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| O.G. reputation never wears out. |
Again, I use the words “IN” and “OUT” to mean teams that are
in and out of the playoffs, respectively, at time of writing. It's a loose metric, and a loose
identifier for “good” and “bad,” basically.
First, and this is the only time and/or reason I’ll ever,
but thank gods for the All-Star Game for giving me a light week in a moment of
need. Also, fuck the All-Star Game, please stop doing it, even though I have
few moments that don’t turn on need. As for Week 23, she was a busy girl. Some
reputations held (e.g., the New York Red Bulls and the Portland Timbers), some
improved (e.g., Seattle Sounders), others were rescued from perdition, if only for a time (e.g.,
Real Salt Lake, Sporting Kansas City and, arguably, Toronto FC), while others
were not (e.g., the Houston Dynamo, and now I really hate putting “the” in
front of team names, dammit). Outside that, you had a couple WTF results (e.g.,
FC Dallas losing to the San Jose Earthquakes anywhere), and a couple
eye-raising knocks to a heretofore solid stride (e.g., the (fuck!) Los Angeles
Galaxy and maybe New York City FC). And, um…Montreal? And Vancouver.
Final thought: Atlanta drew Toronto FC 2-2 at home. Based on
a couple loose theories in the stuff below, that feels like the biggest result
of Week 23. And, as always, I listed the teams in each conference in the order
they appear in the standings, first the Eastern Conference, then the Western
Conference. And all that assumes I didn’t fuck up. But I probably fucked up once
or twice. Uh…enjoy!
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Atlanta United FC - 48 points, 14-4-6 (7-2-4 home, 7-2-2
away), 50 gf, 28 ga (+22), 24 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWDWLWDWWD (5-1-4 (2-0-3 home, 3-1-1
away), 18 gf, 10 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAAHHAH
Record v IN Teams: 2-1-3
Record v OUT Teams: 2-0-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Holding steady, but still
dropping points - including two at home against teams (TFC and DC) they should
beat, at least on paper. So long as Josef Martinez keeps scoring (again, that
single-season goals record is done), they’ll get to the playoffs in pretty good
shape. It’s what they’ll do when they get there at this point.
Last Week: A 2-2 draw at home against TFC, and they had more
than enough chances (22 shots, 7 on target), only to get undone by a late dagger of an
equalizer. Again, this team is good, but far from flawless. And if Martinez
goes down…
Next Week: A week off, then they host Columbus on the 19th.
More next week.
4 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 4/6
One of the softest end-runs in MLS, period. Another reason
why drawing Seattle missed a chance.
New York Red Bulls - 44 points, 14-6-2 (9-2-1 home, 4-2-1
away), 44 gf, 23 ga (+21), 21 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWWWLWWWLW (7-2-1 (5-1-0 home, 2-1-1
away), 17 gf, 9 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAAHHAHHAHH
Record v IN Teams: 4-2-0
Record v OUT Teams: 3-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: The Mothership has given The
Rebuild its official seal of approval. In all honesty, the Red Bulls have been
the hottest team in MLS for five, six weeks, but they somehow never climb in
the standings. Freakish.
Last Week: And beating (the heretofore uncategorized) Los
Angeles FC 2-1 at home only spits a little shine into that Seal of Approval
(now official). Their first goal in this one gets at what makes them such a
reliable, efficient team. So far. And that, again, never quite breaks through.
Next Week: Away to Chicago, and that screams “trap game,”
and for reasons entirely outside the numbers - see, the FC Dallas v. San Jose
situation. Or that’s what they spirits tell me.
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 4/8
With the basically favorable schedule, it’s still about just
taking the games one at a time, and taking care of business.
New York City FC - 44 points, 13-5-5 (10-0-2 home, 3-5-3
away), 45 gf, 29 ga (+16), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WDWLWWWWLD (6-2-2 (5-0-2 home, 1-2-0
away), 20 gf, 10 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHHAHHHAA
Record v IN Teams: 3-1-1
Record v OUT Teams: 4-0-1 (Just to note it, I still don’t
have faith in Vancouver)
Current Thumbnail Profile: If you look at just results and
stats, it’s hard to feel down about this team. They’re winning every game they
should win, so the question - at least from a Cup/Shield perspective - becomes
what happens when they play better teams? Or just Vancouver?
Last Week: Drew Vancouver 2-2 in the Bronx and
that’s…complicated. The box score tells a tale of profligacy in front of goal for NYCFC,
but they still fought back hard enough from a goal down to take the lead. One
of those goals was pretty, too. Then Erik Hurtado pops up ably and two points
go away.
Next Week: Away to Toronto FC, and that’s a great
opportunity keep a lid on a (potentially? latently? playing eternal possum?) once-dangerous
team.
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/7
It’s my increasingly unjustified low opinion of Vancouver
that makes me question Week 23 for this team, but, again, they remain in a good
place.
Columbus Crew SC - 36 points, 10-7-6 (7-2-3 home, 3-5-3
away), 30 gf, 29 ga (+1), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DDDLLWLLWW (3-4-3 (2-1-2 home, 1-3-1
away), 12 gf, 19 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHHAHAAHA
Record v IN Teams: 2-4-2
Record v OUT Teams: 1-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: They’re up and down, really, and
go through spells of form. That said, Columbus has played eight strong (e.g.,
Red Bulls twice) and rising (e.g., LA Galaxy) teams over their past 10 games, and taken their lumps for it. And
they’re still well in the playoffs.
Last Week: Bye week…and, shit, now it occurs to me that I
need to keep current on trades during the transfer window? Idiot! Has Columbus
done anything? (Right. Right. Justin Meram came back. Won’t hurt, that’s for
damn sure.)
Next Week: They host Houston - a good chance to gauge their
level. Between Houston’s road form and Columbus’ defense, Crew SC should win
this (mmm…how are they on handling direct balls down the flanks?).
5 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/6
Columbus gets to coast a bit from September 19 on. They have
to get there whole first - and so far they have.
Montreal Impact - 29 points, 9-13-2 (7-4-1 home, 2-9-1
away), 30 gf, 40 ga (-10), 24 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LWWWWLWDLD (5-3-2 (4-1-1 home, 1-2-1
away), 13 gf, 9 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHAHHAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 1-3-1
Record v OUT Teams: 4-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: I’m hearing talk they might lose
Piatti. That ends them....but it doesn't, because they won't lose him! All the same, their recovery started staggering a little - and the teams they played made sense of that, at least until...
Last Week: They drew DC United 1-1 at home and, if you’re
aspiring to anything beyond not being the worst team in MLS, that’s not nearly
enough. Worse, both the highlights and box score made a case that DC had the
better of the right parts of this game.
Next Week: Away to RSL, and, per the basic arithmetic of
Montreal’s road form and RSL’s home form, that can’t be good.
5 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/3
Montreal still has a puncher’s chance, but the last three games
(draw at Portland, loss at home to Atlanta, and home draw versus DC) don’t
exactly set the trajectory to Alpha Centauri (you get that right? heading for
the stars? or just the nearest one?). They have to pick up or drop off.
New England Revolution - 29 points, 7-7-8 (6-3-3 home, 1-4-5
away), 36 gf, 35 ga (+1), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWDDWDLLLD (2-3-5 (2-1-2 home, 0-2-3
away), 17 gf, 14 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HHAAHHHAAA
Record v IN Teams: 1-1-1
Record v OUT Teams: 1-2-4
Current Thumbnail Profile: Imperfectly capable, trending
incapable. More than anything else, they lack “that thing” they do well, hence
their ceiling.
Last Week: They drew 3-3 to an increasingly desperate
Orlando team in Orlando, spurning multiple gifts as they went ("bit of a miscue" and just...a fucking mess). That let Orlando
draw the game and, no, that’s not good. On the plus side, Matt Turner looks
like a pretty solid shot stopper. Also of note: the split in the number of
passes in this game is crazy.
Next Week: Away to Philadelphia. Yes, this is one of those
games that will decide the Eastern Conference. If New England can’t get better
on the road, the rest of the season doesn’t matter.
4 home games remaining, 9 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/7 (LA
went “IN”)
That stack of road games spells “DANGER” in neon. That
hasn’t changed.
Philadelphia Union - 27 points, 8-11-3 (5-4-2 home, 3-7-1
away), 29 gf, 37 ga (-8), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLLWLLWLWL (4-6-0 (1-4-0 home, 3-2-0
away), 17 gf, 22 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHHAHAHAA
Record v IN Teams: 1-4-0
Record v OUT Teams: 3-2-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: A good possession team that also
peaks at mediocre.
Last Week: They lost 0-3 to the Timbers in Portland and, I
mean, I don’t know. I had the chance to see this one and, honestly, it looked a
lot like what I see from Philadelphia, often as I see them: competent
possession that stalls out 30 yards from goal. Their best excuse is that they
didn’t have Alejandro Bedoya and Haris Medunjanin (that they were shelved for
the U.S. Open Cup final tells how the team rates the Portland game versus that
semifinal; paid off, too (even that reading that is like watching someone cry), so hold that thought in your back pocket - at least
till it falls out of it.
Next Week: Away to New England, and that feels like result
to watch in the Battle for the Last Room in the Eastern Conference Basement (dang…need a better tag-line,
soliciting ideas).
6 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 7/6
Their last six games feature teams that, between quality and
potential, can viciously turn results on a team that can’t handle it. The Union
does not look like they can handle it.
Orlando City SC - 23 points, 7-14-2 (5-5-2 home, 2-9-0
away), 33 gf, 54 ga (-19), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLLLLWLLLD (1-8-1 (1-2-1 home, 0-6-0
away), 12 gf, 31 ga)
Last 10 Home/Away: AAHAAHAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 0-6-1
Record v OUT Teams: 1-2-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: Fighting hard, fucking up. That
sums it up nicely.
Last Week: Drew 3-3 to New England at home, and nice fight
back, but…when a team draws at home, and with three losses before that, and nine losses in the 10 previous games (one win…yes!), that’s just…bad. This
teams is a mess and it’s insane that it can still reach the playoffs, new coach
and limitless battle notwithstanding.
Next Week: Away to DC United and, based on the evidence, I
expect a hard fought draw and/or loss. To go on record, I’ll give a shit about
Orlando the day they win three games of five.
7 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/5
I don’t see THIS team overcoming THAT split.
Toronto FC - 23 points, 6-11-5 (4-4-2 home, 2-7-3 away), 37
gf, 41 ga (-4), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WDLLLDLWWD (3-4-3 (1-1-0 home, 2-3-3
away), 21 gf, 17 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAHAAAAHA
Record v IN Teams: 1-2-0
Record v OUT Teams: 2-2-3
Current Thumbnail Profile: They still have only three wins
in their last 10 games - and those came against Philly once and Chicago twice.
To point to the silver lining, two of those were home games(?). No one thinks
of them as “The Champs” at this point, because why would they?
Last Week: They positively stole a 2-2 draw in Atlanta, with
Tosiant Ricketts slipping out as the ace up their sleeve. 22
shots, people! Some of them very, very good. Buy Alex Bono a cake, y'all!
Next Week: They face NYCFC in Toronto, definitely an
occasion for big boy pants. The clean ones. Wait, maybe they hedge that bit?
7 home games remaining, 6 road games; IN/OUT Split: 8/5
With time indisputably a-wasting, they are #TrulyBlessed to
have a bunch of the four teams above them sort of staggering from one game to
the next. All the same, that six point gap won’t shrink on its own.
Chicago Fire - 23 points, 6-13-5 (4-6-2 home, 2-7-3 away), 35
gf, 48 ga (-13), 24 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DDDWLLLLLL (1-6-3 (2-2-1 home, 0-4-2
away), 15 gf, 23 ga
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAAHAHAHAA
Record v IN Teams: 1-5-1
Record v OUT Teams: 0-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: I should have changed this
somewhere around the fourth game of Chicago’s losing streak. This is a team in
crisis.
Last Week: They lost 1-2 in Salt Lake City and, if you take
away Bastian Schweinsteiger’s 25+-yard bomber, there really are no positives.
Also, I keep seeing Jonathan Campbell (a player I used to tout, btw) getting
run over, around and through this season. They look more dead each week.
Next Week: They play at home against the Red Bulls. Best
case, they benefit from squad rotation by the same.
6 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/4
That IN/OUT split has not improved. And neither has Chicago.
Velko Paunovic should dust off his resume. And aim lower.
DC United - 18 points, 4-9-6 (3-1-1 home, 1-8-5 away), 30
gf, 36 ga (-6), 19 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DLDLDWLLWD (2-4-4 (1-1-0 home, 1-3-4
away), 17 gf, 12 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAAAAHAHHA
Record v IN Teams: 0-3-1
Record v OUT Teams: 2-1-3
Current Thumbnail Profile: While this has been the league’s
goofiest wild card, potentially ™, DC has so far defined downward, even at
home. They are, on the other hand, unquestionably better at home. It’s time to
start racking up wins, though, good ones too.
Last Week: Drew Montreal 1-1, in Montreal and that’s a good,
gutsy result. Better, they won the best parts of the box score and just
upgraded with, hey!, a familiar face in a famously small sports market coming in at left back!
Next Week: They host Orlando and, hell, yes, that’s a test.
That’s pass/fail, motherfucker.
13 home games remaining, 3 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/8
They have their chance for a run…and at the same
ever-softening belly that Toronto’s eyeing (Chicago, Philly, Montreal, New
England) to run at.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
FC Dallas - 42 points, 12-4-6 (7-1-4 home, 5-3-2 away), 36
gf, 28 ga (+8), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WWLWWLWDWL (6-3-1 (4-1-0 home, 3-2-2
away), 18 gf, 14 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HHAAHAHAAH
Record v IN Teams: 3-2-0
Record v OUT Teams: 3-1-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: I mean, yes, we all wait for them
to collapse every fucking year. While I doubt it is, avalanches do occur when
that last l’il snowflake shifts just so.
Last Week: One second after I saw that Dallas lost 1-3 to
San (Fucking) Jose in Dallas, I checked the starting line-up. And, sure, the formation’s a little wacky…nah, scratch that, I don’t believe that was the
line-up, but I slid San Jose off the “they play tough” list a couple weeks back
and factored that in. The box score on this should disturb anyone (including
me) who still thinks Dallas might go deep this year.
Next Week: Away to Seattle, and I can’t think of a better
place to put down a marker. They have the team to do it, but will they?
5 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 4/8
Nothing between them and The Shield but two mild choke
points. Also, San Jose wasn’t part of the choke point.
Portland Timbers - 37 points, 10-3-7 (7-0-3 home, 3-3-4
away), 33 gf, 25 ga (+8), 20 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WDDDWWDDWW (5-0-5 (3-0-3 home, 2-0-2
away), 17 gf, 10 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAAHAHHH
Record v IN Teams: 1-0-3
Record v OUT Teams: 4-0-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Still unbeaten, and still tough
as hell…and that has been enough, hasn’t it? Oh, and looky here. The cavalry. (And
the kid with the fife.)
Last Week: They beat Philadelphia 3-0 in Portland and I
wrote up the entire experience at some length here. I saw a lot of negative
stuff about the team - or just the attack - after the game and that’s a good
counter-point to my points. As much as anything else, Portland is tied for
second-best defense in MLS (with Seattle), and, so long as they can score (they
did), that keeps them viable.
Next Week: They host Vancouver and I want them to win that
more than they do, and for reasons I can’t remotely explain. I’ve just decided
to hate Vancouver this year. Why? No idea. I find it a little weird, frankly.
Just…don’t trust my judgment on this one, because it’s not all there.
7 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/5
How well RSL is playing toward the end could decide the season,
but it shouldn’t. The Timbers don’t have that many big games and they picked up
7 out of 9 from their current home-stand, and have a solid shot at adding to
that against Vancouver.
Sporting Kansas City - 36 points, 10-6-6 (6-2-3 home, 4-4-3
away), 40 gf, 30 ga (+10), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWDWLLDLLW (3-4-3 (2-1-2 home, 0-2-3
away), 16 gf, 18 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAHAAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 0-3-2
Record v OUT Teams: 3-1-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: Their last five have been brutal
on the points side, but close by the score-line (again, unless I boned the
math). All the same, collecting 1/3 of the points on offer maps The Road to
Purgatory.
Last Week: I left in last week’s narrative because it
highlights the importance of SKC beating Houston in Houston. I also retained
enough memory of the highlights to remember “the kid,” which here means
Gianluca Busio. He facilitated SKC’s winner and had better touches on the
ball than any kid has that young has any business doing. 16. And he fed Diego
Rubio (age 25), this assist. And was immediately congratulated by Daniel Salloi
(age 22). All in all, that’s a saucy line-up for Peter Vermes.
Next Week: Away to an LAFC team that very likely has making
a point somewhere near the front of their minds. A tough game, but not beyond
reach.
6 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/6
Outside a soft patch from early August to…early-ish September,
they’ve got some walls to climb ahead, no question: LAFC twice, FC Dallas
twice, Portland once, etc.
Los Angeles FC - 36 points, 10-6-6 (5-0-5 home, 5-6-1 away),
45 gf, 37 ga (+8), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LWWWDWDLDL (4-3-3 (3-0-2 home, 1-3-1
away), 21 gf, 18 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAHHAHA
Record v IN Teams: 2-2-2
Record v OUT Teams: 2-1-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: The “league sweet heart” talk
should have dried up after the last four results. Also, their last positive
result happened on July 7 - when they played Orlando at home. The Glory Days
won’t come back, till they bring them back.
Last Week: Losing 1-2 in Harrison, New Jersey (at the Red
Bulls) is nothing to hang your head over. That’s a good team and a tough road
game, and Carlos Vela played a beauty to set up their lone goal, and you want to see that, but…to frame
it, how long was this team 2nd place in the West?
Next Week: They host Sporting KC and that feels a little
like The Game to Watch this week. Who wins this one? Beats me, honestly.
7 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/8 (the
Galaxy have made this tricky)
As I said, three to four weeks ago, things turn to shit (gets
hard) starting September 15, and that meant the time was now to pick up points
ahead of that. LAFC has not. They went 1-2-3 from the start of August, and any
team with aspirations has to do better, no matter the opposition (not that that
mattered).
Los Angeles Galaxy - 35 points, 10-8-5 (6-4-1 home, 4-4-4
away), 44 gf, 38 ga (+6), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWDDWWWDWL (5-1-4 (3-0-1 home, 2-1-3
away), 23 gf, 16 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAHHAAAHA
Record v IN Teams: 4-1-2
Record v OUT Teams: 1-0-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: They’re surging, no question, and
mostly because their stars are shining - none brighter than the supernova that
is Zlatan Ibrahimovic (and I say that as someone who enjoys the cosmic comedy
of failure).
Last Week: Lost 1-2 to Colorado and the late goal would
forgive this a little, had Colorado not generally out-played LA. Random losses
happen (see above, e.g., Dallas), but file this one away.
Next Week: They host Minnesota, and, hell, yes, being anybody means winning that game.
7 home games remaining; 5 road games. IN/OUT Split: 4/8
Honestly, it just gets easier from here. Barring a slew of
injuries or a collapse, this team will make the playoffs, maybe even roll into
them.
Real Salt Lake - 34 points, 10-9-4 (9-1-2 home, 1-8-2 away),
33 gf, 40 ga (-7), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: WLDLWWLDDW (4-3-3 (4-0-2 home, 0-3-1
away), 16 gf, 14 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHAHHAHAH
Record v IN Teams: 2-1-0
Record v OUT Teams: 2-2-3
Current Thumbnail Profile: RSL set their level by getting
only two points of nine from their last three games - and against some league
stragglers (e.g., @ Minnesota, v. Colorado, @ San Jose). Whether that carries
them to playoffs have plenty to do with teams struggling below them.
Last Week: They got the minimal required performance by
beating a positively whimpering Chicago Fire side, at home, where they are
very, very good. Better still, Damir Kreilach looked good (in the highlights),
and Jefferson Savarino looked better. No, they don’t look like world-beaters,
but they have the foundation of a decent team and this should get them to the
playoffs.
Next Week: They host Montreal, before playing LAFC on the
road. Getting three points out of that would probably keep them alive. If they
get six - and that’s, like, crazy unlikely with that road record - the trends
look a little different.
5 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/5
Their last 5 still won’t be easy, but enough things might
conspire to keep RSL competitive (or at least in the playoffs).
Vancouver Whitecaps FC - 30 points, 8-9-6 (5-2-4 home, 3-7-2
away), 36 gf, 46 ga (-10), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: DWWLLWLLWD (4-4-2 (3-1-1 home, 1-3-1
away), 19 gf, 20 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: HAHAHHAAHA
Record v IN Teams: 0-2-1
Record v OUT Teams: 4-2-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: “Still, I wouldn’t bet on them
against most USL teams.” I let that hang longer than I should, but that remains arguable.
The thing about MLS is that it’s easy to see a result and think, “hey, maybe
they’re back on track.” This is Vancouver’s track. They’re on 30 points and
slipping out of the playoffs for a reason.
Last Week: A 2-2 draw at NYCFC, aka, a good result in a sea
of nothing. Even more amazing considering seeing as the ‘Caps barely touched
the ball. While I’m (almost) always happy to see Erik Hurtado score (e.g., not in
Portland, and now Cincinnati), les Pigeons (right?) let them stay in it.
Next Week: As noted above, away to Portland, and, to take a
stab at it: even if you set aside the Timbers’ unbeaten streak, they remain
unbeaten at home. Maybe if Portland’s defense sucked…
6 home games remaining; 5 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/5
They’ll have to survive a couple clusters (Games 23-25 &
31-34) to battle through if they want back in the playoff race. @ NYCFC was
Game 23, btw, and they’ve got Portland and the Red Bulls ahead. Barring more
gutsy draws, this stretch could say plenty.
Seattle Sounders FC - 29 points, 8-9-5 (4-4-2 home, 4-5-3
away), 24 gf, 25 ga (-1), 23 GP)
Last 10 Games, Results: LDLWDDWWWW (5-2-3 (2-1-1 home, 3-1-2
away), 16 gf, 9 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAAAHAHA
Record v IN Teams: 2-2-2
Record v OUT Teams: 3-0-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: Well, shit. Here they come. If
they can keep that goal differential going the right way (five straight wins
helps), they’ll have no trouble hauling down a team like RSL.
Last Week: A 2-1 win in Minnesota they only just got; I
mean, it was Extra Double-Bonus Top-Secret Extra Time when Will Bruin scored the winner. They owe the rest to a fluky, if entirely legit, hand-ball/PK. My
biggest question (and I don’t have the answer) is how vulnerable they looked
over, oh, the opening 68 minutes. Still, good win. Keeps the run going.
Next Week: They host FC Dallas in a Battle of Facades -
i.e., Dallas is brave-facing it, even though they feel the cliff behind them
(so, it’s not impossible), while Seattle understands that things are going
great, but did they remember to wear pants this morning? Honestly, I’d expect
Seattle to win this one. It wouldn’t be a crisis if they don’t - soft schedule,
ahoy! - this is the time of the year when you wanna feel good about yourself.
7 home games remaining, 3 road games. IN/OUT Split: 5/7
For a team still outside the playoffs, they’re still in a
good place.
Minnesota United FC - 28 points, 9-13-1 (8-4-1 home, 1-9-0
away), 36 gf, 46 ga (-10), 23 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLLWLWWWLL (4-6-0 (4-2-0 home, 0-4-0
away), 20 gf, 22 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AAHHAHHHAH
Record v IN Teams: 3-2-0
Record v OUT Teams: 1-4-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: Crawling to respectability, but
that have to keep that pile of losses from growing any bigger. Maybe shift it
to the left, fellas?
Last Week: They lost 1-2 in Minnesota to Seattle, and that’s
the kind of thing that could kick an unsustainable number of legs out from
under the stool. Look! Silver lining: Darwin Quintero can stroll through, or behind, even a
good defense. He's holding up his end, so, that's your dice, Loons defense.
Next Week: Away to the Galaxy and, yes, that’s 1,000%
sink-or-swim. The smart money has to be on the Loons sinking.
4 home games remaining; 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/3
The best thing you can say about that schedule is that some
of the IN teams they face have slowed down (e.g., SKC), but that IN/OUT split,
and on that few home games? Knock a forest’s worth of wood.
Houston Dynamo - 27 points, 7-9-6 (6-4-2 home, 1-5-4 away),
39 gf, 33 ga (+6), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LWLDWDDLLL (2-5-3 (2-2-2 home, 0-3-1
away), 15 gf, 15 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHAHHAHHAA
Record v IN Teams: 0-4-2
Record v OUT Teams: 2-1-1
Current Thumbnail Profile: A middling time with a wild side,
basically. That said, their goal for/against/differential defies freakin’
logic. Only six MLS teams have scored more goals, 14 teams have allowed more
goals…but here’s Houston, seven points out of the playoff picture, and with a +6
goal differential? Sure, kid, sure.
Last Week: How do they do it? Slow and steady - e.g., by
losing by just one goal to SKC, and in Houston. A squirrelly sending off hurt ‘em
a little (maybe reverse that one?), but they needed this game too much to lose
it.
Next Week: Away to Columbus, which seems bad, but, now that the
wonkiness of the Dynamo’s production v. scoring caught my eye, I get why people
can’t read them. They’re probably the best worst team in MLS. They really can
beat anybody, they just usually don’t.
6 home games remaining; 8 road games. IN/OUT Split: 9/5
This team walks through the Shadow of the Valley of Death
mid-September. That’s still out there, and they’re way down here.
Colorado Rapids - 20 points, 5-12-5 (4-5-3 home, 1-7-2
away), 27 gf, 37 ga (-10), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LDWWLLDDLW (3-4-3 (2-1-2 home, 1-3-1
away), 13 gf, 16 ga)
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAHAHAAH
Record v IN Teams: 1-2-1
Record v OUT Teams: 2-2-2
Current Thumbnail Profile: The last 10 games sincerely count
as “a run” for the Rapids and, unless I botched the math, only 11 teams have
compiled a better record over their last 10 than the Rapids. NOTE: Kellyn
Acosta has had a promising start…
Last Week: Fought all the way back from a goal down to beat
LA 2-1 in Colorado. As alluded to above, Acosta put the team on his shoulders
for the equalizer and, with Edgar Castillo lashing forward on his left like the punch you never see coming,
Colorado might have finally pulled together an attack.
Next Week: They host San Jose, and I’d keep your assumptions
to a minimum on that. It’s absolutely the Rapids’ game to lose, but it wouldn’t
be the first time they did that in 2018.
5 home games remaining, 7 road games. IN/OUT Split: 6/6
“This team needed to start a good run three weeks ago,” I
wrote 2-3 weeks ago, and one win, even an impressive one, has a Titanic’s hope
of changing that.
San Jose Earthquakes - 16 points, 3-12-7 (1-4-4 home, 2-8-3
away), 33 gf, 42 ga (-9), 22 GP
Last 10 Games, Results: LLDDDLLLDW (1-5-4 (0-4-1 home, 1-1-3
away), 14 gf, 18 ga
Last 10 Games, Home/Away: AHHAHAAHHA
Record v IN Teams: 1-4-2
Record v OUT Teams: 0-3-0
Current Thumbnail Profile: While it’s impossible to argue
they’re doing well, the ‘Quakes just played through a tough stretch. On the
other hand, this team sees no other kind of stretch, and somehow the games
ahead look worse. With Florian Jungwirth admitting it could be personnel, if
relegation were a thing…just sayin', man…
Last Week: Holy shit! A win! 3-1 at Dallas, too! And there's fucking video, guys! I call this
a reward for hard work. For all its problems, this team hasn’t once dropped its
head during its saunter through Hell (they did, however, drop Fatai Alashe. And
Wondo, the old dog, made that goal for them. He’s not Messi or anything, but the
man credit the man for still demanding a career.
Next Week: Away to Colorado and suddenly that game looks
different.
7 home games remaining, 6 road games. IN/OUT Split: 8/5
The wall is coming. Games 25-32 would be tough for any team,
but for San Jose, it’s closer to insurmountable.
This concludes the tidal wave of information.
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