 |
| Portrait of the author... |
Before I put away the soapbox, here’s another one: is there a dumber question that “is [insert team, barely matters which one] for real?” two weeks into the fucking season in a centrally-planned league like Major League Soccer? Drawing any conclusion from data that thin, never mind a firm one, borders on parody for one - and I know from small sample sizes (see every poll I’ve ever posted) - but it takes blowing past a lot of context to type that phrase. Every team starts every season carrying lighter or heavier baggage and you can’t say a team that struggled through 2021, if with a couple blowout wins slipped in the middle (both over my Portland Timbers), has turned things around based on two home wins over two historically shitty teamss. I don't think the subject of that characterization is a mystery at this point....
One last thing before skimming the details (You did this MLS.com! I pissed away my review/research time waiting for condensed games like somm asshole waiting for the Great fucking Pumpkin! SALLY LEFT ME!!), I’m pulling results by MLS teams in the CCL from the “where are they now?” conversation because, 1) the New England Revolution excepted, they all posted lackluster results for MLS Week 2, and I’m even dubious on what they did (e.g., a 1-0 home win over FC Dallas); 2) I have neither the interest nor the bandwidth to dig into what each team did with its game-day roster to keep its legs lively for the CCL, and that’s because, 3) the never-ending story that is every MLS regular season means all those teams can drop a handful of points early and, with the quality…nearly all of them have, make a run at winning the only trophy anyone talks about (e.g., MLS Cup). And teams like Seattle and the Revs feel like plausible bets to win the trophy I care most about, the Supporters’ Shield.
As such, I’m putting the following results on the list of games I’ll note without comment (though, as always, I’m linking to the Mothership’s summary for each result):
Real Salt Lake 1-0 Seattle Sounders FC
Vancouver Whitecaps 0-0 New York City FC
Several other results join those on what I’ve decided to call the Pay No Mind List going forward, if for the separate and lightly-damning reason that they don’t remotely interest me. Those are:
Chicago Fire FC 0-0 Orlando City SC
Minnesota United FC 1-1 Nashville SC
Charlotte FC 0-1 Los Angeles Galaxy
Again, it’s possible that any or all of those teams will pique my interest before the CCL ends or for some other reason. Related thereto, NYCFC, Seattle and New England all picked up big, fluffy-cushion wins in the first leg of their CCL quarterfinal ties. Club du Foot Montreal didn’t come through, obviously, but, if the other three manage the return legs, that’s three MLS teams in the CCL semis…and that “if” seems smaller in this tournament than it has in decades. And, yeah, I slipped Montreal into the “where are they now?” conversation. That puts them among the eight games I dug into with the tiny shovel The Mothership handed me. Here are my notes, with just…hold on…video from 1/21th of a soccer game and the box scores to help separate light from heat. As always, links to the MLS-in-15-free summaries (assholes!) are embedded in each score.
OK, Now, MLS Week 2 Review
Toronto FC 1-4 Red Bull New York
Didn’t see Lewis Morgan’s smooth hat-trick coming - and at least two of those goals were far from automatic - and, as much as I expected Red Bull to win, I didn’t foresee Toronto offering so little in the attack; just six shots, even with four on goal is pretty damn pathetic - and that holds despite the razor-sharp aesthetics of the goal that Luca Petrasso and Jesus Jimenez conjured.
Prognosis: I wouldn’t waste a thought on Toronto till they give you a reason, and the Red Bulls built their East-topping lead on the backs of teams no one rates (San Jose and TFC), but both wins came on the road and they scored seven goals between two games. They seem worth watching, even if they were sloppy (63% passing accuracy, and on few passes) on the ball against TFC.
Sporting Kansas City 1-0 Houston Dynamo FC
I don’t know why I wasted 20 minutes of my life on this fucking thing. Totally underwhelming by all accounts. Even 1/21st of it bored me. The only upside for SKC: Daniel Salloi had some looks. Houston looked unremarkable.
Prognosis: Nothing here for anyone but the locals, though SKC’s sluggish start has been noted.
Club du Foot Montreal 1-2 Philadelphia Union
I think Djordje Mihailovic got screwed out of a goal, but I’m also the type to let the attack get away fouls so long as they’re wee ones. In what little game I saw, Montreal looked far from helpless and that a few bad minutes (53rd to 56th) did them in. And they’re still in the CCL. Looked like another example of one team holding the ball (Montreal), but not doing much with it. Credit to Philly for wanting it more, especially on the first goal. Very Philly.
Prognosis: Montreal’s nowhere for now, but they look coherent/competitive enough to keep my interest. Philly, meanwhile, looks up for punching its way through 2022.
San Jose Earthquakes 3-3 Columbus Crew SC
This one’s pretty simple: Lucas Zelarayan spotted Columbus a damned sharp two-goal lead only to have their defense let up down the stretch against a San Jose playing a man down since the 33rd minute (Jamiro Monteiro get a well-deserved red).
Prognosis: Columbus has some games to win before they get off my “wait-and-see” list. San Jose, meanwhile, is bleeding goals (3.0 gpg, anyone?), but at least they played with pride.
FC Cincinnati 0-1 DC United
Because I’m an FC Cincy stan (call me, or I'll find you, guys), I have extended notes on this one, but my bluntest take-away - and it’s one I didn’t include in the post - is this: DC didn’t look like much. They certainly didn’t deserve to win this game, but Cincy wasn’t leagues better.
Prognosis: Based on what little I’ve seen of DC, the four points feels like a bubble to me - and that cuts in both directions. Sure, Cincinnati out-played them, but they also didn’t win and…see the point about the bubble. Neutrals shouldn’t worry much about either team at this point.
Colorado Rapids 3-0 Atlanta United FC
My biggest surprise: how much of the ball Colorado, normally a high-possession team, handed Atlanta. Atlanta made some good chances, up to and including two tricky saves they forced out of William Yarbrough, but they put themselves in the hole via a squishy-soft goal to Diego Rubio. The Rapids scored three goals, fairly far apart too, and that often translates as a form of control to me. Oh, and Miles Robinson’s sending off didn’t even matter. 86th minute or so.
Prognosis: Seeing Colorado recover after a pretty major wobble in Week 1 (0-3 loss at LAFC), and against a decent team keeps their stock positive for me. Things look much the same for Atlanta, ironically. Or maybe not ironically.
Austin FC 5-1 Inter Miami CF
I’m tempted to say this wasn’t what it looked like - and the box score confirms it - but Miami did let in 3-4 highly-permissive goals and by three deadly sins: bad marking, ball-watching, and high-risk passes out of the back. Nothing about Miami looks real good right now…which only adds to the wisdom of keeping square quotes around Austin’s “strong” start till further notice.
Prognosis: I’d bet on Miami to lose until further notice, and, seriously, I’d park on Austin until you see what they do against…hey, look out below!
Los Angeles FC 1-1 Portland Timbers
Again, Portland is my team, so I’ve got extended notes on this one - even if LAFC doesn’t feature in them as much more than a vaguely-referenced obstacle. The biggest thing left out was the nod to LAFC for stuffing what had been an effective Timbers team for the opening 30 minutes and then choking them out for the draw…if with an assist from playing up a man for the final 30 minutes. For all the people the Timbers have out - and their make-shift defense killed it - that still bears noting.
Prognosis: If the game hadn’t turned in LAFC’s direction before Claudio Bravo’s 62nd minute sending off, I’d call the result barely worthy of note. It did, though, and that’s worth nothing for each team.
That’s it for the MLS Week 2 review. I can’t very well complain about other people’s hot-takes if I make a bunch of my own…and I only laced a couple into the above. With that, it’s time to stare and the chicken bones ‘n’ tea leaves all over MLS Week 3…lordy, we’ll be in the double digits afore we know it. In the here and now, and because just two blinks of an eye have passed, it takes some weird/lightly personal projecting to get any heat off some of these matches, but I’m still up for seeing on the infrared spectrum as The Narrative demands it. Games that excite my easy tramp of a brain comprise just one of the four groups I use below to organize/interpret the action in MLS Week 3. In the order of how much I see neutrals caring, from least to most….
MLS Week 3 Preview
Pay No Mind
Houston Dynamo FC v Vancouver Whitecaps FC
The only game that in no way interests me. Congrats to you both. Enjoy your lonely podium.
Expected Wins (with the key team in italics)
Inter Miami CF v Los Angeles FC
New England Revolution (i) v Real Salt Lake
Orlando City SC (i) v FC Cincinnati
Philadelphia Union (i) v San Jose Earthquakes
FC Dallas v Nashville SC (i)
Atlanta United FC (i) v Charlotte FC
First, if you are a fan of any one of the teams I did not italicize above, with the sole exception of RSL, I am absolutely saying something about your team and it ain't good. That said, even from there it’s not all like-to-like. For one, I’m looking for anything less than confident wins for LAFC, Orlando and Atlanta - and I’ll have some more on Orlando below. As for the rest, Nashville gets a pass for playing their third away game in a row, even with Dallas as hosts, I’ll cut the Revs slack for anything up to losing in a blowout (and probably even then), and I see San Jose as one of the few teams in MLS up to out-scrapping with Philadelphia, even if futilely. I still expect every team in italics to either win those games, or look pretty damn good drawing it. And now…
 |
| My comment will be short and sharp. |
I have yet to watch Orlando this season, but look forward to the opportunity. From afar, though, it looks like they’re managing the family business all right - though it bears noting I have a low opinion of Chicago and it looked like Montreal found a healthy number of openings against them in Week 1. The one low-hanging detail I see that makes me worried: Orlando hasn’t allowed a goal so far in 2022…and guess who hasn’t scored a goal? I see Orlando as a step up in terms of competition and the fact Cincy has to play them on the road makes the step a little taller. A win, even a shitty one, would help sell me what looked like real progress against DC - especially in and through midfield. A loss, particularly a bumbler, will send me back into my burrow with a loud "fuck it!" faster than Punxsutawney Phil. And I’ll be watching FC Cincy games from inside that bunker till they make me feel like it’s safe to come out.
Personal Point of Interest
Because each game has its own narrative, and those cut every which way, I have to drop notes after each game. The team in italics is still the one that interests me most.
New York City FC v Club du Foot Montreal
I’m not perfect. I’m not even good most days, but Montreal looks like my early obsession of 2022. Like a man blowing his money on the ponies…
Columbus Crew SC v Toronto FC
More statement than must-win for Columbus…only, even as aimless/bad Toronto has been, I’m not sure they do it. And, if they don’t, there will be downgrading.
Seattle Sounders FC v Los Angeles Galaxy
Incredibly, the Galaxy sit second in the West, right behind an Austin FC team that has transcended expectations to start 2022…as far as that goes. A Galaxy team with its boots on right should be able to keep pace with a distracted Seattle team and a road win could signal real progress for LA.
DC United v Chicago Fire FC
I think both of these teams suck. If DC can’t win this, that’s enough for me to move them to the pay no mind side of the ledger.
Red Bull New York v Minnesota United FC
Because I believe the Red Bulls have rediscovered the formula, a Minnesota win would impress me. Going the other way, a home win for the Red Bulls against a stubborn Minnesota side would make a 9-point start feel real for Red Bull, and that’s why that get the italics. And now…
An Aside for Portland Timbers v Austin FC
Yeah, yeah, I shouldn’t put the Timbers in italics as a policy - they're always a personal point of interest for me - but it feels apropos to the moment. Portland hasn’t really started rolling yet, but they’ve also played a schedule with a lot more starch in it. I believe I’ve made enough allusions to how shaky sits the crown on Austin’s head, and I’m expecting this game to sit the universe to right…and to continue repaying Austin for last season’s pair of ass-kickings as a bonus (please hurt them, just a little). I don’t see any sign the Timbers will get anyone back from injury, so I expect the same line-up as last week, only maybe with a little more Blanco. The one thing I’ll be fixating on from Portland’s perspective: how well they move the ball and, because it felt like last week's big fail, with how well the respond to any adjustments Austin makes as a sub-plot. All that said, if Austin smuggles a win out of Providence Park, no matter how thin or cheap, I’ll start the next Weakly with, “is Austin for real?”
MLS Week 3’s Marquee Matchups
Colorado Rapids v Sporting Kansas City
While I don’t think this game can deliver a result that will make me change my mind about either team - full disclosure, I think Colorado’s the better team and that SKC may want to (finally) cashier Peter Vermes (Peter…come to Cincy…who said that!?) - both will look a lot better with a win and almost as much worse with a loss. That said, SKC probably needs it more…
That’s all for this Weakly. Till the next sad flex…
Actually, to my mind Portland has shown good passing movement for long stretches in both games so far. Then, early season fatigue sets in, legs get heavy, passes go astray and we go into the defensive turtle shell. The shell has been pretty decent; I hope this isn't the game where the backline all have a bad game simultaneously.
ReplyDeleteCan we cause a rift in the space-time continuum with Yimmi getting a third successive bicycle-kick goal?
Hopefully Blanco's fitness is proceeding apace; we can't have both he and Niezgoda out there running at 60-70% efficiency.