The Houston Game Showed Portland the Way: Can They Take It?

A Portrait of the Author on the Silver Screen. Or in World War II. Been to both.

In a post last week, I wrote a check against future credibility that I'm not 100% sure I can cover. To refresh memories, I studied all 25 goals the Timbers have scored in 2015 (now 28; thank you to persons involved) as a frame to discuss what the Portland Timbers do when they attack the opposition, or try to. I ended that post, 1) a bit in my cups; and 2) by suggesting...no, stating that I would talk about how to fix the problem this week. And with the personnel on hand.

Looking back on it all, I feel OK saying that whole idea was crazy. Or, better, beyond my knowledge and talents. If I could put together a post on that, and one worth reading, I may as well go start climbing the coaching ladder. Because professional stability is my personal "woobie" and on the suspicion that I'd probably start hiding from my players after the first confrontation (think Major Major from Catch-22), that's out. Another obstacle came with a morning-after-sane-light-of-day realization that the only things I could think to say on the subject echoed things I've said in the 20+ game reports on this site – e.g. I'm a fan of overloads. And...and...well, this is why I don't coach. Well, that plus the conflict anxiety thing.

But the statement obligates some kind of stab at the subject, no matter how feeble. I won't lie. When the first wave of writer's block hit, I consciously blocked out time to watch all of last Friday's game between the Timbers and the Houston Dynamo days after it happened (this is braver than it sounds; I actually caught enough of the match to see all four goals in context; then I watched the 20-minute mini-game; followed that up with the full 90 tonight; my family is looking at me in a way I can't quite translate; will call for help if needed; anyway). The hope was that the team would bail me out; I waited for them to put on a clinic, so I could sit down tonight and simply say, "like that. Portland should attack like that."

Houston 3-1 Portland: 3 (Damned, Dirty Things)

Why, Nat Borchers? WHY??

Check my (slightly mushy) rankings post, and you'll see that I still haven't decided whether the Houston Dynamo is having a good 2015, or a bad 2015. When you're trying to run a yardstick over your own team – specifically, one that coughed up three super-soft, Sunday league goals roughly 2 hours, 45 minutes and 40 minutes ago (as I type this intro, obviously) – that's something you want to know.

Then again, is it? Because those three super-soft, shitty (can I add the word , "shitty?") Sunday league goals pretty much tell the story of the Portland Timbers' 3-1 loss in stupid, sweaty Houston, Texas. To give some idea of the profound emotional dissatisfaction I'm feeling tonight, here's a killer detail: I wasn't even sure Fanendo Adi's goal went in in real time. I only clued in when Diego Valeri embraced Adi and the people around me started clapping. Yes, this is no one's fault but mine, but tonight’s loss has a handful of "proud" owners.

Before reading the Riot Act in Three Parts, let's pause to touch on Houston. The Dynamo didn't have a great night tonight, so much as an effective one. Their players followed up when they needed to (Houston's 3rd goal), stayed switched on during half-broken plays (their 2nd goal), and they stood tall and brave against all the soft serve crap that the Timbers threw at them. Sure, that boils down to batting away a series of warm-up pitches. The last possession stat I saw (probably halftime) showed Portland in the lows 60s and Houston in the high 30s. That only goes to show that possession is as least as much fetish than potential. When it comes to putting possession on a pedestal, lord knows I've stuffed in the ball-gag, put on the chaps, etc. It's gotta work, y'know, or it's just awkward performance art, no matter how private (no image; don't worry).

The whole thing with possession was going to be one of my talking points, but a better one bumped it off the list. Regardless, the list below comes in the order in which each point preoccupies me. Feel free to contest...

Houston v. Portland Preview, More Rope Is Dope; + MLS Week 11 Previews

It's all good. VALERI!

I'll start with a brief confession: I’m a little limited when it comes to actually studying games. Oh, the number of games I've started swearing to keep a close eye on a certain player, or to watch a team's approaches to a game to where I'll get some sense of why they're playing a certain way. This comes off...rarely. Sure, if someone points out a detail, I'll pick it up pretty quickly, but, in the final analysis, though, my "analysis" boils down to "that guy kicked the ball good."

Self-flagellation now over, it's time to turn to MLS's Week 11 offerings, starting with the Portland Timbers, the mighty, mighty, tighty-whitey Portland Timbers. Huzzah! I'll run through the rest of the games, briefly, after running the ruler over...

Houston Dynamo v. Portland Timbers
A Look Back in Angora
Hat-tip to Ed Wood (or Tim Burton) for that subtitle, but last weekend's win over the Montreal Impact seems to have Timbers community feeling new uncomfortable things - like optimism. Diego Valeri's 70+ minute return made for the big (obvious) news, as did the fact and manner of his game-winning goal (hey, why not re-live it?). Portland got rolling (in the 2nd) and everything just looked...more coherent in the attack than it has all season. Part of me wants to argue (again) that one player's absence shouldn't hurt a team so much; another part of me shrugs and settles into this "que sera, sera" mind-set of feeling thankful to have the Franciscan back on the fold (seriously, something vaguely monastic surrounds Valeri, that blend of seriousness, rigor, humility and sincerity). The defense continues to be sound and, check this out, turns out the Timbers are a pretty good road team. That's a good thing seeing as they're on the road again this weekend. Sure, there's probably some stat about the Timbers turning in shit results after a win, but I'm going to wallow in the bliss of my ignorance, thanks.

Moving onto Houston...