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| I've got this! Nothing to worry about! |
To announce the next Five-Minute Plan (named for how long these tend to last): I’m sticking with Cincy as a center-piece for coverage, but instead of writing stand-alone posts for them, their games will be one of three Eastern Conference games – or game that involve at least one Eastern Conference team (see below) - featured in a weekly wrap-up post that rolls what they did in with the East as a whole. By way of showing that I still love ‘em true, Cincinnati will be the only games I watch all the way through; I wound up spending between 40-50 minutes on this week's other two featured games – with time added in both cases searching for periods where one of the teams improved in some visible way. (In both cases…they did not.)
The inspiration for the shift follows from a desire to watch more footage and write less about it. If I like this well enough, my Portland Timbers may get the same treatment. Oh, and the Scouting Reports probably are really dead at this point. The Mothership stopped embedding links into the Form Guide (fuckers), and that added at least an hour on the linking/sourcing side. With that, let’s get to the first featured game:
Chicago Fire FC 2-3 FC Cincinnati
The Game, Briefly
Lively, and certainly better than expected. Both teams gave as good as they got, or close to it, and pulled off some smart in-game changes to manage the other’s tactics. The Fire started stronger and arguably (scratch that, definitely) got burned when a trip by the referee opened a full-field counterattack and Cincy’s first goal. Outside a very healthy blip at the start of the first half, the visitors had the better of the game, due mostly to a high-press that 1) flustered a Chicago team compelled to play out of the back by its eccentric, yet popular head coach, and 2) led to Cincinnati’s second goal, when Sergio Santos caught substitute CB Sam Rogers admiring the ball near Chicago’s left corner flag. One of the aforementioned in-game changes – alternating the outlet pass between the channel and the sideline – gave a Chicago a goal in between (31st minute, fwiw), when Jonathan Bamba slipped around a wildly over-committed Miles Robinson and played Hugo Cuypers into a foot-race versus Matt Miazga. Chicago came out determined to erase Cincy’s lead – and made a damn good fist of it (is that phrase real?) – but the Orange and Blue gradually shoved them back and started picking off stray outlets passes. Evander capitalized on one of these when Luca Orellano played him into a one-v-one against Jack Elliott. The Brazilian’s secret power of lulling defenders to sleep then suddenly moving really quickly, omigod(!) kicked in from there and Evander five-holed Chicago ‘keeper Chris Brady from, at most, a 20-degree angle. Cincy wasn’t going to lose a two-goal lead and they generally looked more like scoring their fourth goal than Chicago getting their second, but Miles Robinson had one more gaffe to give, and one more goal to gift. That’s a bit harsh against what happened – i.e., Robinson had already stood up Cuypers when Andrew Gutman bumped into as he chased the ball – but the penalty was given and scored by Brian Gutierrez…
Some More About Cincy
FC Cincinnati
6-2-1, 19 pts., 13 gf, 11 ga (+2); home 3-0-1, away 3-2-0
Last Results: WLDWWWW
Strength/Location of Schedule
v TFC (2-0 W); @ CLT (0-2 L); v ATL (2-2 D); @ NSH (2-1 W); v NE (1-0 W); @ DC (1-0 W); @ CHI (3-2 W)
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| Evander's vibe/lie. |
Some More About Chicago
Chicago Fire FC
3-3-3, 12 pts., 16 gf, 15 ga (+1); home 0-1-3, away 3-2-0
Last Results: WWWDLDL
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ FCD (3-1 W); @ TFC (2-1 W); @ VAN (3-1 W); v MTL (1-1 D); @ RBNY (1-2 L); v MIA (0-0 D); v CIN (2-3 L)
Between talk of a Berhalterian Restoration (March was so good to them) and Cuypers hitting the mark and/or expectations, I was excited to see how they looked against a Cincinnati team I know well enough to get a sense of the state of the rebuild. The Fire lost Carlos Teran early (and who knows for how long), which skewed the sample a bit, but they remained some form of competitive throughout the game and probably got at least singed on all three goals. Berhalter commits them to playing out of the back, of course, which helps them when it comes to getting the ball to the attacking third under control, but that also hurts them against a good press (e.g., Cincy’s, e.g., Rogers getting picked). They’re still short of a league-beating line up – the center back situation stands out – and they have a couple players I’m still trying to figure out – e.g., Sergio Oregel (think he’s a Jr.) and new winger Philip Zinckernagel – but the overall impression points to a team likely to hit their ceiling before the East’s elite teams hit theirs. On the positive side, perhaps even against that, Gutierrez has plenty of talent to grow into (he had a wicked run around Cincy’s backline that should have led to something better) and Omari Glasgow – a converted forward, apparently - looks like one hell of a right wingback. They look like a better bet for the playoffs than they have recently, but the Fire also have annual tradition of looking great for one month every spring before sputtering short by Decision Day.
New England Revolution 2-0 New York City FC
Why This Game?
I haven’t really watched NYCFC yet, but also wanted to poked around the recent Revs revival.
The Game, Briefly (watched 30-45, 45-60, 80-90)
New England scored on either side of the half, so the primary focus of the investigation was how hard and well NYCFC pushed back. No so much, in both cases: What I’m told was their first shot on goal didn’t come until the last ten minutes of the game, when a ball went over the top to (I think) Alonso Martinez; two Revs defenders ran him down and forced him back into a turn-and-shoot that Aljaz Ivacic didn’t have much trouble handling (almost certainly in here somewhere). Les Pigeons fired 15 more shots between the beginning of the game and the final whistle, but I never saw them get into a good rhythm across all the minutes watched above. If I had to flag the main difference, I’d go with Carles Gil making himself the center of gravity, Matt Polster wrecking anything that came within five yards, and the newly-returned Leo Campana applying pressure on and off the ball. New England the scoring with a nice team goal (see below) and closed it with Gil tormenting some poor defender (probably Kevin O’Toole, aka, NYC’s most visibly capable player) before crossing to a bunch of ball-watching defenders who missed the three Revolution players lurking behind their back shoulders.
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| Strange as it seems, this is, in fact, desirable. |
New England Revolution
3-4-1, 10 pts., 6 gf, 7 ga (-1); home 2-2-0, away 1-2-1
Last 5 Results: LLLWLWW
Strength/Location of Schedule
v CLB (0-1 L); v PHI (0-2 L); @ NYC (1-2 L); v RBNY (2-1 W); @ CIN (0-1 L); @ ATL (1-0 W); v NYC (2-0 W)
I last saw the Revolution in their narrow road loss at Cincinnati and, as noted in the post, their defense looked good enough that a little improvement in the attack would go a long way. The upward trend did, in fact, continue from there. Campana coming back was always going to help, but hearing that Ignatius Ganago’s preferred position is forward and watching him combine with Campana – as they did for New England’s game-winner - could lift the Revs a little higher in the standing by season’s end. The defense and Ivacic between them – Mamadou Fofana, in particular, makes me feel safe – allays most of the questions I have about the midfield and both Ilay Feingold and Peyton Miller give them solid two-way players on either side. That’s good enough to keep Brandon Bye on the bench, by the way, but even that’s something of a strength. Apart from the security of having Bye to call in, Caleb Porter can also bring on Luca Langoni and, as he did Saturday, Tomas Chancalay. The Revs are in 11th right now – a point behind NYCFC - but I put that more down to a slow start than the quality of the roster. And there’s plenty of stagnation between them and sixth place just now.
Some More about NYCFC
New York City FC
3-4-2, 11 pts., 11 gf, 13 ga (-2); home 3-1-0, away 0-3-2
Last 5 Results: WWDLLWL
Strength/Location of Schedule
ORL (2-1 W); v NE (2-1 W); @ CLB (0-0 D); @ ATL (3-4 L); v MIN (1-2 L); v PHI (1-0 W); @ NE (0-2 L)
Because nothing really stood out in their game besides, “wait, what’s going on?”, I’m going to lean into recent trends for my current impression this team. NYC’s dark, persistent struggles on the road have returned – they lost to Atlanta (Atlanta!), fer Cris sakes – and a tough home loss versus Minnesota snipped their best near-term life line. The one thing that stands out most when I look at this team is the absence of a “holy shit, that guy” player in the XI. These are all talented professionals to a man, of course, but, and I say this with respect, the fact they haven’t moved on from Maxi Moralez, or the reality that they can’t, says something about the state of things. Defense has tracked as a vague strength for them over recent seasons, but, in this game at least, the Revs repeatedly sabotaged whatever game-plan NYC had with line breaking passes that all but cut their midfield out of the game. Whether that followed from a broken set-up/shape by NYCFC or something New England did, they played like a team waiting to be thwarted.
Charlotte FC 3-0 San Diego FC
Why This Game?
I want to know how much to fear Charlotte and to figure out what to think of San Diego…but, as much as anything else, I just go to where the goals are, man.
The Game, Briefly (watched 1-15, 35-45, 50-70)
A statistical slaughter with a goal that The Mothership insists on blipping out of existence – i.e., Patrick Agyemang’s penalty kick and the foul that sent him to the line (probably in the full highlights, honestly). To float a theory, I believe Agyemang’s strong enough to stay upright until he reaches the area, even with a bear like Andres Reyes trying to haul him down. Also of note, Reyes received his second yellow in that sequence, if after yet another soul-sucking VAR meltdown, and that left San Diego playing a man down until the final whistle. Funny thing: that didn’t actually change the game so much, as San Diego struggled to turn that high ball-usage into anything coherent, never mind sustainable, against Charlotte’s multi-layered defending. That’s why going behind at Charlotte gets a team halfway through spelling “D-O-O-M” the second they fall behind – which San Diego did by the 11th minute, thanks to this sloppy goal. Charlotte’s second goal (Agyemang’s PK) was noted above, but they squeezed San Diego’s defense to pulp until they forced them to cough up a third - which, against the plot, was a basic-ass header off a set-piece. This wasn’t close, basically, but the meaning isn’t here yet.
Some More About Charlotte
Charlotte FC
6-2-1, 19 pts., 16 gf, 7 ga (+9); home 5-0-0, away 1-2-1
Last Results: LWWLWWW
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ MIA (0-1 L); v CIN (2-0 W); v SJ (4-1 W); @ COL (0-2 L); v NSH (2-1 W); @ MTL (1-0 W); v SD (3-0 W)
If you had Charlotte on top of the East after Week 9 and looking like a decent bet to stay there or thereabouts on your MLS 2025 Bingo Card, you’re a smarter amateur pundit than me. Defense has always been their calling card, and the number’s still good on that one, but the attack has taken flight in 2025. They have benefitted from Pep Biel finding his form (three goals, six assists), but having that three-man midfield set – Brandt Bronico, Ashley Westwood, and Biel (seen here) – still tracks as the secret to their success in my mind. One thing to note – and this should be a relief for the rest of the East – new loan signing, Souleyman Doumbia went down early in this game, which (probably means) Charlotte has a little less to throw at your defense. Against that, Dean Smith called in veteran’s veteran Tim Ream to replace him and, I’ll be damned if he didn’t spend his entire time on the field casually putting out fires. Wilfried Zaha came in with a pocket-full of hype and I don’t even think he has fully arrived yet…but I saw him and Biel throw together a give-and-go that came within one kick of utterly undoing San Diego’s, for lack of a better word, shit, and they even had a back-heel thrown in. If this team starts rolling faster...my gods...
Some More About San Diego
San Diego FC
4-3-2, 14 pts., 15 gf, 12 ga (+3); home 2-0-2, away 1-3-0
Last Results: WTLWWLL
Strength/Location of Schedule
@ RSL (3-1 W); v CLB (1-1 D); @ ATX (1-2L); v LAFC (3-2 W); v SEA (3-0 W); @ COL (2-3 L); @ CLT (0-3 L)
I wish I could say something besides “working on it,” but that’s all I’ve got. What I can say is they looked worlds better against LAFC and, now that I’ve watched the highlights from their win over Seattle, can confirm San Diego has soccer players who make soccer plays. Sadly, we don't have their history to for context and, absent that, all the above so far looks like the regular season grind has taken some shine off their good start – anyone else remember Hype Central (aka, MLS Wrap Up) breathlessly asking “how far this San Diego team can go?” in early-to-mid March? – and the accumulation of road losses should have their feet back to Earth. At this point, the wins San Diego has look as much like proof on concept that some teams – e.g., the Galaxy and RSL stand out there – haven’t started so good. Keep a pin in this team, by all means, but also think about the teams below them in the West who might wake up and drag them down. About that…
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| They looked so old in my youth... |
I fully understand that I should be watching games like Columbus Crew SC v Inter Miami CF, so as to keep on top of what the best teams are doing…but I don’t really have any questions about those teams. They’re good, getting results and feel like a good bet to keep going. As it happens, Miami smuggled all three points out of Lower.com Field, but everything I saw (see xG) and heard (just MLS Wrap Up, honestly) told me that Columbus should have won it – and, at this point in the season, playing well is what really matters. Miami’s win does stand as the result of the week (you assholes), but I’d give DC United’s 2-1 road win in Harrison, NJ the award for the runner-up to the runner-up (Cincy's win at Chicago gets the silver), if only for the two straight-up bangers scored by Joao Peglow…which feels doubly important after Christian Benteke, aka, The Sun, hobbled off the field (for, again, God knows how long). Across the country, Nashville took a surprising 0-3 stumble at Seattle (look for notes in the Western Conference roundup!), but they also didn’t start Edvard Tagseth and played without Walker Zimmerman, so asterisk. The rest of the results tracked as pretty straightforward to me – i.e., the Philadelphia Union shelled Atlanta, because who doesn’t? and of course nothing of note happened when Montreal met Orlando, not even bad, half-planned sex (ah, youth…).
To put a pin on it all – and, may the gods smile on me and make next week’s post at least half a page shorter - do my eyes deceive me, or is the cream already separating from the curdle in MLS’s Eastern Conference? At this point, I see the current top four of Charlotte, Cincy, Miami and Columbus mingling in the same unwholesome, closed off way that produced both anemia and Europe’s ruling classes in the late 19th Century. And, to hazard a guess on the rest, everything between Philadelphia and maybe Atlanta (but also, probably not Atlanta) looks pretty fluid at this point in the early season.
That’s it for this week’s beast. Hope anyone who made it this far enjoyed the experience and, again, this might be the future for posts to this space – even for the Timbers. Seriously, it has become harder to find novel things to say about any given game with each passing season. Some of that’s down to marijuana not working the way it used to, the rest goes down to aging, and that twain has met, tangoed, tied the knot and made Miley Cyrus. Till the next one…
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