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| Mistakes were made, weight was lost. Or gained. |
Between my wife’s unfortunate illness (the very same one that derailed the “Level Set” series) and the resultant too much time on my hands, this week’s review got a little out of hand. That’s to say, I consumed more soccer than I either want to digest or (ewww) send back up the other way. That same experience led me to the research concept for MLS Week 3 and, ideally for every week going forward:
Watching the full 90 of every Portland Timbers game, plus the full 90 (or 60 minutes, at a minimum) of the team that Portland plays the following weekend, plus 45 minutes each of two more games – both with at least one Eastern Conference team, tentatively – then a maximum (get it together, man!) of four
With that, let’s get to this week’s notes, comments, and appreciations. To kick things off, enjoy this...
Stupid Thought for the Week
I appreciate that the offside rule must be called by the letter of the law instead of its spirit, but I will never stop resenting that reality. Seeing an attacking player get called offside for having the tip of his knee ahead of the last defender’s will never strike me as anything but a violation of the spirit of fair play, but if there’s a slipper slope in soccer officiating, this is it.
Moving on to the meat…
Results That Surprised Me
Real Salt Lake 2-1 Seattle Sounders (noted below, briefly)
Sporting Kansas City 2-2 Columbus Crew (noted below, briefly)
Los Angeles Galaxy 3-0 Charlotte FC (only because the final score; over before it started, then worse)
Orlando City SC 2-4 Inter Miami CF (only because I saw Orlando went up 2-0 first)
If your result does not appear up above, fear not. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t interesting, inspiring, or even a little jazzy. It takes a lot to phase me after all these seasons. With that, let’s turn our attention to the main event for this week and, let’s face it, every week on the regular season calendar…
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| The Timbers, with the assist. |
What Passes for a Match Report
I don’t recall the exact moment when the Timbers fired their best chance of the second half off Zac Steffen’s head, but I do know that 1) I skeeted “that was good!” right after it happened on the grounds it was the best thing that had happened in an hour, and ) it wasn’t deemed relevant enough to make the Mothership's Snapshot for the game. This one sucked from the jump: it took Colorado just seven minutes to score their fluky game-winner (no disrespect to Hamzat Ojediran), but Portland had squeezed an entire half’s worth of struggle on set pieces into the handful of minutes before that goal. Some of that was down to new Rapids head coach, Matt Wells’, razzle-dazzle set pieces, but the Timbers played this one in kits three sizes too big. Things somehow looked worse at the other end: I remember only two of the Timbers’ three shots on goal and, while the first (Felipe Mora’s back-post header) would have tied the game, it would have come against the run of play and, quite possibly, simple decency. Their 10 shots on goal may beg to differ (and, wow, 25 overall), but Colorado wasn’t great either (also, wow, just typed that), but the Timbers being disconnected and generally awful all over the field did the necessary lifting to carry them to a comfortable win. Something else on that side of the ledger: those 10 shots on goal forced eight saves out of James Pantemis (some pretty fucking desperate). Insofar as the Rapids sinned yesterday, it came with the gaffes that led to dangerous, barely-earned openings for the Timbers. I didn’t know how much the Timbers have struggled in Colorado until the broadcast booth brought it up – something about just three wins in, now, 18 visits – and maybe that takes the edge off a little, but I feel okay calling this result discouraging. Throw in the suspension that follows from Jimer Fory’s late red card (tackle on Paxten Aaronson) and James Pantemis coming within the mercy of the referee (and a plausible reading of the DOGSO rules) of a sending off before that gives a pretty good sense of how far the wheels flew off yesterday.
Three (Four) Notes/Questions About the Result
1) A (Potentially) Major Defensive Issue, Redux
Last week, I flagged the way Portland allowed Columbus players into Zone 14 (i.e., the space at the top of the 18) and with time to operate. That happened again at Colorado, but something else/related felt like a bigger, entirely related problem, specifically, how very easy it is to play through the Timbers midfield. The official line and Portland set up in a 4-3-3 with Mora, Cole Bassett and Diego Chara in the middle three. Chara ran down more defensive crises than anyone else yesterday, very much to his credit, but the Rapids attack found itself on top of a Portland defense scrambled enough to leave shooting lanes from over and over. That led to shots, which led to corners, which led to goals – like this one. Insofar as departures (David Ayala) and absences (David Da Costa) offer explanations for the problem…I mean, do you think defensive solidity will improve when Da Costa returns to the starting XI? It’s not tracking for me. Hope I’m wrong…
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| To 2028? But...but, why? |
When I looked up Ortiz’s transfer fee, I got a bot-generated valuation of $1.5 million. Throw in the time it took to find him (or time spent (perhaps) getting snowed by his agent) and I don’t see how Timbers fans can get past asking how he has played just 1,123 minutes over 40 or so games across all competitions (for reference, 40 X 90 = 3.600). I see he didn’t make the trip to Colorado, fair enough, but seeing Phil Neville put so little faith in a player that the team had to pull out of a different pond raises questions for me. If he’s not at least an answer behind Bassett and Da Costa (which sets aside whatever question Da Costa answers) that amounts to a lot of sunk costs and a whole set of new questions. While we’re on this subject…
2) I Just Learned Some Things About Some Contracts…
Specifically, that the Timbers have both Da Costa and Kristoffer Velde on DP contracts through 2028 (with an option year in 2029) and, when that gets paired with Ortiz’s contract through 2027 (with an option year in 2028), just…that’s a lot of eggs in a basket the team will hold until such time as some mechanism I barely care about undoes the contract, or those contracts run out, and I don’t see how that doesn’t raise some (more) questions about the present trajectory for a team that hasn’t been on a good one since, OH, 2021, if not sooner.
3) Bassett as Pass-Through
During the first half, I noted Bassett’s tendency to come back and drift to the left side to provide an outlet for the defense. Knowing him as well as they do, maybe the Rapids had a unique capacity to manage that; going the other way, they shut him down in a way that feels highly replicable, so that’s a concern. Once it took hold, Portland’s play out of the back more or less ceased throughout the first half, if not the entire game. Also of note, Bassett slipped into the attacking third at the 63rd minute and, isolated against a Rapids defender (had to be Reggie Cannon, right, aka the guy that managed Velde into irrelevance), he found the opening and kicked in a decent cross. To bring up something that will likely keep coming up until morale/play improves, I’ve seen people argue that Bassett played better as a winger than he did as a No. 8 with Colorado. Maybe that changes when new personnel arrive or if/when Neville feels comfortable with Ortiz, but these feel like good questions to ask.
That’s pretty much it (though I have so much more). During the game, I saw people kicking around some names for the players who they felt best honored the green and gold. Most short lists I saw matched mine – e.g., Brandon Bye, Finn Surman, Chara, Mora, Pantemis and Gage Guerra – but they all left off half the team. To repeat my last skeet on Bluesky, “Leave Colorado, don’t look back until you gotta.” Hard to feel great about hosting Vancouver, but that train’s a-comin.
That’s enough about a bad week for Portland. Time to move on to the rest of the more heavily-scouted results, starting with…
Red Bull New York 1-0 New England Revolution
Why This Game?
Honestly, because it was on and my wife was sick yesterday, so there I was, twiddling my thumbs.
What I Saw
I dipped in and out of this one. Often as I watched, though, featured a ball-dominant Red Bull team (gasp!) and a Revolution team that looks set for another season to forget (0-2-0, baby). The highlights put Week 1’s loss at Nashville down to an unsettled defense (+ Sam Surridge), but seeing them struggle coming (that 71.8% passing completion looks generous) and going (Red Bull’s ever-shifting passing triangles left them chasing shadows) left me wondering about how bad 2026 could get for the Revs. That didn’t translate to Red Bull running up the numbers, but the way Emil Forsberg swung around like a wrecking ball makes me think he’s committed, Adri Mehmeti (who is, like, two years old) added a little more fuel to his hype-train, and Julian Hall did the necessary thing, even if that was the easiest goal he scores all season. Still, there’s nothing more dangerous than a 1-0 lead and New England came as close to poaching a point as Red Bull came from adding an insurance goal. Somewhere during the stretches I watched, Carles Gil looked set to rip out his hair and, quite possibly, question his choices.
Minnesota United FC 1-0 FC Cincinnati
Why This Game?
After intense waffling (because one goal), I buckled down Sunday morning and stuck with one game that I had pledged to watch on Bluesky.
What I Saw (and Heard)
I heard Cincy started well but wanted to watch what I read as the good bits – i.e., the second half, i.e., when the game’s lone goal was scored – but that operating theory didn’t hold up so good. Injury-related delays marred the 10 minutes after the goal and the play around it only looked better because something was happening. The goal itself fell short of sublime: Kelvin Yeboah nodded home the rebound on a Tomas Chancalay freekick that came after a chaos-drunk dog-pile scrum in Cincy’s area off a corner (or maybe a Michael Boxall long throw; don’t recall, not looking). Between Minnesota’s reputation for defensive play and Evander absence from Cincinnati’s XI, maybe that shouldn’t come as a surprise. Minnesota’s defensive shape clogged passing lanes and always left someone close to the poke-passes that Cincy left hanging in the half-spaces throughout the second half. Some online chatter raised the possibility that Cincinnati would like more coherent without Evander’s gravity bending everything his way, but the possibility that everyone looks better against Atlanta (see below) proposes an alternate hypothesis. In the 20 minutes they had after the injury delays, the only well-constructed look at goal fell to an offside Ethan Barlow. Minnesota, on the other hand, created two better chances after Cincy’s last gasp, got good games out of Joaquin Pereyra (fouled on the decisive free kick, among other moments), Chancalay (took the free kick, among other moments), Anthony Markanich (good overlaps, good crosses), and a defense led by Morris Duggan, Boxall, and, after he went off Devin Padelford. Can’t call this an elegant win, but it deservedly boosted the Loons to a four-way tie for 4th in the West.
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| [Note: My wife does not bother with lipstick.] |
Why This Game?
Again, my wife was sick (but well enough to go see Wuthering Heights, which was more pretty than good [as an aside, I have never seen that much fully-clothed fucking in my life], but Apple TV made this full game available before the other ones, so…).
What I Saw
Due to a fluke in this game’s timeline on the (profoundly mid) MLS App, I couldn’t tell what happened when. Fortunately, that lured me into watching the last 15 minutes of the first half, which allowed me to see, 1) Houston’s better moments and 2) Antonio Carlos’ sending off. The latter was harsh and a little interpretive (or harsh because it was interpretive), but the time spent watching the former showed newly-acquired attacking talent like Guilherme and Mateusz Bogusz bouncing off LAFC’s defense after running through Chicago’s in Week 1. Having that backstop behind attacking talent like Denis Bouanga, Son Heung-Min and (sure) David Martinez should keep LAFC competitive through 2026, but I doubt anything ruined Ben Olsen’s afternoon more than seeing his once-, then-twice undermanned defense (other new kid, Agustin Bouzat, got sent off for more compelling reasons at the 77th minute) give up two very similar goals (Goal 1, Goal 2) in the one game. Back to the training ground, etc. I see some promise in the moves Houston made going into 2026 – they aimed for the playoffs and, based on what I’m seeing around them, I expect them to make it - but the overall plodding feel to everything they do still feels very present.
San Jose Earthquakes 2-0 Atlanta United FC
Why This Game?
I wanted to see what San Jose looked like, specifically because I was confident they’d win this one.
What I Saw
With the ‘Quakes sitting on top of the West, bursting whatever balloon they’re floating on feels good and necessary. They built that flawless record (and a +5 goal differential) against two Eastern Conference teams – Toronto FC in Week 1 and Atlanta this week - that missed the playoffs last season and don’t look much like improving in 2026. For what it’s worth, I give Toronto the better odds at recovering because, by all that’s holy, don’t let the kids watch Atlanta, as it will only acquaint them with despair. On a functional team, one sees players talking, whether in support or anger going into most restarts; Atlanta’s players barely acknowledged one another for most of the time I watched. In what must feel like a particularly deflating twist, San Jose scored about five minutes into the two periods when Atlanta sputtered to life. The first came when the ever-present, generally-effective Preston Judd scored San Jose’s first goal on his third attempt at trying. As for San Jose’s second, I’d call that something for their fans to hold onto if (or, more likely, when) things get rough: it came at the end of a 15+ passing sequence (I lost track) and the assist came off the boot of their new, big-swing DP, Timo Werner (other promising prospect Ousseni Bouda scored it). Call this a second easy win for a suspect team, by all means – San Jose’s schedule can’t help but get harder, after all – but they’re getting the points the good Lord handed them and that’s a good thing. And something for the Timbers to worry about.
Notes on some Strays
Speaking solely for myself, I’m delighted to have 10+ minute highlight reels for every result across the league. As much as I miss the silly hot takes, taking this in trade for the old in-studio MLS Wrap Up came as easily as taking the cow for what I assumed was a handful of random-ass beans. I watched my share over the past weekend and, by God I’ll do it again (and you can’t stop me, you hear? I won't stop!), so let’s wrap up on the ones I watched.
Chicago Fire FC 3-0 Club du Foot Montreal
The final score’s a bit deceptive in that Chicago didn’t score its second and third until second-half stoppage. That looks less bad in light of Jonathan Dean’s 56th minute sending off. What looks really bad for Montreal? Putting a piddly 4 shots total, with just two on goal, after being up a man for so long. Someone has to be dead last after Week 2, but Montreal looks too eager to volunteer.
Sporting Kansas City 2-2 Columbus Crew
Calvin Harris played a banger and Devan Joveljic came a couple feet away from a brace, and all that’s encouraging for SKC, but Columbus played them even by the numbers, scored the second equalizer and only drew because Wessam Abou Ali shanked what would have been a game-winning PK. Then again, Columbus’ defense has allowed five goals in just two games…
Real Salt Lake 2-1 Seattle Sounders
Someone suggested I should keep an open mind about RSL this season and, details notwithstanding, this win made a good case for it. Sure, it took eight saves from Rafael Cabral to hold onto all three points – and Seattle came within one of these aforementioned kneecap-thin offside calls of scoring an equalizer – but RSL scored two smart goals (the first, scored by Aiden Herzarkhani, was the second run on the same play), got a strong game out of Zavier Gozo and that’s a good result from a young team. Seattle found good chances, but talk about a pissed-off Brian Schmetzer still slipped out of the broadcast booth.
Vancouver Whitecaps 3-0 Toronto FC
I didn’t put the time into this that I hope to in the future, but, since Portland has them next…
It sounds like the ‘Caps have returned the same sturdy defense/defensive scheme that carried them to MLS Cup 2025. Sure, it came against soft(ish) opposition (RSL in Week 1, Toronto Week 2), but Vancouver has kept the oppo xG low over their first two games (0.5 and 0.6, I believe) and they had a real shot at rolling Toronto harder than they did. On the hopeful side, Toronto is off to a limping start, so maybe Vancouver won’t almost triple Portland for shots and run up multiples in terms of xG like they did against Toronto. And, golly, if that doesn’t take you back to the defensive problems described at the top of the post.
That’s it for this one. I hope to post something a little tighter next weekend and please accept my regrets if all the above reads like cramming…
…but that’s what I did. I mean, Miami beat Orlando tonight – and after going down two goals – and I’m pretty sure that’s what carried them through 2025. Hate ‘em all you want, gods know I do, but that’s significant. As are a couple other things. Till next week, y’all…
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