and MLS, if the stars line-up right - only Giovanni Savarese and staff haven’t figured out how to weaponize that yet, into the unstoppable force that wins titles without blinking. But it’s working well enough, like, nine games in a row well enough.

More to the point, Portland plays well. The team moves the ball to where it wants it to go well enough that I can poo-poo possession like the mediocre appetizer it is. The coolest detail comes with how they came up with a smart way to play the ball forward out of the back, especially against teams that press - i.e., diagonally, and outside-in; it doesn’t just beat the first line of pressure, it means the team can switch the play, or keep it on the same side.

After that, this Timbers team gets vertical real goddamn fast.

Also, Portland is fine without Darlington Nabge. I’m still trying to figure out if it’s not better.

Back to this particular Open Cup tie, LA came into this game 3-1-1…on that, um, just checked the opposition across that time (e.g., @ MTL, v. SJ, V. FCD (this was the loss; noted), @ Portland (the draw, and one of Portland’s flattest games of the season), v. RSL), and I take back what I was about to say, LA wasn’t quite so much on a tear as a run of reasonable expectations with good fortune riding in the side-car. LA is adequate at this point, maybe even playoff-reasonable, but that 3-1-1 amounts to getting results any team with a remote chance of success should get. In other words, this is a result to celebrate for the Timbers, but not get cocky about.

For those who do want to feel cocky, on the other hand (not judging; I’m raising my hand in that tentative way people do when they only think they know the answer), think about how Portland managed the keep-away, how they passed well almost as often as they did, the fact they created - what? - 4-5 quality chances, and that’s at a minimum. The defense cleaned up what it couldn’t prevent from coming in - and hats off and thrown on the ground in gratitude for the mighty, reverse goal-line header by Mabiala to make Portland’s one goal stand up.

Just to note it, even with Liam Ridgewell out, Portland has a decent four-man deep rotation in central defense right now: Mabiala, Tuiloma, Julio Cascante, and (worst-case) Lawrence Olum.

Orlando City SC 3-2 Portland Timbers: For 70+ Glorious Minutes...

Suggested...without malice.

If you understand what just happened, congratulations. Personally, I couldn’t explain how the Portland Timbers threw away what, until 20 minutes before the final whistle, looked like a sleepwalking win over Orlando City SC, even with a perfect understanding of system dynamics and a limitless array of visual aids.

Before going further, I’ll start with the refereeing, which was comic. Baldomero Toledo should absolutely be sent to the facility where they make you watch video Clockwork-Orange-style until he sees his own blindness and without the benefit of his natural tears, because he blew two calls today badly enough to warrant such re-education. That both plays went against Portland stokes local grievances with the power of twenty bellows pumped by well-lubed bodybuilders (still pissed this never happened, because it would have made America at least a little better), but that still doesn’t explain the more central question of what the hell actually happened out there. Does anyone else feel like Portland fans collectively linger at the end of the first act of a sci-fi/horror movie, where the hero drives off in a car to what looks like freedom, only to discover the monster is in the backseat, no seriously look it's right there!!? I ask because, this makes two games now - and in a row - where Portland looked for the world as if they’d solved the riddle, only to have things unravel (this is how I experience Sudoku, by the way. I always find out on the very last number that I’d fucked the whole thing up.)

The whole thing feels doubly bewildering over here at Conifers & Citrus HQ (remodeled just this weekend, by the way, with smaller, tighter, and hotter furnishings. The den looks swanky, like the Playboy Mansion, only with IKEA in charge of interior design - i.e., less shag, more Sweden), because, given my writing timeline/expectations (short), I spent 70 minutes of that game outlining a tale of triumph - i.e,. how the Timbers’ 4-3 (of the 4-3-2-1) flummoxed Orlando’s attack to the point of impotence, and reveling in the possibility that the Timbers really could find enough goals against the rest of MLS using what I’ve just decided to dub “The Groupon Attack” (e.g., attack with the power of 5 players using only 3 of them!). That made sense in a game when Orlando consistently stalled at the top of the Timbers’ defensive third and that saw Sebastian Blanco (especially) break through Orlando’s line with nothing but the goal ahead of him and the sound of Mohamed El-Munir’s feet pounding the ground behind him. (El-Munir’s recovery speed deserves its own entry, as does Dairon’s Asprilla’s all-but eternal wind-up on any given shot).