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| Ready...aim... |
Once again, I’m totally committing to a formula of watching (nearly) every Portland Timbers and (going forward) every FC Cincinnati game and going deep on any game involving their next opponent. As the social media ground...moves...under my feet, I move with it.
As for the rest, I’ve been trying to figure out how to write my Major League Soccer weekly roundups as narratives, not just because I feel like that’s my forte (humor me), but because I believe that beats trying to extract/conjure singular...details, anecdotes, stats...just fucking things for a bunch of games and about a bunch of teams I couldn’t possibly absorb. The goal for this post is to tell four inter-related, inter-woven stories about the MLS Week that just passed – Week 24, in this case – and to leave it there. Taking it all in from a bird’s-eye view, in other words. The subject for the four stories will be self-evident from the titles, thus endeth this part of the preamble.
WHEREAS...just fucking with you. Legal assistant joke. At any rate...
The second part of this post – and, here, the sloppiest – is nothing but the raw notes I produced by watching the highlights (the little seven-minute jobbers), and looking at things like the stats pages, the line-ups when the highlights didn’t provide them, and the (holy, bless’d) Form Guide. With this edition, I only decided to include said raw notes about seven games into the process, so I didn’t type those with readers in mind. The change comes when I started typing "TRENDS" and "GAME" in the notes/summaries, but I didn't really fully commit to the concept until the Colorado/Dallas game. So, yeah, expect gibberish, but also expect the “raw” notes to read a little less raw in future reviews.
Right. On with the stories.
Notes on MLS East
I’d call Club de Foot Montreal taking another nibble out of their lifeline (i.e., their home record) and Nashville SC getting all existential about whether they’re anything without Hany Mukhtar as the biggest stories in the East for MLS Week 24. Honorable mentions abound – e.g., a deserved New England Revolution equalizer against Red Bull New York (again, what is VAR but the same bullshit delivered after a long delay?) – but they remain honorable mentions because, e.g., that equalizer wouldn’t have changed the world or any major narratives or anything.
Both the big results share the half-comic twist of “the better team” misfiring and “the weaker team” cashing in on a rare opportunity; Atlanta Unted FC (Montreal’s opponent) and Chicago Fire FC fired a total of 13 shots between them, and combined for just four on goal, and yet both walked away 1-0 winners on the back of goals they rescued from the garbage bin. Thing is, that says less about them than it does about their alleged betters; sure, Nashville has the excuse of playing on the road, but they still played Chicago – who, in fairness, are probably surging more than you think – and Montreal still pissed away home game against a crap road team like Atlanta.
It’s more or less premature jockeying for position from there - as in, there's plenty of sorting left ahead, so don't get too excited about the current arrangments. With the literal exception of Atlanta, every team on the “worth shit” list in the Eastern Conference – e.g., Columbus Crew SC, the Philadelphia Union, Orlando City SC, DC United, and Montreal, i.e., every team above the playoff line, but below FC Cincinnati - failed to win. It’s like they want to be the Western Conference for some fucking reason...
As for the rest, I’ve been trying to figure out how to write my Major League Soccer weekly roundups as narratives, not just because I feel like that’s my forte (humor me), but because I believe that beats trying to extract/conjure singular...details, anecdotes, stats...just fucking things for a bunch of games and about a bunch of teams I couldn’t possibly absorb. The goal for this post is to tell four inter-related, inter-woven stories about the MLS Week that just passed – Week 24, in this case – and to leave it there. Taking it all in from a bird’s-eye view, in other words. The subject for the four stories will be self-evident from the titles, thus endeth this part of the preamble.
WHEREAS...just fucking with you. Legal assistant joke. At any rate...
The second part of this post – and, here, the sloppiest – is nothing but the raw notes I produced by watching the highlights (the little seven-minute jobbers), and looking at things like the stats pages, the line-ups when the highlights didn’t provide them, and the (holy, bless’d) Form Guide. With this edition, I only decided to include said raw notes about seven games into the process, so I didn’t type those with readers in mind. The change comes when I started typing "TRENDS" and "GAME" in the notes/summaries, but I didn't really fully commit to the concept until the Colorado/Dallas game. So, yeah, expect gibberish, but also expect the “raw” notes to read a little less raw in future reviews.
Right. On with the stories.
Notes on MLS East
I’d call Club de Foot Montreal taking another nibble out of their lifeline (i.e., their home record) and Nashville SC getting all existential about whether they’re anything without Hany Mukhtar as the biggest stories in the East for MLS Week 24. Honorable mentions abound – e.g., a deserved New England Revolution equalizer against Red Bull New York (again, what is VAR but the same bullshit delivered after a long delay?) – but they remain honorable mentions because, e.g., that equalizer wouldn’t have changed the world or any major narratives or anything.
Both the big results share the half-comic twist of “the better team” misfiring and “the weaker team” cashing in on a rare opportunity; Atlanta Unted FC (Montreal’s opponent) and Chicago Fire FC fired a total of 13 shots between them, and combined for just four on goal, and yet both walked away 1-0 winners on the back of goals they rescued from the garbage bin. Thing is, that says less about them than it does about their alleged betters; sure, Nashville has the excuse of playing on the road, but they still played Chicago – who, in fairness, are probably surging more than you think – and Montreal still pissed away home game against a crap road team like Atlanta.
It’s more or less premature jockeying for position from there - as in, there's plenty of sorting left ahead, so don't get too excited about the current arrangments. With the literal exception of Atlanta, every team on the “worth shit” list in the Eastern Conference – e.g., Columbus Crew SC, the Philadelphia Union, Orlando City SC, DC United, and Montreal, i.e., every team above the playoff line, but below FC Cincinnati - failed to win. It’s like they want to be the Western Conference for some fucking reason...
What That Means for FC Cincinnati
Per the collective fail noted in the paragraph above, not much. Again, I didn’t stop watching FC Cincinnati for a failure to entertain (well, not entirely), but because they floated beyond the reach of all the teams nipping at their wing’d heels (again, I don’t watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reason). As note...well, as suggested in the raw notes, Karol Swiderski bagged low-probability two goals (e.g., why not double-team the only dude in the penalty area and, as much as I admire the quality, I’d bet him good money he couldn’t score that goal five times in 10). After that, it was good to see Brandon Vazquez score a couple in the Gold Cup – the cranium-breaker against Canada in particular – and I know Cincy’s defense misses Matt Miazga (who looks like a total asshole by the way, if mostly in a good way), so, to paraphrase Howard Jones, things can only get better...as the rest of the East stumbles....
Notes on MLS West
To carry on a note started above, MLS’s Western Conference teams played like they wanted to be the East last weekend. Better, they kept that up while still blowing up scripts the same way those Eastern Conference teams did. I’m calling the crime Austin FC perpetrated on Minnesota United FC and Real Salt Lake steamrolling Orlando City SC as the big results of the week. I saw some chatter on The Mothership about the Seattle Sounders “turning the corner” and, sure, they beat a Vancouver Whitecaps team that plenty of people seem to rate, but....I mean, how long do you rate a team that isn’t checking the boxes that matter? (It’s all about the Ws, boys.)
That “face-plant” theme, and even a “face-place-adjacent” theme carries through several other results - e.g., Houston Dynamo FC failing to make the most of their best chances against Sporting Kansas City, FC Dallas giving a factually/statistically dire Colorado Rapids team their first home win of 2023 – and in what looked like a lay-down-and-die sense of the word – and that caps a ten-game run that saw them go 2-6-2 (i.e., the problem might run deeper than Jesus Ferreira’s absences), and with Los Angeles FC; coming within one loss of matching Dallas’ late, sorry record – and all that winds up on a familiar narrative for the West in 2023: any decent team that can get running in the West has a real shot at winning the conference. It’s not so different in the East, though one has to revise it to any team that can get running in the East has a real shot at coming in second to FC Cincy, but still...
At this point, and with signs of weakness above them, both Real Salt Lake and...can’t believe I’m typing this, Austin have a plausible shot at pushing higher into the Western Conference table. Seriously, they both have six wins in their past 10 games– and said past is more recent than St. Louis CITY FC’s.
Per the collective fail noted in the paragraph above, not much. Again, I didn’t stop watching FC Cincinnati for a failure to entertain (well, not entirely), but because they floated beyond the reach of all the teams nipping at their wing’d heels (again, I don’t watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reason). As note...well, as suggested in the raw notes, Karol Swiderski bagged low-probability two goals (e.g., why not double-team the only dude in the penalty area and, as much as I admire the quality, I’d bet him good money he couldn’t score that goal five times in 10). After that, it was good to see Brandon Vazquez score a couple in the Gold Cup – the cranium-breaker against Canada in particular – and I know Cincy’s defense misses Matt Miazga (who looks like a total asshole by the way, if mostly in a good way), so, to paraphrase Howard Jones, things can only get better...as the rest of the East stumbles....
Notes on MLS West
To carry on a note started above, MLS’s Western Conference teams played like they wanted to be the East last weekend. Better, they kept that up while still blowing up scripts the same way those Eastern Conference teams did. I’m calling the crime Austin FC perpetrated on Minnesota United FC and Real Salt Lake steamrolling Orlando City SC as the big results of the week. I saw some chatter on The Mothership about the Seattle Sounders “turning the corner” and, sure, they beat a Vancouver Whitecaps team that plenty of people seem to rate, but....I mean, how long do you rate a team that isn’t checking the boxes that matter? (It’s all about the Ws, boys.)
That “face-plant” theme, and even a “face-place-adjacent” theme carries through several other results - e.g., Houston Dynamo FC failing to make the most of their best chances against Sporting Kansas City, FC Dallas giving a factually/statistically dire Colorado Rapids team their first home win of 2023 – and in what looked like a lay-down-and-die sense of the word – and that caps a ten-game run that saw them go 2-6-2 (i.e., the problem might run deeper than Jesus Ferreira’s absences), and with Los Angeles FC; coming within one loss of matching Dallas’ late, sorry record – and all that winds up on a familiar narrative for the West in 2023: any decent team that can get running in the West has a real shot at winning the conference. It’s not so different in the East, though one has to revise it to any team that can get running in the East has a real shot at coming in second to FC Cincy, but still...
At this point, and with signs of weakness above them, both Real Salt Lake and...can’t believe I’m typing this, Austin have a plausible shot at pushing higher into the Western Conference table. Seriously, they both have six wins in their past 10 games– and said past is more recent than St. Louis CITY FC’s.
What That Means for the Portland Timbers
Good news: regardless of what happens on Wednesday night’s anti-climax, the Timbers have been spared from giving Colorado their first home win of 2023, and god bless FC Dallas. Can the Timbers take advantage? Rather than pretend I’m optimistic (I mean...why?), I’ll simply declare three points on the road against Colorado a fair shot at gettable points and pray the boys fleece the flock per the dictates of necessity and holiness, amen.
Fortunately, the news gets better from there...if in, a your-brother-is-dying, you’re-my-new-favorite kind of way. Not only did they get run fucking over by Austin (who shrink in immediate relevance the higher they climb), the Loons have won just three games in their last sixteen. It’s possible they may sink enough to let this...highly dubious Timbers team rise above them. Also, the Timbers have two more chances than SKC to get their shit straight (i.e, 21 games played for Portland v 23 for SKC) between now and the end of the season – and with some bonus weeks for recovery courtesy of the (strenuously alleged) cash-cow of the Leagues Cup thrown in. Oh, look. The elephant in the room...
I have no more insight into the...apparent? rumored? obvious? turmoil in and around the Timbers’ locker room right now than any other guy who watches games on the TV and follows your more plugged-in Timbers social media accounts. What I do know is that Portland’s in a 2-4-4 doom-loop (because they’re playing from under the playoff line), they haven’t had an impressive results since mid-May (May 14, v VAN), and....gods help me, I don’t know what kind of purge it will take to nudge this season’s journey in the right direction, but I have cash and I’m willing for the exorcism and/or Giovanni Savarese’s severance package. If that’s what’s needed.
To sum up all the above, there’s an opening for any team ready, able and willing to take its fate into its own hands...but do the Timbers really have a team that can do that at this point? And, if they don’t how much does any of the above matter?
That’s it for the narrative. I’ll tighten in up for future installments, same as I will for the raw notes. You’ll see some links sprinkled throughout, but the main one is the link to The Mothership’s game summary in the final score of each game. Oh, and I use asterisks as a visual aid for finding things in my notes, so that's what that's all about. The more asterisks, the bigger the flag.
Charlotte FC 2-2 FC Cincinnati
CIN: line-up w/o Vazquez/Miazga is fun (3-4-3; Kubo, Acosta, Santos front three, Barreal, Moreno, Nwobodo, Arias is four; Murphy, Mosquera, Hagglund); 1st CLT goal on Hagglund (Swiderski, cross to one dude, solo duel); ** same with 2nd CLT goal (Swiderski) again; * Hagglund can be good; give Acosta a PK, he’ll score a PK; ** Cincy’s 2nd, Barreal’s first was beautiful; ** Barreal and Acosta can cook; CLT had real ones, could have won; ** CIN feeling Miazga’s absence, to what extent does he buy them the 1-goal margin? ** don’t get excited, CLT hasn’t won in seven, they’re tied for 9th in East, four points behind DC, eight behind Orlando.
Columbus Crew SC 1-1 New York City FC
NYC Gabriela Perreira rampant; Schulte solid; Cucho dumb red card (he knew it too; also, good for Portland); Justin Haak (typically useless) very quick, tidy shot; CLB equalizer late/fortunate (Zawadski?); ** NYC 9 shots on goal, 8 saves from Schulte; ** NYC 1 win in 14 games; but this was sharper; also tied for 9th, spoiler? CLB, pretty damn safe.
DC United 2-2 Inter Miami CF
DC Taxi hasn’t delivered on early returns, but great finish on that (good transition move); Canouse good No. 6 pairing w/O’Brien; ORL are 6 of back 7 (played 3-4-3; Kryvstov is exception) academy kids?); ** stupid result for DC, must-win when oppo plays kids, but they’re still steady, four above line, without sign of being competitive? ** What (if anything) is MIA doing (playing youth a lot); no wins in last 10, draws in last 3 games
GAME: DC robbed of clear goal (Najar offside); ** MIA: great 1s goal for Cremaschi; DC is Tyler Miller a liability? MIA 2nd goal lucky (free slipped thru); MIA gave as easy as they got, totally missed Robertha on 6, cross Ruan; ** feels like Callendar can keep ‘em alive sometimes; 9 shots on goal for DC, 7 saves by Calendar; ** DC ran away with xG and yet didn’t win; Messi et al looks like more of a next year thing every week
Club de Foot Montreal 0-1 Atlanta United FC
GAME: Pretty shitty, MTL shot wild (15/1 v 7/3), but low activity regardless, a lot of soloing from ATL; ** 100% ATL’s xG advantage (0.6 v 1.6) followed from Brooks Lennon tap-in off Almada’s free-kick; I literally do not get xG
TRENDS: MTL two losses at home (v NYC, v ATL) frays their lifeline (home record); ATL 3-1-1 in past five (v DC, v PHI, @ MTL), now nine points clear of drop.
Red Bull New York 2-1 New England Revolution
* NE no Gil (not even sub) and a hustling middle four (Boateng, Polster, Blessing, Bajraktarevic)
GAME: Amaya beat Ben Sweat (replacement for DeJuan) near-post run RBNY 1st; ** Blessing red, harsh (groin, so...); NE Bye good individual equalizer man down (set piece); RBNY winner, a bit sloppy, but great strike by Carmona; ** NE screwed on equalizer; Vrioni missed a sitter early; RBNY, * crazy direct passing map; Shots (22/7 v 6/2); ** xG 1.6 v 0.7;
TRENDS: ** RBNY, 5-3-2 in last 10, six at home, four on road, still; ** playoff pace; ** wins in next two (v ATL, v DC) should go some distance to determining viability
Toronto FC 0-1 St. Louis CITY FC
TRENDS: ** TFC 5 straight losses, immolating; STL, 3 straight wins, three shitty teams (tho, SJ away is good), overall record 7-3-1 (h), 5-4-1 (a); ** just good; West sucks; ** teams that should be stopping them aren’t (** story of 2023 West?); TFC lining up not to fail (front six: Jahkeele Marshall-Rutty, MA Kaye, Servania, DeAndre Kerr at four; Sapong and Akinola at six); ** another rebuild for TFC?
GAME: Aziel Jackson indeed active; ** TFC Kaye no longer on national team; Aziel Jackson scores damn goal, did what Gioacchini should have done on 1st shot; xG 0.5 v 1.4, STL kept rising, TFC flat-lined
Chicago Fire FC 1-0 Nashville SC
TRENDS: I will never understand CHI failure; ** NSH begs eternal question, what is Nashville w/o Hany; ** NSH 1-3-1 on road, last three = Ls, CHI shoulda been rebound; ** CHI my knowledge of the Fire stale AF, beat two shit teams on road, stole one from NSH
GAME: CHI scored on horrific giveaway (straight to Herbers, started/finished play); Brady great save on Mukhtar freekick; Mukhtar off post; NSH ran up the shots (6/1 v 18/2); CHI went up, made them counter.
Houston Dynamo FC 2-2 Sporting Kansas City
TRENDS: ** Okay now SKC best XI?; SKC Pulido, Thommy should open space for Russell; good midfield; ** have spoiler written all over; HOU absolute brick of a line-up, (attempt at) victory by keeping it simple; classic HOU
GAME: Pulido is very good, just staying onside; ** HOU GotW candidate by Aliyu (great build); close to W for HOU; lopsided, opportunistic for SKC (see Pulido); HOU lost to blocks and responsible saves
Minnesota United FC 1-4 Austin FC
TRENDS: MIN: fuckin’ patchy: 3 wins in last 16; ATX starting to look normal/competitive
GAME: looked like a pretty solid line-up for MIN (Dibassy even); **ATX Kipp Keller in starting XI; ** MIN had four clear chances in opening 30, missed 3, 1 saved; ** pattern of runs on ATX 3rd; ** will enjoy hearing “Pookie” rest of season; MIN scored, clean but irrelevant header/corner (random academy kid) ** 85th minute, down 0-3; ** MIN Straight-up dunked on on last ATX goal, tired, beat, pathetic
Colorado Rapids 2-1 FC Dallas
TRENDS: Dallas lost their margin, good D covered for shaky A; COL still irrelevant, first win in 10, record 0-7-2 over that stretch; ** Dallas pulls out odd show-stopping win (e.g., v STL, v LAFC, both 2-0), those sit in middle of six losses, most recent ones (v DC, @ COL) = worst
GAME: COL, bit wacky on line-up (Yapi, Bassett, C. Harris; first start for Gutman, back three Maxso, Abubakar, Rosenberry); solid FCD line-up, no Ferreira, sure, just slippin’; ** Abubakar has been fucking mess for two years; ** FCD allowed 2-v-1 at backpost equalizer; good example of what I’ve seen from Ronan; won on PK (Galvan); ** looked pretty damn lively for COL (xG 2.5)
Real Salt Lake 4-0 Orlando City SC
TRENDS: RSL, up there, 8 points clear, 9-7-6, still negative goal diff.; ** at 2.0 gpg over past seven games, four were away (@ ATX, DC, STL, TFC); ORL, still erratic, but this result = outlier, kept hearing they looked pooped (altitude?)’; 1 point better than RSL, btw
GAME: RSL, Kreilach w/ Arango up top; ** Arango’s first, damned impressive; Justen Glad on 4th goal; Savarino (3rd, simply gorgeous, GotW candidate) ** a lesson of what happens when you give a professional player time/space, they all look like Messi
Los Angeles Galaxy 3-1 Philadelphia Union
TRENDS: PHI, bad lately, road form in shitter (0-3-1 last four); ** mid-May to early June streak looks dead; LA, unbeaten in seven, four ties, tho
GAME: PHI, starting XI, no excuses; 1st LA goal, two PHI defenders chase Judd, leave Boyd wide open; PHI goal, bit lucky (put-back on long-ranger); Puig, another GotW candidate; per stats, shots/SOG smaller than they looked; PHI flat-lined on attacking side?
Los Angeles FC 1-1 San Jose Earthquakes
TRENDS: LAFC, also one point worse than ORL; what’s the size of the title race in the West?; ** LAFC legit struggling; 2-5-2 in last nine, three losses in last four; losses to HOU, VAN, this draw point to rot; SJ winless in five (0-2-3; ** big story, TLT last three homes games, two of ‘em very winnable (POR & LAG); ** entire premise (good home team) = poof
GAME: SJ Espinoza destroyed Fall over first 30, bagged first goal; highlights made LAFC look dominant (Bogusz, Stipe running loose); SJ Daniel looks pretty damn good, but Marcinkowski ain’t bad; SJ missing dudes, suggests useful depth.
Vancouver Whitecaps 2-3 Seattle Sounders
TRENDS: ** VAN, the team forever waiting to justify the ardor of MLS.com/”underlying number” pundits, still 3-5-2 in last 10; SEA that’s two good wins (v HOU, @ VAN), wait to see what they do with next two
GAME: SEA, what is the point of Rusnak w/Roldan? VAN Seb Berhalter MotW (miss of the week); @ 34 “a shooting gallery for the Whitecaps,” can confirm; Leo Chu’s 1st described as “out of nowhere”; VAN Gauld warming up (good big/small route one w/White); Gauld five goals in last six(?); story of possession crazy in this one (passes, 284 v 564).
Good news: regardless of what happens on Wednesday night’s anti-climax, the Timbers have been spared from giving Colorado their first home win of 2023, and god bless FC Dallas. Can the Timbers take advantage? Rather than pretend I’m optimistic (I mean...why?), I’ll simply declare three points on the road against Colorado a fair shot at gettable points and pray the boys fleece the flock per the dictates of necessity and holiness, amen.
Fortunately, the news gets better from there...if in, a your-brother-is-dying, you’re-my-new-favorite kind of way. Not only did they get run fucking over by Austin (who shrink in immediate relevance the higher they climb), the Loons have won just three games in their last sixteen. It’s possible they may sink enough to let this...highly dubious Timbers team rise above them. Also, the Timbers have two more chances than SKC to get their shit straight (i.e, 21 games played for Portland v 23 for SKC) between now and the end of the season – and with some bonus weeks for recovery courtesy of the (strenuously alleged) cash-cow of the Leagues Cup thrown in. Oh, look. The elephant in the room...
I have no more insight into the...apparent? rumored? obvious? turmoil in and around the Timbers’ locker room right now than any other guy who watches games on the TV and follows your more plugged-in Timbers social media accounts. What I do know is that Portland’s in a 2-4-4 doom-loop (because they’re playing from under the playoff line), they haven’t had an impressive results since mid-May (May 14, v VAN), and....gods help me, I don’t know what kind of purge it will take to nudge this season’s journey in the right direction, but I have cash and I’m willing for the exorcism and/or Giovanni Savarese’s severance package. If that’s what’s needed.
To sum up all the above, there’s an opening for any team ready, able and willing to take its fate into its own hands...but do the Timbers really have a team that can do that at this point? And, if they don’t how much does any of the above matter?
That’s it for the narrative. I’ll tighten in up for future installments, same as I will for the raw notes. You’ll see some links sprinkled throughout, but the main one is the link to The Mothership’s game summary in the final score of each game. Oh, and I use asterisks as a visual aid for finding things in my notes, so that's what that's all about. The more asterisks, the bigger the flag.
Charlotte FC 2-2 FC Cincinnati
CIN: line-up w/o Vazquez/Miazga is fun (3-4-3; Kubo, Acosta, Santos front three, Barreal, Moreno, Nwobodo, Arias is four; Murphy, Mosquera, Hagglund); 1st CLT goal on Hagglund (Swiderski, cross to one dude, solo duel); ** same with 2nd CLT goal (Swiderski) again; * Hagglund can be good; give Acosta a PK, he’ll score a PK; ** Cincy’s 2nd, Barreal’s first was beautiful; ** Barreal and Acosta can cook; CLT had real ones, could have won; ** CIN feeling Miazga’s absence, to what extent does he buy them the 1-goal margin? ** don’t get excited, CLT hasn’t won in seven, they’re tied for 9th in East, four points behind DC, eight behind Orlando.
Columbus Crew SC 1-1 New York City FC
NYC Gabriela Perreira rampant; Schulte solid; Cucho dumb red card (he knew it too; also, good for Portland); Justin Haak (typically useless) very quick, tidy shot; CLB equalizer late/fortunate (Zawadski?); ** NYC 9 shots on goal, 8 saves from Schulte; ** NYC 1 win in 14 games; but this was sharper; also tied for 9th, spoiler? CLB, pretty damn safe.
DC United 2-2 Inter Miami CF
DC Taxi hasn’t delivered on early returns, but great finish on that (good transition move); Canouse good No. 6 pairing w/O’Brien; ORL are 6 of back 7 (played 3-4-3; Kryvstov is exception) academy kids?); ** stupid result for DC, must-win when oppo plays kids, but they’re still steady, four above line, without sign of being competitive? ** What (if anything) is MIA doing (playing youth a lot); no wins in last 10, draws in last 3 games
GAME: DC robbed of clear goal (Najar offside); ** MIA: great 1s goal for Cremaschi; DC is Tyler Miller a liability? MIA 2nd goal lucky (free slipped thru); MIA gave as easy as they got, totally missed Robertha on 6, cross Ruan; ** feels like Callendar can keep ‘em alive sometimes; 9 shots on goal for DC, 7 saves by Calendar; ** DC ran away with xG and yet didn’t win; Messi et al looks like more of a next year thing every week
Club de Foot Montreal 0-1 Atlanta United FC
GAME: Pretty shitty, MTL shot wild (15/1 v 7/3), but low activity regardless, a lot of soloing from ATL; ** 100% ATL’s xG advantage (0.6 v 1.6) followed from Brooks Lennon tap-in off Almada’s free-kick; I literally do not get xG
TRENDS: MTL two losses at home (v NYC, v ATL) frays their lifeline (home record); ATL 3-1-1 in past five (v DC, v PHI, @ MTL), now nine points clear of drop.
Red Bull New York 2-1 New England Revolution
* NE no Gil (not even sub) and a hustling middle four (Boateng, Polster, Blessing, Bajraktarevic)
GAME: Amaya beat Ben Sweat (replacement for DeJuan) near-post run RBNY 1st; ** Blessing red, harsh (groin, so...); NE Bye good individual equalizer man down (set piece); RBNY winner, a bit sloppy, but great strike by Carmona; ** NE screwed on equalizer; Vrioni missed a sitter early; RBNY, * crazy direct passing map; Shots (22/7 v 6/2); ** xG 1.6 v 0.7;
TRENDS: ** RBNY, 5-3-2 in last 10, six at home, four on road, still; ** playoff pace; ** wins in next two (v ATL, v DC) should go some distance to determining viability
Toronto FC 0-1 St. Louis CITY FC
TRENDS: ** TFC 5 straight losses, immolating; STL, 3 straight wins, three shitty teams (tho, SJ away is good), overall record 7-3-1 (h), 5-4-1 (a); ** just good; West sucks; ** teams that should be stopping them aren’t (** story of 2023 West?); TFC lining up not to fail (front six: Jahkeele Marshall-Rutty, MA Kaye, Servania, DeAndre Kerr at four; Sapong and Akinola at six); ** another rebuild for TFC?
GAME: Aziel Jackson indeed active; ** TFC Kaye no longer on national team; Aziel Jackson scores damn goal, did what Gioacchini should have done on 1st shot; xG 0.5 v 1.4, STL kept rising, TFC flat-lined
Chicago Fire FC 1-0 Nashville SC
TRENDS: I will never understand CHI failure; ** NSH begs eternal question, what is Nashville w/o Hany; ** NSH 1-3-1 on road, last three = Ls, CHI shoulda been rebound; ** CHI my knowledge of the Fire stale AF, beat two shit teams on road, stole one from NSH
GAME: CHI scored on horrific giveaway (straight to Herbers, started/finished play); Brady great save on Mukhtar freekick; Mukhtar off post; NSH ran up the shots (6/1 v 18/2); CHI went up, made them counter.
Houston Dynamo FC 2-2 Sporting Kansas City
TRENDS: ** Okay now SKC best XI?; SKC Pulido, Thommy should open space for Russell; good midfield; ** have spoiler written all over; HOU absolute brick of a line-up, (attempt at) victory by keeping it simple; classic HOU
GAME: Pulido is very good, just staying onside; ** HOU GotW candidate by Aliyu (great build); close to W for HOU; lopsided, opportunistic for SKC (see Pulido); HOU lost to blocks and responsible saves
Minnesota United FC 1-4 Austin FC
TRENDS: MIN: fuckin’ patchy: 3 wins in last 16; ATX starting to look normal/competitive
GAME: looked like a pretty solid line-up for MIN (Dibassy even); **ATX Kipp Keller in starting XI; ** MIN had four clear chances in opening 30, missed 3, 1 saved; ** pattern of runs on ATX 3rd; ** will enjoy hearing “Pookie” rest of season; MIN scored, clean but irrelevant header/corner (random academy kid) ** 85th minute, down 0-3; ** MIN Straight-up dunked on on last ATX goal, tired, beat, pathetic
Colorado Rapids 2-1 FC Dallas
TRENDS: Dallas lost their margin, good D covered for shaky A; COL still irrelevant, first win in 10, record 0-7-2 over that stretch; ** Dallas pulls out odd show-stopping win (e.g., v STL, v LAFC, both 2-0), those sit in middle of six losses, most recent ones (v DC, @ COL) = worst
GAME: COL, bit wacky on line-up (Yapi, Bassett, C. Harris; first start for Gutman, back three Maxso, Abubakar, Rosenberry); solid FCD line-up, no Ferreira, sure, just slippin’; ** Abubakar has been fucking mess for two years; ** FCD allowed 2-v-1 at backpost equalizer; good example of what I’ve seen from Ronan; won on PK (Galvan); ** looked pretty damn lively for COL (xG 2.5)
Real Salt Lake 4-0 Orlando City SC
TRENDS: RSL, up there, 8 points clear, 9-7-6, still negative goal diff.; ** at 2.0 gpg over past seven games, four were away (@ ATX, DC, STL, TFC); ORL, still erratic, but this result = outlier, kept hearing they looked pooped (altitude?)’; 1 point better than RSL, btw
GAME: RSL, Kreilach w/ Arango up top; ** Arango’s first, damned impressive; Justen Glad on 4th goal; Savarino (3rd, simply gorgeous, GotW candidate) ** a lesson of what happens when you give a professional player time/space, they all look like Messi
Los Angeles Galaxy 3-1 Philadelphia Union
TRENDS: PHI, bad lately, road form in shitter (0-3-1 last four); ** mid-May to early June streak looks dead; LA, unbeaten in seven, four ties, tho
GAME: PHI, starting XI, no excuses; 1st LA goal, two PHI defenders chase Judd, leave Boyd wide open; PHI goal, bit lucky (put-back on long-ranger); Puig, another GotW candidate; per stats, shots/SOG smaller than they looked; PHI flat-lined on attacking side?
Los Angeles FC 1-1 San Jose Earthquakes
TRENDS: LAFC, also one point worse than ORL; what’s the size of the title race in the West?; ** LAFC legit struggling; 2-5-2 in last nine, three losses in last four; losses to HOU, VAN, this draw point to rot; SJ winless in five (0-2-3; ** big story, TLT last three homes games, two of ‘em very winnable (POR & LAG); ** entire premise (good home team) = poof
GAME: SJ Espinoza destroyed Fall over first 30, bagged first goal; highlights made LAFC look dominant (Bogusz, Stipe running loose); SJ Daniel looks pretty damn good, but Marcinkowski ain’t bad; SJ missing dudes, suggests useful depth.
Vancouver Whitecaps 2-3 Seattle Sounders
TRENDS: ** VAN, the team forever waiting to justify the ardor of MLS.com/”underlying number” pundits, still 3-5-2 in last 10; SEA that’s two good wins (v HOU, @ VAN), wait to see what they do with next two
GAME: SEA, what is the point of Rusnak w/Roldan? VAN Seb Berhalter MotW (miss of the week); @ 34 “a shooting gallery for the Whitecaps,” can confirm; Leo Chu’s 1st described as “out of nowhere”; VAN Gauld warming up (good big/small route one w/White); Gauld five goals in last six(?); story of possession crazy in this one (passes, 284 v 564).
Indicating how tedious I find the Timbers' mid-summer 2023 situation: Jeff, crows (as birds) have a cloaca for an all-inclusive exitway. No simple ass here! It handles all body waste types as well as reproductive duties and there's thought that it might be used for cooling as well. Research continues.
ReplyDeleteI know that there's some odd analogy to the form of the Timbers team and the use of a cloaca for everything not covered by the head, but right now I just can't come up with it. I'll stop now.
The sting of a fact-check...also...fascinating, especially the unknown stuff.
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