Getting Reacquainted with the Colorado Rapids, MLS's Broken Clocks

It's nine ten somewhere, mother...shit. Never mind.

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MLS’s highest franchise, the Colorado Rapids, have just two trophies (that aren’t the Rocky Mountain Cup) in their trophy case after 29 seasons in the leg. So, one may ask, what the flaming hell are they doing as the seventh team in this series? To explain the title, Colorado is like a team that gives the right time twice a day, and just twice. Consider the following: they won MLS Cup once (2010) and have felt the shameful sting of the Wooden Spoon exactly one time, way back the league’s first season (1996); the only other MLS Cup they competed in arguably doesn’t count, coming as it did in the second season (1997), even if they won their one and only U.S. Open Cup that same season. What sets them apart, even if by a thin margin, comes with the fact that they have this thing where they come out of backside of absolutely nowhere and do something wild and weird like reach the semifinals in the playoffs (2016 and 2021), or maybe they jump out of the bushes and swipe the Western Conference title (okay…yes, that’s 2021 again). To be clear, yes, I understand that fans of this team sees opportunities to brag less often than Americans elect their next president (hold that thought; might not hold for long), but every one of those rare, great seasons gives the Rapids a certain kind of superpower: they scramble expectations for all the teams around them, if mostly during the regular season, and mainly in the Western Conference. Part of that follows from the challenges of drawing top talent to a (no offense) backwater market and with an historically tight-fisted front office writing the invites - e.g., paying $3 million for Djordje Mihailovic going into 2023 was their record signing until they bumped it to (maybe) $3.5 million for Rafael Navarro in the middle of 2024 (great deal so far). Their most famous players used to be goalkeepers – e.g., Tim Howard, Zac Steffen(?) - defenders – e.g., Marcelo Balboa, Drew Moor, Jeff Larentowicz(?) – or defensive midfielders – e.g., Pablo Mastroeni. A couple dozen players could squeeze onto the very short list above if one wanted to go deeper (see Colorado’s (gently-outdated) all-time roster and build your own!), but the Rapids have often been a spine of a team waiting for attacking legs and arms to make them complete and dangerous enough to make one of those semifinals runs. As implied above, they do pull it off now and then, with the most famous example being the attacking line of Omar Cummings and Conor Casey, who led them to MLS Cup 2010. The relative absence of famous names on the Rapids’ other two, post-2010 “glory teams” – i.e., the one that mounted the 2016 semifinal run (Shkelzen Gashi? Dillon Powers? Axel Sjoberg?) or 2021’s Western Conference-winning roster (Jack Price? Danny Wilson? The season that sold everyone on Lalas Abubakar before…yeah) – goes back to the point I’m making about the Rapids franchise overall: there is no way to see their next good season coming, but that season will abruptly become one more obstacle standing between your local team and a shot at glory.

And if that doesn’t completely explain why I placed them seventh in their series, here’s the rest: they have consistently been the same team throughout their history in MLS and, unlike the rest of the originals coming up, they have enjoyed some form of success over the past 10 seasons.

FC Cincinnati 1-0 Philadelphia Union: (Back-Up) Paths of Glory

Again, that's 2 15/16th by one measure.

I wasn’t going to start this post with the question of whether FC Cincinnati’s big, CB-birthed late winner was or was not offside, but then I opened the phone and saw both the image and the measurement at right. Ian Murphy’s nod into the goal-mouth mosh-pit did look half a body offside in real time, but the call survived VAR’s second look and that ushered in Yerson Mosquera’s put-back and Cincy’s 1-0 win over the Philadelphia Union into the history books…

…that said, if that 2 15/16” measurement is accurate, that makes one hell of a statement on the OCD-madness of the post-modern offside rule. That is a fucking fraction, not a cheat-code.

Next thought: bring on Columbus Crew SC and getting the lighting dialed in because TQL Stadium is hosting a goddamn party next Saturday. A body usually has to go to Hollywood to get such perfect plotting.

To acknowledge the obvious, yes, this site fell off the FC Cincinnati beat in August of this season…and then again after the beginning of October. The explanation for that lapse in this boy scout’s duty speaks the thought that will carry this post to its conclusion – i.e., there’s not a lot to say besides, FC Cincinnati good, fire bad, and, whatever else you do, keep on lashing the hounds until they expire or reach the perfect destination, aka, MLS Cup 2023. Just two games stand between Cincy and one of the most thoroughly-redemptive doubles you’ll ever see in this budding whack-job of a league. As others have pointed out – which, here, means MLS’s in-house scribe Matt Doyle in the preview hit for last night’s game – the fact Cincy won anything at all in Year 5 constitutes enough of a miracle. The fact that the trophy in hand is the Supporters’ Shield – i.e., the one that requires consistent, almost grinding success – already gets the story of their 2023 season halfway to Hollywood.

FC Cincinnati 1-1 Nashville SC: On Forgetting What It's Like to Feel

This, only drooling to stay interested.

I don’t have a lot of say about FC Cincinnati’s 1-1 draw at TQL Stadium against Nashville SC, because what is there to say about more of the same? Cincy has now drawn six of their past eight game, enough to keep them alive, but too little to take them in a direction of any particular interest. The point kept them above the playoff line, and that’s nice, but they owe that somewhat to Charlotte’s surprise/loud choke at Toronto FC. Also, look who’s looming in the rearview (Chicago Fire FC; and to think I wrote them off just last Friday.)

Twenty-four hours passed between the time I half-watched the second half and the time just spent struggling to stay awake/interested and the main thing I want at this point is those 50 minutes back. The more I look at the xG lines the data-nerds traced onto the stats page, the more I wonder whether I’m clear on how those things work...and, I’ll be damned if that isn’t the last interesting thing I have to say.

Several Cincinnati players had good-to-great games – e.g., I continue to marvel at Obinna Nwobodo’s range, movement and soccer intelligence (man has Spider-sense, swear to gods), Ian Murphy should start so long as he’s fit, at least in my mind, and Brandon Vazquez scored another great goal and he’s already three goals above what would have made me happy (what? oh yeah, Nashville scored too...eh). A couple players didn’t do so hot – e.g., I have nothing but respect for Yuya Kubo, but he still holds the ball too damn long; I feel the same about Alvaro Barreal, he got a lucky, yet useful assist, but that doesn’t mean there’s a No. 10 shirt in his future – but that’s the game.

Cincy has...eleven games left (? that can’t be right, but I’ve counted three times and...fuck it; it’ll happen) to find another gear. A tough stretch of the season that started as somewhat inspirational – see the 1-1 draw at the Philadelphia Union and the 4-4 home draw/party versus New York City FC petered out into home draws versus Red Bull New York and (most of) the Vancouver Whitecaps and....pffft. After that, what else do you say? It’s not progress, it’s not failure; it’s stasis.

FC Cincinnati 2-3 New England Revolution: High from the Highest Tree-EEEE!

A little nod for all you Roger Miller fans.

“…put all that together, and it seems like the main thing Cincinnati will need to do on Saturday is keep up.”

So close, and yet so far. Hurts a little, honestly, but the sting of FC Cincinnati’s 2-3 home loss to the New England Revolution beats the holy hell out of the unholy hell of what past seasons have felt like - e.g., feeling one blow after another from a fetal position. I hate to do this, but, this one sentence from the (admittedly choppy) game thread on this game (I was cooking over the first 50 minutes), feels relevant to the discussion:

“Does #FCCincy go for broke at this point? Can they go for broke? And isn’t it nice to say that?”

To tie those two thoughts together, Cincy largely did keep up and with a visibly talented (yet still wobbly) New England team. Sure, the Revs won, but I’d put money on Tommy McNamara missing that shot nine times out of ten and not getting it at all more often still. Cincinnati’s defense dropped too deep, no question, and maybe they had run their legs out, but the Revs game-winner - all three of their goals, really - weren’t unlike rolling three straight, clean sevens in craps (and the lazy shits at MLS HQ didn't do pull-out highlights for this one, so the full four-minute reel is the only point of reference). Only they made each goal happen and credit to them. As loud as their Achilles heel screams (de-fense, de-fense), New England still moves the ball as well as any team in the league, Wilfrid Kaptoum and McNamara did well enough that they didn’t miss Matt Polster, Brandon Bye played a ridiculously effective game, etc. etc. etc.

But push a fair chunk of the credit to FC Cincy in this game for coming back into it twice - and they climbed the psychological equivalent of a mountain to do it. The broadcast booth called Sebastian Lletget’s opening goal against the run of play, but I’d call that valuing possession over effective use of it; New England had the better of the game to that point and they pulled Cincy like well-simmered pork on the goal. Good as Lletget’s movement was on that, Brandon Vazquez matched it on Cincy’s first equalizer, drifting back-post then, crucially, taking a step back allowed the other players to drift across his run and gave him a wee run-up to the ball to boot.

FC Cincinnati 2-0 Toronto FC: Caveats on the Edge of Expectation

You can't talk around some things.

I can no other but start with the caveats…don’t worry, I’m not gonna bitch about how FC Cincinnati should have won this by more than two goals…

…but they should have…

…I mean, just the two chances for Brenner alone. And, yeah, I have to break a rule I only laid down last weekend, because we have to talk about Brenner. Just not quite yet. Because caveats.

Toronto rolled into town down starting center backs (Chris Mavinga and Carlos Salcedo, even if the latter didn’t cover himself in glory last Saturday), and without club mascot, Jonathan Osorio. Just five of the players who started Toronto’s eye-catching, and yet possibly deceiving loss to New York City FC way back on April 24 started tonight. You could say they had their stars - e.g., Jesus Jimenez, Alejandro Pozuelo and Michael Bradley - but both experience and name recognition falls off a cliff from there.

And then the bottom fell of what already started as non-ideal for Toronto. First, Brandon Vazquez broke their (why?) high line and sliced a cross from right to left for Calvin Harris to slot home. Like, at most, two minutes later, Osorio’s stand-in, Ralph Priso-Mbongue, lunged at Obinna Nwodobo’s leg, cleats about knee level, and off he goes. So, that’s Toronto down a man and a goal inside the first five minutes. Toronto battled on gamely from that, even punched close to level on a couple stats (but the xG speaks volumes), but I’m guessing they asked themselves why bother at that point.

All that’s to say, last night’s game ended 2-0 to Cincy on the scoreboard, but it might have ended before Toronto even caught the plane. I mean, Cincinnati scored again, a penalty kick, but...eh. There’s not much game to analyze, so I’m just going to pass on a some notes and get ready for the next one. Of which…

I Would Have Liked a Tougher Game
To be clear, I am delighted to see Cincinnati in 6th place (sixth!), and on 13 points(!; just seven points shy of 2021’s total! can you believe that shit!?), but a more whole opponent and fewer gifts would have sent them to Minnesota in a sharper frame of mind. Arguably. Call it free-floating anxiety about complacency, but Minnesota will be tougher, and in both directions, success is forged in iron, etc.

Toronto FC 1-2 FC Cincinnati: I Have Seen Your Product And I'd Like to Purchase It

A visual of the game plan.

When Toronto FC started catching up to FC Cincinnati’s mildly auspicious start, I’ll confess to it: yes, I started to doubt the program again. Watching them pass through Cincy one line at a time over and over made them look likelier to take charge and, as the minutes passed, put increasing pressure of Cincinnati’s…let’s call it non-ideal center back pairing of Ian Murphy and Nick Hagglund.

And then, like a script from one of those Hollywood movies, a good one like Rudy, Hagglund and Murphy combined to put FC Cincinnati up 1-0 just before the ref’s whistle called the end of the first half.

With that in mind, you start to re-think what you watched in the second half: the palpable disappointment from Toronto’s broadcast booth gets louder - “they got to play faster,” they said, “they’re not moving Cincinnati’s defenders around enough” - and, little by little (only in the opposite direction), it dawns on you that Cincy just managed the first half of a road game, and well enough that Toronto’s attack - which had averaged 2.6 goals per game in the five games prior (said average got a bump last weekend, fwiw) - rarely got close enough to apply pressure on Murphy and Hagglund. (And then you wake up the next morning to watch the highlights, because you’re not sure if you forgot something, and that confirms the above - e.g., that Toronto only fired a couple of shots from range in that first half). And then the second half started…

Toronto’s sloppiness hurt them throughout the first half; every ball that slipped behind a smart run slowed them down and allowed Cincinnati time to get that usefully spongy defense stacked right. The problem started at their back-line, particularly in the person of Carlos Salcedo…and have I mentioned that Toronto’s Chris Mavinga limped off in the middle of the first half, because that might be relevant. At any rate and early in the second half, one of Salcedo’s stray passes rolled over the touch-line in Toronto’s defensive third. It didn’t seem like a big deal, even after Cincinnati’s Alvas Powell set up for a long throw because and, you know, how often do those work? Then, lo and behold (and who’d they pay to make it happen?), Powell’s throw-in looped over the heads of two, three Toronto defenders and falls straight to the foot of Luciano Acosta. One second and two touches later, the ball bulged the side of Alex Bono’s net. 2-0 Cincinnati.