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| You're not sinking, you're thriving. MENTALITY! |
Responsibilities around home improvement forced some adjustments to The Plan. That was noted in last week’s post, but in light of the abandonment of The Plan, I shall not reference it further. The only plan is that The Plan will evolve with one exception: I will watch a minimum of 60 minutes of the game played by the Timbers’ next opponent every week they have one. That went out the window this what with the New England Revolution getting a reprie…er, having their game against Houston Dynamo FC cancelled for reasons I couldn’t easily find and don’t care to find out.
Further minor adjustments shall also go unmentioned as I think even careful readers won’t miss them. With that, let’s get to the good stuff, starting with…
Results That Surprised Me (both expanded on below)
Colorado Rapids 4-1 Los Angeles Galaxy
Red Bull New York 0-3 Club du Foot Montreal (also, congrats Montreal! Thought y’all were cooked)
Mild shocks aside – e.g., the final score on Nashville’s win over Minnesota and the weight of the hurt New York City FC dropped on Orlando (both also noted below) - every other result tracked well enough for me. Moving on, now, to this week’s main event…and I see you, Orlando fans.
Portland Timbers 1-4 Vancouver Whitecaps
What Passes for a Match Report
When…the English guy on the Apple TV broadcast barked, “What a moment for [Eric] Izoita” after he scored his (admittedly) 72nd-minute banger, the subtext registered immediately: “take it Timbers fans, allow this to sustain you.” Portland was already down 3-0 by that point – and on goals I’d call reasonable, comical and painful, respectively – which reality put their chances of taking anything from this game to something between delusion and fantasy. That’ll leave a bitter taste to Izoita’s tale of glory any time he tells it, but I took some encouragement, however misguided, from the fact that the Timbers didn’t truly break, as a collective, until Sebastian Berhalter tucked in the goal flagged as “painful” above (3rd, for the record). I’d given up all hope by that point, but I will say this (and mean it, dammit): no matter how bad things look, your local team has everything to play for as long as the score sticks on 0-0. Personally, I gave the Timbers a decent chance of getting a point out of this game until Vancouver went up by two (this was the “comical” goal; came off Tristan Blackmon’s face, take the Ws where you get 'em, people). The ‘Caps’ fourth goal, insofar as it mattered, left Portland looking like a team of pullers losing its fourth tug-o’-war at the company picnic. Gratuitous, for sure, but also a clear and unmistakable comment on the state of play. To put a bow on that, let’s turn to the final stats, which show, not so much dominance for Vancouver as something close to fuck-all for the Timbers on the attacking end. I have a couple instances of “Portland dodged a bullet” in my notes, but not one of “oh, man, Timbers so close” are even the loosest rhyme to that. The team is going through changes, I get that, while also getting bone-tired of “getting it.” For what it’s worth, I appreciated way Kamal Miller kept popping up in the right places, even if his foot didn’t always connect cleanly, but this endeth the bright spots.
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| Your throne awaits! |
1) Ortiz Watch & Waiting for the New Guy
I put some work into tracking Joao Ortiz and managed, oh, maybe 15-20 minutes of focus. While he can take a bow for the poke-pass that teed up Izoita’s banger, most of what I saw felt like a metaphor for his time with Portland – i.e., he mainly occupied space. He capably moved with the formation as it shifted up and down and back and forth, but he committed one sin a few times – trotting toward or a step behind an attacking player without showing much interest in tackling or otherwise stopping him. Take that how you wanna; he also seemed no more or less effective than any Timber. The weirdest thing, though: Ortiz moved around as if he never expected to receive the ball. Instead of actively providing or looking like he had any consistent role in the build-out, the coaching staff appears to have sent him out there for the main, if not sole, purpose of...occupying that space. Maybe this it's a case of a lack of interest matching a lack of faith? At any rate, Jose Caicedo has a starting spot waiting for his arrival.
2) Of Fullback & Wingers
Folks who follow me on Bluesky may have noticed my late obsession with wingers. Some of that follows from theories I resisted expanding on about certain positions becoming faddish in the annual discussions about roster building and “the requirements of the modern game,” which I’ve seen pass from No. 10s, to No. 9s to wingbacks, to wingers. That led to the beginning of a thought about redundancy – i.e., if a lineup already has wingers (e.g., Antony and Velde), what does a team get from an overlapping fullback (e.g., Kristoffer Velde and Brandon Bye) beyond…more width? I guess there are mechanics in play – e.g., Velde stepping inside to play a channel while, say, Ariel Lassiter overlaps him into wider spaces (the best attacking move Portland managed on a a feeble outing) – but doesn’t that also allow the fullbacks to hang back and choose “smarter” times to go forward? Still working this out…not unlike the Timbers coaching staff….
3) Withholding Judgment on the Latest Arrival
Bluesky fellow travelers seemed more hyped about Alexander Aravena’s debut than I did - and that's fine, normal and good even. The vibe I got was a little lost – totally understandable for a debut – and I haven’t seen enough of him to have even the beginning of a guess as to his best position. One also has to wonder whether he’s acclimating to Portland’s uniquely free-form theory of attack and not yet familiar with the many uses and flexible interpretations of the word “mentality.” I had other things on my mind (e.g., a requiem for Ortiz) and might have missed some things, but Aravena has plenty of time to win me over. Meanwhile, on the opposite side of that spectrum…
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| Phil? Who's Phil? Do you know, Phil? |
The overwhelming majority of the commentary I saw late and after the game expressed some flavor of frustration with Phil Neville, most with enough heat to clear the sinuses. To reaffirm an opinion, I don’t rate Phil as a coach. My vote also doesn’t count nearly as much as Merritt’s. If I had to put money on it, I’m betting gets one more roll with a fresh set of dice (i.e., players); I’m thinking end of the season or close to it. Assuming that bet comes good, I’d push all the chips back in on a bet that he blows it.
An Aside on the Whitecaps
Vancouver doesn’t look like they’ve come far off last year’s MLS Cup runner-up form. At times, Sebastian Berhalter bullied Portland’s entire midfield on his own, the Timbers struggled to manage both Brian White and AZ, and I’m still trying to figure out how Thomas Mueller kept finding wide-open spaces on the weak side of midfield (though I can tell you where Ortiz was on two of those occasions: the…strong side of the field?). The Caps’ shape got a little stretched now and then, but it snapped back reliably, looking no worse for the wear every time. They still looks like a team that knows what it wants to do and how it wants to do it. Portland made it easier than I’d like, but, hey, it’s been that kind of year so far.
Household obligations squeezed hard enough to leave time for only two featured matches this week – i.e., the games on which I spend more than 10 minutes – and, just to note it, I expect the time constraints to squeeze harder ahead of Week 4. As for Week 3’s games, I selected both going in and I have only one regret. Full disclosure, it’s the second one.
New York City FC 5-0 Orlando City SC (watched 15-54, aka, to the last, most painful goal)
Why This Game?
NYCFC fields reliably good teams and I felt pretty confident that one of those could absolutely wreck an Orlando team that has yet to get out of bed, see back-to-back home losses v Red Bull and Miami.
What I Saw
Confirmation of the theory with bells on and a tiara up top. NYCFC had Orlando pinned in well before Maxime Crepeau’s “I showed up to school naked” moment at the 16th minute (he handled the ball outside the area; it's probably somewhere in the snapshot) and they scored the winner about a minute after his sending off. Things rolled downhill and gained momentum from there and, per the final stats, NYC really did score on just about every shot they put goal. Part of the reason was down to Crepeau’s replacement: start the youth and all that, but I can’t remember the last time I saw a ‘keeper look as overwhelmed as Orlando’s No. 2, Javier Otero. The defending in front did everything it could to crater his confidence: the phrase “midfield didn’t track” made two appearances in the notes (second and fourth goals, I think) and baby Brazilian midfielder Luis Otavio gifted NYC a penalty kick for their third goal with a brain-dead tackle in the area. Highlight clips of the fifth goal Orlando allowed passed around Bluesky for a reason, i.e., it captured the broken shape and a vivid lack of understanding about which player should be doing what and when in Orlando’s current defensive scheme. When Griffin Dorsey’s desperate clearance went straight to Keaton Parks’ foot, thereby giving him his brace, it summed up the afternoon just as well as that one time, when Dorsey’s 47th-minute throw-in bounced through Marco Pasalic’s name. (Fwiw, Dorsey looks good!) To wrap up this section, I went back to the highlights for Orlando’s loss at Miami to see if the same problems reared their head. Miami’s second goal said “yes,” and with some aggression. People have pointed out Orlando’s veteran attack and very young defense – i.e., the opposite of the typical formula and that’s killing them, no question. They five they allowed here almost doubled the total, but that’s still 11 goals allowed over just three games. The broadcast booth said they “saw nothing” from Martin Ojeda, Pasalic and Ivan Angulo, but that just begs the question of how could this have ended differently without giving a plausible answer.
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| Only "sexed in" once. |
Why This Game?
I feel like I have a decent feel for San Jose’s ceiling, Philly's struggling, and I wanted to see those things come together, but also because I said I would. May as well honor one of these.
What I Saw
To start this one with a confession, I should have watched the highlights for this game before posting because I heard something about a blown penalty kick for Philly(?), something that could have changed everything. This was my first time watching the Union in 2026, so the main thing I know about them right now is that they have yet to get even one point – and after a Shield-winning 2025. After watching 45 minutes of them laboring to their third loss of the season, my first thought turned to missing players. When I looked at their full (over elaborate) roster, the only absent name that jumped out was Quinn Sullivan, so unless Eddy Davis III is the second coming of, I don’t know, Tai Baribo, the Union came in close to all hands. Those hands rarely swung: the first time I actually saw them do something productive came 25 minutes into the (second) half – i.e., after San Jose had already taken the lead. As for the visitors, I’ll cop to not fully understanding the secret those spotless sheets they have flying in the breeze (no goals allowed so far). The opposition might be relevant: SKC first, then Atlanta, then a so-far punchless Philly team. I couldn’t precisely assign fault or credit between the Union’s dodgy decision making and sloppy execution and San Jose’s defensive work; things just kind of petered out any time they got on the ball. What I can say is that the ‘Quakes got the kind of special moment of Timo Werner that teams pay DPs to produce – e.g., wrecking an entire defense with a turn and then playing that pass in as many movements. I came away impressed with several ‘Quakes players – Werner, of course, but his partnership with Ousseni Bouda (and Bouda himself), plus Niko Tsakiris (a wrecking ball out there) – but still think they’ll revert to something less than third as the competition picks up and teams get their shit together. They look fine, but not that good. As for Philly…I don’t know. Danley Jean-Jacques looked good, Indiana Vassilev had some thoughts and one has to think they’ll clean things up, but…
Right. It’s rapid-fire from here, aka, recaps of the ten-minute highlight reels I watched. As much as I accept the limits on the particular medium, I will float one argument: seven times out of ten, the people who edit those seem to fold in a snippet that captures a lowlight, i.e., something that illustrates what one or both teams did wrong in the game. Looking at you, FC Cincinnati*…
In the order I watched ‘em…
Atlanta United FC 2-3 Real Salt Lake
Atlanta’s highlights probably begin and end with Aleksey Miranchuk’s brace, which was good, but also encouraging for the way both came after his team went down by two goals. RSL responded with two bangers – one from Zavier Gozo, the other by Aiden Hezarkhani – and the first came within a minute or two of Miranchuk getting the hosts back in the game. As much as the headlines celebrate the march of RSL’s youth movement, I’d argue that RSL’s back three of Justen Glad, Quinton Prescott (who I know nothing about, fwiw) and Lukas Engel buys them all that time to “express themselves.” Fwiw, I think highly of the Engel signing. Steady dude. Atlanta, on the other hand, is not.
Nashville SC 3-1 Minnesota United FC
Both teams started lineups I respect and recognize, but Nashville’s still strikes me as the more complete – and that’s even with Michael Boxall in the Loons’ XI. If I had to write a headline, I’d run with this result proving the wisdom of signing Cristian Espinoza (two solid goal contributions). Both Patrick Yazbek (key to two goals) and Sam Surridge (dude seems good for a scrappy goal every other game; got two in this one) deserve honorable mention. Minnesota pulled one back, but the half chance it came from reflected the Loons night as well as anything I can think of (i.e., Nashville limited them to half-chances). Impressive from Nashville.
Colorado Rapids 4-1 Los Angeles Galaxy
Just when you think the Galaxy have their shit figured out…well, Gabriel Pec picks up a 60th minute red card, for one. The snapshot I got of the Rapids looked better than the final stats, but Pec’s sending off opened up space for a Rocky Mountain riot. Credit Colorado for landing an important win, take the time to see Alexis Manyoma’s damn smart finish on their winner, and take my word that Rafael Navarro earned at least one of his two goals (keep the second for the resume), but keep at least one eye on the chances the Galaxy got, because they weren’t at all bad. Two teams to keep tabs on for now.
Red Bull New York 0-3 Club du Foot Montreal
Noteworthy just for the simple fact that Red Bull shit all over a perfect start against one of MLS’s most hapless franchises. Handing Prince Owusu an 8th-minute goal from the spot (didn’t hate the call, fwiw) did plenty of damage, but no amount of work-rate and competence can save a team that gives up goals like Montreal’s second and third (both scored by Wiki Carmona, both actual garbage). The other (apparent) story from this game (extrapolating from the highlights, with some context from past viewing): Red Bull didn’t play their best and, sticking with the same theme, they pissed away the chances they made. I have been impressed with Red Bull (and is that SKC’s Robert Voloder in their starting XI, or are there more of those?), which whatever good moments they had either didn’t make the 10-minute edit (CONSPIRACY!!!) or they just didn’t have them. To be fair, my low opinion of Montreal informs a lot of this, so this puts pins in a couple things.
FC Cincinnati 0-1 Toronto FC
I got the final score right, but does that matter when you don’t call the winner? Between Taylor Twellman’s yammering (felt long, even in 10 minutes) and the highlights, Toronto looked the better team and deserved winner. * Picking up a point above, Cincinnati played like a competent team running over a JV field wearing prescription glasses that almost, but don’t quite, correct their vision. With Roman Celentano bailing them out at least twice (might have been thrice, honesty), Cincinnati stayed in the game until everyone switched off long enough for Richie Laryea to find Daniel Salloi through a seam (big one too) for the winner. Obinna Nwobodo had moments, Tom Barlow looks like a solid (to good) addition, and I (unlike most Cincy fans, I think) was happy to see Gilberto Flores back on the field. Cincy got punished for a soft performance at home, true, but with Atlanta looking more like a punching bag with each passing week, one has to wonder what that one win really means.
I watched a couple more highlights over the weekend, but that’s it for this post. I hope the extent to which I’m workshopping these posts in real time doesn’t come through too much. I think/hope I’m getting close to a workable formula. We’ll find out when I’m not putting as much time into prepping for home improvements. Week 4 will be lighter, but hopefully better!
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