MLS Western Conference Round-Up: Checking the Blowouts & the Wrong End of the Standings

I go with the wind, I am the wind. That is me. True story.

If all goes according to plan – and if you’re holding your breath, by the gods, I urge you to stop – I will top next week’s version of this post with Portland Timbers’ match reportage. For anyone who’s curious what that will look like, it should be something like the Eastern Conference round-up posted to this same channel last night. But also shorter. I posted earlier on the Timbers letting two points slip away versus LAFC last Saturday, but fuck it, it’s early and Portland’s in fourth place and when’s the last time that happened. For the record, this used to be the kind of thing I would look up, but The Mothership has stripped a lot of the links and connectivity out of their archived material, which makes that kind of thing a lot harder…what a bunch of assholes.

A final programming note: most weeks, I will watch whichever team the Timbers have next, but there’s no goddamn way I’m sitting through Austin FC beating the Galaxy by one damn goal when I’ve already stared at both of those teams more than anyone but their biggest fans should have to.

Right, let’s kick around what happened in MLS’s Western Conference last weekend. Just the good shit.

Seattle Sounders 3-0 Nashville SC
Why This Game?
A combination of trying to figure out what’s going on with Nashville and keeping your enemies close…

The Game, Briefly (watched 1-45)
First, both teams rested their share of regular starters, if for reasons unknown – Albert Rusnak and Jordan Morris for Seattle, and Edvard Tagseth, aka, Nashville’s Engine – and, against the even numbers in the final stats, the game was over by the 34th minute. As confessed above, I only watched the first half (fine…most of it), but I caught at least five of Nashville’s shots on goal in the full highlights and never saw them serve up anything more threatening than a kitten in a sombrero. One li’l curiosity to note: wily veteran Andy Najar played some role in at least two Seattle goals, one by commission (the first goal), the other by omission (what was he doing so far from Paul “Everyman” Rothrock on that third goal?). Pedro de la Vega got a lot of hype in the Official post-game chatter (aka, MLS Wrap Up...gotta stop watching that bilge), but even he credited Obed Vargas for teeing up his goal. The Sounders overwhelmed Nashville, no question, and took just 15 minutes to bury them. Sometimes a game just gets away from a team.

Sporting Kansas City Scouting Report: On Nervous Cornered Animals

You don't this Portland...wait. Maybe you do...

When I first sat down to type this, I thought Sporting Kansas City hosted this one. They don’t, of course, and that only makes this game the most-winniest of the season so far for the Portland Timbers. If the Timbers can’t win this one, what’s there left to do but cast all the spells and sacrifice all the goats necessary to keep the New England Revolution between Portland and The Wooden Spoon?

Now, to dig into why that is:

The Basics
2-6-5, 11 pts., 21 gf, 24 ga (-3); home 1-3-3, away 1-3-2; 13th in West, 23rd overall
Last 10: WLWTLTLLLL
Venue: HHAHHHAAHA

Like the Timbers, basically, only a little worse on offense and a little better defensively, but with the same gently underwater goal differential.

Even then, the “little better defensively” needs adjusting. SKC have allowed two goals or more in seven of their past 10 games and, bluntly, they don’t look good defensively. Based on some recent highlights (home draw v St. Louis, home loss v Houston, and the road loss at Minnesota) and vast swaths of last weekend’s loss at Austin FC, SKC hands out good looks like sweet, sweet candy – up to 5+ primo chances per game. Set-piece defending is a problem – just over 1/3 of all goals allowed - and they have given up a bushel of points (bushel=14 points) from leading positions. And that was before dropping some more at Austin.

Despite all the above, (far too) long-time head coach Peter Vermes only seems to change his starting XI when injuries or disciplinary actions make him. He recently flirted with a 4-2-3-1, but I see a lot of 4-3-3 in SKC’s past and that’s what Vermes rolled with in the last two road games as well. That 4-3-3 has been populated like so in recent weeks (the steadiest regulars are bolded):

Sporting Kansas City 1-1 Austin FC: A Wee Scouting Report

Sure, use your disgusting hands...

Since I had time, and seeing that Sporting Kansas City is the Portland Timbers next opponent after the…international break, I watched SKC’s 1-1 home draw against Austin FC. I understand Austin doesn’t serve up an apples-to-apples comparison to Portland - also, have I mentioned how much it wads my undies when people talk about each game as if the home team plays the same team every week (because they don't)? - but I still wanted to see what I could see about how SKC approached the game, which players looked good, etc. Nothing deep, just some notes…

Sporting dominated the game, had most the possession, disrupted the hell out of Austin’s flow (except when they didn’t; wait for it), and so on, but Austin didn’t get a ton of great looks at Austin’s goal - and, when they did, the found Brad Stuver in the way (for example). He made nine saves (box score), some quite good, and I guess that’s my first note for Portland - or, more specifically, whoever starts in goal for them next Saturday: the 'keeper will have work to do. Whatever I thought of the approach (more later) and the general quality, SKC fired 32 shots, 11 of them on goal. They also showed a stress-inducing knack for holding the ball in the area once they got it in there (see note on Daniel Salloi below). That meant time in the area, and shots, but Austin cluttered the area pretty reliably. That’s what the note above on “great looks” points to: they defended with 7+ in the area and, from ~ the 40th minute on, Austin set the line of confrontation about 10 yards inside their own half.

With all that in front of them, SKC still forced home a goal - a smart put-back by Salloi, in fact - so they got something out of all that strum, drang, und running. Related thereto, Kansas City has given up the first goal in five of their nine games this season; they managed only the draw today, but, in four of those cases, they came back to win the game. That’s to say, don’t get cocky if/when The Former Wiz goes down a goal. Which brings me to a relevant digression…

I don’t think Portland will defend anywhere near as deep as Austin did - especially, not at home. I also don’t expect them to cede as much possession (they'll certainly hunt the ball more, or should), but I do expect the Timbers to take more chances in the attack: that’s all to say, I don’t expect Portland v SKC to either look or play-out like SKC v Austin. The latter plays a different style - Josh Wolff follows the Gregggg Berhalter dogma of playing out the back and likes to possess the ball, while I’d call Portland more opportunistic and creative. Which brings up the next point…

Sporting Kansas City 2-3 Portland Timbers: Conditioned to Believe

You are my God, there is no other.

Where to begin? With the ass-clenching anxiety of the final 30+ minutes, the beside-myself joy, or empathy for Sporting Kansas City for having the year they had and, yeah, Zarek Valentin probably really should have been sent off for a second yellow…

…then again, I’m good with that so long as you are…and, clearly, I’m only addressing persons outside the greater Kansas Citys, MO/KS and/or Seattle, WA metro areas. That was fucking incredible, right, a miracle on frosted grass (they play on grass in KC, right?), and a smoldering tribute to the lately infectious power of positive thinking?

As alluded to in the penumbra between the words above, the Portland Timbers advanced to MLS Cup 2018 on the back of a 3-2 road win in Kansas City, MO. Exactly two teams of 18 left Children’s Mercy Park with a win in all of 2018, a fact that threads garish neon threads around Portland’s accomplishment for tonight. And, for the record, I’m entirely serious about sparing a thought for everyone involved in the Sporting Kansas City organization and fan base (except the assholes who threw shit on the field after Portland’s second, stumbling goal; and, while I’m on it, has anyone else ever seen a coach step out to appeal to his crowd’s better angels like Peter Vermes did tonight (#StockRising)?). They believed every bit as inordinately in SKC’s odds of victory as Timbers fans believed in their own going into tonight (i.e., most of the hiccups in faith were my own), but that surely dissolved the second after Diego Valeri sank to his knees in disbelief after he scored his make-your-own-luck header (e.g., the "second, stumbling goal" noted above). I’ve never felt as close to him as I did in that moment (I'm buyin' the rounds, Diego!). And then Valeri got another one, and off the counter that would always follow so long as SKC pressed too high and the Timbers had available outlets…

…sorry, pausing again. Does this feel like ecstasy to anyone else? I mean the drug, not the state of mind. I’m just really, really happy right now, and on the grounds that, holy shit…the Timbers did it. They did all of it. Three fucking goals, in Kansas City, which, for what it’s worth, equals exactly 1/6 of the goals allowed in Kansas City during the regular season. (In the event I’m phrasing that badly, SKC allowed 18 goals at home during the regular season (the source of my math), and three goals tonight.)

I’m grasping at quantity because it’s tangible. But there’s nothing tangible about Sebastian Blanco’s equalizer, aka, the goal he seemed destined to score since 2018 started. That shit is permanently transcendent, just like Dairon Asprilla’s equalizer against Seattle about a month ago; it’s lore for the fan-base, a permanent, defining “where were you moment” that people will share – something that goes double if the Portland Timbers manage to claw their way all the way to the top, aka, hoisting MLS Cup to the sky for the second time in the franchise's short history.