Getting Reacquainted with Club du Foot Montreal, Canada's "Other" Flash in the Pan

Actual search result for "flash in the pan"

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One thing the entire "Getting Reacquainted with" project has surfaced is how few trophies Major League Soccer’s Canadian teams have contributed to the collective trophy case. While that makes sense when it comes to the Vancouver Whitecaps, who has battled gravity for as long as they’ve been a team, it takes looking past Toronto’s FC’s (one-off) all-conquering 2017 team and, to the case in point, the Montreal Impact team of the mid-2010s. As laid out in their list of mighty works below*, Club du Foot Montreal’s best era amounted to two fleeting seasons, but it was a freakin’ party for as long as it lasted.

The Montreal Impact, known as Club du Foot Montreal since 2021, graduated from the USL to MLS in 2012 and, judging by their Year One signings, they came in determined to make a splash. While their inaugural roster contained the usual smattering of MLS journeymen (e.g., Collen Warner, Davy Arnaud and….huh, Zarek Valentin), and hyped-up youngsters (e.g., Andrew Wenger), Montreal did some heavy shopping in Italy, signing CBs Alessandro Nesta and Matteo Ferrari and slick and saucy little forward, Marco Di Viao. All that investment not only failed to translate to Quebecois, it went two tits up in 2014, their only season to end with the shameful sting of the Wooden Spoon. After the failure of the Italian experiment, Montreal started sniffing around other leagues for talent and that search brought in two of their all-time great talents, the Belgian defender/midfielder Laurent Ciman and, one of my all-time personal MLS favorites, Argentine winger/forward, Ignacio Piatti. Piatti had the misfortune of showing up in time to go through the Wooden Spoon paddle-wheel, but the arrival of Ciman and smart additions like midfield mind-fucker Marco Donadel the experienced Nigel Reo-Coker made turned the team’s fortunes on a literal dime. A mere five and half months after the worst regular season of 2014, the Impact went the distance in the 2015 CONCACAF Champions’ League, contesting the two-leg final against Mexico’s famous Club America. In a pattern familiar to any MLS fan from that period, Montreal carried a promising result out of Mexico City (1-1!) only to collapse under the weight of a second half onslaught front of their home fans in the return leg. Those 135 minutes’ worth of dreaming certainly felt incredible and, with that breeze blowing at their backs, Montreal became the talk of MLS when they hit the high-profile player motherlode by signing Chelsea/Ivory Coast legend Didier Drogba in late 2015. With the core intact and Drogba throwing around his weight and talent up top, even if not for every game (dude was old by then), L’Impact put together their best-ever MLS season in 2016…and, just as quickly as they came, the good times ended. Montreal would bubble up into the fringes of real competition in the seasons that followed, but, more often than not, they fail to make a noise loud enough for anyone to hear, at least not one that isn’t a thud of failure. Here's to a season and a half at the top, huzzah, or rather, allons-y.

Total Joy Points: 2

MLS 2020 Down the Stretch: Expectations, Oddballs & Watercoolers

Valeri's goal, amirite?

Before getting into the details, I’ll start with an observation: I see almost no real give in the Eastern Conference standings - i.e., I don’t really see any of the bottom four climbing out of the outhouse - while the Western Conference looks decently interesting from 6th place on down. Do note, however, the 8th-place Colorado Rapids’ two-three games in hand on everyone around them.

As threatened last week, I’m back to handicapping MLS as a whole, if from a greater distance. The formula will likely evolve from the original plan of separating expected results from the oddballs, but the general idea is to dig deeper on the results that don’t make sense to try to figure out how they happened. I want to go Monday-to-Monday for the long haul, but I got this itch to drop a prototype and that’s what this is. Plus, I wanted to see (some of) what happened when FC Cincinnati visited Philadelphia last Wednesday. (The short, familiar answer: nothing good.)

What I’m fishing for with these weekly posts is enough information to clock some general trends, maybe drop some names about who did what and how often. Call it an acquaintance level relationship with Major League Soccer in sum, enough to join a water-cooler conversation about comings and goings and talking from somewhere more sophisticated than my ass.

Most weeks, I’ll start by ticking through the expected results, touching (very) briefly on stray points of interest. I’ll then close with as many of the oddballs as I can get to - which, for this week, included only two games (though it should've included one more) - and dig deeper into those. The biggest difference comes with the amount of video review - e.g., “baby highlights” + box scores for the expected results and MLS-in-15 plus box scores for the oddballs.

I’ll start this edition with a (very) late round-up of FC Cincy’s midweek loss to Philly, a result that was…so very expected.

MLS in the Time of COVID-19

It's a myth. LIVE! (No, seriously, don't.)

Seeing that this space has been chronicling the comings and goings of Major League Soccer since January 11, 2015, how can I pass through one of the biggest events in its history without commentary? I’m talking, of course, about MLS’s 25th anniversary season! 25 years, guys! Holy shit, and how many times did I think you’d never make it…but also COVID-19, the fact that the 2020 regular season was put on hold for several weeks and, when you get right down to it, may not happen at all…

…and if some part of you hasn’t braced yourself for the possibility of the entire 2020 season never happening, my guess is you’re wondering why everyone’s freaking out and hanging scare-quotes about the phrase “social distancing” in every day conversation. This post is for you too, and don't mind the insults.

With news on the coronavirus outbreak going wall-to-wall until we run out of walls, I’m not going to dig too much into that specific subject. Anyone who wants to know what’s happening already does, which leaves the rest of you deciding whether Fox News is “too far left” of OANN (here, “too far left” signals an a willingness to try bleach as medication). To go back to why I almost expect to see the entire 2020 season cancelled, that just follows from what I'm reading - same as you (and, seriously, don't read OANN). MLS honchos have tentatively slated May 10 for the league’s return and, based on most of what I’ve read, they still hope to play the full slate of games, only on a condensed schedule. If that happens and a full season comes to pass, I’ll celebrate more irresponsibly than most. That has everything to do with how surprised I’ll be to see it.

First things first, no one knows much about this bug – all the way down to seasonality, i.e., whether or not higher temperatures will slow it down. That said, whether it’s higher temperatures or the (increasingly unlikely) effect of fully successful social distancing and/or nation-wide shelter-in-place lock-downs, it’s entirely possible that, perhaps as early as May 10, or even as late as June or July, countries all over the world will attempt a resort to “normalcy,” which, by the way, is one of my favorite words from around the time of the Spanish Flu outbreak. (Ah, the unwanted parallels.) At any rate, once the infections stop growing, y’know, exponentially, temptation to return to normal life will exert a powerful pull on all of us. Also, face it, just about every person on the fucking planet will embrace that with the “I-don’t-actually-care-if-it-kills-me” recklessness of this year’s Spring Break revels. Seriously, if/when the day comes when The Man gives the all-clear, it will take a reservation and a sword and shield to get into your favorite local night-spots. The party is gonna be lit, y’all!

MLS Week 2 Recap: Contra Bunkering & Where the Action Is (the West)

Googling "bad training" turns up some stuff...

“There’s an old question common to all sports – e.g., whether you’d rather be entertained versus whether you just want the W however you get it. The Nashville game tested the hell out of that one. Some part of me has always known how I'd answer.”

I tweeted that earlier (and apologies for quoting myself), and I want to finish the thought. Regardless of whether my Portland Timbers opt to bunker-‘n’-counter for the rest of 2020 – and I mean this specifically in terms of, as someone online put it, “grinding out results” - this is me formally objecting to the concept.

Grinding out a result on the road against a good team is a time honored tradition of the game, and that is good and just; I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about adopting it as a style – or, to use a buzzword I hate, an “identity” built around that. Sure, that can win a team some games, but, unless you’re flirting with elite in your counterattacking quality (and I’m not sure the Timbers are in 2020), that’ll never win you a title, and I thought that was the point of all this. And if your team’s goal is to make the playoffs, only to die in the first round, I…I don’t know how to talk to you.

More to the point, I’m a firm believer in the idea that a team should know how to play soccer – i.e., how to advance the ball up the field, and in a controlled way that allows a team to put good shots on goal. That’s one of those things that, 1) a team has work at, and 2) something the players can’t learn unless they get high-rep practice doing that. Because “grinding out a result” trains a team in the opposite direction, I don’t believe it should be encouraged, even on a shitty team. Besides the act of practicing that approach will reveal the players who are up to it. Anyway, all I wanted to say is that there is a time and place for grinding out results, but that isn’t in league soccer – or least not in any league I’d want to watch.

With that li’l rant out of the way, it’s back to regularly scheduled programming. I’ve reviewed the MLS in 15 highlights for all the games in Week 2 – and I went the full 90 on Atlanta v Cincy and Portland v Nashville (links below) – and ranked all the results in the order of their comparative importance; the more important, the higher up on the list it shows. I checked the box scores for each game (not a lot to get excited about this week, fwiw; also, I embed MLSSoccer.com's data-set into the header for each game), and did some light reading, but it’s mostly just notes on the games at this point. Good ones, hopefully, but I’ll be the first to admit I come into these games in various moods and/or states of mind. It’s in the way that you use it, or something to that effect. Oh, and I should still post a link to the 2020 MLS season preview I posted about a month ago; that'll inform some part of the commentary, whether conscious or not, until about Week 5 or so.

MLS Week 1 Recap: Results, Meaning, Ranking, and Meaningless Rankings

But is it totaled? I mean, I know a guy.

To start with the permanent, standing disclaimer that necessarily introduces every Week 1 post in any league, what any given team did over 90 minutes stopped mattering immediately after the final whistle in the, frankly execrable and as yet unmentionable, late show. AHEM. What matters is what they do over the next 33 weeks…

…well, unless you’re an Atlanta United fan, because losing Josef Martinez has real potential to total what looked like a promising 2020. (Pity Martinez and Ezequiel Barco: the croupier has passed on you the dice.)

Welcome to the first in-season Major League Soccer Weekly of the 2020 season. There’s plenty of blah, blah, blah below so I’ll keep the preamble short. Most of each week’s (to be very clear on this) shallow analysis will continue to be results-driven; that’s just what makes sense to me, because it answers questions like how much Martinez’s injury means one week at a time. (Am I still making those monstrous Info-Tables in the shadows? Maybe.) I still want to somehow signal the things that look important, and from within a results-based frame, so I’m going to borrow one of the silliest analytical tools in sports writing: yes, I’ll be ranking results each week, and based on how much I think they establish, alter, bend or break a narrative. Got it?

“On what criteria, you son of a bitch?!”

That’s something someone might be saying, and the initial criteria will be the 2020 season preview I posted a couple weeks back on this site. It’s all in there, typos, good analysis, unconscionable reaches, places where I just sort of drifted off mid-thought a la Joe Biden, etc. I’ll reference it less and less as the results come in, but the notes in that post gesture vaguely to where I think all 26 teams in the league came into the 2020 regular season.

The results from MLS’s Week 1 are all listed or linked to below. I’ll embed a link to The Mothership’s match recap info-pond inside the score of each result – where you’ll get box scores, line ups, the Opta crap, the Audi Index bullshit, etc. – and I’ll dot the narratives I write for each game with the best of the good shit. I’ll close each section with a statement on what I think the result does to each team’s…shit, idiom? No, let’s call it current state of affairs results. (I haven’t landed on a name or mechanism for this piece, so sorry for inserting that cliché inside the larger ranking cliché.) With that, let’s get started…

MLS Off-Season Weeky (02.09.2020): Important Players & Unimportant Results

Also warms the heart. My Sunday is planned.

As I look at the results rolling in during this preseason, I’m reminded of the entirely goddamn awful names some American soccer teams have chosen of their own free will: “The Tampa Bay Rowdies”? “San Diego” (fucking) “Loyal”? “Austin Bold”? (seriously, Austin? I expect so much more of you…). Fire your marketing teams…

Back to the grind, the big news from this past week of preseason came with a guarantee that a regular season will follow: Major League Soccer and the MLS Players’ Association agreed to a new collective bargaining agreement…was it Thursday? (And does that matter?) Given how little controversy surrounds it, I don’t have much to say about the particulars of who got what outta the deal (but, for those who want the details). I figured the CBA would get done the day the league and the MLSPA extended negotiations to February 7th, so I guess the most surprising thing about the whole thing in my mind is how much regular people care about how much professional soccer players get paid. Personally, all I need to know is, 1) that the players aren’t getting screwed over, and 2) we've got five seasons before we have to sweat this shit again (that said, the thing with the players getting a cut of a new TV deal is pretty nifty).

So, that’s that. The rest of this post will do the usual: check in with both the Portland Timbers and FC Cincinnati, followed by a whip-around of results from the past week. Before continuing, I have an editorial note: personal obligations will keep me from posting a weekly next weekend; in the best of all possible world, however, I’ll have preseason games to write about – two for FC Cincinnati (Wednesday and Sunday) and one for Portland (Sunday), so…can I haz streams, plz jesus? I don't think I've got another week of pretending to know anything about (e.g.,) Pablo Piatti, Mattheus Rossetto, or Jeizon Ramirez, because I don’t. We’ll see how everyone fits in or fails to as the results pile up…

Moving on, I wanted to fold one of those peak Off-Season Hot-Take Specials that MLSSoccer.com churns out in between seasons into my discussions of Cincinnati and Portland. In his latest column, Matt Doyle answered the question of which player is most important to each team in MLS. I’ll start both sections by taking issue with his answers (or not), while also checking in on what happened with both teams over the past week.

Montreal Impact 2-1 Portland Timbers: Dead Ends & Futures

The image feature is fucked up. Here are birds of paradise getting sexy.

What good is a player who is only good every October? I’m asking for Dairon Asprilla, a player the Portland Timbers have carried on its roster since…hold on…wow, 2015. For all his lung-busting effort, he’s scored fewer goals than you think, and over more performances than you realize. God willing, he’s killing it every day with T2, but, without further excavation, I have only his numbers with the Timbers’ first team to go with, and one has to wait a while before having anything to count…something like being in prison and having one day last six months.

And, wow. Wow, wow, wow. Lucas Melano’s numbers are barely better. Even with the year off, yikes.

The Timbers gambled on its youth tonight against the Montreal Impact. The starting eleven included one regular starters (Cristhian Paredes), another guy who’s slipping out of the regular rotation (Jeff Attinella), and one patch-starter (Julio Cascante), maybe two (Marco Farfan). Every other guy Portland fielded has, at most, a start or two with the first team next to his name. They wound up losing 1-2, both to Montreal, and to a freakish, wonderful goal. Honestly, I take off both hats off to Orji Okwonwko’s winner, because that’s, at best, a 1-in-50 kind of goal, a Bird of Paradise, if you will…

…but on the level of argument, it took Montreal pulling that out of their collective asses to win this game. So, yeah, not all is lost, and that’s why I didn’t go with my original, more arresting sub-title, “I Hate this Team And I’ll Never Watch Them Again.” It was a joke, people…

The game started all right – call it 10-15 minutes – before degenerating into a conspiracy between the Timbers giving away the ball and Montreal winning nearly every duel that sent all the traffic toward Portland’s goal. The Timbers started the second half stronger and, when they equalized via the famous trio of Loria-to-Cascante-to Conechny (OK not famous locally, but do any baseball fans get the reference?). Portland looked capable of God-knows-what after that goal, and they played…relatively even with Montreal for the rest of the game, even if, after Okwonwko scored Montreal’s second goal, they never really looked like coming back into it. All the same, and generally allowing for the reality that Montreal’s B+ team narrowly out-played Portland’s B- team (in Montreal), some players looked ready for this level, while others did not.

MLS Form Guide ULTRA, Week 13: A Whole Bunch of Data & A Stupid Epiphany

There are dozens of more respectful images, but I liked the roman candle.

With a narrative summary of MLS Week 13 posted over on Orange & Blue Press, I can finally post the source material. [Ed. – If I edit these posts even once, the formatting falls apart; these things can actually look worse, swear to god.] While I at least touched on every game in that narrative summary, a handful of useful details/budding narratives fell to the cutting room floor.

Before that, and to wrap up the argument I started against the “West > East” line in the narrative post, the reason I resisted that is down below in how I organized…fine, ranked the teams. If you use “W” for the Western Conference, and “E” for the Eastern, my top eight ranking is: WEEWWEWW. Yes, that is five teams out of eight in favor of the Western Conference, but I also have Eastern Conference teams in the next three spots (e.g., 9-11). I don’t like the verb “rank” on these things, because I think the sports rankings only achieve clarity at the poles – e.g., it can tell you which teams are good, and which teams suck openly and weekly, but the deeper reality is that everything just sort of runs together in the middle – especially in a (relatively) tight-wad league like MLS. In so many words, the clearest judgments are at the beginning and the end - and that's how I push past the "West > East" narrative: the bad teams in both conferences are just bad. (yes, I saw that Colorado beat Columbus...but was that really so weird? See below.) and you can ignore everything in the middle. Shit. Why did explaining that make me feel like I’m the last guy to experience this “epiphany”? Now, some details…

I won’t gloat for long about the Timbers’ win over Phillly (that’s been covered), but the moved up in the crapshoot down below because they were a team on a solid run beating a strong team at home; that’s the smell of upward momentum. To continue with that theme:

- The Red Bulls went higher on ruthlessness alone, but, goddammit, are they borderline unwatchable. Without the(ir comparative) elegance from seasons past, the gegenpresse becomes hacking, send-in-the-goons stuff. One more page falls from that little red book I keep about the league…

- If their defense starts leaking, Seattle doesn’t have the offense to cover for that right now. Just a point of interstfaction.

- I have both Dallas and Houston over Atlanta down below and, that’s where the idea about closeness to the center comes from. Anyone who remembers Atlanta just rolling over teams in 2018, can’t escape the comparison. They still look a little uncertain out there - even on the defensive side (their late strength) against RSL. I can’t defend where I put Dallas because they have flat-out died out there (two points from 15 - yeah!). Also, the games can't help but get easier, so they've looked good enough for me to expect them to pick up points. With Houston, they need to visibly fuck-up before I write them off.

- LAFC are very good, but they’re mowing through a soft-ish stretch right now, so that’s to be expected. Or, the short version, kicking Montreal’s ass in any venue just isn’t that impressive.

Uh, what else? I think the Chicago Fire are playing closer to their honest level than any team in MLS. A Jimmy-Carter-esque malaise has seized DC, and I still don’t buy Minnesota, even while completely accepting that a lot of their key players are doing well (but Darwin Quintero has to make better decisions). All right, that’s that. Time for the Info-Boxes. I think they’re self-explanatory, and also a loose form of obsessive (“Weeks Since I’ve Posted This Feature Without a Factual Error: 0”). Forward any questions/arguments over twitter (@JeffBull5), I guess. I just wanna sleep...

LOS ANGELES FC, 10-1-4, 34 points, 36 gf, 11 ga, (7-0-1 home, 3-1-3 away)

Last 10 games: WWLWDDWWDW (6-1-3)

Last 10 at home: WWDWW

Last 10 away: WLDWD

W	W	L	W	D	D	W	W	D	W
a DC	v CIN	a VAN	v SEA	a SEA	v CHI	a CLB	v FCD	a FCD	v MTL
4-0	2-0	0-1	4-1	1-1	0-0	3-0	2-0	1-1	4-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Expectation met, boring as you like. If someone asked me to explain LAFC’s success with one highlight, I’d show them this one.

Next Games: @ Portland (6/1) If they beat Portland like the beat Montreal, it’s time for the rest of MLS to dig out that pair of spare pants. Happily, Portland has made that more of an open question than it was 5-6 weeks ago.

PHILADELPHIA UNION, 7-4-3, 24 points, 24 gf, 15 ga, (5-2-1 home, 2-2-2 away)

Last 10 games: WWLWDWWWDL (6-2-2)

Last 10 at home: WWWWDL

Last 10 away: WLDW

W	W	L	W	D	W	W	W	D	L
a CIN	v FCD	a LAG	v MTL	a VAN	v CIN	v NE	a TFC	v SEA	v POR
2-0	2-1	0-2	3-0	1-1	3-0	6-1	2-1	0-0	1-3
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. That’s two punches on the nose against two West Coast teams and with both games in Philly. Noted. (And the better West Coast team actually won their game. Also noted.). As noted in my extended write-up, the Union still looked very good – even losing.

Next Games. v Colorado (5/29), @ Minnesota (6/2), v RBNY (6/8). “I expect them 8-10 points higher by then,” was last week’s take away on Philly’s schedule. The window for that just shrank. And at least one of those games looks harder after today (away to Minnesota).

NEW YORK CITY FC, 4-1-7, 19 points, 16 gf, 13 ga, (1-0-4 home, 3-1-3 away)

Last 10 games: DLDDWWDWWD (4-1-6)

Last 10 at home: DDWD

Last 10 away: LDWWDD

D	L	D	D	W	W	D	W	W	D
v LAF	a TFC	v MTL	a MIN	a DC	v CHI	v ORL	a MTL	a LAG	a CHI
2-2	0-4	0-0	3-3	2-0	1-0	1-1	2-0	2-0	1-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Another game, another draw, but also a remarkable unbeaten streak. They looked a little sluggish out there, honestly, but they’ve also taken seven points of nine, all of them on the road.

Next Game: @ Columbus (6/1) v Cincinnati (6/6). To paraphrase the last post, “six points seems realistic (Thanks, Ohio!).” They feel like a good bet to get 10 of 12 from a run of four road games, and FC Cincy doesn’t look like they could stop a gaggle of toddlers right now.

SEATTLE SOUNDERS, 7-2-5, 26 points, 24 gf, 17 ga, (6-0-2 home, 1-2-3 away)

Last 10 games: WWLDDDWWDL (4-2-4)

Last 10 at home: WWDDWW

Last 10 away: LDDL

W	W	L	D	D	D	W	W	D	L
v RSL	v TFC	a LAF	v SJ	v LAF	a MIN	v HOU	v ORL	a PHI	a SKC
1-0	3-2	1-4	2-2	1-1	1-1	1-0	2-1	0-0	2-3
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Details aside, this was about the result you’d expect from these two teams in a context-free game. In context, though, the Sounders just aren’t posting big results – and it goes beyond things breaking wrong for them (e.g., they missed a sure goal, but also got away with a hand-ball, so…karma’s still balanced).

Next Games. v FCD (6/1), @ Montreal (6/5). “…anything less than four points between here and the Gold Cup should be cause for concern at this point.” I think that still holds – especially since their next two games are two they should win. But that’s what you watch for.

HOUSTON DYNAMO, 7-3-2, 23 points, 20 gf, 13 ga, (6-0-2 home, 1-3-0 away)

Last 10 games: WWWLWWLDWL (6-3-1)

Last 10 at home: WWWWDW

Last 10 away: WLLL

W	W	W	L	W	W	L	D	W	L
v VAN	a COL	v SJ	a LAG	v CLB	v HOU	a SEA	v POR	v DC	a MIN
3-2	4-1	2-1	1-2	2-0	2-1	0-1	1-1	2-1	0-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Their road jinx returns(?), but I wouldn’t read too much into this loss. They kept Minnesota largely to half-chances. A little less wayward shooting, and this game was theirs for the taking.

Next. v SKC (6/1). It just got a little tougher for them to go into the Gold Cup Break on a high; still, gives the Dynamo another shot at proving they’re death at home.

NEW YORK RED BULLS, 6-5-3, 21 points, 21 gf, 16 ga, (4-3-1 home, 2-2-2 away)

Last Ten: LDLWWLWWDW (5-3-2)

Last 10 at home: LWWLWD

Last 10 away: DLWW

L	D	L	W	W	L	W	W	D	W
v MIN	a SKC	a NE	v CIN	v LA	v MTL	a FCD	v ATL	v VAN	a CIN
1-2	2-2	0-1	1-0	3-2	1-2	3-1	1-0	2-2	2-0
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. As pointed out in my extended notes, the Red Bulls didn’t look good, they barely generated offense, the press didn’t do shit, etc. They still won, and that’s two wins on the road now. The long-term trend has all of one hiccup in it (the home loss to Montreal…WTF?)

Next Games. v RSL (6/1), @ Philly (6/8). “Six points from this stretch of games, amounts to announcing its revival.” They picked up three points already, and with how RSL plays on the road…and against a possession side like Philly. This could be a real pivot for them.

PORTLAND TIMBERS, 4-6-2, 14 points, 17 gf, 23 ga, (0-0-0 home, 4-6-2 away)

Last 10 games: LLLLWWWLDW (4-5-1)

Last 10 at home: N/A

Last 10 away: LLLLWWWLDW

L	L	L	L	W	W	W	L	D	W
a CIN	a LAG	a SJ	a FCD	a CLB	a TFC	a RSL	a VAN	a HOU	3-1
0-3	1-2	0-3	2-1	3-1	2-1	2-1	0-1	1-1	a PHI
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. That’s a lot of Ws up there and, as argued in my extended notes on their win over Philly, “Portland, 1) still has viable (healthy) talent, and 2) has its shit figured out.”

Next Games. v LAFC (6/1). It doesn’t really matter if Portland wins this – they’ve got lots of season left to tear up – but, jesus fucking Christ, do I want them to win this game.

FC DALLAS, 5-6-3, 18 points, 18 gf, 19 ga, (3-1-3 home, 2-5-0 away)

Last 10 games: WLWWDLLLDL (3-5-2)

Last 10 at home: WDLD

Last 10 away: WLWLLL

W	L	W	W	D	L	L	L	D	L
a RSL	a PHI	v POR	a ATL	v SJ	a HOU	v RB	a LAF	v LAF	a VAN
4-2	1-2	2-1	2-1	0-0	1-2	1-3	0-2	1-1	1-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. “Dallas impressed me a little last weekend.” That was last weekend, and I almost wrote them off – and, with just one point from the last 15 on offer, that stands up. True, Dallas dying on the road, but they’ve played in the toughest places over that stretch (and Vancouver), their last 5 games were hell, and they put up big numbers for the second week running. They had every chance to draw this match to boot.

Next Games. v Seattle (6/1), @ San Jose (6/8). None of the above matters if they can’t convert big numbers into wins. All the tough games now means they should hit a soft patch later.

ATLANTA UNITED FC, 6-5-2, 20 points, 14 gf, 11 ga, (3-1-2 home, 3-4-0 away)

Last 10 games: LWLWWWWWLL (6-4-0)

Last 10 at home: LWWW

Last 10 away: LWWWLL

L	W	L	W	W	W	W	W	L	L
a CLB	a NE	v FCD	v COL	a SKC	v TFC	v ORL	a VAN	a NYR	a RSL
0-2	2-0	1-2	1-0	3-0	2-0	1-0	1-0	0-1	1-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. While I’d be damned anxious about how many shots they gave away from range (seriously, ask Brad Guzan how he felt about this), they made RSL take every last minute to beat them. Also, that’s a curious little streak they’ve started…

Next Game. v Minnesota (5/29), v Chicago (6/1). Those two games aren’t must-wins, but they sure as hell are “should-wins.” Anything else is just giving away points.

DC UNITED, 7-4-4, 25 points, 19 gf, 14 ga, (4-2-1 home, 3-2-3 away)

Last 10 games: DWLWLWWDLD (4-3-3)

Last 10 at home: DLWW

Last 10 away: WWLDLD

D	W	L	W	L	W	W	D	L	D
v MTL	a COL	v NYC	a CLB	a MIN	v CLB	v SKC	a TFC	a HOU	a NE
0-0	3-2	0-2	1-0	0-1	3-1	1-0	0-0	1-2	1-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. A tricky game to read, honestly. The condensed game didn’t show much from them beyond Wayne Rooney getting on both sides of an ass-kicking. They had a man advantage for most of the second half, and still needed a gift of a penalty call to rescue a point. The recent road form is a cause for concern – especially given the opposition.

Next Game: v Chicago (5/29), v San Jose (6/1). They need wins in both, but less than four points is what I’m really watching for.

CHICAGO FIRE, 4-5-5, 16 points, 21 gf, 18 ga, (4-1-3 home, 0-4-2 away)

Last 10 games: DDWLLDWWLD (3-3-4)

Last 10 at home: DWWWD

Last 10 away: DLLDL

D	D	W	L	L	D	W	W	L	D
a TFC	v VAN	v COL	a NYC	a MTL	a LAF	v NE	v MIN	a SJ	v NYC
2-2	1-1	4-1	0-1	0-1	1-1	5-0	2-0	1-4	1-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. They had a real opportunity to win this game and that would’ve been something. Take out the fluke against San Jose, and I’d argue that their last five games show the Fire’s level (which is decent).

Next Games. @ DC, 5/29, @ Atlanta, 6/1. “…if they give away the next nine points – sure feels possible - can they recover?” A win would have been nice, sure, but they didn’t give up the next nine points. The question is what comes next – especially with their road record.

MINNESOTA UNITED FC, 6-4-3, 21 points, 21 gf, 18 ga, (3-0-3 home, 3-4-0 away)

Last 10 games: LWDLDWDLWW (4-3-3)

Last 10 at home: DDWDWW

Last 10 away: LWLL

L	W	D	L	D	W	D	L	W	W
a NE	a NYR	v NYC	a TFC	v LAG	v DC	v SEA	a CHI	v CLB	v HOU
1-2	2-1	3-3	3-4	0-0	1-0	1-1	0-2	1-0	1-0
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. “A team simply can’t leave that much fetid air between wins and expect to get anywhere.” That was last week and, so that’s one issue fixed gap closed. On the other hand, they won it on a (damned) lucky goal, and gave Houston too much to work with.

Next Games. @ Atlanta (5/29), v Philly (6/2), @ Colorado (6/8). That’s still a nightmare schedule, and they’ll (realistically) want 4 or more points out of it.

REAL SALT LAKE, 6-6-1, 19 points, 20 gf, 21 ga, (4-2-0 home, 2-4-1 away)

Last 10 games: LLLWWLLWWW (5-5-0)

Last 10 at home: LWLWW

Last 10 away: LLWLW

L	L	L	W	W	L	L	W	W	W
a LAF	v FCD	a SEA	v ORL	a CIN	a LAG	v POR	a COL	v TFC	v ATL
1-2	2-4	0-1	2-1	3-0	1-2	1-2	3-2	3-0	2-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. RSL looked perfectly comfortable going toe-to-toe with the lately-revived reigning champs. They firmed up their case to be taken seriously over the last three games - and showing you can win without a “real” forward – bombs away (i.e., Savarino, Saucedo, and Rusnak).

Next Games: @ Montreal (5/29), @ RBNY (6/1). God knows what’ll happen in their next game (against Montreal, all cards are wild), but getting anything out of Red Bull Arena would be something.

SAN JOSE EARTHQUAKES, 5-6-2, 17 points, 20 gf, 24 ga, (4-3-0 home, 1-3-2 away)

Last 10 games: LWLWDDWLWW (5-3-2)

Last 10 at home: LWWWW

Last 10 away: LDDLW

L	W	L	W	D	D	W	L	W	W
v LAF	v POR	a HOU	v SKC	a SEA	a FCD	v CIN	a NE	v CHI	a TFC
0-5	3-0	1-2	4-1	2-2	0-0	1-0	1-3	4-1	2-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. They won this one on the back of having one good player (Cristian Espinoza) being able to find another one (Chris Wondolowski). Two times. Looked like an even game in most regards, but finishing and desire, and the ‘Quakes held the edge in both cases.

Next Games: @ DC (6/1), v Dallas (6/8). At the same time, “anything over six points should command people’s attention” was last week’s note. They’re halfway there by beating Chicago.

VANCOUVER WHITECAPS, 4-6-5, 17 points, 16 gf, 19 ga, (3-3-2 home, 1-3-3 away)

Last 10 games: DWLDWWLDDW (4-2-4)

Last 10 at home: WDWLW

Last 10 away: DLWDD

D	W	L	D	W	W	L	D	D	W
a CHI	v LAF	a ORL	v PHI	a COL	v POR	v ATL	a SKC	a NYR	v FCD
1-1	1-0	0-1	1-1	3-2	1-0	0-1	1-1	2-2	2-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. “Overall, they’re rounding into a tough game, minimum.” I love when my theories hold up…but, even if the ‘Caps should have made it 3-1, they got out-played in the game and it took a couple lucky bounces and a great goal to get all three. The fate of Ali Adnan’s groin could be a big deal (this is just one thing he can do).

Next Games. v TFC (5/31). “Dallas should trouble them.” And they did, just not enough. Playing a Toronto team in free-fall in Vancouver could see them over the playoff line at the break.

LOS ANGELES GALAXY, 8-5-1, 25 points, 19 gf, 17 ga, (6-2-0 home, 2-3-1 away)

Last 10 games: WWWDWLLLLW (5-4-1)

Last 10 at home: WWWLL

Last 10 away: WDLLW

W	W	W	D	W	L	L	L	L	W
a VAN	v PHI	v HOU	a MIN	v RSL	a RB	a CLB	v NYC	v COL	a ORL
2-0	2-0	2-1	0-0	2-1	2-3	1-3	0-2	0-1	0-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Jonathan dos Santos got one, and got away with win (HT; Nani). A win counts more or less according to circumstances. A necessary win, but it doesn’t re-write the Galaxy’s fate.

Next Games. @ SKC (5/29), v NE Revs (6/2). “A good team eats that run alive, that’s all I’m saying. I’d be stunned if they get less than three points.” Low bar, cleared. I’ll give ‘em credit if they get three more points.

MONTREAL IMPACT, 6-6-3, 21 points, 17 gf, 23 ga, (2-1-1 home, 4-5-2 away)

Last 10 games: DWLWWLWLDL (4-4-2)

Last 10 at home: WWLD

Last 10 away: DLWWL

D	W	L	W	W	L	W	L	D	L
a DC	v CLB	a PHI	a NE	v CHI	v NYC	a RB	a CIN	v NE	a LAF
0-0	1-0	0-3	3-0	1-0	2-0	2-1	1-2	0-0	2-4
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Were they signs of life? Nah, they got dunked on, then pulled apart; LAFC set up a shooting gallery. They got four points out of the last 15 available, and they even did that weird.

Next Games. v RSL (5/29), v Orlando (6/1), v Seattle (6/5). That’s three home games against three teams with different issues/weaknesses, plus Ignacio Piatti back in the fold. This is where they show who they are this season.

TORONTO FC, 5-6-2, 17 points, 23 gf, 22 ga, (3-3-2 home, 2-3-0 away)

Last 10 games: DLWLWLLDLL (2-6-2)

Last 10 at home: DWLLDL

Last 10 away: LWLL

D	L	W	L	W	L	L	D	L	L
v CHI	a SEA	v MIN	v POR	a ORL	a ATL	v PHI	v DC	a RSL	v SJ
2-2	2-3	4-3	1-2	2-0	0-2	1-2	0-0	0-3	1-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Their last four results at home should be enough to underscore just how reasonable the doubts surrounding TFC have become.; the record over their last 10 games is straight-up sobering. Missing Bradley and Pozuelo hurts, but the goals they allowed…way too easy. Watch Drew Moor. He knows.

Next Games. @ Vancouver (5/31), v SKC (6/7). “Also, worried about a disaster ahead of the break.” That’s from two weeks prior now, and I still stand by it.

SPORTING KC, 3-4-5, 14 points, 23 gf, 22 ga, (3-1-3 home, 0-3-2 away)

Last 10 games: DWDDLDLLDW (2-3-5)

Last 10 at home: WDDLDW

Last 10 away: DDLL

D	W	D	D	L	D	L	L	D	W
a COL	v MTL	a CIN	v NYR	a SJ	v NE	v ATL	a DC	v VAN	v SEA
1-1	7-1	1-1	2-2	1-4	4-4	0-3	0-1	1-1	3-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. A great win, but…does it really matter yet? Johnny Russell will not do this every week, bluntly, and look at the gap between their wins – and how that’s with four games at home. And Matt Besler limped off again to boot…

Next Games. v LA Galaxy (5/29), @ Houston (6/1), @ TFC (6/7). “The crazy thing is, all they have to do is wake up.” They’ve hit the snooze button with that result. If they get six points between now and the Gold Cup break, they return to the watch list.

COLUMBUS CREW SC, 5-9-1, 16 points, 14 gf, 22 ga, (4-3-1 home, 1-6-0 away)

Last 10 games: WLLLLLWLLL (2-8-0)

Last 10 at home: WLLWL

Last 10 away: LLLLL

W	L	L	L	L	L	W	L	L	L
v NE	a MTL	v POR	v DC	a HOU	a DC	v LAG	v LAF	a MIN	a COL
1-0	0-1	1-3	0-1	0-2	1-3	3-1	0-3	0-1	2-3
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. Caleb Porter’s deer-in-the-headlights post-game comments say something global, but, despite playing an even game, lllooooonnnngggggg runs of failure are built on flukes and fuck-ups, and Columbus simply cannot quit them.

Next Games. v NYCFC (6/1). “…the Crew will very likely hit the break on a major down.” Another prediction panned out. This team desperately needs to clear its collective head.

ORLANDO CITY SC, 4-7-3, 15 points, 19 gf, 21 ga, (3-4-1 home, 1-3-2 away)

Last 10 games: LWLWDLLLWL (3-6-1)

Last 10 at home: LWWLWL

Last 10 away: LDLL

L	W	L	W	D	L	L	L	W	L
v DC	v COL	a RSL	v VAN	a NYC	v TFC	a ATL	a SEA	v CIN	v LAG
1-2	4-3	1-2	1-0	1-1	2-0	0-1	1-2	5-1	0-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. When your DP chokes on a penalty kick, right? The Lions racked up chances and drove them game, but I offer one grasping moment as a symbol for this loss (ask yourself; why did that look so half-assed?), and Orlando’s season as a whole.

Next Games. @ Montreal (6/1). This loss also amounted to fucking up their best shot at redemption. Good thing Montreal plays with loose dice.

COLORADO RAPIDS, 2-9-2, 8 points, 20 gf, 32 ga, (1-4-2 home, 1-5-0 away)

Last 10 games: LLLLLLLLLWW (2-8-0)

Last 10 at home: LLLLW

Last 10 away: LLLLW

L	L	L	L	L	L	L	L	W	W
a FCD	v HOU	a ORL	v DC	a CHI	a ATL	v VAN	v RSL	a LAG	v CLB
1-2	1-4	3-4	2-3	4-1	0-1	2-3	2-3	1-0	3-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. A glorious win – and Nicolas Mezquida deserves celebration/freak-out of Week 13 – but it’s vital to acknowledge just how tenuous this was; Columbus got more looks than the highlights suggested. For Colorado, though, Jonathan Lewis looks like an addition to their modest collection of good pieces.

Next Game: @ Philly (5/29), v Cincinnati (6/1), v Minnesota (6/8). “The Columbus game is one to watch.” And now we have part of the answer. “If they’ve really found their feet, the Rapids will get six points out of those home games.” That leaves watching Cincy and the Loons.

NEW ENGLAND REVS, 3-8-4, 13 points, 15 gf, 32 ga, (3-4-1 home, 0-4-3 away)

Last 10 games: LLWLDLLWDD (2-5-3)

Last 10 at home: LWLWD

Last 10 away: LDLLD

L	L	W	L	D	L	L	W	D	D
a CLB	v ATL	v NYR	v MTL	a SKC	a PHI	a CHI	v SJ	a MTL	v DC
0-1	0-2	1-0	0-3-	4-4	1-6	0-5	3-1	0-0	1-1
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. You have to squint to see it, but the Revs started in a better direction after getting rid of Brad Friedel. They scored after going down a player – they lost their starting ‘keeper and his replacement had to stand immediately tall – and came close to winning. New kids (e.g., Tajon Buchanan and Brandon Bye) showing well, and Cristian Penilla is waking up.

Next Games. @ LA Galaxy (6/2). As much as the Revs could use a win, file that game under doable, but also unlikely.

FC CINCINNATI, 3-9-2, 11 points, 11 gf, 25 ga, (2-3-1 home, 1-6-1 away)

Last 10 games: LDLLLLLWLL (1-8-1)

Last 10 at home: LDLWL

Last 10 away: LLLLL

L	D	L	L	L	L	L	W	L	L
v PHI	v SKC	a LAF	v RSL	a NYR	a PHI	a SJ	v MTL	a ORL	v NYR
0-2	1-1	0-2	0-3	0-1	0-2	0-1	2-1	1-5	0-2
N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A	N/A

Notes. It’s as bad as it looks and, as argued in my extended notes, I don’t see it going away soon. They have an optimal line-up, and I think that’s their ceiling. And it’s damned low.

Next Games. @ Colorado (6/1), @ NYCFC (6/6). With the road as cruel as it has been, I give Cincy no chance in that second game. Which means they need to get something out of that first one.

Right. That’s my crystal ball spit-shined as clean as I can get it…yeah, I’ve always been a fraud…