Tuesday, July 17, 2018

MLS 2018,Form Guide ULTRA, Week 20: The Matrix Is Holding Together.


This is all that matters. And also a dated reference.
I’ll start with the key for a short-cut I use through everything down below (of which, there’s a lot). I use the words “IN” and “OUT” to mean teams that are in and out of the playoffs, respectively, at time of writing. And, golly, has that become rather predictably complex. That’s more for context than anything else at this point, a loose identifier for “good” and “bad.” Again, respectively. I mean, you’re either in or you’re out. Heather.

Moving onto the MLS 2018 Season’s Week 20, and, yes, I remember I promised shorter preambles.

I touch on every team in Major League Soccer below, going through both conferences (starting with the Eastern) in the order they stack up in the standings. After listing all the general stuff - e.g., points, games played, record at home and record away - I focus on what each team has done over the past 10 games - especially where they’ve played and who over that 10-game period. I wrench a thumbnail profile from that (and other stuff; still working on translating data to words), then talk about the game(s) they played during the week that’s behind us, then look ahead to the game(s) they’ll play the next week. To share resources, I mostly rely on the match recaps for each game (full disclosure: I didn't watch all of them, not even the highlights), plus the form guide. I also watched this past week's Matchday Central, a show that, no matter how uneven (it's fine), gives me at least three pieces of information I didn't know, and pretty much every time.

With regard to MLS Week 20, only one result surprised me much - the Los Angeles Galaxy’s 3-2 points-smuggling raid at the New England Revolution. After a quick review of everything - e.g., the red card to Cristian Penilla, especially - even that ball bounces off the wall close to true. With every other result, some kind of trend - whether torrential current or a little something slipping under the context - makes sense of the result (e.g., Real Salt Lake sucks on the road).

To circle back, the problem with labeling teams IN and OUT caught up with this project this weekend. To name names, the Montreal Impact stepped into the Eastern Conference playoff space vacated by the Philadelphia Union - if with an assist from the bye week. The  Galaxy pulled the same stunt in the Western Conference with the Vancouver Whitecaps - i.e., replaced them, only they deserved it more, and Vancouver less. The outlines of that shift appeared in the tea leaves, numbers are the answer for everything, and I’ll never wear underwear or deodorant again, swear to God.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Atlanta United FC - 41 points, 12-4-5 (6-2-3 home, 6-2-2 away), 43 gf, 24 ga (+19), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LDWDWDWLWD (4-3-3 (2-1-2 home, 2-2-1 away), 16 gf, 11 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHAAHHAAH
Record v IN Teams: 3-2-3
Record v OUT Teams: 1-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: People are starting to ask questions about this season’s early darlings, but people might be overlooking how hard their schedule has been lately (see above, and it's brutal). For all that, good team, but hardly juggernauts.
Last Week: Because I skipped the highlights for this game, most of what I know about it revolves around the top of Josef Martinez’s head hitting Chad Marshall’s chin. However it happened, Atlanta shouldn’t drop points at home to a team that’s struggling hard as Seattle.
Next Week: They have DC United at home. If nothing else, DC knows how to play on the road by now.
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/8
One of the softest end-runs in MLS, period. Another reason why drawing Seattle missed a chance.

New York City FC - 40 points, 12-4-4 (10-0-1 home, 2-4-3 away), 40 gf, 24 ga (+16), 20 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWLWDWLWWW (6-2-2 (6-0-1 home, 0-2-1 away), 21 gf, 10 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAHHHAHHH
Record v IN Teams: 2-1-2
Record v OUT Teams: 3-2-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: They look solid, they look fast. Also, I heard something from my notes for the highlights (“NYC created chaos, Columbus created chances”) confirmed on Matchday Central: NYCFC is disrupting and playing off their attacking talent - also, when Maxi Moralez is active, good things happen.
Last Week: They won at home, 2-0 over Columbus, and with Anton Tinnerholm in a starring role. Based on what little I watched and heard, they had to survive the first half. I heard more things about adjustments, but winning is winning, and this was a good one.
Next Week: Orlando City SC, in Orlando. And they have a couple extra days to prep. Unless Orlando turned around massively - and I’ve heard whispers about improved...something - they’re good for all three points.
7 home games remaining, 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/9
Still playing “playoff-lite” teams - Columbus is on a bad run - when they play playoff teams (shit, terrible phrasing!). They remain in a good place.

New York Red Bulls - 35 points, 11-5-2 (7-1-1 home, 3-2-1 away), 37 gf, 19 ga (+18), 18 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WWDLDWWWLW (6-2-2 (3-0-1 home, 3-2-1 away), 16 gf, 9 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAAHAAHHAH
Record v IN Teams: 3-2-1
Record v OUT Teams: 3-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: Both New York teams are in the same place, and in many ways. These are good, balanced teams doing well. That said, Matchday Central is talking changes in “body language” and new playing styles. And the talk around the Red Bulls isn't favorable so far.
Last Week: It took two semi-gorgeous-to-gorgeous goals from Mark Rzatkowski (and in that order) to save the three points from the flame. On paper, though, beating Sporting KC at home is remains a good win in 2018.
Next Week: They host New England and…hmm. They're strong at home, the Revs won’t have Cristian Penilla, and that makes that a game the Red Bulls should win. There are rumors abroad about about the Red Bulls trying to possess the ball, the Revs could counter the crap out of that approach.
8 home games remaining, 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/9 (tough “IN,” terrible “OUT”)
So long as they take care of business. Like they did against SKC, they have favorable schedule.

Columbus Crew SC - 30 points, 8-7-6 (6-2-3 home, 2-5-3 away), 24 gf, 25 ga (-1), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WWDDDLLWLL (3-4-3 (2-1-2 home, 1-3-1 away), 10 gf, 15 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAAHHHAHAA
Record v IN Teams: 3-2-2
Record v OUT Teams: 0-2-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: Praise for “The System” has shifted to understanding “The System” as something of a prison. Their goal differential went from positive to negative over their past 10. Some of that is opposition - on that, it's been tough, and Columbus has held up all right; it's those OUT games they have to clean up - some of it isn’t.
Last Week: They lost 0-2 on the road to NYCFC, after failing to bury some moments when they held the advantage in the first half. They played them even, but…again, “that little bit of quality.”
Next Week: Orlando at home: how the rest of MLS spells “relief.” If Columbus bones that game, the stumbling becomes official
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/7
Columbus gets to coast a bit from September 19 on. They have to get there whole first, of course, step over some sharks...

New England Revolution - 28 points, 7-5-7 (6-3-3 home, 1-2-4 away), 32 gf, 28 ga (+4), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLDDWDDWDL (3-2-5 (3-2-2 home, 0-0-3 away), 17 gf, 17 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHHAHHAAH
Record v IN teams: 1-1-2
Record v OUT teams: 2-1-3
Current Thumbnail Profile: Imperfectly capable, and also the victims and beneficiaries of their surroundings. For all their talent in the attack, they’re less effective than they should be. Going 2-1-3 against teams on the wrong side of MLS's playoff line...just, that can't be good
Last Week: New England lost at home to LA, while beating them soundly in stats that best track focused aggression, and with one fewer dudes on the field (see, Penilla ejection for reacting to a dude being a dick). They lost this unbearably late, which makes the question whether to read that as vulnerability or bad luck.
Next Week: The Revs actually have two games next week (poor bastards), away to Minnesota and, closer to home and worse, away to the New York Red Bulls. Four points would be fantastic, six points, phenomenal. Seeing Andrew Farrell serve a cross like that gives one hope.
5 home games remaining, 10 road games. IN/OUT Split: 7/8 (LA went “IN”)
The pile-up of away games hurt, but New England .

Montreal Impact - 27 points, 9-12-0 (7-3-0 home, 2-9-0 away), 26 gf, 35 ga (-9), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLWLWWWWLW (6-4-0 (5-1-0 home, 1-3-0 away), 10 gf, 7 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHAHAHHAH
Record v IN Teams: 1-2-0
Record v OUT Teams: 4-3-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: Bottom line: a lot of the teams they’re beating aren’t very good - e.g., Orlando twice, and in the depths of their mire, Colorado at home, and Houston at home. That said, I like at least 2/3 of the Ignacio Piatti, Matteo Mancosu, Alejandro Silva front line, but I don’t know the other third.
Last Week: How can a 2-0 home win over a fucking dismal San Jose Earthquakes side not look like more of the same? Also, this game could have easily ended 2-1 or even 2-2 (and there's more where that came from).
Next Week: They travel to Portland and, holy shit, will midfield be irrelevant in this game. Tough as leather for these guys, though. Would be a coup to get even one goal out of it.
7 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/5
Montreal has a puncher’s chance. For the record, my money’s against it.

Philadelphia Union - 24 points, 6-9-3 (5-3-2 home, 2-6-1 away), 25 gf, 30 ga (-5), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WWDWLLWLLW (5-4-1 (2-3-0 home, 3-1-1 away), 19 gf, 16 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAHAHHAHA
Record v IN Teams: 2-3-1
Record v OUT Teams: 3-1-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: Good possession team, mediocre team overall, and thank God for the off week.
Last Week: I caught them up with last week’s post. Trends aren’t good, but this looks like a capable team.
Next Week: They play LA at home, and I like their chances all right.
7 home games remaining, 9 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/8
Their last six games feature teams that, between quality and potential, can viciously turn results on a team that can’t handle it. Stocking up on points between now and then seems important.

Chicago Fire - 23 points, 6-10-5 (4-5-2 home, 2-5-3 away), 33 gf, 41 ga (-8), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLWDDDWLLL 4-4-3 (3-1-1 home, 1-3-2 away), 18 gf, 21 ga
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAAHAHA
Record v IN Teams: 1-4-1
Record v OUT Teams: 2-0-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: They beat bad teams, but lose to just about any team that’s above them, and in any table.
Last Week: Dallas took the Fire apart something awful this past weekend. The highlights are brutal (and nice goal Kelyn Acosta), and the box score is worse. I heard they played youngsters in order to keep their big guns greased AF for their U.S. Open Cup game against Louisville, and my money is on Louisville. I saw how they defended (or failed to) Dallas’ first goal…
Next Week: They play Toronto in Chicago, and that feels like timing that’s both good (they should win) and meaningless (this team isn’t good/deep enough).
7 home games remaining, 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/6 (no es Bueno, srsly.)
That IN/OUT split looks terrible. The best thing I can say is that I think only 8 of the teams they play are nakedly better than them.

Orlando City SC - 22 points, 7-11-1 (5-4-1 home, 2-7-0 away), 27 gf, 42 ga (-15), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLLLLLLLLW (1-9-0 (1-3-0 home, 0-6-0 away), 7 gf, 28 ga)
Last 10 Home/Away: HAHAAAHAAH
Record v IN teams: 0-5-0
Record v OUT teams: 1-4-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: The league punching-bag since way back when…but are they punching back?
Last Week: They beat Toronto FC in Orlando on the back of better fight. I heard something about a tactical adjustment to Christmas Tree on Matchday Central, and something like that is probably overdue. Can’t imagine the relief in that locker room, and for Orlando fans.
Next Week: They play away to Columbus, which would have sounded disastrous just six weeks ago, but now it sounds like Columbus challenging someone to arm-wrestle on week after they broke their wrist. Points are neither certain nor easy, but Orlando getting even 1 point away…
7 home games remaining, 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 10/5
With Orlando in the state they’re in, I can only see walls. For all that, they could turn spoiler under a new coach.

Toronto FC - 16 points, 4-11-4 (3-4-2 home, 1-7-2 away), 30 gf, 38 ga (-8), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLDWDLLLDL (2-5-3 (2-2-2 home, 1-2-1 away), 19 gf, 19 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HHAAHAHAAA
Record v IN Teams: 1-3-2
Record v OUT Teams: 1-2-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: Two wins in their last 10 games, but, more importantly, four losses in their last five. I’ve heard talk of injuries, and also talk that it might be too late to take the field as champions without at least one or two people snickering. You know, the ones who know what’s going on.
Last Week: If you’re the first team to do it in nine outings, losing to Orlando anywhere is atrocious.
Next Week: They play at Chicago and, while Chicago is bad, Toronto is bad on the road. If the Fire's tired stars return after the U.S. Open Cup game, and start in this game, my money is on Chicago. Faith in Toronto doesn't make much sense at this point.
8 home games remaining, 7 road games; IN/OUT Split: 8/7
The road ahead…doesn’t get easier. There’s a lot of intra-Conference IN opposition ahead.

DC United - 14 points, 3-7-5 (2-0-1 home, 1-7-4 away), 26 gf, 30 ga (-4), 15 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLLWDLDLDW (3-4-3 (2-0-0 home, 1-4-3 away), 21 gf, 20 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAAAAAAAAH
Record v IN Teams: 2-3-1
Record v OUT Teams: 1-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: The league’s goofiest wild card, potentially. They have more home games than they have games in hand, and both Chicago and Orlando, maybe even Montreal, seem likely to slip.
Last Week: Paul Arriola tore opening night up (while Yamil Asad scored a fitting first goal for Audi Field, and in a win), but this was a game DC had to win if they wanted to look like anything. Also, I heard Arriola asked for the central-mid role. That bears watching.
Next Week: How the hell does this team get sent back on the road? It’s against Atlanta, regardless, and DC should look to get a draw out of this one.
14 home games remaining, 5 road games. IN/OUT Split: 11/8
Plenty of dragons swim within that IN/OUT split, but, again, this team has played only two games at home. And they’ve got five games in their back pocket.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

FC Dallas - 38 points, 11-3-5 (6-0-4 home, 3-3-1 away), 31 gf, 21 ga (+10), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWWWWLWWLW (7-2-1 (4-0-0 home, 3-2-1 away), 17 gf, 13 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAAHHAAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 2-2-1
Record v OUT Teams: 5-0-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: The only real open question is how much Mauro Diaz’s transfer will hurt this team. They are good all over, but did the “great somewhere” leave with Diaz? As of now, they're 7-2-1 in their last 10, and with a 50/50 split between good teams and bad, so, what is that but good?
Last Week: Their 3-1 home win over Chicago (also, wasn’t remotely close) spoke to the class differences within MLS: Dallas ran over the Fire as if Diaz had never played for them.
Next Week: Houston away, and they’re pretty good at home, so Dallas will have their hands full. A draw would be a good result, a win, a great one.
6 home games remaining, 9 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/10
Soft as it looks and, honestly, I think Dallas looks good for the Supporters’ Shield for it. Nothing between them and The Shield than two mild choke points.

Los Angeles FC - 35 points, 10-4-5 (5-0-4 home, 5-4-1 away), 41 gf, 28 ga (+13), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DLDLWWWDWD (4-2-4 (3-0-3 home, 1-2-1 away), 21 gf, 14 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHAAHHAHH
Record v IN Teams: 2-2-2
Record v OUT Teams: 2-0-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Good, but not as good as the hype. They’re padding their status against the minnows, while punching .500 against the better teams.
Last Week: The Portland Timbers mostly outplayed them in the goal-less draw, and in LA. Looking like the less effective team should enter the calculus for this team.
Next Week: Playing away to Minnesota gives them a test, but not a huge test. This is a game that any playoff team would want, no, expect to win. I expect they will, especially with the away record they’ve compiled.
8 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/9
This looked far, far worse when Sporting KC looked like a well-maintained train. On current trends, things turn to shit (or just get hard) starting September 15.

Sporting Kansas City - 33 points, 9-5-6 (6-1-3 home, 3-4-3 away), 37 gf, 27 ga (+10), 20 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WDDWDWLLDL (3-3-4 (2-0-2 home, 1-3-2 away), 16 gf, 15 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAHAAHA
Record v IN Teams: 1-2-2
Record v OUT Teams: 2-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Good, but also very much not themselves. SKC is typically the gold standard for a tight-ass defense and overall team ethic, but that’s not them this season.
Last Week: They lost to the Red Bulls in New York, which wouldn’t have mattered, but for the entire dialogue about “body language” (see above, RBNY entry) and light mediocrity in the numbers above. Would you bet heavily on this team right now?
Next Week: They have a bye week - which they can surely use - before hosting Dallas. That’ll give their offense a good test, one that they’re likely as not to fail…though I heard that Felipe Gutierrez kid is back, and that’s what I mean about two weeks’ time.
7 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 7/7
Outside a soft patch from early August to…early-ish September, they’ve got some walls to climb ahead, no question: LAFC twice, FC Dallas twice, Portland once, etc.

Portland Timbers - 30 points, 8-3-6 (5-0-2 home, 3-3-4 away), 26 gf, 22 ga (+4), 17 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WWWWDDDWWD (6-0-4 (3-0-2 home, 3-0-2 away), 14 gf, 8 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAHHAAHA
Record v IN Teams: 1-0-3
Record v OUT Teams: 5-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: Getting results, and pretty much every time. A reliable defense backs an offense that cheats more than a little on numbers. It works.
Last Week: They held LAFC to a goal-less draw, or is it the other way around? I wrote this one up as a Timbers fan, and I’d argue that it was LA that escaped with a point.
Next Week: After a no doubt challenging game against this same LAFC team in the U.S. Open Cup, the Timbers come home to play Montreal. Personally, I want all of the priority, and then some, to go toward the U.S. Open Cup. Play the kids against Montreal, except in defense, so as to counter the front three for Montreal that I talked about above. I think that one is very winnable.
10 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/8
Most of it looks worse than this team on current form, but how well RSL is playing toward the end could decide their season.

Real Salt Lake - 29 points, 9-9-2 (8-1-1 home, 1-8-1 away), 19 gf, 37 ga (-8), 20 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LWWWLDLWWL (5-4-1 (4-0-1 home, 1-4-0 away), 16 gf, 16 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAHAHHA
Record v IN Teams: 2-2-0
Record v OUT Teams: 3-2-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: A team with a decent amount of talent, but also one that’s barely north of .500, and all that implies.
Last Week: God bless Mike Petke’s post-game tirade against referees, and here’s to hoping MLS comes to their senses, continues to limit referees’ availability after games, but they let people criticize the refs without fines. That “happy-face” shit is silly. As for the game, losing to Minnesota on the road makes sense, because, mitigating factors aside, RSL is terrible on the road.
Next Week: Hosting the Colorado Rapids feels like the best possible way to find your mojo, just never watch Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me again, because it wasn’t good. This project has finally made me understand the true meaning of must-win games, because RSL’s reality (e.g., bad on the road, and playing a weaker team at home) makes it one.
7 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/8
They have a fairly easy stretch (no offense to…so many teams and/or fan-bases) in which they can rack up some points, and they better do it before the end because their last 5 won’t be easy.

Los Angeles Galaxy - 28 points, 8-7-4 (5-4-1 home, 3-3-3 away), 34 gf, 30 ga (+4), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LWWLDWDDWW (5-2-3 (3-1-1 home, 2-1-2 away), 22 gf, 14 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAHAHHA
Record v IN Teams: 3-2-1
Record v OUT Teams: 2-0-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: A rising team - look at goals scored, and that’s more than just Zlatan – and that’s enough to allow them to leap-frog teams that have started to crack.
Last Week: Between Romain Alessandrini barreling over Penilla in the play that led to the sending off, and the Revs missing some (and he was "feelin' it" even before that) chances, LA stole at least two of these points. Two goals in stoppage imply they stole all three. Still, they did it. Good win for them.
Next Week: They’re away to the Union, and Philly probably matches New England’s rough level, even if they don’t share the same approach. Still, pulling three more points out of their asses feels like a stretch.
7 home games remaining; 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/9
They play LAFC twice and, going from memory (because SLEEP), that’s the worst of it. They have a soft landing, really.

Houston Dynamo - 26 points, 7-6-5 (6-2-1 home, 1-4-4 away), 36 gf, 26 ga (+10), 18 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWWLLWLDWD (4-3-3 (3-0-1 home, 1-3-2 away), 21 gf, 15 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHAAHAHHA
Record v IN Teams: 1-2-2
Record v OUT Teams: 3-1-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: Another team that does very much what it’s supposed to do against its lessers (e.g., the OUT teams), while too rarely bother their betters (just once, NYCFC, and at home). Still, they score and both of those goal differentials bear minding. Vancouver should be sweating.
Last Week: They drew Colorado on the road, and that’s precisely why I caveated the bejesus out of this one when I previewed it. Houston gets results on the road, just rarely good ones.
Next Week: They host Dallas and they’ve got the tools to beat them. Their home record says they will, while their record against stronger teams argues against. I don’t know how well they’ll cope if Dallas can open up the game.
8 home games remaining; 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 11/5
This team walks through the Shadow of the Valley of Death mid-September, but at least they’ve got six of those games at home. It hasn’t yet, but, if this team gets enough of its shit together…

Vancouver Whitecaps FC - 26 points, 6-8-5 (3-1-4 home, 3-6-1 away), 30 gf, 40 ga (-10), 20 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DDDDWWLLWL (3-3-4 (2-1-3 home, 1-2-1 away), 19 gf, 20 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HHAHAHAHHA
Record v IN Teams: 0-2-2
Record v OUT Teams: 3-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Once you consider the teams who gave them their wins over their last 9 games (that’s right, I said “gave”), the less the ‘Caps look real. That’s Orlando and Chicago at home and Colorado on the road - e.g., teams you’d assume yours would beat given the same scenario. They’re managing draws against better teams at best...
Last Week: …and losing to teams, like DC United. Having one of the worst defenses in MLS will do that to you. (Still, nice goals by Arriola.)
Next Week: Away to Seattle, and I'd rate their ceiling at 1 point. Taking all three, no matter how they do it (up to Satanic ritual), would slip a purty feather into their hat.
7 home games remaining; 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 7/7
They’ll have to survive a couple clusters (Games 22-25 & 31-34) to stay in the playoff race. Trends aren't good.

Minnesota United FC - 22 points, 7-11-1 (5-2-0 home, 1-8-0 away), 26 gf, 38 ga (-12), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLDWLLLWLW (3-6-1 (3-2-1 home, 0-4-0 away), 14 gf, 22 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHHAAHHAH
Record v IN Teams: 2-3-1
Record v OUT Teams: 1-3-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: For one, it ain’t great. It’s less that Minnesota struggles against good teams, but that they do the same against the bad ones too. From what I’ve heard, though, they’ve signed some people, which is good because that’s the only way this shit gets turned around.
Last Week: They survived RSL more than they beat them (e.g., RSL beat them in most attacking/distribution stats), by exploiting breakdowns and with Dawin Quintero chipping (a hobbled?) Nick Rimando.
Next Week: They have two games next week – at New England, and home against LAFC – and those will take two bigger challenges off their workload, but getting even three points from that will count as an accomplishment. One seems likelier, and zero totally possible.
7 home games remaining; 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 10/5
In context, that IN/OUT split is brutal, even with those teams only being marginally in.

Seattle Sounders FC - 17 points, 4-9-5 (2-4-2 home, 2-5-3 away), 16 gf, 23 ga (-7), 18 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLLWLDLWDD (2-5-3 (1-2-1 home, 1-3-2 away), 10 gf, 12 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAHAHHAAA
Record v IN Teams: 0-5-2
Record v OUT Teams: 2-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: A team with a good enough defense that raising their attack to even 1.5 goals per game would turn around their season – or just make them a nightmare to play down the stretch.
Last Week: They drew Atlanta 1-1 in Atlanta. I didn’t give this one a long enough to go beyond calling this a good result for them.
Next Week: Home to the Whitecaps – and against that defense – throws the Sounders as many bones as they’re likely to get. Even so, expecting success goes against just about every type described above.
9 home games remaining, 5 road games. IN/OUT Split: 7/9
The point in Atlanta was good, and that turns the focus to their next three: if they can pick up majority of points in those games, they might kick-start their season…18 games too late.

Colorado Rapids - 16 points, 4-11-4 (3-5-3 home, 1-6-1 away), 22 gf, 32 ga (-10), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLLLDWWLLD (2-6-2 (1-3-2 home, 1-3-0 away), 11 gf, 19 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAHHAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 1-3-0
Record v OUT Teams: 1-3-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: They made it out of their glut of losses, but neither home nor away is safe for the Rapids. Still, they can steal the odd point - just ask Vancouver. And now Houston.
Last Week: Drew Houston at home, with both teams pitching zero. Again, I didn’t see even highlights for this one, but that looks like a win for the Rapids’ defense at least.
Next Week: Away to RSL, who will be playing angry and with better players.They should lose that one.
6 home games remaining, 9 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/5
Ending on a high still looks like their ceiling.

San Jose Earthquakes - 12 points, 2-11-6 (1-4-3 home, 1-7-3 away), 29 gf, 39 ga (-10), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DLLLLDDDLL 0-6-4 (0-2-2 home, 0-4-2 away), 14 gf, 22 ga
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAAHHAHAA

Record v IN Teams: 0-2-3
Record v OUT Teams: 0-4-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: A team that loses or draws, home and away, and without much reference for who they’re playing. They play teams close, but without success; that is their curse. I had a bad stat in here last week – my apologies (the one about where their defense and offense ranked; here's the post if you care enough).
Last Week: Same old painful, same old: they lost 2-0 at Montreal, coughing up one goal through disorganized team defense, and, per their usual, coming achingly close to scoring as many goals as Montreal. Snake-bit AF.
Next Week: They have some time to get their heads together before hosting Seattle (July 25), a game that could buy their defense enough relief to get one of those "W" things.
9 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/6 (Montreal went “IN” this week)
Even a good team would struggle with what San Jose has in Games 25-32. For San Jose, though, it’s got to be insurmountable.

And that’s everyone. Hope anyone who read all, or just their relevant parts, of this find something educational in there. Still refining the formula, but think I’ve got something manageable on my hands.

Till the next Portland and/or Cincinnati game!

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