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| Fill up on these faster. |
The Broad Strokes
MLS Week 2 served up a healthy heaping of surprises – mostly in the form of eye-catching road wins, but I bet the current Los Angeles FC roster will talk about that snow game for half as long as their fans do (i.e., a damned long time). Somewhat related, I pissed away an hour watching MLS Wrap-Up – so, obviously, don’t recommend. If you like that show, no judgment, gods bless and carry on. I just fill up on hot takes faster than most and I hit my limit before they got halfway through the obligatory-till-His-retirement opening segment on Messiami.
Miami deserved more of the praise than I’d like to admit, but I also don’t know what the fuck Orlando was doing out there besides wasting everyone’s time….wait…fuck me. They made me do it too. I started with fucking Miami. Got played like conservatives play the New York Times…
Result(s) of the Week
I’m going with Club du Foot Montreal’s pretty dang legit (looking) win down in Dallas, with honorable mention going to DC United for wearing down (my) Portland Timbers, Red Bull punching points out of Houston Dynamo FC and both sides of the New England Revolution’s loss at home against Toronto FC. That lopsided sin over LAFC probably should have made the cut - particularly given how it played out -but X-factors make me skittish, so....
Right. Here’s what happens next. The list for all of the scores from MLS Week 2 are listed below, with links to The Mothership’s game summaries under each (i.e., the numbers in the middle). I’ve included a key for how closely I watched (or didn’t watch) each game after said list of scores and, after that, I provide some very short notes that include: 1) a one(-ish) sentence summary of each game/highlight reel; 2) mention one thing that might not have been picked up in summaries and highlight shows; and 3) close with a short note on where I see both teams in the today, or maybe sometime next week. I don’t know how much readers will value it, but all that will make sense. Let’s start with the scores:
Minnesota United FC 1-1 Columbus Crew SC (H)
Real Salt Lake 3-0 Los Angeles FC (H)
Inter Miami CF 5-0 Orlando City SC %
Vancouver Whitecaps 1-1 Charlotte FC *
Chicago Fire FC 1-2 FC Cincinnati %
FC Dallas 1-2 Club du Foot Montreal %
Houston Dynamo FC 1-2 Red Bull New York %
Sporting Kansas City 1-1 Philadelphia Union (H)
St. Louis CITY FC 2-0 New York City FC * (I still have to sit through this one; notes later)
Colorado Rapids 1-1 Nashville SC *
Portland Timbers 2-2 DC United (full game; link below)
San Jose Earthquakes 1-3 Los Angeles Galaxy %
Seattle Sounders 0-0 Austin FC *
New England Revolution 0-1 Toronto FC (H)
% - I watched 40+ minutes (the relevant times are noted) and checked the box score
(H) - I watched The Mothership's highlight reel and checked the box score
* - I clocked the score, but, unless I read something about it (didn't this week), I ignored it.
With that, enjoy some brief notes on many topics....
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| This fucker again. |
Inter Miami CF 5-0 Orlando City SC (1-15, 20-30, 50-65)
The Game in One Sentence: Think of watching someone try very hard to succeed at something for a very long time (Orlando) and then seeing someone trying the same thing for the first time and straight-up killing it (Miami) and you have this game in a nutshell.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Lionel Messi got the headlines – because, marketing meets golden goose – but Luis Suarez finally showed up (he served an immaculate cross on Miami’s fifth goal), but Julian Gressel had a low-key shout for MVP. That's what worries me about Miami.
Present Operational Theory re Miami: Precision is a motherfucker. They’ll make the playoffs unless their legs give out.
Present Operational Theory re Orlando: Probably safe, but not living up to 2023 yet.
Chicago Fire FC 1-2 FC Cincinnati (25-45; 60-80)
The Game in One Sentence: Xherdan Shaqiri v Luciano Acosta; you know how this ended, just not why.
One Thing You Might Not Know (but may expect given the givens): Imagine (reportedly) spending $12 million for a striker only for the rest of the team starve him to where’s basically wandering the wastes just to stay alive. His Name was Hugo Cuypers. Chicago fired just five shots all game, a mark they’d reached by the 65th minute, so that’s zero shots in the game’s last 35+ minutes.
Present Operational Theory re Chicago: I was amped about the rebuild until I saw the rebuild. Now it just feels like I’m watching Chicago again.
Present Operational Theory re Cincinnati: A brick shithouse at the back, plus Acosta very likely means more wins than losses. It'll take injuries or dumb shit from Matt Miazga to keep them out of the mix.
FC Dallas 1-2 Club du Foot Montreal (10-25, 30-45; 50-60)
The Game in One Sentence: One team couldn’t stop finding vertical passes, despite having two starters limp off (Opoku and Coccaro for Montreal), while the other burned time passing like a pendulum across the backline in search of their first one (Dallas).
One Thing You Might Not Know: I can’t explain what Dallas is doing with their defensive shape and/or posture.
Present Operational Theory re Dallas: They’re not consistent, rarely have been. Their fans are very loyal. Respect. But also probably good enough for the playoffs.
Present Operational Theory re Montreal: I am officially interested. Dallas’ defense was weird, but Montreal took what they gave them with aplomb.
Houston Dynamo FC 1-2 Red Bull New York (1-15, 35-45+, 50-65)
The Game in One Sentence: Red Bull won the game on a bare-ass give-away by Artur (of all people) and a deserving crack on goal by Lewis Morgan; both teams seem to have good bones.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Watch as much of Red Bulls’ first goal as you can, because it shows you they can actually play, but I think Morgan turns them into a genuine attacking threat.
Present Operational Theory re Houston: Olsen and improved personnel have them playing good stuff, even without Hector Herrera and the (functional) No. 9 they crave; that’s usually enough to somewhere, if only so far.
Present Operational Theory re Red Bull: Both hopeful and concerned that they may actually be worth a damn.
San Jose Earthquakes 1-3 Los Angeles Galaxy (10-25, 35-45+, 45-50,60-70)
The Game in One Sentence: No matter how capably one grasps at straws, it doesn’t change the nature of the act itself; the Galaxy looked like the home team, far from invulnerable but still in control and confident.
One Thing You Might Not Know: The Galaxy put all six of their shots on target, which makes perfect sense when you see the shots San Jose gave them (LA’s second goal and third goal).
Present Operational Theory re San Jose: I used to feel like Jeremy Ebobisse got a smart trade. Looks like another season in the wastes so far.
Present Operational Theory re the Galaxy: I’m far from writing this in pen, but the Galaxy looked like a reasonable bet to shove one of 2023’s playoff teams from the West under the line. I don’t even think they’re on their best starting roster yet.
Fine…
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| Trickle becomes a flood becomes heartbreak. |
The Game in One Sentence: I can do this in a word: erosion. I know there are multiple theories on how Portland coughed up two points, but I’m going with the weight of inexorable pressure.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Pretty much everything. See below.
Present Operational Theory re the Timbers: If only I knew. Honestly. Even with a DP forward coming and (what feels like) half the roster off the board, I still don’t know.
Present Operational Theory re DC: Also, pending, but (this is coming out like someone extracted it from my throat) Troy Lesesne seems to be on to something with that (damned) press. [Ed. - It takes a lot for me to like pressing teams.]
Minnesota United FC 1-1 Columbus Crew SC (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: The Loons look to have escaped in every sense of the word, but you won’t see a better goal celebration all season than Tani Oluwaseyi’s after Minnesota’s late, battling equalizer.
One Thing You Might Not Know: I’d say Dane St. Clair v Cucho Hernandez, but you probably do know about that one.
Present Operational Theory re Minnesota: Between absences (e.g., Reynoso and Hlongwane) and knowing that they will have a new head coach some day, Minnesota has more room for improvement than most.
Present Operational Theory re Columbus: Yep, still among the favorites.
Real Salt Lake 3-0 Los Angeles FC (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: It slipped into farce by the 98th minute (snow looked two inches deep) and LAFC’s complaint about continuing the game in a blizzard were equal parts correct and comedy, but that would have denied RSL’s Andres Gomez a glorious back-drop for the best game of his career (a Colombian killing it in a blizzard…who knew?).
One Thing You Might Not Know: RSL’s Zac MacMath had a good and busy game (e.g., he made 7 saves and LAFC out-shot RSL).
Present Operational Theory re RSL: The project as a playoff team and an absolute pain in the ass.
Present Operational Theory re LAFC: Should also be fine, but, god, is their bitterness satisfying.
Sporting Kansas City 1-1 Philadelphia Union (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: The camerawoman’s reaction (see about 0:20 on that - and make it a meme) to Remi Walter’s goal celebration is the real highlight, but rest of the highlights make a fair case that SKC looked best against Philly’s A-minus team and got run to ground once the visitors called on their starters.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Johnny Russell got a bout of tunnel-vision, going all in on shooting from tight angles when better options (named Alan Pulido) waited from better ones (if just that one time early).
Present Operational Theory re SKC: A decent team that might not have any options for upgrades…which I feel like they could use. Liked the little I saw from Jake Davis, fwiw.
Present Operational Theory re Philly: They’ll be fine, should finish in the Top 5 in the East still.
New England Revolution 0-1 Toronto FC (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: I would have gone with Carles Gil failing to match Lorenzo Insigne’s (for me) Goal of the Week, but then I noted all the saves Sean Johnson made by the end of reel and popped over to the stats page and now I know Toronto road Johnson like a trick pony.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Seriously, hit that link because they Revs lit it up. For my money, the best team currently on zero points, even if they can only look good for so long before looking bad sticks.
Present Operational Theory re New England: Their slow starts to games have delivered a slow start to the season. Should be better – and good enough – after they wrap their CONCACAF Champions Cup run.
Present Operational Theory re Toronto: A great start for team that stumbled after their best season and lit themselves on fire in 2023. Hope springs, if momentarily.
Vancouver Whitecaps 1-1 Charlotte FC *
Present Operational Theory re Vancouver: Still waiting for them to be as good as Matt Doyle thinks they’ll be.
Present Operational Theory re Charlotte: I see a playoff bubble team until that signs point one way or another.
Colorado Rapids 1-1 Nashville SC *
Present Operational Theory re Colorado: Still feel like a good bet to miss the playoffs.
Present Operational Theory re Nashville: Still feel like a good bet to bore the holy shit out of the neutrals on their way to making the playoffs.
Seattle Sounders 0-0 Austin FC *
Present Operational Theory re Seattle: Saw a one-panel cartoon about them missing a poo-ton of shots, but bet they’ll make the playoffs.
Present Operational Theory re Austin: Bet they’ll miss the playoffs.
That’s a warp…shit. That’s a wrap for MLS Week 2. Till Week 3, which may run a little late. (What? I’m hosting a potluck and then I’ve got the Oscars the next night. Literally all appearances aside, I have a life.)
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