I can do this, gosh darn it! I can be brief. I will be
brief. And, obviously, never listen to me when I say I’m gonna stop doing
something.
Your Result of the Week, for Major League Soccer Week 26:
Real Salt Lake’s complete and utter, 6-0 dismantling of the Colorado Rapids. I
framed this game around RSL in last week’s preview tweet-storm, calling it a “vital
chance [for RSL] to choke-out its road woes.” The balance of those six goals
came after two ejections (so file that away, and, for the record, I’m against
the rigid sacrosanctity that forbids so much as staring angrily at a player’s
head; I don't want to live in a world where this is a red card), but they still kicked the Rapids absolutely dizzy (watch the highlights;
the Rapids’ players looked fucking drunk after the sixth goal). I made sense to shrug at his match-up as recently as a month ago, but beating up the LA Galaxy
twice a couple weeks back, and with a home win over San Jose between them, slipped the word “new-look”
in front of the Rapids’ name. At any rate, big, big win for RSL, who needs
road-confidence for the playoff appearance they’re looking more and more likely
to nail down.
Now the rest, with random points of interest, in descending
order of importance:
To squeeze in a game that barely mattered, and in service of
noting something that did, Josef Martinez broke the single-season goal-scoring
record last week, and with some class too. As for the game, that 2-1 score-line
elides the reality that Atlanta United FC rolled over OrlandoCity SC. Then again, who didn’t expect that?
OK, back to it, the games that mattered most...
I wrote this about the San Jose Earthquakes side of their
2-3 home loss to the Vancouver Whitecaps: “If that doesn’t drive your
confidence down a desert highway en route to burial, I don’t know what does.” “That”
referenced going up two goals early, only to stall-out and lose – and on some
near-total defensive breakdowns (see Kei Kamara’s humiliating tap-in). San Jose
is fucked, but Vancouver’s brand just got a little more viable, and that’s a
big deal…
…not least because that win put them even on points with a choking Portland Timbers side (but Portland stays above them, in spite of recent
efforts, on goal-differential). I registered my disappointment with Portland, at length, but Seattle had little to brag about outside the quality of
its defense, but it’s impossible to argue with 8-0-2 in their last 10 games,
and they’re getting real wins at home (and stole three points out of Minnesota
a couple games back).
I’m going to switch over to the Eastern Conference for the
next big result: the New York Red Bulls’ 1-0 win at home over DC United. I flag
this one because I keep waiting for the Red Bulls to have a well-justified slip
(they get another shot tomorrow when they host Houston), but the keep getting results.
DC actually edged them in the box score, but New York put a succession of shots
on goal (see sidebar) before Kaku scored one, but at 6-2-2 over the past 10 (3-1-2 away
too), about the only team keeping a Seattle-esque tempo.
Back to the Western Conference, I dunno, maybe it’s weird I
started with the low-end, but, between Sporting Kansas City doing the 2-0 business at home against Minnesota United and FC Dallas failing to match that
during a visit to Houston, the top-end is just as messy. Neither result was
particularly surprising, though it’s worth dipping into the highlights for SKC
win because they scored some damned pretty team goals (especially Yohan Croizet’s). But
for the grace of a stupid miss by Tomas Martinez and Andrew “Jack-of-All-Jack” Wenger
getting punked by Michael Barrios (sorry to go full-Kutcher, but it was bad),
Dallas could have lost this one – and do mind the trends for SKC and FCD over
the past five games – 4-1-0 and 2-2-1, respectively.
To round this out with the rest of the games from the
Eastern Conference, some might question my choice of burying Toronto FC’s (loosely) credible 3-1 win over Montreal Impact, but Toronto has a lot of road to go before they’re
worth minding – and the next leg of their journey takes them to visit a leggy Portland
team tomorrow night – but Montreal also "outplayed" them "on paper". Still, good to
see Sebastian Giovinco get back to being valuable (he’s in double digits for
goals in 2018).
And, to mop up the remainders, the only thing remarkable
about Columbus Crew SC’s 1-1 draw away to the Chicago Fire just means they failed
to dunk on the Fire like everyone else (and in spectacular fashion; take a bow,
Milton Valenzuela). Finally, the Philadelphia Union got the better of yet
another six-point occasion with a 1-0 win over the visiting, flailing New England
Revolution, a game highlighted by one hell of a goal-keeper duel. And, sure, I’ll
raise my hand on this one and admit I buried it: even if it stands on two Ws
against New England, Philly is keeping pace with SKC (4-1-0) over their last
five games.
To glance ahead at Week 27, I’ve already mentioned a couple –
e.g., New York v. Houston and Portland v. TFC, but other midweek games feature a
rested DC United hosting an unrested Philly team and a reasonably rested Dallas
team visiting the saddest suburb on Earth, aka, San Jose, CA. Literally all of
those plot-lines deepen with the rest of Week 27’s action. Here’s the list:
Seattle Sounders v. Sporting KC
Montreal v. Red Bulls New York
New England v. Portland
Orlando v. Philly
Columbus v. NYCFC
FC Dallas v. Houston
Toronto v. LAFC
RSL v. LA Galaxy
Vancouver v. San Jose
DC United v. Atlanta
For the record, I actually did pretty well either, 1)
calling games for Week 25, or 2) at least framing them through the correct team
(e.g., RSL and Vancouver). To try to keep that going…
Stakes feel highest for TFC in that they’ve got two games
(at Portland and v. LAFC) they absolutely could lose and, speaking for myself,
I’d be delighted to stop talking about Toronto. And if it's my team, Portland, that keeps them in the conversation...damn. (Also, I'll close with Portland.) Seattle
v. SKC sure looks like the Game of the Week and, in spite of the Sounders
home/general form, I like SKC’s chances of getting one point, maybe even
stealing three. To wrap up the rest of the teams with double-headers, DC totally
has a ton of work cut-out, but catches a bit of break by starting the week with
an over-scheduled Philly team...and they probably do and don't want to play Atlanta; two wins (which I don't see them getting) and
look out. Going the other way, getting anything more than three points out of
this week will speak awfully well of Philly- and the goes for the Red Bulls. Look,
I wouldn’t blame them for laying a pair of eggs this week….honestly, the schedule
has wandered off into a screwy for a few of these teams (e.g., I’d love to shift
one of the Timbers’ upcoming mid-week games to their open week in October), but I've never seen a team keep finding for Ws and Ds up their own asses. Crazy. Also, Red Bulls wins both of those games in a normal week.
The last teams that play doubles also play one another: Dallas and
Houston. I’d expect whatever’s cursing the Dynamo to keep giving them the Evil
Eye and, with as much as keeping the home court as impregnable as possible, Dallas should invest whatever they can into getting the W against Houston
– up to including something irresponsible as starting Cristian Colman in San
Jose. Christ, that guy can miss. Facing two broken teams is a lucky break for Dallas, but folks will have
every reason to notice if they manage fewer than even four points.
To wrap up with the rest, Columbus v. NYCFC makes for a
solid Game of the Week alternate; because that feels too close to call, I’ll
call that for the home team. After that, a win over the Galaxy will give RSL
another week of hogging the spotlight - even at home - and the Galaxy...they just need that win; advantage RSL for me, and in a duel of confidence. It’d be
a shame for Vancouver take anything less than three points against San Jose (the locals where I live would love nothing better), and Montreal will never
have the Red Bulls in a position where they can take advantage like this; big game for L'Impact, and I'm not sure they do it. Finally,
and frankly, I don’t think it really matters what Atlanta and Philly do over
the weekend; a loss won’t kill either team, and that should keep them loose - and improve their chances of winning. That’s most of everything, right? Can I talk
about Portland now?
First, shit. Shit, shit, shit. I had both Toronto at home
and New England away down as easy wins for the Timbers as recently as
mid-August. On the plus side, these set up as favorably as possible given the condensed
time-line. The positives from the Seattle loss (e.g., playing
well/compact) will need to carry over to the Toronto game, and improve probably, if only on the defensive end. With Jozy Altidore back and Giovinco (and
even Jonathan Osorio) playing better, I don’t know if Portland even CAN open up
the game and gun for all three...but some part of me almost needs them to. Still, momentum from that one could juice a
little more life into their legs for that long trip to New England – a game
where I think, due to the Revs' famous fragility, the Timbers should go for broke. At any rate, there’s no question
in my mind as to which game is the more important – Toronto at home. And sorry for that anxiety-producing that.
OK, that’s all for this pirate broadcast. Just to mention
it, I did some monkeying around with posting the raw data behind these posts and, I'll be damned if it didn't work. Assuming it does, I plan to post that next week, and with shortened commentary above it. You'll find a crazy amount of context (and I mean that, "crazy"; what the hell is this madness?), and on every team, looking both forward and back, and all that will speak for itself. That's instead of me stringing together the world's longest non sequitur to explain 2+ weeks' worth of soccer. Mostly, I figured out how to shrink the amount of raw data I update every
week, and that shaved off a couple hours. Yay, I guess?
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