Portland Timbers 2-4 Minnesota United FC: An Unfortunate Spin on the Usual

What if we screamed louder?

I never mentioned it online, at least not until just before kickoff, but I wanted to see the Portland Timbers’ bench tonight. Sure, the FO grasped for some upgrades in the off-season, but the first team hasn’t changed enough (yet) to kill off my curiosity about who else the Portland Timbers have laying around the clubhouse.

When things started well – and they did, all the way up to “Help Me” Dairon Asprilla’s screamin’ opener (I know where the “help me” comes from, but I don’t get it either) – the narrative of a glorious collective future unspooled in my head. The idea was, Portland getting as many players as possible on the field would make this a real team-effort: all hands on deck, every man playing his part, just total, global buy-in from all concerned, and with plenty of minutes all-'round. It looked plausible too, for as long as the Timbers looked plausible. Then the goals started going the other way. Over and over and (one more) over again. The game ended 2-4, and not in Portland's favor.

I credit the Timbers coaching staff for testing the theory (or a theory) to the bitter end. They even doubled-down, as if someone dared them to do it. The last set of players looked like they took a wrong turn out of Lincoln High School’s locker room, but those young ‘uns took a couple shades off Portland’s blushes courtesy of Ken Krolicki scoring Portland’s second screamer of the night. I scream, Dairon screams, Krolicki screams…can we get two more and go to bed happier?

As a game, it wasn’t awful until it became awful. I think a lot of that had to do with Minnesota, unfortunately. They defended without any kind of intent for the game’s first 30 minutes, not really guarding space and certainly not pushing in some direction away from their own goal, but just kind of milling around in that slow-zombie way. Asprilla’s goal capped it all off, but Julio Cascante nodded a powerful header on goal and Pablo Bonilla fired in a solid near-post shot before that; the Timbers looked like they had the game by the scruff for as long as the Loons seemed willing to offer their necks.

MLS Off-Season Weekly (01.10.2020): Of Rivalries, Rebuilds, and Those Damn Joneses

A future, not the future.

And…we’re back after another week of shenanigans, and a day early, personal shit, etc. The spotlight shined most brightly on the 2020 MLS Superdraft, which feels low-rent AF so far as shenanigans go (or does it? more later), but the work of keeping up with the Joneses, as those other Joneses try to skip away, continued apace, and, lo, the silly season stayed silly.

As opposed to talking Portland Timbers and FC Cincinnati in separate sections today, similar (near) coincidental signings made sense of combining them into one discussion for this week’s edition. So I did…

(Almost) Dueling Forwards (Wrap It Up, Gavin!)
Pens keep scribbling on paper across Major League Soccer as teams rush to get players signed ahead of the onrushing 2020 regular season. As I continue to watch for gaps in the traffic in front of FC Cincinnati and looking forward and back around Portland, the dashboard lights keep flashing “DANGER, DANGER!” for both. To give one example for each team, whatever relief I’d hoped to see out of Leandro Gonzalez Pirez leaving Atlanta for Liga MX went “poof” on seeing they signed Fernando Meza from Necaxa to replace him (Liga MX taketh, Liga MX giveth). Portland, meanwhile, should be anxiously clocking rumors of “mutual interest” between the Los Angeles Galaxy and Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez – especially given what the Galaxy have already done to retool ahead of 2020.

The menacing signings keep piling up all over, whether it’s the Philadelphia Union re-siging Jamiro Monteiro, DC United signing a young Estonian phenom, or Sporting Kansas City’s insatiable thirst to drown its 2019 sorrows with still more attacking talent. Again, every team that shoves ahead of either Cincinnati or Portland pushes each of them further into The Wilds of Shame, aka, the lost lands beyond invitations to MLS’s still welcoming post-season dance. So…what are Portland and Cincy doing to keep up with their respective Joneses?

To start with the cheapest of parallels, both teams (mostly) went out and paid for a striker/forward, and, honestly, I’ve never understood the difference of cared to. Earlier this week, FC Cincinnati signed Japanese forward Yuya Kubo. He last played in Belgium (KAA Gent, a club that, I assume, tracks the standard, floating Belgian level?), and he’s dicked around in minor-league Europe (no offense) for a bit, always able to find a job, but one does get the impression of a ceiling. A guy named Brad Gough posted further details on Cincy Soccertalk (thanks!), and I’ll second-guess his detail work after I’ve watched Kubo for a few games, but one phrase stood out, and that’s “depressed asset.” I’m not knocking that, I like reclamation projects, and so on, but proof will meet pudding, and we’ll talk about the delight or mess when it comes.