Level Set 11, the San Jose Earthquakes, aka, the Strivin' Orphans

Think many kids have played Orphan Annie. Is that dog real?

What follows is a brief history of the San Jose Earthquakes, plus more brief notes on whatever long-term tendencies they have. Their 2025 season gets weighed on both sides of that and the whole thing ends with where I see things with them in this very specific moment in time - i.e., before First Kick 2026. You should count on things happening between here and there.

The post ends with a scale I came up with to measure the long-term success of every team in Major League Soccer. It does some things well (e.g., count trophies/achievements), other things less well (capture recent trends). It's called the Joint Points Scale and you can find a link that explains what it does. I was really stoned when I came up with the scale and wrote the post. Caveat lector. With that...

Thumbnail History
Extremes characterize the early history of the San Jose Earthquakes, and most of the rest is tragedy. They also have a real shout as MLS’s most tortured franchise, but to start at the beginning…

They started as the San Jose Clash and started poorly. After making the playoffs in the league’s inaugural season (1996), the team missed them over the next four, three as the San Jose Clash (1997-1999), then one more as the San Jose Earthquakes (2000); as if to prove that rebranding doesn’t equal rebirth, they picked up a Wooden Spoon under both names (1997 and 2000). San Jose flipped the script one thin season later - and how. It started with the hiring of MLS Frank Yallop as head coach and only got better when U.S.-wunderkind, Landon Donovan, returned to the States after a frustrated stint with Germany’s Bayer Leverkusen. With a reliable spine of Joe Cannon in goal, Jimmy Conrad in central defense and Richard Mulrooney rage-tackling in front of them, Yallop filled out the roster with young players who would dominate mid-2000s MLS – e.g., Canadian great Dwayne DeRosario and hard-nosed center back Eddie Robinson, wily veterans like former DC United fullback Jeff Agoos and nifty Danish import Ronnie Ekelund. With that fresh start, San Jose threw down 2000’s Wooden Spoon and grabbed MLS Cup 2001. Another strong recruitment class – e.g., future MLS stalwarts like Ryan Cochrane (defender), Brian Mullan (midfielder), and Brian Ching (forward, for both club and country) – plus some crafty poaching - e.g., long-time midfield anchor Ricardo Clark – not only carried them to their second, and last, MLS Cup in 2003, but carried them to the 2005 Supporters’ Shield. They did that despite Donovan’s (controversial) departure to the LA Galaxy and losing key players like Ekelund and Agoos. Then, and pretty much out of the blue, the team fucked off to Houston, Texas.

Level Set 4, Los Angeles Galaxy: The Best Team in MLS History, Also, Hold That Thought

Call him. Jim Kelly feels your pain, LA.

What follows is a brief history of the Los Angeles Galaxy, aka, the most historically successful team in Major League Soccer history, plus more brief notes on whatever long-term tendencies they have. Their 2025 season gets weighed on both sides of that and the whole thing ends with where I see things with them in this very specific moment in time - i.e., before First Kick 2026. You should count on things happening between here and there.

The post ends with a scale I came up with to measure the long-term success of every team in Major League Soccer. It does some things well (e.g., count trophies/achievements), other things less well (capture recent trends). It's called the Joint Points Scale and you can find a link that explains what it does. I was really stoned when I came up with the scale and wrote the post. Caveat lector. With that...

Thumbnail History
The olds whisper legends about how the Los Angeles Galaxy started its storied history as Major League Soccer’s first Buffalo Bills, losing the first three MLS Cup they played. Those early stumbles buried more than one relevant fact – e.g., they won their first Supporters’ Shield in 1998, their first CONCACAF Champions’ Cup in 2000 (not the feat it later became, to be fair) - but the Galaxy put together competitive teams from the jump, even if they didn’t have all that many trophies to show for it. With long-forgotten players like Mauricio Cienfuegos, Kevin Hartman, Danny Califf, Cobi Jones and (the semi-infamous; he earned this...to some extent) Carlos Ruiz leading the way, the Galaxy won a Double in 2002 – and came damn close to a triple (they were runners-up in the U.S. Open Cup that year). Some real successes followed – an MLS Cup in 2005, if with a decidedly average team (also, won by one of the flukiest goals in MLS history; in here, somewhere, happy hunting!) and the Shield again in 2009 – but LA spent the rest of the 2000s bumping their asses against the ground as hard and often as any team in MLS. Turns out that playing in a world-famous city doesn’t do a team enough favors when roster rules and small budgets bind every team in the same shackles. It ultimately took not just the arrival of the Designated Player Rule (2007), but also the subsequent expansion(s) of the same rule (2010 and 2012), for the Galaxy’s natural advantages to kick all the way in. Success wasn’t immediate - even David Beckham, aka, the OG DP, played with the peanut gallery calling him a flop over his first few seasons - but the opening of MLS’s Rube-Goldbergian budget rules set the stage for the five-plus-season period that made the Galaxy the most dominant team in MLS history. Between 2009 and 2014, LA won three MLS Cups, two Supporters’ Shields, and they went to one more MLS Cup besides. They owed a lot of that success to Landon Donovan, aka, the man whose name now graces the league MVP award, but Ireland’s Robbie Keane arguably put those teams over the top (his hit-rate in MLS was nuts). Those two, Beckham, some outstanding defenses, and unsung heroes like midfield back-stop Juninho turned the Galaxy into MLS first unstoppable force since the DC United teams of the late 1990s/early 2000s. Even if both Red Bull New York and the Seattle Sounders would like a word, MLS hasn’t seen a team as reliable as LA’s best teams since. After the 2014 MLS Cup, LA could only squeak into the 2015 post-season as a wild card and they missed the playoffs outright in 2017 (with a tap by the Wooden Spoon thrown in for good measure), 2018, 2020, 2021 and as recently as 2023. The Galaxy signed the biggest players they could to solve the problem – see, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Giovani dos Santos – but they either scrimped on the foundation (my personal theory, fwiw) or just couldn’t put one together, any star can only shine so bright, etc. Maybe that’s what made LA’s comfortable 2024 MLS Cup win feel like a bolt out of the blue. With wingers Joseph Paintsil and Gabriel Pec running on either side of Devan Joveljic (traded after 2024), and the small, shifty No. 10(?) Riqui Puig pulling the strings, the Galaxy raced up the table by, often as not, running up the score. The sturdy yet dynamic midfields of Mark Delgado (also traded), Edwin Cerrillo and Gaston Brugman (also traded; just Brugman) bought those four stars time to be lethal and the rest is, as they say history. And then history threw up all over the fairy tale.

Getting Reacquainted with the San Jose Earthquakes, MLS's Great Betrayal(?)

Thanks for the fully-built expansion team!

Thumbnail History
Extremes characterize the early history of the San Jose Earthquakes, and the rest is tragedy. They also have a real shout as MLS’s most tortured franchise, but to start at the beginning…

They started as the San Jose Clash and started poorly. After making the playoffs in the league’s inaugural season (1996), the team missed them over the next four, three as the San Jose Clash (1997-1999), then one more as the San Jose Earthquakes (2000); as if to prove that rebranding doesn’t equal rebirth, they picked up a Wooden Spoon under each name (1997 and 2000). San Jose flipped the script one thin season later - and how. It started with the hiring of MLS Frank Yallop as head coach and only got better when U.S.-wunderkind, Landon Donovan, returned to the States after a frustrated stint with Germany’s Bayer Leverkusen. With a reliable spine of Joe Cannon in goal, Jimmy Conrad in central defense and Richard Mulrooney battling in front of them, Yallop filled out the roster with young players who would dominate mid-2000s MLS – e.g., Canadian great Dwayne DeRosario and hard-nosed center back Eddie Robinson – plus wily veterans like former DC United fullback Jeff Agoos and nifty Danish import Ronnie Ekelund. With that fresh start, San Jose threw down 2000’s Wooden Spoon and grabbed MLS Cup 2001. Another strong recruitment class – e.g., future MLS stalwarts like Ryan Cochrane (defender), Brian Mullan (midfielder), and Brian Ching (forward, for both club and country) – plus some crafty poaching - e.g., long-time midfield anchor Ricardo Clark – not only carried them to their second, and last, MLS Cup in 2003, but carried them to the 2005 Supporters’ Shield, despite Landon Donovan’s (controversial) departure to the LA Galaxy and losing key players like Ekelund, Agoos. And then the team fucked off to Houston, Texas.

One more respectable moment (see below, 2010) and one great season aside, San Jose has mostly suffered since re-joining MLS. Before wallowing in misery, I want to spare a moment and a smile for the ‘Quakes fantastic, and broadly loathed, 2012 team. Lead by the two hulking “physical” (i.e., borderline violent) forwards, Alan Gordon and (especially) Steven Lenhart – aka, the Bash Brothers (this short bio on them is a masterpiece, btw) – San Jose literally battled their way to that season’s Supporters’ Shield. Backed by a banner season by Jon Busch in goal and Honduran central defender Victor Bernandez, all the ‘Quakes had to do was keep the goals out and have “Gordo” and “Lenny” knock down everyone, everything, and get the ball to MLS's all-time leading scorer, Chris Wondolowski (okay, gotta slow down on the linking; egads), who had a crazy 2012 season (27 goals, seven assists). They scored 13 more goals that season than the next nearest team and were heads and shoulders above the rest in scoring...and an appearance in the 2014 CONCACAF quarterfinals aside, that’s probably the last happy memory San Jose fans have had. They’ve either squeaked in as a wild card (three times) or missed the playoffs entirely (nine times) every season since. The Wooden Spoon spanked them twice over that same period - the first in 2018, the other in…hey, 2024 – which, when added to their 2007 Wooden Spoon, gives them five all time and the more seasons with the wrong kind of rosy cheeks than any other team in MLS. The truly wild thing? The ‘Quakes got 103 goals out Wondoloski from 2013-2021. I mean, how bad was everyone else?

Getting Reacquainted with the Los Angeles Galaxy, MLS's Joy Points Kings

He was just as surprised to be named MVP.

Thumbnail History
The olds whisper legends about how the Los Angeles Galaxy started its storied history as Major League Soccer’s first Buffalo Bills, losing the first three MLS Cup they played. Those early stumbles buried more than one relevant fact – e.g., they won their first Supporters’ Shield in 1998, their first CONCACAF Champions’ Cup in 2000 (not the feat it later became, to be fair) - but the Galaxy put together competitive teams from the jump, even if they didn’t have all that many trophies to show for it. With long-forgotten players like Mauricio Cienfuegos, Kevin Hartman, Danny Califf, Cobi Jones and (the semi-infamous) Carlos Ruiz leading the way, the Galaxy won a Double in 2002 – and came damn close to a triple (they were runners-up in the U.S. Open Cup that year). Some real successes followed – an MLS Cup in 2005, if with a decidedly average team (also, won by one of the flukiest goals in MLS history) and the Shield again in 2009 – but LA spent the rest of the 2000s bumping their asses against the ground as hard and often as any team in MLS. Turns out that playing in a world-famous city doesn’t do a team enough favors when roster rules and small budgets bind every team in the same shackles (ball gag optional). It ultimately took not just the arrival of the Designated Player Rule (2007), but also the subsequent expansion(s) of the same rule (2010 and 2012), for the Galaxy’s natural advantages to kick all the way in. Success wasn’t immediate - even David Beckham, aka, the OG DP, played with the peanut gallery calling him a flop over his first few seasons - but the opening of MLS’s Rube-Goldbergian budget rules set the stage for the five-plus-season period that made the Galaxy the most dominant team in MLS history. Between 2009 and 2014, LA won three MLS Cups, two Supporters’ Shields, and they went to one more MLS Cup besides. They owed a lot of that success to Landon Donovan, aka, the man whose name now graces the league MVP award, but Ireland’s Robbie Keane arguably put those teams over the top (his hit-rate in MLS was nuts). Those two, Beckham, some outstanding defenses, and unsung heroes like midfield back-stop Juninho turned the Galaxy into MLS first unstoppable force since the DC United teams of the late 1990s/early 2000s. Even if both Red Bull New York and the Seattle Sounders would like a word, MLS hasn’t seen a team as reliable as LA’s best teams since. After the 2014 MLS Cup, LA could only squeak into the 2015 post-season as a wild card and they missed the playoffs outright in 2017 (with a tap by the Wooden Spoon thrown in for good measure), 2018, 2020, 2021 and as recently as 2023. The Galaxy signed the biggest players they could to solve the problem – see, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Giovani dos Santos – but they either scrimped on the foundation (my personal theory, fwiw) or just couldn’t put one together, any star can only shine so bright, etc. Maybe that’s what made LA’s comfortable 2024 MLS Cup win feel like a bolt out of the blue. With wingers Joseph Paintsil and Gabriel Pec running on either side of Devan Joveljic (traded after 2024), and the small, shifty No. 10(?) Riqui Puig pulling the strings, the Galaxy raced up the table by, often as not, running up the score. The sturdy yet dynamic midfields of Mark Delgado (also traded), Edwin Cerrillo and Gaston Brugman (also traded; just Brugman) bought those four stars time to be lethal and the rest is, as they say history. And then history threw up all over the fairy tale.

Getting Reacquainted with the Los Angeles Galaxy, MLS's Very Own Nora Desmond

No longer ready for their close-up.

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

The Los Angeles Galaxy started as the first Buffalo Bills of Major League Soccer. True story. They reached MLS Cup in literally half of the league’s first six seasons only to flop on the biggest stage. Those failures gave them the opposite of stage-fright: the Galaxy became the first dominant team in league history, making the playoffs every season over the first ten years – virtually always in the top 5 too. Hell, one of their “Bills” seasons saw them claim the Supporters’ Shield (1998), but they didn’t have to wait long for their first Cups, either: the first came in 2002 – which they paired with another Shield – then again in 2005. Their fallow seasons – 2006-08 – look like hiccups today because OG LA dominated the first half of the 2010s, chewing up and spitting out one trophy after another. The Galaxy didn’t become the team current fans know until 2017- the same season the Wooden Spoon slapped their bottoms for the one and only time in team history. By now, the glory years have faded enough to where you have to wonder if their fans even remember them. The Galaxy have missed the playoffs in five of the past seven seasons. Worse, they haven’t looked like doing much the two times they didn’t.

Best Season(s)

The Galaxy ran away with their ’98 Shield at a sprint that would have left Usain Bolt’s jaw on the ground, but their best years came between 2009 and 2014, when they won another Shield (2010) and reached MLS Cup four times and won three of them (2011, 2012, 2014; they were runners-up in 2009). Those seasons saw Landon Donovan and Roy Keane running absolute riot up top while absolute rock defenders like Omar Gonzalez and A. J. DeLaGarza held things down at the back in front of a succession of strong goalkeepers (e.g., Donovan Ricketts, Josh Saunders, and the underrated Jaime Penedo). Absolute juggernauts, I tell you, and I still hate them for it. Oh, and they won the CONCACAF Champions’ Cup in 2000, but that shit was so goofy that the Mexican teams didn’t pay it much mind…until 2001.

Long-Term Tendencies

Their very best seasons (1998 and 2014) saw the Galaxy do very well in defense and even better on offense, but they built their best seasons on sturdy defenses and Bruce Arena’s second great run as a head coach. [Sidebar: does anyone know what words or actions cost him the New England gig?] There’s a lot of reverting to the mean on either side of that, but nothing has defined the bad years (2017 to…well, now) like defensive fragility: they’ve been over the league average for goals allowed in six of the past seven seasons.

An MLS History Project, 2003: The Ballad of Chris Roner (& The End of Puberty)

This is like that Big Foot photo. Defining.

Some part of my subconscious anticipated that these history posts would eventually reach a point where the talking points start and end with who won what trophy and which players made it possible. I didn’t think it’d happen so soon, but…

Fortunately, that also signals that Major League Soccer had survived its growing pains – the acne (teal uniforms), hair in places that it wasn’t before (going with the Tampa Bay Mutiny), breaking voices (no ties and the shootout) and random boners (I don’t know…the Colorado Rapids?). MLS has been a (probably) viable league (old habits die hard) since then and the panting of The Grim Reaper grew fainter and fainter with every season after 2001 (well, until the COVID). In general terms, the league keeps adding teams and raising the salary cap; fans see only tweaks to the rules of competition, maybe a poorly-scheduled post-season now and again, but they’re not seeing, say, rearranged conferences or the local team evaporating. Starting at a certain point, one very close to 2003, Major League Soccer looked like the same league it was the season before, only with more faces.

2003 didn’t see more faces – expansion hadn’t happened yet (and neither had relocation) – but the competitive rules did evolve a bit. First, they ended the one year experiment of letting teams qualify regardless of conference (see 2002 post); the top four teams in each five-team conference would make the 2003 MLS Cup Playoffs. They also managed the playoffs differently – i.e., for reasons that still don’t make sense, but…sure, only the conference semifinals featured a three-game home-and-away series, while both the conference finals and MLS Cup would be one-and-done. I can’t recall or state with confidence that those choices made anyone happy, but, the 2003 playoffs did include one hell of a powerful argument for the greatest all-time comeback in MLS history. The team that won it was the San Jose Earthquakes, and they’d go on to win 2003 MLS Cup as well, beating a restructured Chicago Fire team 4-2 in what remains one of the highest scoring finals in league history.

The venue is noteworthy too: the Home Depot Center, MLS’s second soccer-specific stadium, opened that season (June 7, 2003) and hosted MLS Cup. It gave the Los Angeles Galaxy a home and, in some ways, a home field for U.S. Soccer as a whole (they only used Crew Stadium when they wanted the closest possible version of a home-field or make Latin American players cold/uncomfortable; related, this is fun, and check out the venue that landed No. 1). I’ve heard a lot of things about this stadium down the years, some good, some bad, but it’s also unquestionably one of the original “cathedrals to the game” for MLS. Anyway, back to the game…

Portland Rocks the Rapids: Happy!

31 weeks in the making, yo. Secret formula.

Well, that was fascinating. Twitter broke down halfway through – don't know if that's just my service provider, my phone, or Portland Timbers fans melting twitter (please let it be the latter) – so I couldn't launch (frankly, broadly ignored) bon mots throughout the course of the game. Still, holy shit, and welcome to the playoffs, Portland! And at a spot that lets you host the next round? Absolutely goddamn delectable! I'd like to think the club, the players, and the front office has been aging this particular barrel of grapes, so that it can age properly, but I'm closer to think it involved some kind of prison-specialty "home-brew," something utterly spontaneous, a little desperate, etc.. And yet, helluva win. Three straight wins with a goal differential clocking at 10 for and 3 against spells momentum in any tournament. And that's where Portland is right now, after a one-way railroad win over the Colorado Rapids. Can I get a huzzah?

As much as I talked about "unlocking Nagbe" across various posts and tweets over the past week, I'm nothing like sure it was that simple. Like it or not, the Timbers have MLS's most complicated player in Nagbe...bet no one thought Landon Donovan would pass that particular torch anyone, but there you go. What does he want most: it ("it" being optimal professional success and all its trappings), or the love of his children, or a trip to Cambodia, a week in a Vegas(-area) brothel? No one will ever know for sure, at least not until some specific set of data points gets settled definitively. All I know is that Nagbe picked it up the Burnished Crown of Inscrutability without anyone noticing. Or maybe he just picked up pieces of it. Jesus, is it hard to tell, or who?

Setting aside mysteries for now – these are questions that time will answer – Nagbe bought, owned, sold, and re-bought at an extraordinarily-inflated value Sunday night. He defined omnipresence by putting in a couple odd tackles in the defensive third, and carrying the ball out of the back on a minimum of [random number generator] five occasions[?]. At the same time, he popped up around the goal just as many times, whether to score, play in someone else to score, or to simply set off panic in Colorado’s defensive third. Put together - and, here, I'm talking less about tonight than the season as a whole - Nagbe played the engrossing role of the talented friend in the crowd. He attends your show and, knowing he's super fucking talented, you invite him on stage, where he proceeds to lay down a shredding guitar solo, a magic act, and a tap routine that changes fucking history. And without props or equipment. You're left to think, why the hell isn't he doing this every week and getting paid, son? Somewhere in there, you come to understand that you’re the kind to spot talent, rather than possess it. (Um, personal problems, as yet unresolved. Judy? Where are my anti-depressants?)

MLS Week 24 Shots 'n' Beers Review: Great Games, Bad Defense, and DP Theory

It was the Best of Times!

I think I'm finally there on a concept for these weekly reviews of Major League Soccer. I call this process, The Struggle. But enough about me. Why? Because MLS Week 24? It was goddamn nuts! To give it a name, it was the Week of Not-Giving-a-Shit Celebrations! As in, "why, yes, I'll take that yellow card you fun-sucking prick, because this shirt is coming off!!" Moving on to some random observations:

- The guy in the DC United replica shirt that said "Wine," has inspired me to get a Portland Timbers replica of my own that says either "Gin" or "Bourbon." Taking votes!

- If you listen closely after San Jose's goal, you’ll hear the Mexican commentating team freaking the Hell out. And it was like music.

- Related: was Paul Caligiuri let go by Univision/Mas? Don't they know that novel mispronunciations of players' names don’t grow on trees!?

- I really, really struggled with Shep Messing's broadcast partner who kept using the phrase, "ball defended away" to describe a defensive clearance.

Moral of the story: keep your eyes open during broadcasts, because there's always something out there....like the kid ball who stood behind (think it was the Houston Dynamo's) Tyler Deric fronting all the while. Moving on!

Next, it's time to record the games I took in this weekend. How much do my wife and kids hate me this week? Three! Three games worth of hate!

New York Red Bulls v. Toronto FC
Real Salt Lake v. Portland Timbers (written up here)
Sporting Kansas City v. Vancouver Whitecaps

I watched the rest in the usual 20-minute, bite-sized format. Right, may as well start the review in precisely the same way I'm starting to type: with a Shot...which, here, means a great summation of the week/weekend just past (hat-tip: Series of Unfortunate Events).

Los Angeles Galaxy 2015 Preview: Just...Good. Dammit.

The first video in search for "drunk on self-belief." That's it.

What Happened Last Year
Landon and Donovan, mostly. Jesus, did that story-line suck up a lot of the Los Angeles Galaxy's oxygen last year. I won't pretend I didn't follow it and absorb it (more), or even that I didn't choke up when Donovan broke the record(s) (link under "follow," I think), etc. Still, it's surprisingly easy to forget that LA kicked a lot of ass on the way to winning MLS Cup. By the end of the season, even into the playoffs, the Galaxy somnolently stumbled from one game to the next. Apart from the holy hurt they put on Real Salt Lake in the second leg of their playoff series, they didn't dominate clubs down the stretch; instead, it took only some minimum number of their players stirring just long enough to score the decisive goal. In that same spirit, LA surrendered the Supporters' Shield to the Seattle Sounders with a shrug. Cold-eyed confidence feels very much part of LA's culture; it's as if they know they'll win the next one. Sure, there were great moments – see, the rightly-celebrated 20+ pass build-up; Robbie Keane pulling a goal or two from his nethers, etc. – but this Galaxy team must have played one of the quietest all-time greatest seasons in sporting history. Very methodical, basically. Disturbing methodical. Nothing speaks to that as clearly as their goals for/against numbers.
Final Stats: 17-7-10, 64 points, 2nd in the East; 69 gf, 37 ga (both league best; tied on the ga)

Jurgen Klinsmann's Hell: A Whole Team of Donovans

Whoa. Sign this guy.

I will try not to make this about U.S. Men's National Team (USMNT) head coach Jurgen Klinsmann. Because, basic, maybe unhinged, hostility. With that in mind, I'll just keep that portion of the post brief. Klinsmann's latest comments regarding U.S. players' lack of fitness and (manic) dedication is just this winter’s version of last summer’s “nasty” comments: bullshit, for starters, but it's more significant as evasion. Let players burn when they deserve it, of course...but does everyone honestly believe Klinsi hasn’t screwed his share of pooches over the past 3 1/2 years? Otherwise, y'know, shouldn't he raise his hand and start asking what he can do?

I could pile up grievances until they top the Portland, Oregon skyline, so I'll stop there with the bitching. Besides, no small number of visionaries and mad-method geniuses have made a regular practice of throwing colleagues, partners, assistants, employees and even friends under the bus. After all, it’s easier to preach gospel when the shit’s not sticking to you. Few enough frauds, however, can outrun truth or reality forever and Klinsmann has many highly-visible moments of truth ahead.

The U.S. will face Panama this Sunday in the last of the January Camp/Camp Struedel friendlies. What he does will be interesting and all, even if people say friendlies don’t matter, something I agree with, even if most of the time.* What’s on my mind today is the grand...hold it, The Grand Experiment of Jurgen Klinsmann’s tenure.

The U.S. Soccer Federation (USSF) hired Klinsmann to assume the daunting mantle of "transformative figure." My low opinion of Klinsmann is what it is, but I hereby applaud the balls it takes to say, "Yes, I am your fucking genius. You are welcome." The project itself has inherent value, too, because a team can't learn what it's capable of without trying new things. A least up to a certain point. Try something till you have to stop. Then, stop. Will Klinsmann see that? Sorry, another post for another day.

Klinsmann’s latest "artful" dodge dredged up a whole lot of thoughts about where the USMNT is today and where it's headed: the way fitness, once the USMNT'’s perennial ace-in-the-hole, suddenly became a problem under Klinsmann; how frequently our players look visibly uncomfortable operating under Jurgen's system; and, yes, the long run of crappy results. It's hard to avoid wondering where it's all going. And then you come across a tweet like this one after the Chile game:

"When #USMNT playing B Chile Team they're playing against decades of cultivated tactics/style, meanwhile U.S. at starting point of identity."

That's a random tweet in the grand scheme (by @DanielNyari; follow him on Twitter!; and sorry I'm too dumb to just embed; I'll learn, promise). Had I been able to watch even half of Chile v. U.S., I wouldn't have seen it; it's not my habit to check any given match-tracker, but there it was. And it’s been with me in the week or so since the final whistle blew in [city-name-here], Chile.

What if the U.S. has already discovered its identity? Could this be something larger, maybe a clash of cultures? It's an ironic problem on one level because Klinsmann's mindset taps into something very American: the belief in permanent progress, the idea/fantasy that some given thing can indefinitely rise upward. Then again, this is how we got No Child Left Behind. But that's only half of America: there are also the slackers, the hipsters, the artisans, the work-to-live not live-to-work lifestyle. Good honest citizens have worried for decades whether these hippies will cause us to succumb to Ivan (or “other foreign competitor”), so maybe they're out to turn the USMNT into a hacky-sack kick-around instead of the blood-and-iron war of Klinsmann's imagination.

Basically, it's not inconceivable that Klinsmann’s years-long bitching about MLS could actually speak to a uncomfortable truth about the American player. They might cherish Major League Soccer’s (MLS) old-shoe feel too much to strive for higher ground, or connections to family make stepping too far from American shores too much to bear. Or, to personify the theory, maybe Landon Donovan is the true talisman and North Star of the USMNT and U.S. soccer culture in general. Maybe they're all dreaming of Cambodia as we speak. Or, in more honest terms, maybe we do what we do, and play the way we play, because we like it. Or maybe our feet are just shaped wrong. Let's not pull anything off the table too soon....

So, there are some thoughts in there. Rolling in a big comfy bed with sweet indifference; hints of clashing culture; a celebration of the idea of just trying shit; a placeholder suggestion that the USSF might have been taken in by a silver-tongued con-artist: call it what you will, the Klinsmann era has given us a shit-ton to talk about. I have my thoughts on where it's going, but those can wait...

* In recent years, and for whatever reason, I started acting like friendlies don't matter - as in, I make extremely minimal efforts to watch them. That said, put together enough of the same kind of results – and Klinsmann has done this, without question (see: losses with highly repetitive patterns) – and you’ve got a sample that could very well mean something. It could mean everything, up to and including something straightforward as Jurgen being a lousy fit. I can't remember the last time I heard the argument in all honesty, but the idea that foreign coaches just "don't get the American player" was all the rage way back when.