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| Me, before they even leave The Shire. |
Results That Surprised Me (This section will be removed going forward)
Charlotte FC 6-1 Red Bull New York (wait for it...)
Sporting Kansas City 1-4 Colorado Rapids (didn't think SKC was this bad; don't trust a word I type)
Vancouver Whitecaps 0-1 San Jose Earthquakes (though maybe it shouldn’t have; more later)
San Diego FC 2-2 Real Salt Lake (maybe less “surprised” than notice taken?)
Results I Ignored (no surprises here; but also links provided!)
Atlanta United FC 0-0 DC United (but Atlanta should feel very disappointed)
St. Louis CITY FC 3-1 New England Revolution (expected it enough, and good for St. Louis)
Austin FC 0-0 LAFC (don’t think this was good for anyone, but see below)
FC Cincinnati 4-3 Club du Foot Montreal (Cincy dodged a bullet that shouldn’t be sighting them)
New York City FC 2-3 Inter Miami CF (they’re both good teams; didn’t feel educational)
Minnesota United FC 0-0 Seattle Sounders (see note on Austin v LAFC and below)
I’m tracking results/opposition for all teams, for what it’s worth – and fuck The Mothership for letting the Form Guide cut off at Week 23 and not including anything to scroll over (they don't add one later; I check) – and that gives me big-picture perspective on some of the results I’m ignoring. For instance, LAFC’s goal-less draw at Austin looks different than, say, Minnesota's goal-less home draw versus Seattle: the context for LAFC's result includes a road game, sitting atop MLS’s Western Conference and not a goal allowed all season; the context for Minnesota’s is them scoring less than one goal per game (0.8/game, fwiw) and allowing 11 (2.2/game, fwiw, though most of that happened at Vancouver) and just generally presenting as a team running through mud. With those games dismissed (I'll do this better/deeper in the copy next week, promise), let's turn to The Main Event:
I might actually post the write-up for the Timbers game the same night or the day after and update the post with the league-wide stuff. Then again, I might not. At this rate, I’ll be spit-balling until the wall I’m staring at gets covered. Moving on…
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| IYKYK, and you're old or weird. |
What Passes for a Match Report
The Timbers scored an early opener on what was certainly their best attacking sequence of the season. A ball from the left slipped inside, three, four players zipped it around the top of LA’s 18 before Antony slid it wide to Kristoffer Velde who, I’ll be damned, found the back post like he’d always known it was there...and, wow, think I just noticed that Antony might not intended that as a pass...but that still gave me my first flush of optimism of the season. Felt big, like my voice finally changed or something…
…and then the ref (Drew Fischer, fwiw) showed Kamal Miller a straight(ish) red (video review*) for tangling with LA’s Joao Klauss and stomping on his trailing ankle. (* If all those parentheticals don’t feel like a visual interpretation of the VAR era; also, you have to sit through the snapshot to see the foul again.) I really did think this wrap would consist of “Portland played their best soccer of year, Kamal got a red, and things were pretty much over from there,” but I have a reason to keep going and that feels good.
Portland wobbled over the 20 minutes following the red card – and the entire team owes James Pantemis yet another thank-you pint (or maybe have a sleepover and personalize this facemask) – but they got a handle on the game going into the half and, as I saw it, improved from there. Phil Neville (probably) got the defensive shape/posture sorted during halftime and, for my money, the Galaxy gained most of the advantage you see in the final numbers during that first-half period of dominance. That includes their equalizer, of course, a good Joao Klauss goal off a better back-heel from Marco Reus, but I don’t think they got much more out of the second half than frustration and an unpleasant memory.
I can’t quite get myself to call this a good result. It’s more of a “but, for” result. The Galaxy looked busy, but baffled after Portland found their feet and what can that do but leave one wondering what might have been had Miller’s foot missed Klauss’ ankle on the way down? Keeping it going…
Notes & Questions
1) How Encouraged Should I Feel? Side 1
As noted in the game thread on Blueski (this is how conservatives pronounce, apparently; see, Cassidy, Senator), the opening 15 minutes of this game might have included ten of the Timbers’ most productive 15 minutes of the 2026 season. When on the ball, the team’s shape moved around to facilitate the delivery and receiving of passes and the offense wasn’t built entirely around a succession of hopeless/pointless long balls into the channels. It was encouraging, even beautiful for as long as it lasted, aka, from the time Portland found its rhythm to Kamal’s sending off. The patterns looked good, the movement replicable, and the entire vibe felt more like a team that had practiced together than a thrown-together mob of speed-dating strangers. Which brings me to the second side of the LP…
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| I'm sorry, who had some good ideas? |
Based on what I saw, the Timbers spent most of the second half defending in a surprisingly narrow 3-2-4 shape. That left a wide player free pretty much all the time – my memory has Miki Yamane out there every time – but the Galaxy didn’t get much out of that, including their goal (came off a central turnover by early sub Alex Bonetig). Having three players chase around the areas where the Galaxy likes to stage their attacks wreaked havoc at the beginning of the second half. Even if that theory’s wrong (fair chance, honestly, I stopped seeing it after the 55th minute), Portland committed to competent, full-field defending in a way they haven’t all season. Pressing was out of the question, of course (per last week's post (see No. 3), I'm fine with that!), but the primary goal involved getting a defender to the guy on the ball as quickly as possible everywhere inside the Timbers defensive half. The universe of proactivity almost certainly shrank to the defensive third by the end of the game, but the Timbers defense as a whole did a far, far better job of moving players to spaces to deny the opposition both free passes and easy shots on goal from Zone 14 than they have so far this season. If I had to choose between Side 1 and Side 2 to name which of these promising signs felt more sustainable, I’d go with Side 2. I don’t like Portland as a pressing team, but I think they have potential as a team that gets into a shape and then pushes out to pressure the passer and cuts off his options. Somewhat related…
3) Ortiz and the 4-3-3
Two matchdays ago, I devoted the primary talking point to Joao Ortiz. The nut of the argument held that the coaching played him like they didn’t trust him – i.e., he mostly moved with the formation and looked like the last option when it came to ball progression. Yesterday, Ortiz looked like primary outlet for plays up the left. The sum of his efforts revealed someone more engaged on both sides of the ball and I think Ortiz fits pretty well into the lineup Neville sent out on Sunday. Even if I still can’t figure out what David Da Costa brings to the lineup, having Diego Chara and Ortiz on either side of him creates a sturdy, if unsexy, defensive foundation. In the event your mind went there too, yes, I can think of worse midfield threes for Portland’s upcoming run of nightmare games (again, @ VAN, v LAFC, @ MIN, @ SD, @ RSL)…
…but does Ortiz have any semblance of a future with the Timbers? I don’t know the status or present state of Jose Caicedo, but assume he’ll start as soon as he’s able. There’s also Cole Bassett, whenever he comes back, but I’d like to think those players squeeze out Ortiz and Chara, otherwise (again), why sign the former?
3a) Hard as I’m Flogging This Horse, It’s Definitely Not for Fun
I know nothing about Caicedo, so I’ll only say that he’s the player I hope he’ll be. Even if he is, that won’t resolve all of the Timbers’ shortcomings, but, Lord, it’ll move that day closer. If Caicedo works, that squeezes out Chara – or at least it should (age is real, guys) – but that still leaves open the question of how/when/why Phil plays any or all of Ortiz, Bassett, Da Costa, Antony, Velde, Alexander Aravena, and, here and there, Felipe Mora and Ariel Lassiter. I think the latter two are fine as subs, but there’s a fucking real traffic jam among the six players listed before the colon, plus Chara when someone in that mix gets injured or doesn’t step up to Chara’s level…which definitely still happens. Then again, how much does any of this really matter…
…Considering the Opposition, an Aside on the (Los Angeles) Galaxy
The Galaxy created a little heat in Week 2 with an over-before-it-started home thrashing of Charlotte. That and the draw with NYCFC had people (maybe even me) wondering how far the Galaxy had come back from their lost 2025 season. The weeks after reported back “maybe not so much.” LA lost both games before Sunday’s draw – including a pretty square kick to the caboose at Colorado (and sit with the fact SKC just beat them in LA) - and those opening minutes didn’t make a third straight look out of the question. I don’t want to rain on even one of the happy thoughts above, but good and right as salvaging a point from a tough hand is, doing it against a bad team…it doesn’t count for less, of course, not literally…but it’s undeniably not the same.
Those few hairy moments in the late 20s aside, the Galaxy spent the rest of the game running, kicking and in the soccer equivalent of pointless, looping circles. By my notes, it took them to the 80th minute to fire their first shot worth noting in the second half, but the same line in my notebook contained another thought: I don’t recall one jailbreak/havoc-wreaking moment by Gabriel Pec. For me, that indicates Portland/Jimer Fory bottled him up all right. Klauss did his thing, of course - including bumping Kamal Miller off a header in the opening five – but the rest of the team didn’t give him much to work with. Erik Thommy, another concern going in, mainly registered as another dude in a dark blue kit contributing to the largely futile running and kicking. I don’t know enough about the Galaxy to say whether that’s their normal. What I can say is that my long look at SKC’s win over them looked a lot like what happened on Sunday. LA doing a bunch of stylish passing and movement only to get played through like warm butter. This isn’t news to anyone, but possession and control aren’t the same thing. Moving on, now, to more important things…
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| Vancouver's early season, translated to ""NFL." |
The ‘Caps have been great everywhere outside of the CONCACAF Champions’ Cup (Seattle buried ‘em by the first leg), up to and including progressively running up their numbers week on week over their first four games (here’s Week 1, (a CCC win in between), Week 2, Week 3, [omitted for failing to support the thesis], and Week 4). One of those games (Week 3) included a 1-4 drubbing of Portland at a stunned Providence Park, of course. According to my post, Portland didn’t break until the Caps’ third goal, but I also doubt a moment passed when Vancouver didn’t look like the better team. Between getting booted out of the CCC and next weekend’s international break, I’m pretty sure they’ll field that same team when Portland visits BC Place the first week of April. When Andres Cubas didn’t even make the subs bench last weekend, I thought he might be hobbled and…yep, hobbled.
I watched nearly all of Vancouver’s 0-1 loss at home versus the San Jose Earthquakes, but the fact I turned it off with 10+ stoppage to go tells you what I thought of their chances of pulling back a goal and at least one point. The starting lineup featured plenty of regulars – Tristman Blackmon, Ralph Priso, Edier Ocampo, Brian White, even Emmanuel Sabbi – and they played the usual solid, high-percentage game. That didn’t go as far against the ‘Quakes - a team with just one goal allowed in 2026, by the way* – but Vancouver created enough good chances to take the lead/win the game and, after San Jose’s (frankly fortunate, but still very good!) goal, to equalize. They never did it, though, not even after Tomas Muller (at the half) and Sebastian Berhalter (74th, I think) came on.
Setting aside questions of how much playing the Galaxy accounts for the Timbers’ eye-test improvement on the ball, I know Vancouver plays to force turnovers and Portland will have to cope with that. They’ll also have Berhalter’s movement, shots from distance, set pieces and free kicks, White’s savvy in the box (psssssssst, he likes to lurk behind defenders’ shoulders and slip in front), and Muller pitching in with class and inspiration. When the ‘Caps play their game, it’s impressive. I’m still trying to figure out how to apportion blame for playing off their best on Saturday between short rest, the rotated lineup and San Jose maybe, kinda being a tough nut this season. Maybe it's something subtle - e.g., Olivier Larraz ain’t Berhalter - but Larraz, and Vancouver as a whole, was still good. Portland will need to play its collective best – and without Kamal Miller (no biggie, in my mind, even if Kamal has looked all right this season) – and, due to the way Vancouver plays and how well they do it, they’ll have to do that back-to-front in every sense of the word. I’m not remotely optimistic, but also ready to embrace the surprise with both hands…if it’s a good one.
* At this point, I would price in San Jose as being one of six teams in the West that I fully expect to remain between Portland and the top. Which leaves a mere three spaces, two of them wild-card spots and therefore only half useful. Getting to No. 7 or higher looks like it’ll be a bitch in 2026.
That leaves the rest of the wrap up and…goddammit. Maybe it’ll get easier to tighten things up when there’s more season behind us. I’ll relish the thought of “more of the same shit” with a couple details thrown in taking care of the match report. Back to the wrap up, these are in the order they’re listed on The Official Schedule, not order of interest. I’ve also changed the format a bit- that should be easy to spot - and added a note about how much video I reviewed (in parentheses). Hope readers will like it…
Toronto FC 2-1 Columbus Crew (Highlights)
There was the Josh Sargent (home?) debut (eh), but watching this was more about gaping at the car crash Columbus has become. Wessam Abou Ali put the Crew ahead super early, but Toronto erased that one by breaking Columbus’ high line and pillaging the villages behind it (Jose Cifuentes got the equalizer). Other notes read, “either TFC good at set pieces or CLB bad” and “Zimmerman goal = straight from his vault.” Toronto looked dominant in the highlights, but the final numbers revealed it as another case of Columbus not doing shit.
Current Read on Toronto
Probably good for 7th in the East, they have Ohio’s number (beat both Cincy and Columbus), and they did that against what almost any MLS fan would call a tough early schedule (on paper; @ FCD, @ VAN, @ CIN, v RBNY, v CLB).
Current Read on Columbus
Some part of this follows from being used to Columbus being good, but they can’t score and, hosting Nashville (and losing to them) aside, the Crew have played an easy schedule. They are bad. Worse, they are boring.
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| Found by "little miracle." Not sleeping tonight... |
The parts of the game I watched included the time when every goal was scored, plus bonus padding to see how each of those little miracles came about. Chicago won the game on one stupidly easy goal (Gutman to Cuypers) – which Philly’s defenders should be forced to watch at least five times per day until the next game (yes, I would coach by aversion therapy) – and put it away with a smart finish by the always-busy, sometimes-effective Joseph Bamba (pulling for him!). Iloski kept Philly in the game with a a lucky header, but credit to the Fire for staying awake and muddling through for the win.
Current Read on Philly
This team has yet to get its first point (as in ONE) of 2026. And against a wholly manageable schedule too (@ DC, v NYC, v SJ, @ ATL, v CHI). Not scoring goals has a lot to do with it; just three this season; worst in the league.
Current Read on Chicago
This pads the Fire's resume, if nothing else, but they took four points off last year’s “betters” – Columbus and Philly – and that’s one exhibit or another for the case that the MLS East has turned upside down this season. The Fire doesn’t look great, honestly, and that might catch up with them later, but the basic numbers aren’t so bad. Worth keeping tabs on. For now.
Nashville SC 5-0 Orlando City SC (Highlights)
Maybe not as bad as it looked (I’ve seen worse stats), but Sam Surridge had to have scored on every shot he took (and this one’s tidy AF). Something’s clearly rotten in Orlando. Besides Disney World.
Current Read on Nashville
We’ll always have Nashville getting lower billing for kicking Miami out of the CCC than The Mothership gave Messi for scoring his 900th goal, but I’m confident the Music City madmen happily took that trade and ignored the Official Press. Nashville isn’t just rollin’, they’re freakin’ rollin’. The league’s 2nd-best goal differential (Vancouver has the best), just two goals allowed, and and Surridge’s hat trick has him on running a nose ahead in the Golden Boot race.
Current Read on Orlando
Bad in a way I thought only DC could accomplish, and only in very special seasons. They have a win to cherish, but still sit lower in the Eastern standings than the team they beat, this team is built like a conceptual reverse mullet, a failed business in the front and the dregs of a party at the back.
Charlotte FC 6-1 Red Bull New York (Highlights)
If the highlights and final stats can be believed, this was closer than it looked – i.e., Red Bull hit some part of the goal-frame twice while the game was still 0-1, they matched Charlotte for xG, fired more shots total and put just a couple less of those on goal. Wilfried Zaha and Pep Biel balled out in this one: great goal by Zaha (that’s an ankle-breaker, people), but Biel is having himself a season.
Current Read on Charlotte
Their one loss hurt (0-3 at LA; ‘twas bad), but Charlotte has had a decent run since with wins versus Austin and this one versus Red Bull. Despite online fretting about Tim Ream’s age, the defense has been sturdy apart from the LA loss: just 1.0 goals/game allowed (and zero versus Miami).
Current Read on Red Bull
The early season hype about Red Bull’s over-performing youngsters feels like it happened to a different team, or maybe in 2024 or something, but 8th ain’t so bad, even it’s precarious.
FC Dallas 4-3 Houston Dynamo FC (Highlights)
I see five names in Dallas’ starting XI that I don’t even know, but the guys I do know – e.g., Logan(?) Farrington (I didn’t say well) and Petar Musa (2nd in Golden Boot race!) – rescued the win with a pair of goals each, if with an assist from Duane Holmes (own-goal) and Erik Sviatchenko (sent off at 68). Guilherme caused most of the panic, and I expect him to do so barring injury or a collapse in form.
Current Read on Dallas
Eight points might buy you 4th in the East, but things are tougher out West. Still, despite facing one of the hardest starts to the 2026 regular season (v TFC, v NSH, @ LAFC, v SD, v HOU), Dallas sits alone at 8th. Unbeaten at home, too…but that’s also a lot of home games early…
Current Read on Houston
As I said in my notes about their win over Portland, I like their attacking additions; I’m just not sure they have the team behind them – or enough on their own – to go places. Still, they’re in 9th. with a game in hand. A win won’t catch them up to 6th-place RSL.
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| He has three. |
Of all the lopsided scores Week 5 served up, this one looked the most lopsided by the numbers – 8 shots, 3 on goal with a 0.6 xG for SKC versus 18 shots, 9 on goal and 4.4 xG for the Rapids. Paxten Aaronson bookended the win with a pair of goals – the first quite nice, the last was just piling on – but I liked what I saw from Darren Yapi (see pass on "quite nice" goal) and midfielder Wayne Frederick made a good impression. Sporting KC hosted and that was nice of them.
Current Read on SKC
Philly’s probably worse, but SKC’s playing like the regret not getting the Wooden Spoon last season. My only thought is that they’re plagued by inexperience, but plenty of teams have started their youth without sucking, so…
Current Read on Colorado
I have this tic that makes me think Colorado’s doing better than they are. Can’t explain it, but I’ve had it for decades. (Inviting Rapids fans to take up residence in my imagination when they need a lift.) What success they’ve so far had – and I think 7th in the West qualifies – doesn’t seem to be down to doing anything great; they’re just beating all the bad teams in the West. Like Portland…
[GASPING IN RELIEF]
San Diego FC 2-2 Real Salt Lake (Highlights)
I appreciate that San Diego’s juggling the CCC – or at least they were until Toluca knocked them out last week – but 1) it looks like they played something close to their regular starting set; and 2) RSL chased them all over like a pack of Type-A maniacs (i.e., rabid, but still mission-driven). Watching their second equalizer (in something more thorough than the highlight) gives a fair sense of what that looked like. Doing that against a San Diego team that gets as much hype as any team I see in MLS, and doing it on the road, saw some of that hype shift to RSL.
Current Read on San Diego
Still unbeaten after five weeks (one of three, along with Nashville and LAFC), their hot start has cooled down a bit and under intriguing circumstances (they drew at Dallas in another wild one). San Diego’s clearly good – they field a good XI, and have reliable starters (Andres Dreyer, Onni Valakari, and I like Chris McVey) – but there’s just something…brittle about them. Maybe it’s simple as being new to the league?
Current Read on RSL
A great example of a team that waves away any excuse SKC has for fielding new players. For perspective, Noel Caliskan – Noel Caliskan – is starting for this team and playing like a damn beast. I raved about their back 3 (Quinton, Glad, Engel) for being the backstop that allows Seven Maniacs to run wild and that’s still what I’m seeing. The early returns offer RSL as a lean, mean team, one that could make every team in the West nervous.
That’s it for this one and, once again, too much. I really and truly will pare things down for the Week 6 report. And, yeah, I think the Timbers post will go up first and separately. I’m jus too far behind on that conversation for my own good.
At you in a couple weeks…
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