I’m still working out the kinks on these damn things, in the hopes of making them leaner and smarter. That already involves a damn rebrand and, it’s possible things will keep on evolving if, say, The Mothership ramps up production on the high-grade highlights reels, aka, the MLS in 15 videos. They posted two this week, and even picked good games (see below) and, sure, two games beats the hell out of zero, but it still leaves too much to what amounts to short videos of barely-contextualized goals, plus a couple shots thereon (aka, the baby highlights), the related box scores, and the Armchair Analyst’s weekly column (that links to this week's).
I bring all that up as full disclosure. While I might start watching the MLS Review Show (this week’s edition), that just looks like Baby Highlights strung together, I’m not about to start sitting through ExtraTime Radio, on the grounds it’s fucking unbearable, but I also think it’s perfectly fine, if not healthier, to have a sense of the league as opposed to knowing everything about it. Especially when no one’s paying you to know it.
As those who dipped into the MLS Week 3 Review/MLS Week 4 Preview posts, I organized all the teams in MLS into a set of classes that, frankly, proved unworkable, but, that frame still set expectations for MLS Week 3, and I’m standing by most of that stupid fucking hierarchy, if with some little nudges and twists courtesy of MLS Week 4. The Week 4 Preview posed some questions and posited some theories, so I’ll start with how those handled the stress test.
First, the annual CCL hangover continues to create what most people interpret as anomalies in the results for last season’s elite. In plainer English, it makes sense to lowball expectations for the teams still involved (so, no excuses Colorado Rapids and fewer excuses Club du Foot Montreal and New England Revolution) till they drop out of that tourney and get in a couple cups of coffee and/or dry days. For instance, I expected the Philadelphia Union to get a win out of leg-drunk New York City FC, and so they did by a 2-0 margin, even if the goals came earlier than I expected (and Philly barely looked at the ball). Against that, I had some expectations that the Seattle Sounders and the New England Revolution would have enough juice left to skinny wins or, worst case, draws against a pair of newbies; Seattle held up their end with a 1-1 draw at Austin FC, while the Revs got on the wrong side of what I’m guessing most people read as one of the biggest surprises of Week 4 - i.e., a 1-3 loss at Charlotte FC, and impressive debut by that Karol Swiderski…but does any of that actually change anyone’s opinion about those three teams, never mind the teams they played?
Back in the world where the signals broadcast clear and true, that left 12 results to sift through. In the order in which they felt predictable, going most to least.
Minnesota United FC got a home win over the San Jose Earthquakes that fit the model so neatly (1-0) that I didn’t both looking into - though Doyle’s column did pass on word that it looked more lopsided than the final score. Sticking with that theme, a resurgent(?) LAFC posted the expected, confident 3-1 win over Vancouver Whitecaps FC, but, to anyone who called the Ryan Hollingshead brace, you can pick up your keys to your brand new Chevy Camaro at the front desk. Anyone? Any takers? (P.S., Honorable mention to the fancy dribbling by LAFC’s Kwadwo Opoku to set up their second goal.)
Moving on, a couple hunches held up as well - e.g., DC United confirmed the low opinion I picked up watching their thieving win at FC Cincinnati with a 1-2 loss at Toronto FC. That one looked, 1) like Toronto just took their chances better and, 2) fairly close on paper. Because I had more to look at in the other game, here’s a longer look at that one (also, Disclosure: I expected a Chicago win even without knowing SKC went in headless (e.g., most of its regular starters in the attack didn’t)):
Chicago Fire 3-1 Sporting Kansas City
First, I applaud MLS in 15 for taking the time/risk of showing what this game looked like for the opening 25 minutes - i.e., a pointless scrum along Chicago’s left touchline (and SKC’s left, by implication). The (for me) underrated Kacper Przybylko five-holed SKC’s Tim Melia on a goal-scoring jail-break made on three passes. Chicago would go up 2-0 early in the 2nd half - off a semi-soft call that lead to a comfortable Xherdan Shaqiri PK - only for SKC to pull back a rare goal, but the Fire looked the better team on 1/6th of an eye and the numbers. And a couple things stood out: I lost track of the number of times I heard the name (Gaston) Gimenez and (Mauricio) Pineda during the trimmed broadcast, and, because I see a solid defensive midfield as the anchor for any good team, I walked away from this feeling a little more steady in my faith that Chicago might give teams in the Eastern Conference something to think about in 2022.
Results that confirmed a good impression included, Real Salt Lake’s 2-1 win over Nashville…even if it was a little fortunate because Nashville got hella chances and good ones (still, calm the hell down, Mr. McCarty). Still, a team stoned on belief can punch above their weight, as RSL seems to be doing. For your consideration:
“From my perspective, all the soccer stuff aside, if you don’t have the right character and mentality, then we wouldn’t have the chance," [RSL Head Coach Pablo] Mastroeni said. “It’s a game that is unforgiving, and you have to earn the right in these games. I can go through a list of things we didn’t have, but I’ll tell you what we did have: character and mentality.”
That poses a question of its own - if you thrive on belief, how much do you wither in its absence - and I doubt I’m alone of wondering when RSL will notice the air is thin. The ground feels firmer under the other good impression, happily, because gods know FC Cincinnati fans have suffered long enough. I posted extended notes on Cincy’s stirring 3-1 win over Inter Miami CF on Saturday, but if I had to sum up the change in just one word, that word would be coherence. Even if I went wobbly in the game thread (with three years’ worth of cause for doubt, I make no apologies), the pieces seem to fit in a way makes a puzzle and in a way they never have in the past.
The next group involved less hunches than watching to see whether a couple teams marginally teams could get a couple steps into a run. One of them - the Los Angeles Galaxy - fell all the way flat with just over 80+ minutes of failing to get their shit together in a 0-1 loss to Orlando City SC. I had a little more to work with on the other result, so here are some longer notes:
Atlanta United FC 3-3 Club du Foot Montreal
The biggest thing(s) to note in this game was the fact that Atlanta survived this game by climbing on Montreal’s road weary backs, all the way down to a two-goal comeback with just 10 men (Dom Dwyer saw red again). Montreal has posted good numbers in most of their several ineffectual efforts, but they seized a fairly clear upper-hand against Atlanta - in Atlanta, and with Montreal on CCL-legs - but they simply could not put the win beyond the reach of two…pretty damn inspired goals. Tempted as I am to say that the book is still out on Montreal (also, and oddly, how does a player as key as Djordje Mihailovic look like an outsider in a goal celebration?), I’m still (somehow) expecting improvement from them. The sharper questions surround Atlanta. If they can’t beat, never mind look consistent against, a leg-drunk Montreal team, how far can they go in 2022?
That leaves Week 4’s runner-up candidate for the biggest surprise: FC Dallas’s 4-1 hit-‘em-with-the-third-hand win over my Portland Timbers. I posted dazed 'n' extended notes on that one as well, but, to flag something I didn’t mention about Dallas (factually, I didn’t mention much about them, and hold that thought), Paxton Pomykal, Brandon Servania and Edwin Cerillo had great games - and I say that fully-cognizant of my argument in my extended notes that the Timbers played horribly. Jesus Ferreira had a very good game, obviously. And a hat-trick. Hurt like a motherfucker. Not kidding.
Finally, last and least, and only now do I see that I botched the intended order (do better next week, kid), I hereby note in passing that Houston Dynamo FC drew the Colorado Rapids 1-1 in Houston, that Columbus Crew SC recovered what they’d almost pissed away at Red Bull New York, both of which looks like four teams treading the equivalent of water on the playoff line…which brings me to the fancy new framing.
I bring all that up as full disclosure. While I might start watching the MLS Review Show (this week’s edition), that just looks like Baby Highlights strung together, I’m not about to start sitting through ExtraTime Radio, on the grounds it’s fucking unbearable, but I also think it’s perfectly fine, if not healthier, to have a sense of the league as opposed to knowing everything about it. Especially when no one’s paying you to know it.
As those who dipped into the MLS Week 3 Review/MLS Week 4 Preview posts, I organized all the teams in MLS into a set of classes that, frankly, proved unworkable, but, that frame still set expectations for MLS Week 3, and I’m standing by most of that stupid fucking hierarchy, if with some little nudges and twists courtesy of MLS Week 4. The Week 4 Preview posed some questions and posited some theories, so I’ll start with how those handled the stress test.
First, the annual CCL hangover continues to create what most people interpret as anomalies in the results for last season’s elite. In plainer English, it makes sense to lowball expectations for the teams still involved (so, no excuses Colorado Rapids and fewer excuses Club du Foot Montreal and New England Revolution) till they drop out of that tourney and get in a couple cups of coffee and/or dry days. For instance, I expected the Philadelphia Union to get a win out of leg-drunk New York City FC, and so they did by a 2-0 margin, even if the goals came earlier than I expected (and Philly barely looked at the ball). Against that, I had some expectations that the Seattle Sounders and the New England Revolution would have enough juice left to skinny wins or, worst case, draws against a pair of newbies; Seattle held up their end with a 1-1 draw at Austin FC, while the Revs got on the wrong side of what I’m guessing most people read as one of the biggest surprises of Week 4 - i.e., a 1-3 loss at Charlotte FC, and impressive debut by that Karol Swiderski…but does any of that actually change anyone’s opinion about those three teams, never mind the teams they played?
Back in the world where the signals broadcast clear and true, that left 12 results to sift through. In the order in which they felt predictable, going most to least.
Minnesota United FC got a home win over the San Jose Earthquakes that fit the model so neatly (1-0) that I didn’t both looking into - though Doyle’s column did pass on word that it looked more lopsided than the final score. Sticking with that theme, a resurgent(?) LAFC posted the expected, confident 3-1 win over Vancouver Whitecaps FC, but, to anyone who called the Ryan Hollingshead brace, you can pick up your keys to your brand new Chevy Camaro at the front desk. Anyone? Any takers? (P.S., Honorable mention to the fancy dribbling by LAFC’s Kwadwo Opoku to set up their second goal.)
Moving on, a couple hunches held up as well - e.g., DC United confirmed the low opinion I picked up watching their thieving win at FC Cincinnati with a 1-2 loss at Toronto FC. That one looked, 1) like Toronto just took their chances better and, 2) fairly close on paper. Because I had more to look at in the other game, here’s a longer look at that one (also, Disclosure: I expected a Chicago win even without knowing SKC went in headless (e.g., most of its regular starters in the attack didn’t)):
Chicago Fire 3-1 Sporting Kansas City
First, I applaud MLS in 15 for taking the time/risk of showing what this game looked like for the opening 25 minutes - i.e., a pointless scrum along Chicago’s left touchline (and SKC’s left, by implication). The (for me) underrated Kacper Przybylko five-holed SKC’s Tim Melia on a goal-scoring jail-break made on three passes. Chicago would go up 2-0 early in the 2nd half - off a semi-soft call that lead to a comfortable Xherdan Shaqiri PK - only for SKC to pull back a rare goal, but the Fire looked the better team on 1/6th of an eye and the numbers. And a couple things stood out: I lost track of the number of times I heard the name (Gaston) Gimenez and (Mauricio) Pineda during the trimmed broadcast, and, because I see a solid defensive midfield as the anchor for any good team, I walked away from this feeling a little more steady in my faith that Chicago might give teams in the Eastern Conference something to think about in 2022.
Results that confirmed a good impression included, Real Salt Lake’s 2-1 win over Nashville…even if it was a little fortunate because Nashville got hella chances and good ones (still, calm the hell down, Mr. McCarty). Still, a team stoned on belief can punch above their weight, as RSL seems to be doing. For your consideration:
“From my perspective, all the soccer stuff aside, if you don’t have the right character and mentality, then we wouldn’t have the chance," [RSL Head Coach Pablo] Mastroeni said. “It’s a game that is unforgiving, and you have to earn the right in these games. I can go through a list of things we didn’t have, but I’ll tell you what we did have: character and mentality.”
That poses a question of its own - if you thrive on belief, how much do you wither in its absence - and I doubt I’m alone of wondering when RSL will notice the air is thin. The ground feels firmer under the other good impression, happily, because gods know FC Cincinnati fans have suffered long enough. I posted extended notes on Cincy’s stirring 3-1 win over Inter Miami CF on Saturday, but if I had to sum up the change in just one word, that word would be coherence. Even if I went wobbly in the game thread (with three years’ worth of cause for doubt, I make no apologies), the pieces seem to fit in a way makes a puzzle and in a way they never have in the past.
The next group involved less hunches than watching to see whether a couple teams marginally teams could get a couple steps into a run. One of them - the Los Angeles Galaxy - fell all the way flat with just over 80+ minutes of failing to get their shit together in a 0-1 loss to Orlando City SC. I had a little more to work with on the other result, so here are some longer notes:
Atlanta United FC 3-3 Club du Foot Montreal
The biggest thing(s) to note in this game was the fact that Atlanta survived this game by climbing on Montreal’s road weary backs, all the way down to a two-goal comeback with just 10 men (Dom Dwyer saw red again). Montreal has posted good numbers in most of their several ineffectual efforts, but they seized a fairly clear upper-hand against Atlanta - in Atlanta, and with Montreal on CCL-legs - but they simply could not put the win beyond the reach of two…pretty damn inspired goals. Tempted as I am to say that the book is still out on Montreal (also, and oddly, how does a player as key as Djordje Mihailovic look like an outsider in a goal celebration?), I’m still (somehow) expecting improvement from them. The sharper questions surround Atlanta. If they can’t beat, never mind look consistent against, a leg-drunk Montreal team, how far can they go in 2022?
That leaves Week 4’s runner-up candidate for the biggest surprise: FC Dallas’s 4-1 hit-‘em-with-the-third-hand win over my Portland Timbers. I posted dazed 'n' extended notes on that one as well, but, to flag something I didn’t mention about Dallas (factually, I didn’t mention much about them, and hold that thought), Paxton Pomykal, Brandon Servania and Edwin Cerillo had great games - and I say that fully-cognizant of my argument in my extended notes that the Timbers played horribly. Jesus Ferreira had a very good game, obviously. And a hat-trick. Hurt like a motherfucker. Not kidding.
Finally, last and least, and only now do I see that I botched the intended order (do better next week, kid), I hereby note in passing that Houston Dynamo FC drew the Colorado Rapids 1-1 in Houston, that Columbus Crew SC recovered what they’d almost pissed away at Red Bull New York, both of which looks like four teams treading the equivalent of water on the playoff line…which brings me to the fancy new framing.
 |
| I am up for this... |
For the first time in Major League Soccer history, exactly half the teams in the league will qualify for the post-season (honest, I checked; several seasons in the 2010s came within just one team of a perfect split, but this is the first time). With that in mind, I decided to divide the teams along those lines - e.g., haves and have nots, hunter and prey, boss and worker, playoff team and non-playoff team (etc.) - only as if there’s a gun to my head with explicit instructions to do make that call right now, like, today, and knowing as little as we all do right now. With that, here’s my best stab at how all 28 teams will split after the final whistle on the final games of 2022:
Long Season (aka, Playoffs)
New England Revolution, New York City FC, Seattle Sounders, Colorado Rapids, Portland Timbers, Nashville SC, Los Angeles FC, Philadelphia Union, Minnesota United FC, Real Salt Lake, Orlando City SC, Columbus Crew SC, Atlanta United FC, Club du Foot Montreal
Fodder, aka, the Teams Who Help Other Teams Reach the Playoffs by Failing (aka, Nope!)
DC United, Vancouver Whitecaps FC, Toronto FC, San Jose Earthquakes, Houston Dynamo, Austin FC, Charlotte FC, Inter Miami CF, FC Cincinnati, Los Angeles Galaxy, Red Bull New York, Sporting Kansas City, FC Dallas, Chicago Fire FC
It’s not that simple, of course, and I, like you, expect some shifting in the above. Which explains the necessity for explaining some of my weird damn takes. And that brings me to…
The Watch-List (aka, Teams Who Seem Poised to Shift One Way or Another)
Oh…Mr. Tyler. Going Down? (aka, Teams That May Fall)
Real Salt Lake
Their heretofore unshakeable faith has lifted to arguably the best start of 2022, but, as a faithless man, I don’t expect that to last.…even if it’s hard to see who applies pressure from below.
Club du Foot Montreal
With just one point earned so far, calling them for the playoffs bets heavily on the eye-test and a belief that the CCL hangover is holding back a better team. That said, their shit record (one point from four games) inclines me toward demoting them after even one more loss. So, who's next? Oh. Oh, my. It's FC Cincy.
Nashville SC
As with RSL, it’s struggling to see which team breaks their good bones over the long haul. The way they looked at RSL only compounds the sense they’ll come good. In the here and now, though, they’re dancing on the edge of a pit.
Higher and Higher (aka, Teams That May Rise)
FC Dallas
Watching a team utterly fucking dismantle a team you know well and rate warps one’s perception in a “objects in mirror are larger than they appear, and holy shit, they’re about to eat you” kind of way, but they’ve posted a pair of solid wins over the past two weeks.
That’s it for this edition. I understand a fucking mess, but organizing the league on a yes/no axis feels both cleaner and more in tune with reality than the class system schtick. Better, working through the math helped make it clear that I need to map out a couple things to support the concept/framing. And, better still, next weekend’s international break will buy some more time to sort out how to approach all this. I plan on posting notes on both Portland and Cincinnati over the short weekend (though I may yet miss the Timbers), but the next Weakly won’t go up until April…let’s go with 6th. Till then...and, yes, I'll probably tinker with the format by adding a middle-tier.
Long Season (aka, Playoffs)
New England Revolution, New York City FC, Seattle Sounders, Colorado Rapids, Portland Timbers, Nashville SC, Los Angeles FC, Philadelphia Union, Minnesota United FC, Real Salt Lake, Orlando City SC, Columbus Crew SC, Atlanta United FC, Club du Foot Montreal
Fodder, aka, the Teams Who Help Other Teams Reach the Playoffs by Failing (aka, Nope!)
DC United, Vancouver Whitecaps FC, Toronto FC, San Jose Earthquakes, Houston Dynamo, Austin FC, Charlotte FC, Inter Miami CF, FC Cincinnati, Los Angeles Galaxy, Red Bull New York, Sporting Kansas City, FC Dallas, Chicago Fire FC
It’s not that simple, of course, and I, like you, expect some shifting in the above. Which explains the necessity for explaining some of my weird damn takes. And that brings me to…
The Watch-List (aka, Teams Who Seem Poised to Shift One Way or Another)
Oh…Mr. Tyler. Going Down? (aka, Teams That May Fall)
Real Salt Lake
Their heretofore unshakeable faith has lifted to arguably the best start of 2022, but, as a faithless man, I don’t expect that to last.…even if it’s hard to see who applies pressure from below.
Club du Foot Montreal
With just one point earned so far, calling them for the playoffs bets heavily on the eye-test and a belief that the CCL hangover is holding back a better team. That said, their shit record (one point from four games) inclines me toward demoting them after even one more loss. So, who's next? Oh. Oh, my. It's FC Cincy.
Nashville SC
As with RSL, it’s struggling to see which team breaks their good bones over the long haul. The way they looked at RSL only compounds the sense they’ll come good. In the here and now, though, they’re dancing on the edge of a pit.
Higher and Higher (aka, Teams That May Rise)
FC Dallas
Watching a team utterly fucking dismantle a team you know well and rate warps one’s perception in a “objects in mirror are larger than they appear, and holy shit, they’re about to eat you” kind of way, but they’ve posted a pair of solid wins over the past two weeks.
That’s it for this edition. I understand a fucking mess, but organizing the league on a yes/no axis feels both cleaner and more in tune with reality than the class system schtick. Better, working through the math helped make it clear that I need to map out a couple things to support the concept/framing. And, better still, next weekend’s international break will buy some more time to sort out how to approach all this. I plan on posting notes on both Portland and Cincinnati over the short weekend (though I may yet miss the Timbers), but the next Weakly won’t go up until April…let’s go with 6th. Till then...and, yes, I'll probably tinker with the format by adding a middle-tier.
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