Portland Timbers 2-1 Seattle Sounders: Think Happy Thoughts. And That's Mostly Directed at Me

The beeesssttt of both worlds...

The super-big, important thing to keep in mind – and I type those silly words with only a few trifling complaints about tonight in my head – the Seattle Sounders have been as bad as the Portland Timbers lately; worse (for them), they completely pissed away the first 40 minutes of the second half through not knowing what to do and fucking up pretty much everything they attempted. It was the opposite of impressive.

And yet, I am thankful because the Timbers needed tonight’s 2-1 win like a fish needs water and a mammal needs fresh air to fill its lungs. It’s mostly happy stuff from here on out, and I may be speaking for myself here, but I would be very, very cautious about reading a turn-around to a fitful 2022 season into this game. That’s to say, one can can’t talk about how iffy a team has been going into a game only to talk around it when said iffy team spends...let’s see, call it the 20th minute that Seattle started doing nothing, and I’d say that carried to the 80th minute, maybe the 75th at the earliest, so, yeah, by my count, the Sounders checked out for somewhere between 55 and 60 minutes of the game. All I’m saying is I wouldn’t count on any other teams to do that.

But full credit to the Timbers. They had their own period of figuring out which way is up (pssst...it’s up), they even went down a goal on a set-piece that said “HELLO” like a whiff of cat-piss (speaking from experience), but Portland did something tonight that they haven’t done since...I’m going by memory here, but I’d say either the home win over the San Jose Earthquakes or battling road draw at Minnesota United FC – i.e., make the game play out on their terms. Most of that, if not all of it, turned on the defining fundamental in all sports: the art of execution. And, as I often do, I must confess to heresy as an auto-da-fe.

All the way up to the exact second Eryk Williamson ran into Yeimar Gomez Andrade’s legs (and blow it out yer ass, Kasey Keller), I couldn’t see a path to the Timbers first goal. A very large part of that actually went back to Williamson, a player who, at least tonight showed a lack of mobility that I’ve not seen since OG MLS-legend, Carlos Valderrama. God’s honest, I watched Eryk all night and the man barely moved. With the game winding down and everything (which, here, means another fucking draw) on the table, I saw Williamson occupy a space in the channel two-three yards above the top of the 18...and that’s it. He literally stood there and directed traffic. The ball came in and out of that space a couple times, Eryk stepped vaguely toward, but, again, that’s it.

MLS Weakly, 01 30 2021: Ignoring the Big Whale in the Fish Tank

It’s been one of those weeks in the domestic soccer world in which big things have moved very, very slowly. On the one hand, sure, trades great and small continue to come together and fall apart, but an air of irrelevance will swallow them up until the relevant parties land the whale in the fish tank one way or the other…

…which refers, of course, to the ongoing negotiations over the collective bargaining agreement (CBA) between Major League Soccer (MLS) and its players’ union (MLSPA). Because my thinking on that has only got more muddled and frustrated, I’ve decided to bury the comments on it at the end of the post. I mean, why not pretend the lockout threatened by the owners won’t happen all the way up to the moment when it does? Let’s pull of a reverse mullet and put the party in the front and the business in the back.

A couple players moved around - e.g., Kelyn Rowe signed with the Seattle Sounders, Atlanta United signed some old dude (37) for a year, and the Portland Timbers are still somehow working on “finalizing” the signing of right back Josecarlos Van Rankin - which doesn’t give much to talk about on that front. The U.S. Men’s National Team* plays a game tomorrow against Trinidad & Tobgao - and I will watch it, thirsty bastard that I am, while refusing to give in to the hype of the countdown to kickoff timer that U.S. Soccer posted (for now) on its site, or the idea that I’ll watch anything of consequence when I turn in, never mind three of them.

[*Ed. - The U.S. Women’s National Team has three games in February and I still feel…funny, I guess about watching one national team, but not the other. The only response/defense I have is that I need a certain amount of context in order to enjoy (or, more accurately, judge something) and that leaves time to enjoy one national team, and so I stick with the one I started with…even as I believe I won’t live to see the U.S. Men win a World Cup….ooh, a poll!]

Thus beginneth and endeth league-wide news. The league released an outline of the 2021 MLS schedule, but it’s unclear at time of writing that they did that for the fans or for their own purposes - specifically, to put more pressure on the players to give in on the presently-stalled CBA negotiations. Think MLS gave the MLSPA until February 5 to captiula…or, rather, agree to a shaf…or, rather, sign the CBA and move on. Y’know, for the sake of unity, a popular argument these days.

The middle section of this post will, 1) kick around some idle thoughts on the two teams I follow, Portland and FC Cincinnati, and 2) talk as if the season will happen. To start with the easy one.

Portland Timbers 1-1 New England Revolution: We Might Be Their Ceiling, But What Are We?

Same thing, only not elated. (Also, my apologies on the sizing, but I committed.)

I won’t beat around the bush. The Portland Timbers' 1-1 draw against the New England Revolution just left me feeling funny. Not ha ha funny, but not bad funny either. Here, “funny” just means weird, as if some solid object in the corner of my eye looks different than it normally does.

Maybe it’s that simple. After the Timbers first three games of the season made it reasonable to dream of a Supporters’ Shield delivered by the pantheon of False Gods of the Holidays (say, The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Jack Skellington, Uncle Sam, a crying, headless turkey, and…fuck, I dunno, a fire-proof flag?), the last two games underlined the more plausible case – i.e., that none of this will be easy. Because it never is.

It could also be that so much of tonight felt so good. I mean, Portland had this, and the Revolution didn’t do shit, really, till they scored their heartbreaking equalizer – and, guys, Jake Gleeson, that’s all I’m saying. And I was, I mean, I am a big, big fan (but, Jake, srsly, with limits). Sure, New England ratcheted up the pressure throughout the game, but the break-through never really felt like it would come, at least not until it did. But it did, so…

Think of your favorite moment from this game. No, besides Diego Valeri’s Goal-of-the-Year-Burn-the-Ballots-NOW-Assholes volley to give Portland the early, and, for much of the night, plausibly impermeable lead. Review the evening and think about the thing you saw that made the Portland Timbers feel like an elite team, the Seal Team 6 of MLS…I mean insofar as the league allows that kind of thing. Here’s mine: Diego Guzman turning pirouettes inside (I swear) the Timbers’ 6-yard box, on his way to playing the ball crisply out of danger with the insouciance of a tight-rope walker wearing clown shoes. Guys, we have something else special on our hands now, and one of the great game-busting mechanisms in the (not universal; see, tonight) high-press era. More on that later, for I have a continuation and a counter-point to make….

New England Revolution 5-2 Minnesota United FC: I Can't Scout Under These Conditions

Minnesota is ruining science.

Until further notice, it makes sense to set results against Minnesota United FC outside the normal run of results. Their defense is that bad, worse even than the (holy shit!) 18 goals they’ve allowed this season. That’s over four games, or a faint-inducing 4.5 goals conceded per game.

I just, oh, 2/3 watched the New England Revolution beat Minnesota 5-2 (you can get most the information noted herein by bouncing around in there), and that 1/3-level distraction owes pretty much everything to the point made above. This thing ended as a contest at the half, so, when given the chance to read about the shit-show that is Southern manufacturing (Note: depressing), I didn’t mind the distraction so much. It only occurred to me around the 70th minute that I was watching the Portland Timbers’ next opponent after Columbus Crew SC today, but I don’t think a game this screwy gives much in the way of insight…

…but, I’m here, and now you’re here, so I may as well say something. Here goes.

Scouting New England

- With allowances for what I’m now calling the Vadim Demidov rule, Juan Agudelo had a great game. He scored two goals and drew a penalty (against Demidov), but his first was a headed tap-in, and his second owes at least a little to bad goalkeeping by Bobby Shuttleworth.

- Diego Fagundez impressed me today as much as anyone, and mostly with the range and quality of his passing. While not even sort of perfect, his feed to Lee Nguyen (of whom, meh) for New England’s 2nd broke a bad spell for the Revs that saw them playing too wide. Minnesota also struggled to contain his runs, letting him break the midfield line again and again and again (and again).

- I like where I’m seeing Kelyn Rowe for New England. He’s a pugnacious little shit, so I think playing him more centrally, and a little deeper suits him.

- Given how freakishly lopsided this game was, the breakdowns in New England’s defense should have them worried/Timbers fans salivating. I’m talking less about that first goal – which required a deflection from the gods – than the second set-piece goal, or the couple times ‘keeper Cody Cropper bobbled crosses. Cropper did come up with a big save, but the way that ball bobbled around didn't look so good. With Portland’s attack putting defenses in a blender, that doesn’t augur well for New England’s upcoming visit to the Rose City.

Pitying Minnesota

So far, this team has set out to answer the question, is there an MLS level? And they are answering in a strong positive. I could note that Bashkim Kadrii managed a couple decent crosses in the first half (but not enough of them, clearly, seeing as he got subbed at the half), but nothing really matters for Minnesota till they get their defense in order. And I mean all of their defense, because the problems run far, far, deeper than Demidov, or even just the back four. The midfield separated from the defense repeatedly in the first half, which left Revolution attackers running free in the space in between…and Minnesota just can’t do that, not with defenders that are that bad/slow/shitty.

Because Minnesota can’t just bring in defenders willy-nilly, this team needs to change how they defend. And urgently. Even if it’s just stacking the two banks of four inside the 18, they simply have to stop bleeding goals or they are going to have a shitty, shitty, shitty – and, one more – SHITTY season. Unless I miss my count, they’re sitting on a -12 goal differential. Four games in. That is disastrous.

New England: A Couple Pieces from Greatness?

It's part of what we all want, isn't it, in our sadness?

I read an article by the The Armchair Analyst, Matt Doyle, in which he broke down the transfer-window needs of every team in Major League Soccer. What he wrote about New York City FC, in particular, really caught my eye:

"Work the phones trying to unload one of their youngish guys with potential (Steven Mendoza, Patrick Mullins, Khiry Shelton) or – if anybody wants him – midfielder Mix Diskerud for a starting-caliber center back."

First of all, Mix...how do you feel about an opportunity where part of the compensation includes an opportunity to get out from under that inflated contract? If so, we can talk. If not...

Odd as it might be to argue this the week after a team picked up an encouragingly comprehensive win, but, if you switch around a couple names, that same argument applies to the New England Revolution and, as I see it, with bells on. Doyle's piece goes on to argue in favor of bringing back an out-of-contract A. J. Soares, but that's just something I'd encourage most MLS teams to consider (yes, even Portland).

MLS Week 28 Review: Blow-by-Blow, Team-by-Team

Our interns, hard at work.

As regular readers know, we at C & C Labs (Conifers & Citrus Laboratories, LLP) experiment continuously with framing, formatting and concepts, all with the long-term goal of presenting the perfect readable post. Yes, we've laid some mutant eggs – let us not forget...well, shit, already forgot it, apparently, but, suffice to say, we've laid some eggs that the mother not only walked away from, but quietly pushed off a cliff. And she's right. Fuck those things.

At any rate, somewhere in the middle of spacing off during...again, I dunno, some game, we came up with another approach, this one involving a full-spectrum review of Major League Soccer review that taxes neither writer nor reader. And doesn't that sound...just nice? This is really straight-forward (for once): I frame every game that happened in the week just past and wrap it up in one of two ways:

1) I provide three talking points for each club for the games where I went the full 90; and
2) Just one talking point per team for each game where I only took in the 20-minute mini-game.

Nifty, I think, and clear, I hope. The "interest rankings" have been updated at right. So, let's get rolling.

MLS Week 28
It's pretty easy to frame the week as a whole: the clubs that look ready showed it by winning where and when they should. The clubs that didn't? Well, they choked, didn't they? Some more than others, too, but most begged questions along the way. In the former column (winners!), you've got Columbus Crew SC, New York Red Bulls, the New England Revolution, and, if you're stretching, FC Dallas. So, who blew it this weekend? How about the Houston Dynamo, the Seattle Sounders and...goddammit, the Portland Timbers. Yeah, we're in there...especially given what Orlando did to Sporting Kansas City just today. Jeez-and-Us. Then again, guess who else slipped? The mighty, mighty, almighty Los Angeles Galaxy. So the league condenses again!

On to the games, full 90 first!

Portland Timbers v. Sporting KC; already written up, and in some distress.