Portland Timbers 1-3 Los Angeles Galaxy: Notes on a Parade of Elephants

I, like you, see more than one problem...

Never has a final whistle sounded more like a choir of angels. With that, let us pick the corn out of that piece of shit.

I’d like to begin by thanking the people involved for the few highlights. First up, Bill Tuiloma for delivering the Portland Timbers their one and literally only highlight with an elegant free-kick early in the second half. Second, let’s have a big round of applause for Madison Shanley, who (from what I gather) sang the national anthem while wearing a very red t-shirt with the equally relevant words, “YOU KNEW” in bold black across the front. Way to use the platform and keep on shining you crazy diamond.

Up next, yes, I think the Timbers had two very reasonable shouts for penalty kicks for which, as I see it, PRO Referees should have to answer for not calling - much as they did for a blown call in New York City FC's loss to Toronto FC. The first came when Yimmi Chara got cut down in the area…somewhere after the 73rd minute (I only know because, according to the chronology of my notes, it happened after Eryk Williamson came on for Sebastian Blanco), and, yes, I’d really like to hear the basis for not making that call. The other came later when…again, I apologize, but I’d lost interest at this point and I don’t recall which Timber had made the run, but the Los Angeles Galaxy’s Nick DePuy’s arm, again, very visibly made contact with and/or stopped the progress of a cross, and from an unnatural position. So, yeah, that would have been two penalty kicks to the Portland Timbers and a well-better-than-average chance of seeing an afternoon of mud-wrestling end in a draw. Keep racking up the "significant officiating errors," PRO referees! Really adding value out there. Sadly, I’ve got bigger fish to fry and duller axes to grind…deep breath…

I don’t give a shit about the blown penalty calls because the Timbers got the result they deserved. They lost 1-3 today, in Portland, against a Galaxy team that looked smarter, sharper and that executed better down to the last man; 1-5 wouldn’t have been remotely unfair. The Timbers, meanwhile, were fucking terrible, and uninspired besides - and I very much mean that down to the last man. Nothing can redeem that performance but better ones in future games and, by all the gods in all known religions, that had better fucking start with a change in the game-plan. Happily, I cataloged the myriad failings in a twitter thread, so I can focus on the damning and persistent issues that have led to what I’d like to think even the most hopeful Timbers fan can agree has been a bad start to the season.

MLS Off-Season Weekly (01.10.2020): Of Rivalries, Rebuilds, and Those Damn Joneses

A future, not the future.

And…we’re back after another week of shenanigans, and a day early, personal shit, etc. The spotlight shined most brightly on the 2020 MLS Superdraft, which feels low-rent AF so far as shenanigans go (or does it? more later), but the work of keeping up with the Joneses, as those other Joneses try to skip away, continued apace, and, lo, the silly season stayed silly.

As opposed to talking Portland Timbers and FC Cincinnati in separate sections today, similar (near) coincidental signings made sense of combining them into one discussion for this week’s edition. So I did…

(Almost) Dueling Forwards (Wrap It Up, Gavin!)
Pens keep scribbling on paper across Major League Soccer as teams rush to get players signed ahead of the onrushing 2020 regular season. As I continue to watch for gaps in the traffic in front of FC Cincinnati and looking forward and back around Portland, the dashboard lights keep flashing “DANGER, DANGER!” for both. To give one example for each team, whatever relief I’d hoped to see out of Leandro Gonzalez Pirez leaving Atlanta for Liga MX went “poof” on seeing they signed Fernando Meza from Necaxa to replace him (Liga MX taketh, Liga MX giveth). Portland, meanwhile, should be anxiously clocking rumors of “mutual interest” between the Los Angeles Galaxy and Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez – especially given what the Galaxy have already done to retool ahead of 2020.

The menacing signings keep piling up all over, whether it’s the Philadelphia Union re-siging Jamiro Monteiro, DC United signing a young Estonian phenom, or Sporting Kansas City’s insatiable thirst to drown its 2019 sorrows with still more attacking talent. Again, every team that shoves ahead of either Cincinnati or Portland pushes each of them further into The Wilds of Shame, aka, the lost lands beyond invitations to MLS’s still welcoming post-season dance. So…what are Portland and Cincy doing to keep up with their respective Joneses?

To start with the cheapest of parallels, both teams (mostly) went out and paid for a striker/forward, and, honestly, I’ve never understood the difference of cared to. Earlier this week, FC Cincinnati signed Japanese forward Yuya Kubo. He last played in Belgium (KAA Gent, a club that, I assume, tracks the standard, floating Belgian level?), and he’s dicked around in minor-league Europe (no offense) for a bit, always able to find a job, but one does get the impression of a ceiling. A guy named Brad Gough posted further details on Cincy Soccertalk (thanks!), and I’ll second-guess his detail work after I’ve watched Kubo for a few games, but one phrase stood out, and that’s “depressed asset.” I’m not knocking that, I like reclamation projects, and so on, but proof will meet pudding, and we’ll talk about the delight or mess when it comes.