Getting Reacquainted with the Los Angeles Galaxy, MLS's Very Own Nora Desmond

No longer ready for their close-up.

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

The Los Angeles Galaxy started as the first Buffalo Bills of Major League Soccer. True story. They reached MLS Cup in literally half of the league’s first six seasons only to flop on the biggest stage. Those failures gave them the opposite of stage-fright: the Galaxy became the first dominant team in league history, making the playoffs every season over the first ten years – virtually always in the top 5 too. Hell, one of their “Bills” seasons saw them claim the Supporters’ Shield (1998), but they didn’t have to wait long for their first Cups, either: the first came in 2002 – which they paired with another Shield – then again in 2005. Their fallow seasons – 2006-08 – look like hiccups today because OG LA dominated the first half of the 2010s, chewing up and spitting out one trophy after another. The Galaxy didn’t become the team current fans know until 2017- the same season the Wooden Spoon slapped their bottoms for the one and only time in team history. By now, the glory years have faded enough to where you have to wonder if their fans even remember them. The Galaxy have missed the playoffs in five of the past seven seasons. Worse, they haven’t looked like doing much the two times they didn’t.

Best Season(s)

The Galaxy ran away with their ’98 Shield at a sprint that would have left Usain Bolt’s jaw on the ground, but their best years came between 2009 and 2014, when they won another Shield (2010) and reached MLS Cup four times and won three of them (2011, 2012, 2014; they were runners-up in 2009). Those seasons saw Landon Donovan and Roy Keane running absolute riot up top while absolute rock defenders like Omar Gonzalez and A. J. DeLaGarza held things down at the back in front of a succession of strong goalkeepers (e.g., Donovan Ricketts, Josh Saunders, and the underrated Jaime Penedo). Absolute juggernauts, I tell you, and I still hate them for it. Oh, and they won the CONCACAF Champions’ Cup in 2000, but that shit was so goofy that the Mexican teams didn’t pay it much mind…until 2001.

Long-Term Tendencies

Their very best seasons (1998 and 2014) saw the Galaxy do very well in defense and even better on offense, but they built their best seasons on sturdy defenses and Bruce Arena’s second great run as a head coach. [Sidebar: does anyone know what words or actions cost him the New England gig?] There’s a lot of reverting to the mean on either side of that, but nothing has defined the bad years (2017 to…well, now) like defensive fragility: they’ve been over the league average for goals allowed in six of the past seven seasons.

Portland Timbers 2-2 New England Revolution: Bouncing Back Against the Bullies. Twice.

Remember, the Timbers survived this...

You can cut anything on as many angles as you like. For instance, you can call the Portland Timbers 2-2 home draw against the New England Revolution a failure to rebound from their MLS Cup 2021 loss. Or you could call it a strong result against 2021's record-setting Supporters’ Shield-winning team, and with some major starters - e.g., Larry Mabiala, Dario Zuparic and Felipe Mora - missing, and one regular starter/talisman - Sebastian Blanco - only available as a late sub.

The frame I choose: a short-handed Portland team went down to the Revs twice and came back just as many times with two genuinely beautiful, well-worked goals. One of last season’s heroes, and a favorite son to boot, equalized on the only successful version of the half-impossible play the Timbers tried to pull off all night (i.e., street ball up the gut), while one of last season’s workhorses scored the second equalizer with something beautiful and unexpected. Better still, last year’s attacking promise - aka, Santiago Moreno - combined to set up the first equalizer and generally showed a lot of what he could do.

Those compelled to find fault (and I’ve got one in my head; he lives in the left or right side of my head, still working on his residence) can find it, but I’m rolling with a narrative of resilience. New England scored its first goal at the end of one of those periods that have plagued the Timbers since 2019: one of those spin cycles where they get under a ton’s worth of pressure, where every clearance goes either awry or out for a corner and someone from the other team steps into the path of every outlet pass. Any which way the ball bounces, it spells the Timbers back under pressure. That happened for 10 whole goddamn minutes in the first half - from around the 30th minute to just past the 40th. The wheels spun fairly off during that period and that presented the Timbers with one of the greatest and best sporting cliches of all time: how does the team respond?

And that gets to why the resilience narrative works best in my mind. After struggling to pass out of the back like a man struggling to pass a kidney stone at the end of the first half, Portland/Gio Savarese found the reset from a decent opening 20 minutes to start the second half. From the great move early in the second half that freed Dairon Asprilla for his first, frustrating miss to the similar set-up he put away for Portland's first, the Timbers regained control of the game and set the tempo. And, yes, after Asprilla scored they planted foot on banana peel and let Sebastian Lletget score a go-ahead goal - and just minutes after their equalizer. Their heads could have dropped to their laps in that moment (wait…are you…never mind), sure, but they kept them up, high even, and persevered. As with any bicycle kick, Yimmi Chara’s goal was anything but inevitable, but, in my mind, that came off for the reason to so many Timbers attacks (including the first goal) had failed: they finally spread the field wide enough in the attacking third to open up space for passes. When Asprilla worked the ball to Josecarlos Van Rankin wide on New England’s left, he had the time and space to tee up a tricky cross. And that’s how the ball bounces to a largely vacant back-post and a moment Yimmi Chara will never forget and/or bore his kids with after every bad game they have in high school.

Portland Beat (the Crap) Out of LA: The Bearable Lightness of a Mystery Solved

Portrait of the author after Tuesday's ETR...

Last night, I decided to break my oft-stated vow to never watch a game a second time. That’s the space-time altering power of last Sunday’s win over the Los Angeles Galaxy. As all Timbers fans know, the game broke sharply in the Portland Timbers’ favor, and that’s a hard thing for long-time, occasionally-suffering Timbers fans to wrap their heads around mentally, psychically, even emotionally. Oft-punchless Portland dropping a five-spot? That’s freakin’ unheard of (this year). And contentment? That’s for people from places where clouds don’t blot out the sun. And happiness. Clearly, this situation recommended a little investigation into how chickens and eggs lined up, because repeatability is a goal when it comes to that kind of thing.

When I took in the mini-game on a midnight dreary (or blurry or hazy; or just Sunday night), I got the spirit all wrong: I took in the game the same way I’d enjoy a favorite movie – i.e. waiting for my favorite lines, so I could parrot that back to the screen and laugh like an idiot. Because I was watching soccer instead, I just smiled like a dork at each goal and whispered to myself, “just the best, right?” (Because my family hates soccer; hell, Judy barely cares and I haven’t seen Randall in weeks.)

That said, a devil in the details didn’t escape notice: 1) how was Dan Gargan left alone to block Fanendo Adi (that was Portland’s second)? 2) just where was Omar Gonzalez going when Nagbe hit LA with La Disjoncteur de Retour (Portland’s 4th; ht: google translate – that’s “back breaker” in French, a phrase I hereby introduce and hope to use often)? 3) you gotta sleep late and do something dumb to make Jorge (Villafana) look like Lionel (Messi) (the set up the Timbers’ fifth goal). Subtle, what-the-fuck qualities touched on even the “good” goals - e.g. 4) was Lucas Melano’s pass actually intended for Adi on the first goal; and 5) did Steven Gerrard miss Diego Chara’s run because he looked right over the wee Colombian’s head?

I don’t bring all the above up to sow seeds of doubt; I am not a fun-sucker (sun-fucker? maybe). Having now re-watched (as much of) the game (as I am willing to, e.g. the second half…but, hey, all of it; huh, who knew the vow would hold up), I can address all the above questions/statements as follows: 1) Omar Gonzalez had to step to Melano, thereby stranding “Sleepy” Dan Gargan; 2) off night for Omar all ‘round, really; 3) Leonardo’s flailing non-intervention played the parts of “late” and “dumb” to the hilt; 4) still think no (but helluva a job by Adi to corral it), and 5) nah, Gerrard just plain switched off.

Defensive mistakes are meant to be exploited, so the Timbers did nothing less than recognize the gift horse(s) and ride it (them) to a thrashing. Still, the Timbers did plenty right, starting with burying the kind of tricky chance they haven’t all season (thinking Adi’s first here). Moreover, Portland came back into the game like with the calm intent of a slasher movie villain who walks after his quarry, safe in the knowledge he’ll eventually run him/her down. Liam Ridgewell fired a pair of warning shots before the dam burst and it all came together in a slow, satisfying constriction that built pressure on LA until their weak spots (e.g. Leonadro) split at the seams and everything came undone.

The 2 X 4: Best Defensive Duo in MLS; Portland's Puzzling Pieces + 4 More!

This is not a 2 X 4, but it showed up in a Google search for "2 X 4"

So, I decided to retire (the little-noticed, and therefore likely, unmourned) 3 Big Ideas, 5 Little Thoughts. I named that still-born little beauty "The 3 X 5” for the length of its short little life. Ah, memories. Still, the problem was obvious: what does 3 X 5 have to do with Conifers or Citrus? Nothing.

So, welcome to the 2 X 4. There is no more legit cut of wood known to mankind, people. And it’s a di-rect (if manufactured) descendant of a gen-u-ine wood product, a subtle improvement, if you will, upon the majestic conifer. It will still involve Big Ideas and Small Thoughts, just two of the former and six of the latter. And, in keeping with this site’s connection with the Portland Timbers, one big idea will focus on them. All the same, that’s going to be the second big idea...look, I think about this other stuff, so I may as well lead with it from time to time. And…away we go...

2 Big Ideas
1) Best Central Defensive Pairing in MLS
This one’s been bouncing around my head for a couple weeks now. I’m pretty sure it came to me the day I spotted Clarence Goodson’s name next to Victor Bernardez’s in the San Jose Earthquakes’ starting eleven. Then and there, I said to myself (quite possibly out loud), "Shit, that's gotta be close to the best central defensive pairing in MLS." So, I test the theory.

Now, we can throw out some candidates right away – e.g. my Portland Timbers. Though positively stoned on hope for the long-term prospects, the most positive thing I can say there is that they've worked things out and they haven’t. Toronto FC goes out the window as well because, new acquisitions aside, well, TFC just has a shitty defensive record and they damn-skippy don't play for Philly because, damn; the Houston Dynamo, on the other hand, imploded their defensive record only recently.

At any rate, that's the dead fruit in the grass a-molderin' (where the Hell is this hillbilly tone coming from? The lumber thing?). To find the finest fruit, the stuff substantial enough to make strong branches sag, I've picked through all the MLS rosters and checked some starting line-ups. The player combos listed below strike me as the Top 5 tandems playing in MLS right now. As in, right now, which temporarily rules out RSL, due to Chris Schuler’s injury. Finally, yes, they’re listed in order and, yeah, I had to get a loose on definitions with #2.