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| What a dump. (IYKYK) |
[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]
Thumbnail History
Think of Houston Dynamo FC as the expansion team that wasn’t. They arrived in Houston in 2006 as the one and only team in MLS history to be relocated (right?) and they got stupid fucking lucky in that the team they received had just hoisted the Supporters’ Shield the season prior in San Jose. A couple players didn’t make the trip – e.g., defenders Danny Califf and Troy Dayak, as well as long-time forward Ronald Cerritos – but they came with a handful of the most famous names in Houston Dynamo history (all amply represented in the 10 Players to Know section below) and added at least one famous face, aka, midfielder and future (fragile) USMNT bubble-player, Stuart Holden. Blessed with a strong ready-made roster and one of the 2000’s best head coaches in Dominic Kinnear, the Dynamo kicked off franchise history by winning back-to-back MLS Cups in 2006 and 2007. When they finished 2nd and 3rd overall, respectively, over the next two seasons, Houston threatened to become regular contenders: two more trips to MLS Cup – in 2011 and 2012 – put a couple more teeth into the menace (and yet, if you look at the starting XI for both of those games (see links above), you’ll wonder how it happened). They had to console themselves with the U.S. Open Cup in 2013, but the future still looked bright…despite the second ninth-place finish in as many seasons. Then, out of somewhere close to nowhere, the wheels came off and caught fire: no matter how far the league lowered the bar, Houston would make the MLS playoffs just once over the next nine seasons – and even then, they squeaked in at 10th overall (2017). The end of that long walk through the wilds saw them end three straight regular seasons at 25th overall, the playoff line almost too far away to see and the Wooden Spoon whistling through the air close behind (fortunately, they had three of MLS’s historically (or lately-)worst teams running interference in each of those seasons). After at least a couple rebuilds, a series of bad calls on designated players, and no small amount of suffering among the fanbase, Houston Dynamo FC finally returned to the playoffs due to finally getting a big DP call right and pulling the right head coach (Benny Olsen!) out of early retirement.
Best Season(s)
Easy-peasy: the 2006 and 2007 MLS Cup seasons. Those early Dynamo teams weren’t necessarily elegant, but they were solid, well-coached and they had some of the best game-winners of their era pulling on an orange jersey.
Long-Term Tendencies
For all the game-winners they’ve fielded – and at least one of them 10th all-time for goals scored in MLS history – the Dynamo have never produced a strong attacking team. My loose scale tells me they’ve never gone over the league average for goals scored by more than six to eight goals (said scale jumps to "very over" somewhere around at 8-9 goal for/against variance). Defense carried them through every good season they ever had – and I mean that literally – and they were some degree of fucked every time they failed to field a great or good defense. The defense hurt them a little over their worst seasons, but a pointed and persistent failure to score did more damage – particularly in those recent, shit-show seasons, when they couldn't score [in/if][insert your preferred metaphor].
Identity: Lost souls left to wander wastes that become, first, familiar and then...home?
Joy Points: 10. Winning a couple MLS Cups and going to two more goes a long way…
10 Names to Know (here’s an all-time list; build your own!)
Pat Onstad
The first thing I remember about Houston’s legendary ‘keeper was watching him punch a ball into his own net on a set-piece. I’m sure he made mistakes after that, but I don’t remember any of them. Solid, imposing, large, Onstad shrunk Houston’s goal just by standing in it. On the one hand, he’s fourth all-time for goals against average; on the other, he had to keep that average two years longer than his closest competition.
Eddie Robinson
I could have easily gone with Ryan Cochrane, Robinson’s partner in crime in central defense over those early Cup-winning seasons. The allusion to “crime” makes Robinson the right choice for me; though never quite dirty, he drove opposition forwards fucking nuts and always seemed to play a couple inches over his head. He was smart, basically, and he got the better of a lot of players.
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| The Brad Davis Story. For real. |
Brad Davis
If there’s a Mr. Houston Dynamo, it has to be Davis. He played for more teams than I realized, but he spent eleven seasons with Houston and his name went on the starting sheet in ink from 2008 to 2015. His left foot has a fair claim as one of the best ever swung by an American player and he’s third all-time for assists in MLS history (at 123) and that crown ain’t going anywhere. An unlikely great, but no less great for it.
Dwayne DeRosario
He came to fame with the San Jose team – who can forget the protest under-shirt against the Iraq War that he flashed after scoring a goal in one of their finals – but ultimately thrived as Houston’s ace-in-the-hole in their Cup winning seasons. In an era where the league’s overall quality tilted heavily to average, “DeRo” stood out as the rare player consistently capable of great moments. And, yeah, he is the aforementioned 10th all-time goal-scorer. The shock is how many teams he scored them for.
Brian Ching
Ching never scored a ton of goals (his single-season best as in 2008) and I’m just now seeing that he topped 2000 minutes just once in his career. Then again, he always put in all the work and maybe that accounts for his time on the recovery table. I doubt anyone ever accused him of being elegant, but he got decent use out of both legs and had the frames and ups to bang in the headers.
Ricardo Clark
Incredibly rangy, strong on the ball and even stronger in the tackle, Clark belongs in the MLS Defensive Midfielder Hall of Fame, if they ever build the thing (does Bakersfield, CA need a tourist destination?). He was with Houston (and San Jose) for the good times and serial trophy-raising and had the misfortune of returning for (some of) the worst seasons. Big part of Houston’s history.
Geoff Cameron
Another case where I could have easily named Bobby Boswell instead of Cameron – and those two anchored the 2011/2012 MLS Cup runners-up teams - but I went with big Geoff because he played the more elevated game. A d-mid that converted to a sweeper, Cameron had a passing upside that felt exotic back in the day. It came as a surprise to absolutely no one when he made the jump across the pond, even if he only made it to the Championship. Going the other way, he got gone when the getting was good (2012) and may even have played a key role in the collapse.
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| Terrifying image I found searching "last call" |
Boniek Garcia
Another player with a shout as Mr. Houston Dynamo, if a perverse one. Garcia stuck around Houston for an actual decade and even spent his first three seasons as a designated player. Designated to do what remained an open question throughout that time. Though clearly talented, he never produced DP-level numbers. And yet there was that decade of not just sticking with him, but starting him…
Alberth Elis/Erick “Cubo” Torres/Romell Quioto
Here, we arrive at more of the same – not least because two of the above-named players are, like Boniek Garcia, Honduran. In the post about RSL, I argued that they got stuck in MLS 2.0 – i.e., they failed to keep up with a league that bounded ahead of them – and it’s entirely possible the same applied to Houston. Both Elis and Quioto posted respectable numbers for them, but they still fell short of the pace set by MLS’s bigger teams, who signed better players. I lumped Torres into this group because he tracked as Houston’s attempt to do just that…only they fell short.
Hector Herrera
And then Herrera arrived. Ironically, he can’t keep up with much of anyone, but, sweet Jesus, can the man hold onto the ball and do smart things with it. Despite his struggles in his Year One with Houston, the long-time Mexican international counts as Houston’s first, sure-footed foray into the DP-market. He had plenty of help along the way, but Herrera bore a lot of the weight that carried Houston back into the playoffs – and a fair distance into it.
Where They Finished in 2023 & What the Past Says About That, If Anything
This is where things get tricky: sure, Houston did really well in 2023. Sure, they finished 9th overall, but they also won what briefly threatened to be the last U.S. Open Cup featuring MLS’s grudging, half-full participation and battled all the way to the Western Conference final in last season’s playoffs. Cut that into small pieces and as many ways as you like, that’s one hell of a turnaround from a(nother) 25th place finish just one season before. Going the other way, the past has a lot to say about how likely they are to return to glory they once not only knew, but expected.
Notes/Impressions on the Current Roster/State of Ambition
I’m about 90% certain they lost Adalberto “Coco” Carrasquilla (then again, he withered to anonymity in the playoffs) and I’ve seen chatter that their other DP, forward Sebastian Ferreira, could be on his way out (and with some fans eager to show him the door). I think that’s it for debits. On the plus side, they managed to re-sign right back/revelation Griffin Dorsey, I don’t think slippery-shit midfielder Amin Bassi is going anywhere, and they’ve got another next-level guy in Artur, plus a promising up-and-comer or two like Nelson Quinones, plus Herrera, of course, and for as long as his legs last. It’s a lot of solid and steady from there (here's a current roster, see for yourself) – e.g., Steve Clark (‘keeper), Daniel Steres, even Brad Smith – and I liked what little I saw from Erik Sviatchenko late in 2023. That said, the question of how much ambition Houston has – and with a side question about what they have for scouting/connections – remains very much open. This team – and I mean this very, very much – needs to add real, credible players, not just to take the next step, but to stay where they are in 2024.
* Joy Point Index
Winning the CONCACAF Champions’ League: 5 points
Claiming Supporters’ Shield : 4 points
Winning MLS Cup: 3 points
MLS Cup Runner-Up: 2 points
Winning the U.S. Open Cup: 2 points
Winning CONCACAF Champions Cup: 2 points
MLS Is Back Cup: 2 points (yeah, yeah, I’m a Timbers fan; still, that was a tough one)
CONCACAF Champions League Semifinalist: 1 point
Making the Playoffs: 1 point
Missing the Playoffs: -1 point
Missing Playoffs in 1996-97, 2002-2004 (when 80% of the league qualified): - 2 points
Wooden Spoon: -3 points
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