Monday, April 1, 2019

MLS Form Guide ULTRA, Week 4: What the Hell Is Wrong With New York(s)?

Not this, but also this.
With Week 4 now (mostly) wrapped up (get with it, Toronto FC), and eight teams already into Week 5, we have enough data on our hands to scramble some preseason assumptions. To take a stab at one of the bigger ones, 2019 has proved cruel enough to the two New York teams in that neither team’s name pairs with the word “contender” the way they used to do. So, down they went. (To those new to these posts, while I don’t strictly rank all the clubs in Major League Soccer, they listed below in some rough semblance of good to bad.) Careful (or just patient) observers will also find last year’s MLS Cup contenders – Atlanta United FC and the Portland Timbers - down in the depths with New York - where they’ve shown they belong (dammit). Where those teams have covered themselves in shame and vomit, Toronto FC turned has so far produced a flawless rejection of their 2018 flame-out – and they doubled-down with what looks like one hell of an effective new signing in Alejandro Pozuela. (Just watched the condensed game; it checks out.)

Narratives extended from all the numbers down below, even if it’s hard in some cases to say where they’ll go from here (say, Philadelphia Union), and impossible in others (say, FC Cincinnati). I’ll flesh out some of those points in the narrative summary I’ll post on Orange & Blue Press (and, once it’s up, link to it right here; it’ll fuck up some of the spacing down below (dammit), but I’d rather link to that than not), but, overall, it’s the usual dogpile of teams stacking up in the standings as they do. Or dogpiles, rather. After the contenders (the top four, maybe five teams below), you’ve got teams with solid starts/reputations in one pot (say, FC Dallas down to the Los Angeles Galaxy), and, in another, you’ve got teams that have managed to pile up some points, but who could go any which way going forward…or maybe just FC Cincinnati and L’Impact du Montreal.

Shit gets weird after that – and having Atlanta, Portland and the New York teams crawling around the innards of the outhouse only makes it the thought of whatever busts out of it feel more threatening somehow (because it crawled out of a damn outhouse, son). Anyway, details on the most recent results for every team in MLS are down below, along with some commentary and who everyone has next – something that’s already becoming a factor in divining at least the short-term future for a lot of teams. I’ll be digging into that in the narrative, but, till that goes up, enjoy the data!

LOS ANGELES FC, 4-0-1, 13 points, 15 gf, 5 ga, (3-0-0 home, 1-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
W
D
W
W
v SKC
v POR
@ NYC
v RSL
@ SJ
2-1
4-1
2-2
2-1
5-0
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: Sure, they’re piling up the points by beating up a succession of situationally vulnerable teams (and Portland’s got next!), but that doesn’t roll back the reality that they are actually doing it, and Carlos Vela is playing MVP soccer.
Next Game: @ DC United, which feels LAFC’s biggest test of their young season.


TORONTO FC, 3-0-0, 9 points, 10 gf, 3 ga, (2-0-0 home, 1-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
W
W
@ PHI
v NE
v NYC
3-1
3-2
4-0
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: What was serious got more serious with the arrival Alejandro Pozuelo. This win looked entirely team-based, and that should be at least moderately terrifying, if only around the Eastern Conference.
Next Game: v Chicago Fire, which feels less like a fattened hen this week than it did last, but playing them in Toronto should make up for whatever improvements the Fire have made.

SPORTING KC, 2-1-1, 7 points, 11 gf, 4 ga, (2-0-0 home, 0-1-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
W
D
W
@ LAF
v PHI
@ COL
v MTL
1-2
2-0
1-1
7-1
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: The inescapable reality around the highlights is that SKC scored seven fucking goals in this game- and that’s a tribute to efficiency wherever it happens. That said, do check the box score because it was stunningly even. Everywhere but shots on goal, at least.
Next Game: @ FC Cincinnati, where I wouldn’t expect them to run up the score…

SEATTLE SOUNDERS, 3-0-1, 10 points, 10 gf, 3 ga, (2-0-0 home, 1-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
W
W
D
v CIN
v COL
@ CHI
@ VAN
4-1
2-0
4-2
0-0
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: Eh, shit happens – especially if the ‘Caps are rounding into form.
Next Game: v Real Salt Lake, which, given the totality of trends, counts as a should-win for Seattle at a minimum.

DC UNITED, 3-0-1, 10 points, 9 gf, 1 ga, (2-0-0 home, 1-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
D
W
W
v ATL
@ NYC
v RSL
@ ORL
2-0
0-0
5-0
2-1
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: I’ve heard their name in the same sentence as “best in the East,” but I’m a little underwhelmed by the order and impressiveness of their opposition. I mean, who didn't expect DC to get points out of Orlando, even if just one?
Next Game: v Los Angeles FC, aka, one hell of a easy opportunity to back up where people rate them.

FC DALLAS, 3-1-1, 10 points, 9 gf, 5 ga, (2-0-1 home, 1-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
W
L
W
W
v NE
v LAG
@ CLB
v COL
@ RSL
1-1
2-0
0-1
2-1
4-2
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: Quietly having a good season; heard crazy-good things about Paxton Pomykal, will see said crazy-good things later (meaning I’ll review the condensed game).
Next Game: @ Philadelphia Union, and the rest of the league should sit up and take notice if Dallas takes three points from it.

COLUMBUS CREW SC, 3-1-1, 10 points, 6 gf, 4 ga, (2-0-1 home, 1-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
W
W
L
W
v NYR
@ NE
v FCD
@ PHI
v ATL
1-1
2-0
1-0
0-3
2-0
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: Another game in a deluge, aka, it sucked to be in Ohio for at least one more reason over the weekend (I kid, I kid). Columbus continues to quietly collect points, and good for them, but it’s worth taking a peak at the box score; Atlanta showed a little life.
Next Game: v New England Revolution, a game you’ll expect Columbus to win, even if Brad Friedel hollers at his team again…

HOUSTON DYNAMO, 3-0-1, 10 points, 10 gf, 5 ga, (2-0-1 home, 1-0-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
W
W
W
v RSL
v MTL
v VAN
@ COL
1-1
2-1
3-2
4-1
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: If there’s a surprise team in 2019, the Dynamo makes pretty plausible candidate. They got up Colorado’s asses early from what I hear; I’ll see what I can learn later tonight.
Next Game: A week off, then v San Jose Earthquakes, or just three points.

PHILADELPHIA UNION, 2-2-1, 7 points, 7 gf, 6 ga, (1-1-0 home, 1-1-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
L
D
W
W
v TFC
@ SKC
@ ATL
v CLB
@ CIN
1-3
0-2
1-1
3-0
2-0
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: Have put in the work to rewrite their 2019 season. After watching them two weekends in a row (see my extended notes, even it’s 85% about FC Cincinnati), my concerns about their defense (or just the way they defend as a team) have been shown the door.
Next Game: v FC Dallas.

LOS ANGELES GALAXY, 3-1-0, 9 points, 7 gf, 6 ga, (3-0-0 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
L
W
W
v CHI
@ FCD
v MIN
v POR
2-1
0-2
3-2
2-1
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: This team has real potential, but it’s unclear how much they’ll make it come good (and, as noted in my extended comments, they didn’t do so yesterday). Feels like they’re punching under their weight so far.
Next Game: @ Vancouver Whitecaps, which, with the ‘Caps still in the process of getting their shit together, counts as good timing

FC CINCINNATI, 2-2-1, 7 points, 7 gf, 7 ga, (1-1-0 home, 1-1-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
D
W
W
L
@ SEA
@ ATL
v POR
@ NE
v PHI
1-4
1-1
3-0
2-0
0-2
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: It was the manner of the defeat more than the defeat itself. God’s honest truth, it really fucked up my read on this team (advantages/disadvantages of close observation).
Next Game: v. Sporting Kansas City, which has real potential to round into one hell of a “Welcome to MLS” experience. Going the other way, count how many heads turn if FC Cincy takes all three points.

MONTREAL IMPACT, 2-2-0, 6 points, 7 gf, 11 ga, (0-0-0 home, 2-2-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
L
W
L
@ SJ
@ HOU
@ ORL
@ SKC
2-1
1-2
3-1
1-7
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: From what I’ve heard, they had a couple key players absent (e.g., Piatti), but it’ll take ‘em at least a full week to get SKC’s foot out of their ass. Who knows, maybe they’ll benefit from pouring all their broken spirit into the in one game?
Next Game: @ New York City FC, a real “mystery meat” match-up. Will they be the sacrifice that gets NYCFC “back on track” or will just be the next team to take advantage of their stumbles?

ORLANDO CITY SC, 1-2-2, 5 points, 6 gf, 8 ga, (0-2-1 home, 1-0-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
D
L
W
L
v NYC
@ CHI
v MTL
@ NYR
v DC
2-2
1-1
1-3
1-0
1-2
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: After last season, the fact Orlando has one toe over the playoff line is nothing to sniff at. All the same, beating the Red Bulls is their sole support for credibility, but who isn’t beating Red Bulls right now.
Next Game: v Colorado Rapids…you gotta start somewhere, right? And, if they don’t get three in this one, when will they?

NEW ENGLAND REVOLUTION, 1-3-1, 4 points, 5 gf, 9 ga, (1-2-0 home, 0-1-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
L
L
L
W
@ FCD
v CLB
@ TFC
v CIN
v MIN
1-1
0-2
2-3
0-2
2-1
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: Hey, a win! Accidentally watched the condensed game (forgot TFC kicking NYCFC’s asses, for one), and they came off well – e.g., Carles Gil looks up to connecting all those moving parts. Now it’s just getting those pieces going in the same direction.
Next Game: @ Columbus Crew SC, aka, an unlikely place to build up momentum…

MINNESOTA UNITED FC, 2-2-0, 6 points, 9 gf, 7 ga, (0-0-0 home, 2-2-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
W
W
L
L
@ VAN
@ SJ
@ LA
@ NE
3-2
3-0
2-3
1-2
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: The last two losses, no matter how scrappy, make those two wins that started the Loons’ season look more opportunistic than they did back in March...
Next Game: @ New York Red Bulls. What the hell? Serve it up, and see who gets unfucked sooner. (Now watch them draw…)

CHICAGO FIRE, 1-2-1, 4 points, 5 gf, 7 ga, (1-1-1 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
D
L
W
@ LA
v ORL
v SEA
v NYR
1-2
1-1
2-4
1-0
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: One shitty goal was all that kept Chicago from yet another performance that would have kept open the question of whether/when they’ll get off the floor. I heard chatter that the Fire played better, but…
Next Game: @ Toronto FC, does not bode well in any way.

NEW YORK RED BULLS, 1-2-1, 4 points, 5 gf, 4 ga, (1-1-0 home, 0-1-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
W
L
L
@ CLB
v SJ
v ORL
@ CHI
1-1
4-1
0-1
0-1
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: Ls are Ls, and the Red Bulls have racked up two straight against the weakest teams in MLS. They’re down here the dumps because they’re playing that way. Why? I got nuthin’. CCL hangover?
Next Game: v Minnesota United FC, when the universe gives you step-stool to reach higher ground, it’s still down to you to use it. A must-win if they want to salvage their rep.

REAL SALT LAKE, 1-3-1, 4 points, 5 gf, 12 ga, (1-1-0 home, 0-2-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
W
L
L
L
@ HOU
v VAN
@ DC
@LAF
v FCD
1-1
1-0
0-5
1-2
2-4
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: One of the clearer signals in MLS right now – at least when it comes to losing where one would expect them to. They also have as many red cards as they have games.
Next Game: @ Seattle Sounders, where one would be wise to expect more of the same, maybe even another red card…

NEW YORK CITY FC, 0-1-3, 3 points, 4 gf, 8 ga, (0-0-2 home, 0-1-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
D
D
L
@ ORL
v DC
v LAF
@ TFC
2-2
0-0
2-2
0-4
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: After stumbling out of the gate for three straight weeks, NYCFC finally went to ground, victims of Toronto’s shiny new toy (Pozuelo). I’ll be looking at this one.
Next Game: v Montreal Impact, a decent chance to get on track (“back on track” isn’t anywhere near the table, never mind on it).

COLORADO RAPIDS, 0-3-2, 2 points, 6 gf, 12 ga, (0-1-2 home, 0-2-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
L
D
L
L
v POR
@ SEA
v SKC
@ FCD
v HOU
3-3
0-2
1-1
1-2
1-4
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: They begged the question for a couple weeks by keeping their failures relatively close, and in fairly tough venues. Getting their asses handed to them at home by the Dynamo answers the question.
Next Game: @ Orlando City SC. As much as this gives both Colorado and Orlando to make their case for which of them is the better team, I can’t see the rest of the league paying much mind to whichever of them comes out on top. I think it’ll be Orlando, but…so what?

ATLANTA UNITED FC, 0-2-2, 2 points, 2 gf, 6 ga, (0-0-2 home, 0-2-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
W
D
L
@ DC
v CIN
v PHI
@ CLB
0-2
1-1
1-1
0-2
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: As noted above, some bright spots showed up in the box score for “Unite & Ignite’s” latest loss, but, in the here and now, this has to go down as one of the most shocking starts to the next season for the MLS Cup champs.
Next Game: @ New England Revolution, which ends God knows how. At least Atlanta has a week to get their shit together.

PORTLAND TIMBERS, 0-3-1, 1 point, 5 gf, 12 ga, (0-0-0 home, 0-3-1 away)
Last Ten: N/A
D
L
L
L
@ COL
@ LAF
@ CIN
@ LAG
3-3
1-4
0-3
1-2
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: I poured sugar all over this game in my extended comments on this game. I stand by thhat, even as I appreciate good signs don’t mean much if you keep driving toward the cliff.
Next Game: @ San Jose Earthquakes, which had better end with a W for Portland. Big one too.

VANCOUVER WHITECAPS, 0-3-1, 1 point, 4 gf, 7 ga, (0-1-1 home, 0-2-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
L
L
D
v MIN
@ RSL
@ HOU
v SEA
2-3
0-1
2-3
0-0
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: To continue from last week’s note, waiting for something to call a positive…
Next Game: v. Los Angeles Galaxy, which feels like a reasonable chance to continue an upswing.

SAN JOSE EARTHQUAKES, 0-4-0, 0 points, 2 gf, 14 ga, (0-3-0 home, 0-1-0 away)
Last Ten: N/A
L
L
L
L
v MTL
v MIN
@ NYR
v LAF
1-2
0-3
1-4
0-5
N/A
N/A
N/A
N/A
Current Judgment: Less a team than a standing argument for promotion/relegation.
Next Game: v Portland Timbers, which better motherfucking not end well for San Jose…

That should be everyone accounted for. God willing, I didn’t fuck up in the numbers. Till next week.

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