Getting Reacquainted with Charlotte FC, aka, What a (Stupid) Rule Change Has Wrought

Aww, cute! (But also profoundly embarrassing.)

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

Charlotte FC joined the league in 2022. They missed the playoffs that season, but made them in 2023. After that, I have a nasty habit of picturing them as a team wholly composed of Brandt Bronicos. Oh yeah, and they lured Bill Tuiloma from my Portland Timbers and I was always something of an overzealous Tuiloma stan. He and I are both thankful that I never figured out where he lived while he was with Portland…

Best Season(s)/”Long-Term” Tendencies

2023, if with a Derringer’s bullet. The only difference I found between 2022 and 2023 was the fact that they scored one goal less in 2022 – i.e., 44 versus 45 in 2023. That’s literally it. Charlotte allowed the same number of goals both seasons (52) and finished 19th overall in both seasons. In other words, they fielded an utterly middling team in both 2022 and 2023, but, because MLS expanded the number of teams that qualified for the playoffs from a (half-)sensible 14 in 2022 to a comically expansive 18 in 2023, Charlotte cleared the lowered bar. Hold on, it gets better. Their defense actually performed worse against the goals allowed average in 2023, when the average for goals on both ends was 46.8, than it did in 2022, when that same average was 50.3.

Why’d MLS do it? I’m guessing they knew Messi was coming, so they lowered the bar for making the playoffs a little. Sure, that reads like a conspiracy theory, but, GODS, that’s an embarrassing thing to do in any case. To repeat the question that gets asked every fucking season, why does MLS bother with a regular season? Why do any of us? Worse, it's not like this did Charlotte any favors, who got slaughtered in the pointless play-in round.

Identity: Meh, almost distilled meh.

Joy Points: 0, which feels entirely and depressingly apt.

[Ed. – There is no point to a “names to know” section on a team entering its third season…]

Where They Finished in 2023 & What the Past Says About That, If Anything

Covered above: they finished 19th because that seems to be what they do.

Started, going...continuing?

Notes/Impressions on the Current Roster/State of Ambition

I was reminded today that The Mothership (aka, MLSSoccer.com) never updates its goddamn roster pages - something that really makes one wonder why anyone bothers with unpaid interns – so I’m going to start (belatedly) leaning into Matt Doyle’s roster/depth chart updates as I wrap up this project. As noted in his latest Eastern Conference update, Charlotte moved from Vinicius Mello (aka, who?), left Harrison Afful and Derrick Jones free to pursue fresh opportunities, and finally swallowed the presumable loss on Polish midfielder Kamil Jozwiak, who fell short of what one would expect from a DP, if perhaps not to the extent Doyle (arguably) obsessed over. The team also appeared to miss on a big signing, and there’s a potential d-mid signing lingering in the wings, but, because I don’t see the point in evaluating players until they actually turn up, all that should be treated as a counter-factual till further notice. Now, as for the roster Charlotte actually has, it looks like they’re still relying on Karol Swiderski to pull quadruple shifts as midfielder/forward/winger/distant father and hoping big, splashy signing Enzo Copetti comes better one hell of a lot better than he did in 2023. I don’t want to characterize the roster as effectively anonymous from there…but at the same time results are results and nothing that I’m seeing on Charlotte’s current (if unamended) roster leads me to expect they’ll go anywhere without actually landing some of the signings they’ve attempted. And yet, it’s pretty clear the ambition is there. Regardless of what happened with Jozwiak, his signing showed ambition. So did Copetti's. Hell, they even went stupidly large on Tuiloma (i.e., the Timbers F.O. would have been some combination of stoned, irrational, and generous as St. Francis to turn down what Charlotte offered for him). Based on what I’ve seen so far, the team Charlotte reminds me of most is Orlando, i.e., a team that kept throwing around cash until the right player picked it up. So, yeah, we’ll see where things go…and if they finish 19th and make the playoffs again…swear to GOD…

* Joy Point Index

Winning the CONCACAF Champions’ League: 5 points

Claiming Supporters’ Shield : 4 points

Winning MLS Cup: 3 points

MLS Cup Runner-Up: 2 points

Winning the U.S. Open Cup: 2 points

Winning CONCACAF Champions Cup: 2 points

MLS Is Back Cup: 2 points (yeah, yeah, I’m a Timbers fan; still, that was a tough one)

CONCACAF Champions League Semifinalist: 1 point

Making the Playoffs: 1 point

Missing the Playoffs: -1 point

Missing Playoffs in 1996-97, 2002-2004 (when 80% of the league qualified): - 2 points

Wooden Spoon: -3 points