MLS 2X6: Sending Off DeRo; The (Imaginary?) Jewsbury/Johnson Situation + 6 More!

But....TRADITION!!!

First of all, and son of a bitch, somebody pinched my feature title (yes, yes, almost certainly before I first used it, but still)! It turns out that the Portland Timbers' official site carries a feature titled 2 X 4. It's pure puff-piece to me, but I’m not about to go toe-to-toe with a media behemoth like portlandtimbers.com...so I went with the obvious solution – e.g. add a couple inches to one side.

That said, since I'm rarely going to be timely posting this thing once-per-week, I really need to kill on content. Or at least produce an amusing read. Gulp.

TWO...
1) A Legend Quietly Departs Stage Left (Tres Canadien)
And that quiet piece is curious because, as pointed out in a "what all did he mean for Canadian soccer?" think piece, Dwayne DeRosario didn't play quiet. A showy goal celebration defined his career (on top of pulling off one of the most memorable political moments in MLS history*) and, prior to the last couple seasons, De Rosario could flat-out fucking ball (more on that later). As has been pointed out all over, DeRosario could have got a long (tortured) Landon-Donovan-esque arrivederci had he retired right – that's as opposed to doing well short of a whole lot for Toronto FC last season and posting a whisper via Twitter. Happily, the tributes came in regardless (even archived ones) and DeRosario absolutely earned it. He was every bit Donovan's peer, a ready answer in any argument about who was the best player in MLS for everyone who didn't like Donovan. Now, personally, I always preferred DeRo, who was gritty and inventive were Donovan was practiced and polished (to diamond clarity, it bears pointing out). Hit that first link above and you'll see why DeRosario had his haters, too, if for vastly different reasons than Donovan. With the latter, it was an argument about phoning it in, while it was a whiff of arrogance that dogged the former throughout his career. Well, screw that: I like my players messy; that's why I didn't really take to Donovan until, 1) his freakout departure to Cambodia, and 2) I could no longer ignore all the, uh, records.

Portland v. Vancouver: 5 Things, Real Quick…Well, 6

The level-up this club needs (see talking point that shouldn't exist)

Because the "Overall" thing below.

The best thing I can say about the Portland Timbers 0-0 draw against the Vancouver Whitecaps is that it means the team doesn't step into a pretty goddamn soft May with a foot slicked with dog shit (Side Note: This morning, my dog's poop had a milky sheen on it; I know that's not good, but is it fatal?). Yeah, four of the next five games are on the road, but they include: the Montreal Impact, the Houston Dynamo, Toronto FC, the Colorado Rapids, and DC United. And, for the record, not in that order; check your local listings, etc.

OK, on to the game. 5 Talking points come below, with the 6th talking point being...

Overall
Broadly speaking, I'm encouraged. The Timbers looked sharp in the second half, particularly, and I can't imagine why that was. I mean, what changed around, say, the 50th minute? Beats me*. Portland generally possessed the ball more effectively, somehow found the better passes when they needed to, and, all in all, the ball stayed in front of Portland. And, golly, what a great segue to the first talking point!

1) Where the Hell Was Vancouver?
My preview for this game contained two fairly clear, general predictions, with two somewhat vague riders. Those were (starting with the clear ones): 1) that Octavio Rivero would a goddamn pain in the ass (check!); 2) that the 'Caps would defend pretty well (check!); 1a) suggested that Rivero would benefit from really good players serving him with the loving attention of a parent doing the airplane trick to get their kid to eat (uh…...not so much); and, finally, 2a) that Pa Modou Kah was good for one clear fuck-up per game (not today!). To unpack all that, Rivero did his busy-body best to harass the crap out of everyone from Portland's midfield to its back-line; the reason why 1a failed to come together was that wasn't getting service from Mauro Rosales or, especially, Pedro Morales. As a result, Rivero had to drop as far as the center stripe to get the ball. While Rivero is relatively Darlington Nagbe-esque in terms of the ball sticking to his feet, all that meant he spent too much of the game too far from Portland's goal. On one level, yay Portland! On another, that boils down to an off-night for too many of Vancouver's key players. As for the defensive side, the 'Caps just did well, and credit to them. Even when the Timbers poured it on (more later), Vancouver consistently had enough bodies between any given Portland attacker and the goal to weather all the storm the local side could manage. And that, children, is how a game ends goal-less.

Portland Timbers v. Vancouver Whitecaps, Plus MLS Week 8 Previews

A fate to be avoided....

All the best stuff happens in Major League Soccer’s Eastern Conference for Week 9: DC United hosting Columbus Crew SC; New England Revolution v. New York Red Bulls; hell, even Philadelphia Union v. Toronto FC, if only to see if either the Union can sink deeper than the ocean floor, or Toronto can’t revive any team’s dreams of a better season.

I’ll get into all that below (briefly*), but I have to start with my preview for the game that hits closest to me.

(* I’m sure I’m not the only person who reads some of what I post here and thinks, "Yes, yes, you’re very clever. Please kindly get on with it.")

Portland Timbers v. Vancouver Whitecaps! Part Dos!

I somehow got it in my head that the Timbers had its best outing of the season the last time they played Vancouver. A couple errors in thought, there: 1) the win over FC Dallas – i.e. the hopeful highlight of this worrisome 2015 – came the weekend after; and 2) it turns out I crapped all over everything and everyone except Nat Borchers and Liam Ridgewell up to and until they 70th minute. It appears Portland turned it around after.

Related note: my gods, I am a bitchy, bitchy man. Good thing I don’t coach the team...

At any rate, my review of Portland's loss to Vancouver makes for interesting reading – especially in light of the somewhat trying times between here and there. First, and I note this fully aware that he has generated a lot of what offense the Timbers have managed, I stand by comments on Darlington Nagbe (e.g. the stuff about how long he keeps the ball and why he should shake that up – and more than a little; see second talking point). Second, and most painfully and obviously, mind the persistent, recurrent defensive gaffes; further, note that if it’s not Borchers and Ridgewell, it’s Kwarasey (see; MLS Week 8, e.g. "The Playful Kitten Goal"). La plus ca change, etc.

This week, however, something will change. Timbers fans know neither when, nor for how long, but the Timbers brass have been talking up Diego Valeri's return for this Saturday's game. This is, unequivocally, good news. No one player has made Portland's attack better, or more coherent, than Valeri over the past couple seasons. And yet, it's very, very wise to temper near-term expectations. Not that I’m speaking from actual knowledge, but I don’t think he’ll start, or even go 60 minutes; moreover, I wouldn't want Valeri out there for all that long. Ease the man in, and for the love of Christ do absolutely nothing that even remotely risks aggravating his injury. Ahem. All I want just a taste of Diego, a little early-season, one-nibble appetizer that will assure me that I’ll enjoy, what will be, a five-course goddamn extravaganza served up by Chef Valeri for the rest of the goddamn season.

As such, the rest of this preview (not much to go; stay with me!) will assume no, or minimal Valeri. On to some bullet points:

1) How I Want The Timbers to Line Up

And, wow, I LITERALLY just changed my mind on this. I was about to advocate for the 4-4-2 with an eye to getting the Timbers' overall line of engagement higher up the field. Given that the 'Caps attack best when they attack in transition, this feels like the opposite of what Portland should do. To throw something out there, I believe that Portland's 4-2-3-1 is a 4-5-PR-Stunt-1 – that’s to say, I think the club lays that out to put an attacking line-up on paper, while the team functions in a fairly defensive shape. I’m OK with this. Albeit with a caveat...

2) What (Former) Captain Jack Said

"The reality is our main role is on the defensive side."

That comment came up in comments Jack Jewsbury made about Valeri's impending return. And there's something a little disturbing in it. Last weekend, especially, Portland punched even with an essentially punch-less Seattle Sounders squad; I read this as a failure to commit numbers forward. Even if you don't accept that particular premise, please assume it in service of the following point: if Portland wants to win – and this is until Valeri’s return – the team needs to send either FC Jack (new nickname for Jewsbury) or Diego Chara (nickname pending) forward with some regularity. This isn’t an easy call, by any means, because I feel both players suffer their own limitations, but I’d make it FC Jack; Chara covers ground and breaks up play more effectively, and I think his passing is safe to the point of being obvious. Bottom line, though: Portland needs another player closer to the attack and more often. Diego will provide this soon, but the club needs something in the now.

3) Scouting Vancouver

When I think of the 'Caps in the context of them facing Vancouver, one name sticks with me: Octavio Rivero. Yeah, his goals have dried up a little since his early-season days of stealing the 'Caps three points on the weekly, but his upside, and the challenge he poses, becomes immediately clear if you watch even what he did in a wild effort against DC United last weekend. In a word, the man is relentless. He's mobile to boot – which gets at the clammy, arrhythmically-beating heart of the matter. If there's a big weakness among all of Portland's defenders, it's tracking players. A slippery shit like Rivero requires a lot of attention. Worse, he's got a cast of great-to-rockstar midfielders feeding him. Key on him too much, another Canadian (actual, or honorary/temporary) gets free; go back to them, and suddenly you’ve lost Rivero again.

The second point is this: Vancouver's defense has exactly two weaknesses: Pa Modou Kah and Kendall Waston's temper. Both outside backs are really, really good – even their depth is sound. Basically, scoring on the 'Caps will be hard. Matias Laba being out does hurt them, but Gershon Koffie is a solid back-up. And Russell Teibert's a straight-up pest.

Bottom Line

I feel that patience is key. If the Timbers have to chase this game, it's going to be three-legged-race complicated. The advice I have reads like so: start in an honest 5-4-1 to feel out the game, but definitely shift that thing to that 4-2-3-1 before too much of the 90 is gone.

I have some faith in this one. Honest.

OK, on to the rest of the mess.

Houston Dynamo v. FC Dallas

I feel goals in this one. Houston ships 'em, Dallas scores 'em. But it's April/May, Dallas' Season of Suck. Plus, there's a cannon involved! Eeeeeee!

Real Salt Lake v. San Jose Earthquakes

The equation is a little ugly on this one: RSL struggles to score, but defend pretty well; same goes for San Jose (from what I gather: all I know for sure is that I’m honoring my personal pledge to sit through the full 90 of a San Jose game for the first time this season).

Philadelphia Union v. Toronto FC

Philly's desperate energy meets Toronto's capacity to genuinely ball when they want to...and to cough up back-breaking goals: throw this one in a box, shake it up, and dump the contents on the ground. More interesting than most games this weekend, if you ask me. If I'm the Union, I am absolutely keying on Nick Hagglund.

DC United v. Columbus Crew SC

Cold, calculating discipline (DC) against (intended) artistry (Columbus). Kei Kamara ability to win just about everything passed/lofted toward him helps even out the physicality a little, along with the Crew’s back of feisty Argentines. DC doesn't need the ball to beat anybody. Which makes them a little maddening.

New England Revolution v. New York Red Bulls

The next feature in what promises to be a fun 'n’' full weekend (exception: DC v. Columbus; and Portland v. Vancouver, probably; or if only for the locals). The thing to watch here: if Red Bull can't get their infamous/occasional roll-‘em-like-drunks press rolling, New England's going to take full measure of their defense. In other words, this sucker could get awfully revealing...

Los Angeles Galaxy v. Colorado Rapids

One injury-ravaged squad meets another injury-ravaged squad. Add heavy legs for the Rapids and a home game for the Galaxy and this one appears pretty straightforward: three points for LA, only without the valiant effort. I'm expecting 1-0. Sadly, there will be no grudge match for Marcelo Sarvas (not that he’s ever so much as hinted at that mind-set).

Sporting Kansas City v. Chicago Fire

Another one with promise. If you have not watched David Accam play for Chicago, do yourself a favor and watch David Accam play for Chicago. I'm guessing (and I totally mean that) that KC lives and dies in this one according to how well they boss the midfield. And I mean that in the negative sense. If they can keep Chicago in front of them, I think they get this one.

New York City FC v. Seattle Sounders

I simply cannot imagine this will go well for NYCFC...

All right. That's the weekend ahead. Savor this one, people. Then again, this is from the same guy who thought Week 8 would suck.

MLS Divine Comedy, Week 8: A Shooting Gallery and Its Victims

Not pictured: RSL, Philly, and NYCFC.

It is a sincere relief to approach this big Major League Soccer Week 8 wrap without leading it with a big, explanatory preamble on post mechanics. It's all soccer below. Specifically, you'll see me play god with each of MLS's clubs, sorting them, by their actions or lack thereof, among The Saved (those in Heaven), The Damned (those cast down to Hell, yea), and...those just biding their time while they wait for The Big Level Up (Purgatory)...which reminds me: does anyone go from Purgatory to Hell? Any Catholics out there? Little help?

Some quick notes on the weekend: I'm calling this one the Shooting Gallery Weekend. Scores blew up all over with a couple clubs winding up on the wrong side of an offensive beating. The New England Revolution roughed up Real Salt Lake something fierce at home and they posted the score-line to show it; the Chicago Fire did the same to New York City FC, but, there, the numbers lie, because the Fire could have put up 10 in that one (NOTE: small exaggeration); then there was the slow-bleed that Columbus Crew SC inflicted on the Philadelphia Union: put another way, sometimes they couldn't miss the beating, other times, it slipped in like a thin little shiv; either way, a lot of clubs endured flat-out demoralizing losses during the Week 8 weekend.

Then there was Sporting Kansas City v. Houston Dynamo, an affair that featured both clubs punching even and wild with the Houston Dynamo...even if KC got a little help from the referee that let them sneak in a crucial rabbit punch.

One other, general observation: first, go to the Results Map (aka, My Favoritest Thing in the Whole World); next, move your cursor through all the games each and every MLS club has up to the 16th game of their season. My point is that, by the 16th game of the season, just about everyone should have a pretty goddamn good idea where the club stands. Yeah, yeah, that sounds facile, even random. Bear with me: look at each of those games and really consider where each of the clubs are right now that any given will face in the weeks between here and Game 16. Well, Game 17, actually. As I look at it, it's a helluva a sample for all concerned. More on that later…

Timbers Review/Preview, Week 3/Week 4

Start running on those legs and kill! KILL!!

This past weekend, the Portland Timbers choked a draw out of Sporting Kansas City. This coming weekend, they travel to the Great White North to kick off the Cascadia rivalry/fronting for 2015 against the Vancouver Whitecaps. (And, curse my wretched lot, I am going to miss this one, at least the live broadcast. Life, you see.) As always, let's start talking about what will happen by looking back at what happened last week.

So, that KC game. Was it two good, albeit colt-legged, teams canceling each other out (per the SBI podcast) or just a flat-out disappointment (per ExtraTime Radio)? Personally, I prefer to think of it as proof of the theory that it's easier to stop goals than to score them. In that vein, the one area of agreement was that Portland's defense held up pretty well. And that's pretty much it for meaningful happy talk. Coherence and creativity neither started, nor brought relief off the bench. Per my review, I felt Sporting stifled the usual suspects in Portland's attack, especially on the right, which could explain why I was able to single out Dairon Asprilla and Alvas Powell for the faint praise I offered. Anyway, the only person I came across who felt much of anything by the end of this...well, wet turd, was Back Office Gavin, who found inspiration somewhere in there to rage against pragmatism.

A sliver of a novel talking point emerged when one of Stumptown Footy's people dubbed Liam Ridgewell his Man of the Match. Nothing wrong with that, but I keyed in on Nat Borchers, if only for winning a pair of foot-races toward Portland's goal against KC's Dom Dwyer (which surprised me, actually; is Dwyer that slow, or is Borchers faster than I thought?). Visibility means good things or bad when it comes to defenders, but I was most interested in what all that said about the nature of Ridgewell's and Borchers' partnership, and how it normally functions. While it's almost certainly still a work in progress, I had assumed that Ridgewell would be the guy stepping to the play and Borchers the one laying back and reading – and those foot-races suggest Borchers as a last line of defense. Anyway, call it something to watch and, maybe, hold one’s interest during one of those inevitable slow games.