[UPDATE: I pulling the plug on this series due to late intelligence that a handful of teams actually post live/archived streams of games from the 2024 preseason. And gods bless them for doing so. It's for the best because the mold on these posts grow furrier with each passing week (a little like the room of my oldest child, despite attempts to preserve with museum exhibit exactitude). I will, however, float some form of preview for my Portland Timbers before the season kicks off and slip a link to that preview where it belongs (at No. 15) in the section full of links. Finally, if you scroll down to the second "UPDATE" section below, I did close out this series in the best possible way for someone who is, admittedly, half-assing it. Wait, seriously? Half-assing isn't a real word yet?]
This is the first post in an off-season project/series that will ultimately become an index for said series. The broad goal is to look back at the history of every Major League Soccer team that will compete in the 2024 season – the Orchid anniversary, from what I’m told, so get those gifts lined up – with an eye to connecting each team’s past with its present, no matter how short the former is.
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| If you loved me, I'd have this. |
The posts will come out in the order of the teams’ historic success, something I calculated on a loose scale built around what I called “Joy Points.” I’ve been compiling the underlying data for that like a damn lunatic, if with couple tweaks and updates, since the pandemic put the league in hold for the first few months of 2020. At any rate, here’s the foundation for the math, new and old:
Joy Point Index
Winning the CONCACAF Champions’ League: 5 points
Claiming Supporters’ Shield : 4 points
Winning MLS Cup: 3 points
CONCACAF Champions’ League Runner-Up: 3 points
MLS Cup Runner-Up: 2 points
Winning the U.S. Open Cup: 2 points
Winning CONCACAF Champions Cup: 2 points
CONCACAF Champions League Semifinalist: 1 point
Making the Playoffs: 1 point
Missing the Playoffs for the Majority of Seasons: -1 point
Missing Playoffs in 1996-97, 2002-2004 (when 80% of the league qualified): - 2 points
Wooden Spoon: -3 points (a heads up to FC Cincinnati fans...)
I appreciate that this system has flaws, that some people won’t agree with the numerical values I’ve assigned to each accomplishment and failure, but, to translate a little, I based the positives on degree of difficulty and the negatives on the amount of pain. Also, for those unfamiliar with one of the early Frankenstein-esque concepts, the CONCACAF Champions’ Cup – i.e., the regional club tournament from MLS’s 1996 founding to 2008 - was both weird and weighted in MLS’s favor for the first several seasons. Small surprise, then, that Mexican teams commenced to dominating the year after the Los Angeles Galaxy won the 2000 Champions Cup and have only needed to check the rearview in recent seasons.
To acknowledge something that will become obvious as the posts trickle out, yes, that methodolgy does reward some teams for nothing more than being in MLS since Year 1. Going the other way, that same system of credits and debits reveals how the expansion teams that hit the ground running rose to join the cream of the league. Personally, I found the way the numbers shook out in fascinating ways and, for all its faults, I hope other people do too.
Joy Point Index
Winning the CONCACAF Champions’ League: 5 points
Claiming Supporters’ Shield : 4 points
Winning MLS Cup: 3 points
CONCACAF Champions’ League Runner-Up: 3 points
MLS Cup Runner-Up: 2 points
Winning the U.S. Open Cup: 2 points
Winning CONCACAF Champions Cup: 2 points
CONCACAF Champions League Semifinalist: 1 point
Making the Playoffs: 1 point
Missing the Playoffs for the Majority of Seasons: -1 point
Missing Playoffs in 1996-97, 2002-2004 (when 80% of the league qualified): - 2 points
Wooden Spoon: -3 points (a heads up to FC Cincinnati fans...)
I appreciate that this system has flaws, that some people won’t agree with the numerical values I’ve assigned to each accomplishment and failure, but, to translate a little, I based the positives on degree of difficulty and the negatives on the amount of pain. Also, for those unfamiliar with one of the early Frankenstein-esque concepts, the CONCACAF Champions’ Cup – i.e., the regional club tournament from MLS’s 1996 founding to 2008 - was both weird and weighted in MLS’s favor for the first several seasons. Small surprise, then, that Mexican teams commenced to dominating the year after the Los Angeles Galaxy won the 2000 Champions Cup and have only needed to check the rearview in recent seasons.
To acknowledge something that will become obvious as the posts trickle out, yes, that methodolgy does reward some teams for nothing more than being in MLS since Year 1. Going the other way, that same system of credits and debits reveals how the expansion teams that hit the ground running rose to join the cream of the league. Personally, I found the way the numbers shook out in fascinating ways and, for all its faults, I hope other people do too.
