Getting Reacquainted with the Colorado Rapids, MLS's Bargain-Shopping Wild Cards

That's what Dawson's Creek was about, yeah?

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

What’s the most surprising thing I can say about MLS’s most surprising team, the Colorado Rapids? Is it the fact they hoisted an MLS Cup in 2010, that they played one of those great, early and unstoppable DC United teams to a valiant loss in MLS Cup 1997, or that they “won” MLS’s first-ever Wooden Spoon in the inaugural season? Never mind…that last one is probably less surprising than the fact they haven’t got slapped by the Wooden Spoon since.

I haven’t conducted the survey to back this up, but I’m guessing the Rapids top the list of teams most often forgotten by fans of other teams not named Real Salt Lake; even if they don’t top it, I’d still wager they hover near the top. (This doesn’t happen for me, as I’m mildly obsessed with Colorado in a pretty-girl-you-left-behind-in-your-small-hometown kind of way.) Colorado misses the MLS playoffs nearly as often as they make them – 13 times versus 15, respectively – and they have a wholly-earned their reputation as one of the most miserly teams in the league (listen carefully and you can hear the screams of pennies echoing over the Rockies…or is that just their fans?). For reference, the $3 million transfer they paid for Djordje Mihailovic this off-season made him Colorado’s record signing. As an organization, they find talent the same way bargain shoppers find steals (or hope to) in the bins at the local Goodwill – e.g., lots of internal transfers, some of them manifestly non-sensical (see, Cabral, Kevin) – and yet going all in on the Moneyball method has seen them finish second overall twice in the past decade (2016 and 2021)…they’ve also missed the playoffs (checks notes) seven times across the same decade, so there’s that…

Best Season(s)

It’s gotta be the 2010 MLS Cup-winning season, there’s something about that second-place finish in 2021 that makes a body believe in the miracle of Moneyball. To plumb one more alternative, I ruled out the 1997 MLS Cup runner-up run because it looks like, and almost certainly was, a crap-shoot – i.e., a testament to the limits of available talent, an odd, yet still logical result of competing in a 10-team league in just its second season, etc.. It was still pretty damn outlandish seeing Colorado’s “Marquee Players,” Paul Bravo and Marcelo Balboa, square off against DC/MLS legends like Marco Etcheverry and Jaime Moreno. The point is, when you look at the Rapids’ roster for MLS Cup 2010, you can see that team reaching/winning a final. The 1997 team, not so much.

MLS Conference Semifinals Wrap: On Joining the Chess Club

This would be better, more epic, but we live in the world in which we live.

Well, that happened. The games started, the games ended, stuff happened. The end. For four teams, anyway.

The better question is, was I entertained? Going in, Colorado Rapids v. Los Angeles Galaxy looked like the tallest order entertainment-wise – i.e., could LA muster enough attack on the road to make Colorado sweat, and can the Rapids even freakin’ score? – but, for people with an appreciation for watching chess played very, very slowly, and, at times, badly (see; the Marlon Hairston wing experiment*), it wasn’t torture or anything. Colorado answered their question and LA didn’t, so the Rapids roll on with a 1-1 home draw, finished off with penalty kicks.

As for the games involving both of Major League Soccer’s New York franchises, my kids still have questions about those that and, as a loving parent, I’m not sure I know how to answer…

…I kid. Both New York teams got rolled like white-collar drunks (would that the world worked the same way). Because I had daydreams of MLS’s first subway series, yeah, I’m a little pissed that neither New York team managed to get a toe-hold in either game. No, not even a pinky nail (and disgusting) The New York Red Bulls had the better chance, see, the kick; penalty, for Sacha Kljestan. But he shanked it, got tagged in his considerable proboscis for his efforts, and, after two Ignacio Piatti goals landed on either side of a goal from Bradley Wright-Phillips that was almost two games too long coming, the Montreal Impact handed the Red Bulls their second loss in a row, 2-1 this time and in New York. Montreal deserved the series, no question, especially after New York had some serious good times late in the season (e.g. the streak without a loss), the kind that, for all the cracks, fill people with belief that good will triumph over evil…

…yeah, not so much out there in Harrison.

The other New York game…hold on, are the kids gone? OK, it was bad. Early, often, late…it was watching your best friend vomit and pee on himself while he’s crying about his break up…

Clash of (What Passes for MLS’s Version of) Titans

Your vacation lives on! I thank you!

[The third and final game I watched this weekend pitted the then and current top two teams in MLS against one another, the Colorado Rapids v. FC Dallas.]

When it comes to parsing this year’s (semi-freakish) power match-up, it’s probably best/safest to break it down into discrete parts. There’s sort of a lot to unpack, and from multiple pieces of luggage. Even so, the balance of the chatter falls on the Rapids side of the ball – they’re the bigger transformation, after all – so I’ll end with them.

Oh, and the game ended 1-1. It really looked like the Rapids would hold on, but I guess that’s why Dallas is Dallas. Victor Ulloa cranking an equalizer from eastern freakin’ Colorado falls in line with things like Mauro Diaz’s passing and Fabian Castillo’s (or Michael Barrios’) dribbling.

Another reason why Dallas is Dallas? Chris Hedges and Walker Zimmerman. These are both good players, really good players. What sometimes gets lost with those two is just how young they are: 26 and 23, respectively. Barring a transfer (something I can see for Zimmerman before Hedges), that tandem has a long future together. In the here and now, though, having them back there buys your team time, maybe even an entire half, to scratch back into a game against a Colorado defense that gives up very, very little.