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| Aww, cute! (But also profoundly embarrassing.) |
[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]
Thumbnail History
Charlotte FC joined the league in 2022. They missed the playoffs that season, but made them in 2023. After that, I have a nasty habit of picturing them as a team wholly composed of Brandt Bronicos. Oh yeah, and they lured Bill Tuiloma from my Portland Timbers and I was always something of an overzealous Tuiloma stan. He and I are both thankful that I never figured out where he lived while he was with Portland…
Best Season(s)/”Long-Term” Tendencies
2023, if with a Derringer’s bullet. The only difference I found between 2022 and 2023 was the fact that they scored one goal less in 2022 – i.e., 44 versus 45 in 2023. That’s literally it. Charlotte allowed the same number of goals both seasons (52) and finished 19th overall in both seasons. In other words, they fielded an utterly middling team in both 2022 and 2023, but, because MLS expanded the number of teams that qualified for the playoffs from a (half-)sensible 14 in 2022 to a comically expansive 18 in 2023, Charlotte cleared the lowered bar. Hold on, it gets better. Their defense actually performed worse against the goals allowed average in 2023, when the average for goals on both ends was 46.8, than it did in 2022, when that same average was 50.3.
Why’d MLS do it? I’m guessing they knew Messi was coming, so they lowered the bar for making the playoffs a little. Sure, that reads like a conspiracy theory, but, GODS, that’s an embarrassing thing to do in any case. To repeat the question that gets asked every fucking season, why does MLS bother with a regular season? Why do any of us? Worse, it's not like this did Charlotte any favors, who got slaughtered in the pointless play-in round.
Identity: Meh, almost distilled meh.
Joy Points: 0, which feels entirely and depressingly apt.
[Ed. – There is no point to a “names to know” section on a team entering its third season…]
