Getting Reacquainted with Red Bull New York, MLS's Ugly Duckling (And All That Means)

Pow.

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History
Born as the New York/New Jersey Metro Stars (and with a logo inspired by, yet embarrassing for, the bottom of a skateboard), Red Bull New York, aka, New Jersey’s finest soccer team, has always been a weird one – e.g., the one time they reached MLS Cup (2008), they made it by way of a run through MLS’s Western Conference. Despite later, praiseworthy successes (wait for it), the Red Bulls have been…haunted, I suppose(?), by a failure to take that final step – hence, the once-famous saying, “that’s so Metro.” Did that start over the earliest seasons when they missed the playoffs almost as often as they made them (they even felt the cruel caress of a Wooden Spoon in 1999), or when they seized their second Wooden Spoon in 2009 (yep! the season after their only MLS Cup)? I don’t know, honestly. What I do know is that the rebrand from MetroStars to Red Bull came in 2006, immediately before that sharp rise to and fall from glory. And yet, that second Wooden Spoon season aside, the Red Bulls became the team that MLS fans know today – i.e., the one that qualifies for the playoffs every single season (which, per one in-house source, is a sportz record). They’ve crossed that threshold with a heavy limp, at times, and more lately than before (i.e., four of the past five seasons). In some ways, that has become the Red Bulls new normal…

Best Season(s)
It’s gotta be one of the three seasons that Red Bull won the Supporters’ Shield, so that’s 2013, 2015 and 2018. All that started with the arrival of France/Arsenal legend Thierry Henry, but he was only around for the 2013 Shield and probably mattered most in terms of creating a culture of success and/or embracing the full potential of having one of the world’s most famous cities (NYC) as a recruitment draw. Only two big-name players were present for all three Shields, both of whom belong on the MLS all-time lists for me: Luis Robles, one of the more underrated goalkeepers in MLS history, and Bradley Wright-Phillips, one of the best pure, poaching goal-scorers the league has ever seen. Midfield machine Dax McCarty deserves honorable mention for being present for two of their Shields, but how much this succession of Red Bull teams rotated and still found good parts to replace the departing ones – e.g., Tim Cahill, Jamison Olave and Tim Cahill in 2013, Damien Perinelle, Sacha Kljestan and (why not?) Mike Grella in 2015, and Aaron Long, Sean Davis and Daniel Royer in 2018 - is more or less the story.

An MLS History Project, 2000: It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Least Watchable of Times

Bro. Don't. It doesn't end well.

First, and full disclosure, you can skip this post and just watch a young Rob Stone tell you the story of the 2000 MLS season. That’s about an hour of your life (and why'd they stop making those?!), so this’ll be shorter. Probably. I do go on…starting now…

If I gave the impression that I can place some, or even all MLS Cups in time, this is inaccurate. The 2000 MLS Cup Final, on the other hand, sticks in my memory like a rock in a shoe. It was the first final in league history that I dreaded and prayed to all the gods I can name (it’s a lot) to keep it from coming to pass. It did, obviously, and the 2000 Kansas City Wizards team that won it was that rock in my shoe. It took their more recent face-lift and a general improvement in their approach to the game to make me stop hating them. So, that was what? 15 years?

The Wizards won MLS Cup that season by beating a far more interesting Chicago Fire 1-0 on an 11th minute goal by Danish import, Miklos Molnar. To look back through brighter lenses, that awful ending casts a shadow over a season that sparkled with all kinds of massive debuts. The 2000 season saw the great incoming and upcoming of some of the most important players in MLS history, but it was the latter group (e.g., the upcomers) that teams would rely on and build around for the entire decade to come. As you’ll see when I get to them, these aren’t all household names; better still, at least one actual legend made a lot of noise when he joined the league, only to leave it with a bitchy little Teutonic whimper. I’ll get to all that, but, first, I’ve got to talk about MLS’s updated mechanics.

A lot of league’s most infamous gimmicks – no ties, the 35-yard shootout that prevented them, the ridiculous scoring system that followed from, keeping time on a scoreboard clock that counted down to 0:00 with no input from the referee, and so on; just all the comical misjudging of what American soccer fans wanted, not to mention the idea that that stupid shit would lure fans of America’s Big 4-5 to soccer (deep breath) – those all died with First Kick 2000. Don’t take that to mean the fever had totally broken: