Getting Reacquainted with the Colorado Rapids, MLS's Bargain-Shopping Wild Cards

That's what Dawson's Creek was about, yeah?

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

What’s the most surprising thing I can say about MLS’s most surprising team, the Colorado Rapids? Is it the fact they hoisted an MLS Cup in 2010, that they played one of those great, early and unstoppable DC United teams to a valiant loss in MLS Cup 1997, or that they “won” MLS’s first-ever Wooden Spoon in the inaugural season? Never mind…that last one is probably less surprising than the fact they haven’t got slapped by the Wooden Spoon since.

I haven’t conducted the survey to back this up, but I’m guessing the Rapids top the list of teams most often forgotten by fans of other teams not named Real Salt Lake; even if they don’t top it, I’d still wager they hover near the top. (This doesn’t happen for me, as I’m mildly obsessed with Colorado in a pretty-girl-you-left-behind-in-your-small-hometown kind of way.) Colorado misses the MLS playoffs nearly as often as they make them – 13 times versus 15, respectively – and they have a wholly-earned their reputation as one of the most miserly teams in the league (listen carefully and you can hear the screams of pennies echoing over the Rockies…or is that just their fans?). For reference, the $3 million transfer they paid for Djordje Mihailovic this off-season made him Colorado’s record signing. As an organization, they find talent the same way bargain shoppers find steals (or hope to) in the bins at the local Goodwill – e.g., lots of internal transfers, some of them manifestly non-sensical (see, Cabral, Kevin) – and yet going all in on the Moneyball method has seen them finish second overall twice in the past decade (2016 and 2021)…they’ve also missed the playoffs (checks notes) seven times across the same decade, so there’s that…

Best Season(s)

It’s gotta be the 2010 MLS Cup-winning season, there’s something about that second-place finish in 2021 that makes a body believe in the miracle of Moneyball. To plumb one more alternative, I ruled out the 1997 MLS Cup runner-up run because it looks like, and almost certainly was, a crap-shoot – i.e., a testament to the limits of available talent, an odd, yet still logical result of competing in a 10-team league in just its second season, etc.. It was still pretty damn outlandish seeing Colorado’s “Marquee Players,” Paul Bravo and Marcelo Balboa, square off against DC/MLS legends like Marco Etcheverry and Jaime Moreno. The point is, when you look at the Rapids’ roster for MLS Cup 2010, you can see that team reaching/winning a final. The 1997 team, not so much.

Portland Timbers Preview: Varieties of Desperation

Respectfully noted. For both, ideally.

Like the Old Gray Mare, the Colorado Rapids ‘hain’t what they used to be (‘hain’t what they used to be), but, fun fact, they’re still three points better than the Portland Timbers. If my animal-themed analog for that didn’t mingle horses and glue, I’d use it....wait.

Then again, let us bury the past, and deep as it'll go. To the best of our ability. And then start with some facts:

Colorado Rapids
Record/Basics: 5-6-4, 5-1-2 home, 0-5-2 road; 17 gf, 18 ga, -1
Last 10: LLTWLWLWLT (3-5-2; 0-4-1 road)
Oppo: @ FCD, @ MIN, v CLT, v POR, @ SJ, v LAFC, @ SKC, v SEA, v NSH, @ NYC

What We Know About Them
Broadly, I think of the Rapids as a team that, with a boost from discipline and a collective game-plan (nod to Robin Fraser, who strikes me as just plain good people), plays a step above their talent - or they did last season. Their record notwithstanding, they defend well (barely; see above, league average = 20.8 ga), but they can also move the ball pretty damn smartly; then again, if your attack is built like a spear, only the smith paid more attention to the shaft than the tip...I mean, is that a win? I think of them as the reigning money-ball kings of MLS, honestly. All in all, they’re just as unlikely to beat the Timbers on the road – not with that craptacular road record (wait, what? Microsoft officially recognizes, “craptacular”?), and not, with apologies to Gyasi Zardes, the floppy tip on that spear – but I wouldn’t bet large on the Timbers winning their fourth game of the season. Not unless the other side of the wager makes it interesting. And if Portland falls flat here, Lord knows what I’ll think ahead of the next one against Houston. Fuck me...

Oh, and they’ll mostly be whole. Lalas Abubakar will be out (suspended for serial naughtiness) and I’ve seen chatter about Jack Price as a possible scratch...which wouldn’t hurt. But, again, the collective is greater than whole with this bunch. Expect maybe Michael Barrios...if there’s a more underrated player in MLS history, I can’t name him.

FC Cincinnati 0-2 Colorado Rapids: The Painful, Present Limits of Moral Victories

You know the sound it's making...

After FC Cincinnati’s 0-2 home loss to the Colorado Rapids, I have two competing thoughts in my head:

1) Cincinnati fans are expecting a lot of progress from basically zero in a little time; and
2) can you fucking blame them at this point?

I want to start all this by centering one very important thought: the Rapids are a good team and they’ve started strong to boot. Their players have their roles and they know them well, they’re good at nearly every position and, since Robin Fraser took over, they’ve become damned good at finding the next pass and the one after that. For further perspective: Colorado has the fourth best record in the whole damn league - and with a game or two in hand against every team above them. There’s no shame in losing to a team like that. With Cincinnati dancing on the edge of another missed ceiling, hell, yeah, the circumstances suck - I mean, they suck - and yet there’s nothing to do but play the next game.

That should not, however, dissuade any FC Cincy fans from letting loose their blazing frustration with a team that has spent two and…think that’s one-fifth seasons failing to gett it together. I saw little moral victories all over the place for Cincinnati yesterday - e.g., an early pass from Luciano Acosta to slip Brenner behind, which was as good as anything I’ve seen in open play all season; the way Cincinnati knocked the Rapids off their rhythm between the two goals; Alvaro Barreal turning in one of his most threatening performances so far, quite literally, etc. - and yet…and yet, the second half of the phrase “moral victory” fades with every game that doesn’t end in actual victory. They don't count in the standings, for one. I didn’t fully digest how many quality shots Cincinnati fired at William Yarbrough’s goal until I reviewed the tape (22 shots, for the record, with 7 forcing a save). It’s hard as hell to see a silver lining, especially with yet another three points thrown away.

The deeper question is when you’ll know they’ve turned things around, both collectively and a way that sticks. And that’s a far slippier question to answer.