New York City FC 1-2 Portland Timbers: A Long, Lucky Breather

No, really. We got this coach...

If there is a bigger cliché in soccer than the Tale of Two Halves, I don’t know what it is. New York City FC freshened it up a little, in that it was mostly them to which the cliché applied. It was as if Nick Cushing asked his players at halftime whether they were tired and, upon agreeing they all were, they torched a game-plan that had run over the Portland Timbers over the opening 30 minutes. Portland took the space NYC left open for them to (very) slowly get back in the game (I have the Timbers first shot on goal at the 73rd through Nathan Fogaca) and yet, with time on the edge of running out, a heretofore indifferent Evander floated a late, glorious winner over NYC ‘keeper Matt Freese. With that, Portland picked up a 2-1 road win that no one could have seen coming even by the halftime whistle.

Which was weird, right? I try to avoid counterfactuals – because, lo, the game played out the way it did in all known dimensions – but some part of me has to wonder about all the different ways that game could have ended. Especially given that it started with New York City so deep down Portland’s throat that I’m surprised that didn’t run clear out their ass all the way to New Jersey.

Words to describe how scattered and dizzy Portland started don’t come easy. The only part of any Timber to touch the ball over the opening 10 minutes was Dairon Asprilla’s forehead and even that happened only once or twice (related, please relegate that tactical choice to the rubbish heap, on the grounds it does not work). When NYCFC scored their inevitable break-through goal off a thrice-recycled corner at the 10th minute (think of all the planet we could save with such a program), things looked bad. That outlook downgraded to dire over the ensuing 25 minutes and, here, even the most stubborn Timbers fan should acknowledge that New York should have gone two goals up at a minimum and going up three was deeply in the conversation. The exhibits on offer:

Exhibit A: the (sixth or seventh) run around Portland’s right that had Mounsef Bakrar running free at an actually prone Maxime Crepeau in Portland’s goal; and

Exhibit B: the slip/sideways pass by Crepeau directly to an NYCFC player who had nothing a recovering Zac McGraw between him and an open goal.

New York had more chances besides (the highlights have most of 'em, just not Exhibit B) – in all honesty, they could have been up 4-0 with true finishing – and then, to paraphrase Star Wars, the guns, they stopped.

New York City FC: Remember When New York Was Cool?

NOTE: Freaky AI art, not a stake-out

“On paper, New York City FC's attack should be way better than this. Mounsef Bakrar and Jovan Mijatović at striker. Julián Fernández and Agustín Ojeda as wingers (Talles Magno is out hurt). Santiago Rodríguez and Hannes Wolf as chance creators. Long-term, I'll hedge on that group clicking.”

- Jonathan Sigal, 29 Takeaways: One Thought on Every Team After Match Day 3

After sitting through New York City FC’s 0-2 Week 2 road loss at St. Louis CITY FC, I can confirm. As a side note, I don’t know how he gets to Match Day 3 when every team in Major League Soccer save two (Inter Miami CF and Real Salt Lake) have played just two games. But I digress…

With the MLS season in its late-preschool years (did the math; turns out if you take the average U.S. life expectancy of 77.28 years and divide it by 34 games, each game equates to roughly 2.3 human years), NYCFC doesn’t have much for a track record for 2024. I can, however, provide the following facts: they currently sit at the bottom of the Eastern Conference with an 0-2-0 record and a -3 goal differential, with zero goals scored. Both losses came on the road – the first against Charlotte FC, the second at St. Louis – and NYC is hardly piling up chances, posting 19 shots between the two games, with just four on goal, and a flaccid xG of 0.6 in Game 1 and 0.7 in Game 2. Now, one could put that down to a slow start, opening with two games on the road, the yips, a gypsy curse, a bad, as-yet-undisclosed Tarot reading – wrap your imagination in a freak flag and let ‘em fly – but, those issues with scoring carried over from a 2023 season that saw NYC get one thin whisker over 1.0 goals per game for the season (the actual number: 1.03 goals/game). In other words, this is a thing.

That thing really stunk up that loss at St. Louis, too. I spent the game waiting for NYC to do anything worth reporting, but like 83% of police stakeouts (this stat is not real), I wound up watching 90+ minutes of a whole lot of nothing from them – at least on the attacking side. St. Louis, on the other hand, found multiple looks on goal – and don’t let that 3 shots on goal fool you, because, on top of scoring the two goals, both Cello Pompeu (who’s looks worth the look) and Samuel Adeniran (ditto) knocked shots from about 20 yards out off the same post…which makes one wonder who’ll step up for the Portland Timbers.

I’ll get to that, but, with an eye to keeping a leash on the chatter, I’m condensing my scouting notes on NYCFC to five, quick-hit talking points. If I was better, younger and more confident, I’d post video, but I don’t have the foggiest as to how to do that. So enjoy….words!