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| No, really. I'm doing this for you. |
Grand Narrative
First, we are inching closer to the most wonderful time of the year – i.e., the tipping point in every season where pundits, be they professional or amateur, can start leaning more into top-line stats and the standings, and less on reviewing stupid amounts of video. Sometimes that’s all a body needs to know….we’ll see whether I embrace that come mid-season or if I keep it up with the masochism.
As for Major League Soccer’s Week 4, it served up some wild ones – e.g., Chicago’s late, late win over Montreal and the Galaxy’s last-gasp salvage operation against a…spirited St. Louis team…has anyone tested their Gatorade, because, my god. And yet both of those feel like happy little blips (because both games were fun!) against some early trends in the early season. To go in the order they played ‘em, in an ominous sign, Miami became the first team to fully solve DC’s hyperactive puzzle, Columbus keeps rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ and look at those strong early starts by Vancouver and Minnesota. Coming from the opposite side, Jesus Christ and hide the children, how are both Orlando and New England San-Jose-Earthquakes bad?
With that, it's time to pick through some details, if briefly and with a distressing absence of embedded video, but I have something to say either about everything that happened or the teams involved. Before getting into it, a quick reminder on the symbols you’ll see after each result below (all of which include a link to The Mothership’s game summary for the relevant match):
* more or less skipped it, coasting on the fumes of past impressions.
(H) – I watched the highlights and checked the box score to update the opinion.
([Numbers]) – those represent the parts of the full game I watched, plus box scores.
That’s it for the preamble(!). The formula really is tightening and, if all goes as planned, I’ll be down to watching all of two games each week, plus 45-60 minutes of just three others by MLS Week 10 or 12. With that, let’s dig into what I saw and the sweet nothings all that whispered into my ear.
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| Best I could do for "wild bullshit." |
Chicago Fire 4-3 Club du Foot Montreal (1-15, 35-45+, 65-70, 80-90+)
The Game in One Sentence: The coolest thing about this game was seeing every Fire player sprint back to the center-stripe after the late equalizer, because they knew it wasn’t enough – which, to be fair, makes all kinds of sense given that Chicago played like absolute, incompetent shit for much of the game and had only a 3% chance of winning even then – but desire and some wild bullshit can make miracles, even ones that wipe out two bullshit penalty kicks.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Chicago has played one of the hardest schedules so far (@ PHI, v CIN, at CLB, v MTL), so maybe the once-slow start should surprise people less?
Present Operational Theory re Chicago: This shout will feel more specific than general, but Fabian Herbers was the Fire’s spirit animal in this game – and they need that raw, “holy fuck, I play for my job every damn day” energy more than they need Xherdan Shaqiri’s exquisite technique right now.
Present Operational Theory re Montreal: On paper, this is a very good team – which I didn’t appreciate until I saw who they had for subs in this game…not that it mattered Saturday, but still.
DC United 1-3 Inter Miami CF (H, with regrets)
The Highlights in One Sentence: The little things, only compounded: both DC and Miami players found genuinely good chances, but Miami’s superior attacking chops meant their chances counted at something like a 3:1 ratio (see above…no, not really); Benteke didn’t bring his shooting head/feet, which didn’t help.
One Thing You Might Not Know: I’m guessing Luiz Suarez will get the headlines, but Leo Campana did every bit as much, if not more. Depth is good, particularly at forward.
Present Operational Theory re DC: Still believe the approach will lift them over the playoff line, but Miami showed what it looks like when you crack their Plan A. More a reality than a warning sign at this point.
Present Operational Theory re Miami: Just I started dreaming about them stumbling, they go and solve a problem (DC) that no one else had so far.
Seattle Sounders 1-1 Colorado Rapids *
Present Operational Theory re Seattle: Yeah, yeah, the injuries. To give in to my bias a little, it’s worth wondering whether the juggernaut may have slowed.
Present Operational Theory re Colorado: They’ve been on the road three of four games. Not that their home form helped them last season, but there’s reason to expect them to improve.
Columbus Crew SC 3-0 Red Bull New York (H, with more regrets)
The Highlights in One Sentence: A good team stuffed a decent team at home – which, here, I literally mean Red Bull got on the wrong end of a largely one-way game – but what makes it look most impressive is the fact New York’s press played no role in the highlights.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Cucho Hernandez deserves the headlines he’ll get, but he couldn’t have torn up half as much scenery without Yaw Yeboah for a foil.
Present Operational Theory re Columbus: The team to beat the team to beat (aka, Miami), and in every tourney, expect maybe the CONCACAF Champions’ Cup, because that shit is hard.
Present Operational Theory re Red Bulls: All my regrets about not watching this game follow from not knowing the manner of Red Bull’s collapse. They get a pass, see notes on Columbus, but I’d still like to know.
New York City FC 2-1 Toronto FC (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: A genuinely impressive result for NYCFC and on a couple levels – e.g., going down a goal (very) early, particularly after falling apart v Portland just one week ago, they’re the first team to drop two goals on Toronto, and they survived a red card to Keaton Parks at the 68th minute, etc.
One Thing You Might Not Know: The quality of NYC’s chances, which the mercurial Santiago Rodriguez announced with a peach of a free-kick, bears noting.
Present Operational Theory re NYCFC: It’s possible they’re turning it around…or it could just be what happens when they play at home (i.e., NYC has a recent history of sucking on the road).
Present Operational Theory re Toronto: No need to write them off, by any means, and the Goal Celebration of the Week goes to Jahkeele Marshall-Ruddy.
Austin FC 2-2 Philadelphia Union *
[NOTE: I have to watch this whole damn game for a preview because Philly has the Timbers next, so I’m trying to save all the mystery I can, so’s I can keep things fresh as possible. Fascinating result, though.]
Present Operational Theory re Austin: Again, the starting line-up looks like a Colorado Rapids-level budget team, but they’ve also dropped seven points of nine at home.
Present Operational Theory re Philly, March 11, 2024, as amended: The bones are good (right?), but that’s a lotta winless to start any season, even if CCL/CCC does things to a team, and to the Union more than most.
FC Dallas 1-3 Vancouver Whitecaps (20-Picault’s goal; 55-70, just to see)
The Game in One Sentence: Take a Dallas team that has no damn idea what it’s doing in the attack, throw it against and a Vancouver team that looked better than Dallas on both sides of the ball, and you get something like this – only with Vancouver effectively dismantling Dallas (in Dallas) over a 22 minute period; I wasted 15 minutes of my life on a stretch of the second half, and all I got was a good attack by Vancouver.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Check out the shape of Vancouver's line-up, because it looked like they actually ran with it.
Present Operational Theory re Dallas: Still underperforming and slipping into darkness as they go. The West may become a stumble-fest, but counting on it seems unwise.
Present Operational Theory re Vancouver: Very good early returns, obviously, especially the two road wins against Western rivals (the ‘Caps mugged San Jose last week)…and look who’s second in the West.
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| A visual for my notes. |
Houston Dynamo FC 1-0 Portland Timbers (I posted extended notes on this one on Saturday)
The Game in One Sentence: Fuck. Ing. Grind, no quarter given, none received, etc., and Houston scored the winner when reasonable competing choices by Portland’s Juan David Mosquera and Maxime Crepeau combined to make the decisive mistake.
One Thing You Might Not Know: The Timbers had at least three very good chances, one before Houston’s winner and two after. So close to a different story.
Present Operational Theory re Houston, unamended from March 4, 2024: Olsen and improved personnel have them playing good stuff, even without Hector Herrera and the (functional) No. 9 they crave; that’s usually enough to somewhere, if only so far.
Present Operational Theory re Portland: Games like this will happen, even when Portland gets better, but they’ll also happen less often if/when they do. Still see the Timbers as playoff-competitive, if through Rose City colored lenses.
Sporting Kansas City 2-1 San Jose Earthquakes (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: “From the days of the Clash and the Wiz,” was a delightful way to start the broadcast (this is Max Bretos’ one, actual skill), but, happy as SKC should be about the win (not to mention this goal), it should not make them feel secure, because San Jose and their 0-4-0 start for 2024 hangs an asterisk on their first win.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Seriously, SKC’s attacking stats are shocking; but for some impressive goalkeeping by Tim “Late Elvis*” Melia, San Jose would have had their first points. (* Yes, I’m making a crack at the expense of Melia’s less slim waistline, but, like Elvis, who gives a shit if his later-career stuff kicks ass?)
Present Operational Theory re SKC, amended from the March 11 theory: I don’t see how they improve without fresh players and a good team doesn’t struggle at home against this opponent.
Present Operational Theory re San Jose: I can [still] see this team eating shit all season; pray for Jeremy Ebobisse, pray for Cristian Espinoza. [Same note as the March 11 post, only with the bracketed word added.]
Minnesota United FC 2-0 Los Angeles FC (1-25; 75-literally 90)
The Game in One Sentence: Sometimes you watch a game and you feel like nothing happened…and you're mostly right, but that the game still had definite themes and/or realities, i.e., that LAFC tried to bully Minnesota, it didn’t work, and now the Loons are officially tied with Columbus as the best/most hottest team in MLS right now, even if Columbus has a tiny edge on goal differential, and, no, I’m not kidding..
One Thing You Might Not Know: It’s so obvious that they said it in the broadcast, but LAFC is scoreless and winless in three games – and they didn’t look much like changing that in this one.
Present Operational Theory re Minnesota: An already confident team that’s just now fully coming online…maybe Adrian Heath was the problem?
Present Operational Theory re LAFC: I feel like we’re getting to the point when it may make sense to start asking questions like…are you all right, LAFC?
Nashville SC 2-1 Charlotte FC (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: Even if they’re disappointed by the loss, Charlotte should be happy how close they played Nashville on the road, while Nashville should be delighted at seeing their DP, Sam Surridge, get started with scoring early – especially when his goal looked like this.
One Thing You Might Not Know: Charlotte fired some quality freekicks, while Nashville got a nice boost from a good outing by Alex Muyl. That kind of wild-card shit always matters.
Present Operational Theory re Nashville: I don’t know where they are for DPs, and all the other bullshit roster mechanisms MLS uses, but they’re looking like a bubble team unless they get reinforcements.
Present Operational Theory re Charlotte, unchanged from March 11: They also seem fine and comfortable so far – particularly in a league where finishing 9th or higher counts as an accomplishment.
Los Angeles Galaxy 3-3 St. Louis CITY FC (1-10; 20-30; 45-60th minute goal; 80-90+)
The Game in One Sentence: It was a lot of LA alternately managing and solving St. Louis’ methed-up press – which, as the broadcast pointed out ad nauseum, does a better job of forcing turnovers than creating chances – and that narrowed the talent gap (think LA has both the edge and depth/options here) and turned this one into a slug-fest; if I had to tell Timbers fans to watch a game from Week 4, this is the one.
One Thing You Might Not Know: The number of saves – and the quality of at least two three four of them (the 2nd big save is bonkers; sadly, you gotta sift for it). LA struggled to break St. Louis’ press, but they shattered the right side over and over through Joseph Paintsil. Roman Burki bailed them out.
Present Operational Theory re the Galaxy: This could be the most balanced Galaxy team in a decade; certainly more than the Zlatan-era.
Present Operational Theory re St. Louis: With the speed and effectiveness with which they constrict space, I’ll be stunned if they miss the playoffs. Which I’ll hate because they play ugly and so, so much whining.
New England Revolution 1-2 FC Cincinnati (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: Looks like one of those classic collapse games, where five crap minutes by one team (e.g., New England) throws a point or three to the other team; Cincy’s Roman Celentano kept a heavily-rotated starting XI in the game with six saves/long enough for Luciano Acosta to come on and do a nice berserker imitation.
One Thing You Might Not Know: I genuinely don’t know how this Revs team isn’t doing better, but I’d also love to see Caleb Porter take the reputational hit of failing in Season 1, and I can’t help how much that guy bugs me.
Present Operational Theory re New England: They look snake-bit AF, but four straight losses can’t help but become the one immovable object of their 2024 season so far.
Present Operational Theory re Cincy: I know Cincy well enough (but for how long?) to appreciate the meaning of how much they rotated the starting line-up, so I’m doubly impressed with this one.
Atlanta United FC 2-0 Orlando City SC (H)
The Highlights in One Sentence: I’m guessing the highlights flatter Atlanta in every way but the quality of the chances they created; unless MLS/Apple TV/The Deep State have conspired to bury Orlando’s best moments, this game could have only ended one way – and Pedro Gallese (despite botching the play on Atlanta’s first goal) kept this from being a 3-0 loss (again, and damn the man, you gotta sift for it).
One Thing You Might Not Know: With a tip of the hat to Taylor Twellman, Orlando is bleeding goals early in 2024 (as is New England). They’re on 2.5 goals allowed per game.
Present Operational Theory re Atlanta: On the one hand, I like the talent and believe them to be capable. On the other, guess which teams Atlanta played over the past two match days (yep! The Revs and Orlando).
Present Operational Theory re Orlando: Not just clearly off what they were in 2023, they’ve become a team that builds others’ early reputations.
As Balzac said, there goes another novel. Wait...I just quote a Woody Allen movie. Ewww. Off to shower...
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