Getting Reacquainted with Real Salt Lake, a Team Frozen in Amber/MLS 2.0

Far, far, FAR worse than it looks.

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

I’m here to tell the kids that joining MLS as an expansion team today is nothing like what it was in the mid-2000s. Back then, the incoming front office couldn’t sign even one designated player, so, when building their Year One roster, they had to pick through the same crappy buffet as the rest of the league. That’s the league Chivas USA and Real Salt Lake stepped into and, golly, does “stepped into” get right to it. It took Chivas USA just one season to turn over a competitive roster – signing some soon-to-be famous young Americans made all the difference - but it took RSL over three seasons to do the same. And yet, when they finally pulled that off in 2008, they became one of MLS 2.0’s most consistent – and dangerous – teams. The argument for that fleshes out between the Best Season and Names to Know sections below, but RSL made the playoffs over the next seven seasons with two trips to MLS Cup and one to a CONCACAF Champions’ League final thrown in. They turned Rio Tinto Stadium into a fortress on the back of a 29-home-game unbeaten streak that started in June 6, 2009 (their road form, meanwhile…) and the familiar winning formula of having a couple ringers running wild in front of brick wall (aka, an effective attack and a sturdy defense). And then, player by player and season by season, the members of that great team either aged out or moved on. No matter how dangerous they’ve looked at the end of any post-season since, and outside the 2016 and 2019 season (9th and 6th respectively), RSL has finished in 11th place or lower in every season after 2015; they’ve probably forgotten what a trophy looks like by now. They still turn up the odd great attacking player, but they never enough of them on the same roster and in the same season to take them that vital one step further. RSL still rolls reliable center backs off some invisible assembly line, but they otherwise look stuck in MLS 2.0.

Best Season(s)

The easy choice points to their MLS-Cup-winning season in 2009 – aka, the most famous “Rimandoing” in MLS history – but I’m going with the 2010-2011 run to the CCL final. If there’s a better underdog story in CCL history, I haven’t heard it. Moreover, that scrappy little RSL team came achingly close to winning it just three seasons removed from serial failure in MLS. They started the two-leg series by drawing the road leg at Monterrey 2-2, which meant all they had to do to lift the trophy was keep Monterrey off the board at Fortress Rio Tinto – and, to be clear, the final fell within the above-referenced home unbeaten streak. The stars don’t align much straighter than that…but then some guy named Humberto Andres Suavo Pontivo scored at the 45th minute for Monterrey and RSL couldn’t pull back one goal, the end.

Portland Timbers Preview: Versus RSL, Desperation & Despondency

The elephant calling bullshit on the image...

First, I’m going to my first Portland Timbers game since that God-forsaken game against Minnesota United FC at the height of last summer’s heatwave, which, taking everything together, it felt like watching a game on fucking Mars. At any rate…

…wait, one more thing. FC Cincinnati plays Los Angeles FC this week and, because LAFC is a Western Conference team, I came in and out of thinking Portland plays LAFC this weekend and Cincy played…shit, I don’t know? Cleveland? Memphis? By that I mean another team in the league, obviously(?), but that still kicked my brain brain from one thought process to another as I mapped out the what ifs. It got a little multi-versey, honestly…

Real Salt Lake. Portland hosts RSL tomorrow. And I’m going…fuck, how does the SeatGeek app work? Now, seriously, the game…

Between recent results - e.g., New York City FC handed them their heads, asses, and everything in between last weekend, then they tripped over the North Colorado Hailstorm in the U.S. Open Cup at midweek - and their late form (grimace along at home), I expect them to come into Providence Park in some place in between despondency and desperation. And I suspect that how they approach Saturday’s game will turn on where they fall on that spectrum.

Based on their approach to the first several games of 2022, particularly their early successes, I expect desperation will be the dominant mode and, therefore, expect RSL to play an aggressive game, if not a very aggressive game - e.g., they’ll hunt the ball, challenge everything that comes at them, 90 minutes on the front-foot, and so on; basically, I expect them to play according to the Gospel of Mastroeni. Their hot start cooled off - they haven’t won in four and have just two points from 12 - and that rhymes with the broad theory that they played over their heads and/or teams embroiled in CONCACAF Champions’ League campaigns early in the season and have since crashed back down to Earth. Moreover, the road game at Portland kicks off a tough stretch, or, rather, continues it, seeing as they played away to New York City FC last weekend. About which…

I tuned in just after the 20th minute, which amounted to two goals too late. New York piled on chances, then goals, and the final score looked like a teeter-totter with an elephant on one side and a mouse on the other…only/, unlike in the cartoons, the elephant didn’t remotely mind the mouse. It ended 6-0 and, in certain moments, 10-0 didn’t seem out of the question.

Real Salt Lake 2-1 Portland Timbers: A Mirror to 2019

On seeing what I didn't want to see.

I don’t how many of you shifted in his/her seats in anticipation of extra time Saturday night, but I know I did. Sure, Real Salt Lake had absorbed the kitchen sink the Portland Timbers threw their way, but they didn’t show any meaningful signs of breaking through either. The play that won the game – i.e., RSL isolating Joao Plata on their left – had been tried before, and with just as many Timbers defenders buzzing around to cut off options. In the telling moment, however, Plata poked the ball across the top of Portland’s 18, Albert Rusnak had the wit ‘n’ savvy to leave the ball for Jefferson Savarino, and those split-second decisions put the sword to not just one of Portland's better recent spells, but also to the Timbers’ 2019 season.

That’s how it ended – 2-1 in RSL’s favor. With that, their season continues, while Portland starts facing the tough questions they could only push off for as long as they had games left to play. 2019 wound up as a…fairly fucked up year. Even if Timbers fans can't agree on what exactly went wrong, I think most people would agree that, Jesus preserve us, what a fucking mess. I’ll review the entire season later this week (Saturday?), and I’ll close this post with some questions that I hope in that review. To preview that, the second half of the 2019 season posed all kinds of questions to the future of the Portland Timbers team and/or franchise. I’ll do some reading and/or reminiscing and try to come up with something useful, all without promising that I can, but, I want to continue this wrap up of their final game with a question:

How the hell does a team of professional athletes forget how to do their collective jobs for 45 whole goddamn minutes?

I credited a couple Portland players for robustly stand-out starts – e.g., Cristhian Paredes and Bill Tuiloma both made a pair of stellar solo defensive plays each during the first half – but no one in the Timbers starting eleven looked prepared to do anything but disrupt and tackle over the opening 45 minutes. If any Timber found the proverbial friend during that first half, I either missed it or it didn’t matter. That failure lead to an avalanche of pressure falling on the Timbers defense (a decent example), and they handled all they could until Deimar Kreilach ghosted behind Larrys Mabiala’s shoulder and ahead of a ball-watching Bill Tuiloma to tap a free header past Portland’s ‘keeper, Steve Clark, who, to fill in all the blanks, played an aggressive (and intriguing) sweeper-‘keeper role, and to the point of stranding himself once or twice. RSL didn’t actually give him a ton to manage – too many of their shots dropped right into the ol’ breadbasket – but they had him dead to rights on both goals, and only the first one hurt real, real bad, even if they all count the same, and so on.

FC Cincinnati 0-3 Real Salt Lake: A Night When Plan A Failed

No, FC Cincy, the voices are not friendly. Do not listen.

Well, that didn’t go well, obviously. Anyone who doubted the game was over after Real Salt Lake’s Albert Rusnak buried his 59th minute penalty (deserved; also, Jefferson Savarino is one of their guys), and his second goal of the game, should have disabused of any notions of a comeback by FC Cincinnati at the 65th minute when Alvas Powell picked up the ball and a head of steam and he carried it up the field…with somewhere between seven and eight Cincinnati players on the wrong side of the ball, i.e., behind him. Powell had to turn back inside Cincinnati’s defensive third to wait for everyone else to show up and, no, that’s not a good sign.

The rest of the game stretched out in a slow, frog-in-a-boiling-pot experience that ended the same way it started: Real Salt Lake three (3), FC Cincinnati zero (0). Then again, the whole thing projected as a depressing illusion because, even in their moments of dominance – at the start of each half, generally - Cincinnati created more corners than chances…which is factually untrue, but just barely, and also barely relevant. The one decent shot I remember FC Cincy getting – e.g., Allan Cruz’s header off Roland Lamah’s cross during the early, salad days – couldn’t have been their one (recorded, and seriously?) shot on goal, not least because it wasn’t on goal. Ah, hold on. Just remembered where the shot probably happened.

The match had a couple of turning points, but none as decisive as RSL’s second goal. Whether by accident or conscious decision (only The Shadow knows what goes on in the hearts of men), Cincinnati seemed over-eager to push for an equalizing goal after letting Salt Lake catch them off guard and against the run of play to score the game’s opening, game-winning goal. There was nothing irrational about giving it a shot, not with Cincy generally deciding what happened and where for most of the first half. It did, on the other hand, result in the home team getting caught too far upfield, with pants around ankles. The goal was all but scored when Savarino found Damir Kreilach just on RSL’s side of the midfield stripe, who would go on to complete the dissection from there. Kreilach played the ball to Baird on Cincinnati’s right and, in all the backward scrambling, Cincinnati’s three, final defenders pinched too hard to one side, leaving Rusnak free to set up the ensuing, fatal shooting gallery. It took RSL putting half their seven shots on target in a two-second span to score that second goal – a depressing spectacle, really – but that probably put three points beyond reach.

To pick up on what came back to me at the end of the penultimate paragraph, Cincinnati came as close to scoring as they managed all game (again. one. shot.) at the beginning of the second half, when one of their corners got highly interesting. That cracks open the door to what might have been, but only wide enough to where all you can see on the other side is darkness. Overall, though, Cincinnati could hold the ball and move it around, but they couldn’t take it anywhere worthwhile. RSL, meanwhile, took over the second half of each half (my work with legal descriptions comes through…), and found more ways to be lethal when they had the ball.