Getting Reacquainted with Houston Dynamo FC, MLS's Stubborn Workhorses

It got 'em there. Four times, in fact.

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Houston Dynamo FC, then just the Houston Dynamo, weren’t MLS’s first second-wave expansion team (i.e., the ones that came after the 2001 contraction); calling them one doesn’t quite tally either because and they never had to go through the proper expansion team exercise of building from nothing. Moreover, they got stupid fucking lucky in that the team they received had just hoisted the Supporters’ Shield the season prior in San Jose.

As noted in the previous chapter in this series, the San Jose Earthquakes franchise had caught fire in the years before their ownership group yanked out their roots and moved them to sweaty Texas. A couple players didn’t make the trip – e.g., defenders Danny Califf and long-time forward Ronald Cerritos – but they came with a handful of the most famous names in Houston Dynamo history – e.g., Dwayne DeRosario, Brian Ching, Eddie Robinson, Pat Onstad, (my man) Brad Davis, etc. etc. Between that ready-made roster and employing Dominic Kinnear, one of the best head coaches of the 2000s, they had the horses to kick off franchise history with back-to-back MLS Cups in 2006 and 2007. Some minor stumbles aside, the Dynamo wouldn’t slip far out of contending over their first seven or eight seasons in the league. That’s a bit of trip, honestly, when you review the rosters that battled to losses in the 2011 and 2012 MLS Cups (just…how did that team get there in an 18-/19-team MLS?), but it also shows how far a good foundation (and a succession of stingy defenses) can carry a team. My personal highlights from the Dynamo’s glory years included the fingernail-rending battles they played in against Mexico’s CF Pachuca in the CONCACAF Champions’ Cup/League over the 2008 and 2009 seasons; those games marked the first occasion I genuinely believed MLS teams would eventually compete with Liga MX’s best, a hard goddamn sell in those days. Still, their best days dried up and, aside from the odd hurrah here (U.S. Open Cup winners in 2018!), and the strong run outta nowhere there (2017 playoff semifinalists), Houston idled through the late 2010s and early 2020s while the rest of MLS sprinted ahead. A jarring fall, given their history, and flashes of recovery notwithstanding, the question of whether they can get back up again remains open. For all the good decisions they made going into 2023 – due to the way he fits the Dynamo’s classic controlled(/stingy) playing model, pulling Ben Olsen out of early retirement made all kinds of sense and Mexican legend, Hector Herrera, gave them someone to build around, if only for (literally) two seasons – Houston still hasn’t found the attacking ace they need to make all that thuddingly responsible build-up play payoff. Closer than they have been, in other words, but still a player or two short of dangerous. Paging MLS [#.0]’s version of Ching or DeRo…

Total Joy Points: 18

Portland Timbers Preview: Big Fish, Minnows and Goalz

Confident he thinks soccer is for communists, but still...

I had the pleasure of sitting through all of Houston Dynamo FC’s 4-3 win over the San Jose Earthquakes. And I mean that: that was a fun game, plus I got to see Jeremy Ebobisse score apretty brace (miss you, sir; door’s open for me). Sadly, I’m not sure how much anything I saw there helps me know what to expect during the Portland Timbers’ visit to the (not yet) muggy flatlands of East Texas.

To start, I can assure whatever pain you believe the Timbers' defense has caused you personally, it pales next to what San Jose fans endured at Houston (and generally, from what I gather). Neither team played the cleanest game - in fact, they both gave it away like they didn't want it - but San Jose got so turned in circles that they handed Houston chance after chance - probably a multiple of total goals they scored, even if a low one. The Timbers defense commits the odd gaffe - and, hear me out, what if they don’t do that Saturday? - so Houston should have to work harder for this one. Also, hold that thought…

Acknowledging the above doesn’t get the Timbers off scot-free, obviously, not with the way Houston plays. I, like you, do not like the idea of Fafa Picault running at any of Justin Rasmussen (because, rookie), Pablo Bonilla (because destructive puppy; also, done with his suspension, yeah?) or Josecarlos Van Rankin (because, let me count the ways); and that whole situation only gets worse when you fold a marauding Adam Lundqvist into the equation. Houston’s Tyler Pasher could cause some problems as well, but I have more faith in Claudio Bravo and less in Pasher and that helps me feel a little safer about Portland’s left. I still expect to see some amount of clean-up from whoever starts at center-back (more below), but that’s never not true, so…

To lay all my cards on the table, and this brushes past a recent history of struggles in Texas (ft. The Worst Governor in America), I see this as a game a good Timbers team should win. Still, that's the question isn't: are the Timbers a good team in 2022? That remains open in my mind, sadly, and will remain so until the full roster is 100% online, and that’s the thought that rubs against said open question. What can be established (provided you don't think about all the flaws in the theory) is that Portland is a better team than Houston and, by the associative property (transitive?), better than San Jose. Think of it as striving to be the big fish among the minnows.

I don’t have to tell any Timbers fan that, two games excepted (Week 1 v NE, and last weekend at VAN), Portland’s offense hasn’t scored more than one goal per game. Here’s why that matters…