 |
| A commentary on the 0-0 draws. |
I didn’t know how much I missed watching people get weird in the stands until I saw some good ones this past weekend - e.g., the 10-year-old kid straight-up shrieking at a Philadelphia Union player as he took a corner, the kid in Columbus giving a comic thumbs down to Orlando’s Ercan Kara as he walked off the field with his mortified younger sister slapping at his thumbs to stop him, the middle-aged guy who comforted his visibly, yet mysteriously, anxious wife up in New England: ah, vignettes of the human condition.
Where to begin? First, I watched as much uninterrupted soccer over the past weekend as I normally do in two, maybe even three. What did I learn from all that? I learned I should take more notes, if nothing else, because even if you’re watching mid-afternoon sober, it takes something spectacular or violent to keep that shit from running together…and that’s less advocating for more violence in soccer, than saying I had to rely on kits more than I usually do to keep track of who I was watching. The spectacular doesn’t come up nearly often enough, of course, but isn’t that what makes it so?
At any rate, starved as I am for even gently-extended video to review, I’ve started watching chunks of the archived replays. That means dipping in at random to some extent, which means seeing defenders having tea parties, players running and falling all over midfield, shitty passes, time-wasting, the barking flash-mobs that gather ‘round referee, and all, but it also gives a more honest look at how a team holds its shape and plays in real time. The sample isn’t pure - my general practice is to watch 5 or more minutes on either side of the goals in the game, also, hold that thought - and it gets my eyes on games with a little less of the bullshit. Some things go missing - e.g., sitting through the middle 25 minutes or so of Toronto FC’s (broadly impressive) 2-1 home win over Philly meant I didn’t see the end where Philly jacked-up their numbers and, presumably, the pressure. Anyway, enough about my methods and problems. Here are all the results from Major League Soccer Week 7, with The Mothership’s summaries embedded in the final score:
Club du Foot Montreal 2-1 Vancouver Whitecaps FC
San Jose Earthquakes 2-2 Nashville SC
Atlanta United FC 0-0 FC Cincinnati*
Houston Dynamo FC 0-0 Portland Timbers (my extended notes, about as exciting as the score)
Red Bull New York 0-0 FC Dallas
New England Revolution 2-1 Charlotte FC
Columbus Crew SC 0-2 Orlando City SC
Toronto FC 2-1 Philadelphia Union
DC United 2-3 Austin FC
Minnesota United FC 3-1 Colorado Rapids
Chicago Fire FC 0-0 Los Angeles Galaxy
Seattle Sounders 0-1 Inter Miami CF
New York City FC 6-0 Real Salt Lake
Los Angeles FC 3-1 Sporting Kansas City
[Ed. - * Yes, I see the final score, yes, I wish I still would have watched it. Assholes…]
Where to begin? First, I watched as much uninterrupted soccer over the past weekend as I normally do in two, maybe even three. What did I learn from all that? I learned I should take more notes, if nothing else, because even if you’re watching mid-afternoon sober, it takes something spectacular or violent to keep that shit from running together…and that’s less advocating for more violence in soccer, than saying I had to rely on kits more than I usually do to keep track of who I was watching. The spectacular doesn’t come up nearly often enough, of course, but isn’t that what makes it so?
At any rate, starved as I am for even gently-extended video to review, I’ve started watching chunks of the archived replays. That means dipping in at random to some extent, which means seeing defenders having tea parties, players running and falling all over midfield, shitty passes, time-wasting, the barking flash-mobs that gather ‘round referee, and all, but it also gives a more honest look at how a team holds its shape and plays in real time. The sample isn’t pure - my general practice is to watch 5 or more minutes on either side of the goals in the game, also, hold that thought - and it gets my eyes on games with a little less of the bullshit. Some things go missing - e.g., sitting through the middle 25 minutes or so of Toronto FC’s (broadly impressive) 2-1 home win over Philly meant I didn’t see the end where Philly jacked-up their numbers and, presumably, the pressure. Anyway, enough about my methods and problems. Here are all the results from Major League Soccer Week 7, with The Mothership’s summaries embedded in the final score:
Club du Foot Montreal 2-1 Vancouver Whitecaps FC
San Jose Earthquakes 2-2 Nashville SC
Atlanta United FC 0-0 FC Cincinnati*
Houston Dynamo FC 0-0 Portland Timbers (my extended notes, about as exciting as the score)
Red Bull New York 0-0 FC Dallas
New England Revolution 2-1 Charlotte FC
Columbus Crew SC 0-2 Orlando City SC
Toronto FC 2-1 Philadelphia Union
DC United 2-3 Austin FC
Minnesota United FC 3-1 Colorado Rapids
Chicago Fire FC 0-0 Los Angeles Galaxy
Seattle Sounders 0-1 Inter Miami CF
New York City FC 6-0 Real Salt Lake
Los Angeles FC 3-1 Sporting Kansas City
[Ed. - * Yes, I see the final score, yes, I wish I still would have watched it. Assholes…]
 |
| But without hair... |
Again, I watched (what felt like) a lot of that, including - all of Houston v Portland, most of LAFC’s comeback and beyond over SKC, and half of NYCFC’s near-riot over RSL, plus fair chunks of the Revs’ about-fucking-time win over Charlotte, the Loons/Emmanuel Reynoso finally getting going at Colorado’s (accruing) expense, fifteen minutes sharp of Columbus’ foundering against Orlando, and the aforementioned, arguably misplaced peek I took at TFC’s (broadly impressive) win over Philly. Again, a lot of soccer, maybe even a stupid amount, and I still feel like I’m riding my bike in dying light with my sunglasses still on (fun fact, I never wear sunglasses). I missed a lot, basically, and despite the gorging and that only convinces me that there’s some soccer-watching iteration of the work-life balance for the (...gods, what do you call what I do?), let’s call it the amateur obsessive set.
Based on all of that - and I’ll work in the notes - I’ve organized all the teams in MLS into a three-tiered hierarchy that…yeah, I’d call it self-explanatory. Because I’ve only got three options for fonts, and because the background for this ancient damn site makes using a color code land on the wrong side of a back-of-the-napkin cost-benefit analysis, the teams in italics are the ones that moved between tiers. From the saved to the fallen, and with notes where they feel worth making, here goes…
Heaven (aka, Comfortably Project to Playoffs)
Philadelphia Union, Los Angeles FC, Seattle Sounders, Orlando City SC, New York City FC, Los Angeles Galaxy, Nashville SC
Sure, both Seattle and Philly dropped games that 8 out of 10 bookmakers would have tipped them to win and, yes, Nashville drew against the shittiest team in MLS, on and off paper, aka, the same one that fired its long-suffering head coach yesterday, but per a preview thread posted to twitter Saturday morning, those results don’t change my read on any of those teams and I also don’t see them changing anyone’s mind. Moving on and setting aside (reasonable) questions about the opposition, both LAFC and NYCFC backed up their placement in this tier, with a sturdy win and a blow-out, respectively, but Orlando gets my hat-tip of the week for going the furthest in helping me believe I’ve got them in the correct tier. I didn’t even glance at the Galaxy’s dueling goose-egg draw at Chicago, but did read something about them playing a defensive line-up. To pick at a couple teams a little more…
Los Angeles FC
They hardly played SKC off the pitch - and the numbers back that up - but they played with…I guess I’d call it persistence. LAFC gets hold of the ball and just keeps probing, Kwadwo Opoku from one side, Latif Blessing from another, like a series of small fires. Ismael Tajouri-Shradi’s wunder-goal drew most of the attention, but I see Jose Cifuentes’ insurance goal as the real payoff for that method. SKC took the lead on a fortune-favors-the-brave kind of run from Johnny Russell, but LAFC punched back three times. They don’t steam-roll teams like they used to, but they really do just keep coming.
New York City FC
The game was over by the time I sat down to watch it, but they put RSL through a clinic at the cleaners even while I watched. I saw a “stop the fight” tweet somewhere in the middle and, as such, this result doesn’t read as terribly educational. But, unless the schedule in the Form Guide is lying to me, they’ve got the next four games at home, all of them gettable (v TFC, v SJ, v SKC, v CLB…and I may as well throw-in at DC, and why the hell not, v CHI?). If they’re not good for at least three wins through that…
Philadelphia Union
That is one aggressive team. Oh, and they did score an equalizer, think it was Kai Wagner, where he fired from miles onside, but the Union had an offside player blind-side Alex Bono, so no goal.
Orlando City SC
Kara looks good, but the team as a whole feels like a smarter bet to not fall off down the stretch than past Orlando teams. Better still, they play pretty stuff. Based on 1/6th of a match, they had to survive an early Columbus onslaught - I’d call the blocked shots the key number - and they did.
Right, into the thick of it…
Purgatory (aka, Need to Work Out Some Sins, or Fail to)
Real Salt Lake, Atlanta United FC, Chicago Fire FC, Columbus Crew SC, Club du Foot Montreal, Toronto FC, FC Dallas, Houston Dynamo FC, Sporting Kansas City, Portland Timbers, Austin FC, New England Revolution, Colorado Rapids, Charlotte FC, Red Bull New York, Minnesota United FC
Now, because this group takes in the drunken brawl punching and swinging at the middle of the table, breaking it down a little further feels, if not wise, clarifying. So, without further ado, but with explanations where warranted, the sub-groupings of Purgatory:
I Have Expectations
Club du Foot Montreal
Thanks to Djordje Mihailovic, the Celebration, I got to the see the goals from Montreal’s win over Vancouver, but, because I expected the result (and publicly), I didn’t look at anything else. Between what little chatter I pick up and what I’ve seen of them earlier, seeing Montreal win three straight confirms an impression. Looking ahead (e.g., @ PHI, v ATL v ORL, @ CLT, @ NSH, v RSL), I expect them to drop points. It’s to the extent they don’t that I’m watching.
Austin FC
I’ve dropped DC into the bin that reads “pay no mind,” but, having watched 25-27 minutes of this game, they didn’t look like road-kill, even at the end. The referee/The Fates handed Austin a man-advantage for a whole damn half, but they still did it. I type this as a guy who keeps looking for reasons to doubt, but results like this make Austin at second in the West look like less of a glitch.
Toronto FC
They looked lively against Philly and scored twoborderline dunks against a team that hadn’t allowed a goal in four-plus matches (or something like that). Jesus Jimenez has landed on his feet, they’ve got hyper-active youngsters all over, most of them technically sound - think a little gaggle of junior Jonathan Osorios - and then you’ve got Alejandro Pozuelo shuffle-stepping into the area like some damn Jedi master. Again, Philly gave ‘em what for - and I might have missed the best of it - but Toronto look promising in a way they haven’t for a couple.
FC Dallas
I didn’t know what they’d do at the Red Bulls, but a goal-less draw surprised me so little that it only took skimming some copy to feel current enough. They’re inching toward salvation as fast, and possibly more securely, as any team.
Minnesota United FC
Being defensively-sound is always Step 1, and the Loons have had that down so far this season, but I lifted them out of the “loitering” classes after their 3-1 win over the Rapids to send a signal as to how little I think it’ll take this team to arrive at competitive. If they can score two goals in a game - or, God forbid, three - they’ll roll. To confirm the rumors, Reynoso did have himself a game against the Rapids - and credit the whole team for creating the conditions that helped him thrive - but I’m guessing Minnesota can still get on the right side of its share of 1-0 games. Their near-term schedule (v CHI, @ LAFC, v CIN, @ SEA, v LAG, @ FCD, v NYC) should get a clearer bead on their level.
Charlotte FC
They’re here for the sole reason that they’re better than they have any right to be. Based on what I saw, their loss at New England played out as a battle between book-learning and real-world experience. This team can play - their ball movement is pretty damn smart, and often effective - but they fell victim to a Revs team that was more ruthless in every facet of the game.
Loitering (Doing…a Thing That Is Not Completely Terrible)
Chicago Fire FC
They have still allowed just two goals all season, best in MLS. They’ve also scored just five, one goal fewer than teams (e.g., Vancouver and SKC) that people rightfully shit on. They have arrived at immovable object…which cuts both ways, sadly.
Red Bull New York
They have just one win in their last five games, and four of those were at home. And they’ve scored just three goals over that stretch. The numbers can “love them” to the point where they buy them chocolates and ask them to wear their letterman’s jackets, but they’re stalled at “pain in the ass” until they start posting Ws.
Portland Timbers
Watching the attack is like watching a 13-year-old try to construct a working Rube Goldberg machine. In the here and now, they’ll stay in touch to the extent their defense gives that mess a chance to win or draw any given game. I can’t say I’m optimistic yet. And I don’t see that turning around over the next seven games (v RSL, @ COL, @RBNY, v SKC, @ SJ, v PHI, @ MIA).
Houston Dynamo FC
Related, I strongly suspect this team is about to get found out, one way or another, over the same period (@ FCD, v ATX, @ DC, v NSH, v SEA, @ LAG, @ RSL). If they get more than 10 points out of that, I’d start to pay attention.
New England Revolution
All their (healthy) stars showed up - e.g., Adam Buksa and Carles Gil (major honorable mention to Matt Polster, who looked great) - and Justin Rennicks gives them good eager-puppy energy, but they need to keep the wins going to get out of the mire of the middle. If their next five games (@ DC, v MIA, v CLB, @ ATL, @ CIN) don’t help them, I’m not sure what will.
Colorado Rapids
I’ve seen a fair amount of granular analysis about how they “do everything better except score,” but has anyone considered the Rapids just might be shit on the road? One point of 12 out there.
Atlanta United FC
I’ve had to piece this result together, courtesy of MLS broadcasting bullshit, and they combine to give the impression that Atlanta pushed Cincy to the wall - e.g., the penalty kick, about 20 minutes’ worth of a man-advantage - but couldn’t score a go-ahead goal on 20+ shots. And they lost Brad Guzan for the season…
Descending (Going the Wrong Way, and from Whichever Perch)
Real Salt Lake
No, I don’t see the 6-0 trip behind the toolshed as representative, but, like the few people I actually read, I do see their four-game stumble in that light. Their next six games (@ POR, v LAG, @ NSH, v ATX, @ MTL, v HOU) don’t raise their odds for a recovery and they don’t have a lot of cushion below.
Columbus Crew SC
Based on what I saw, the game just sort of slipped away from Columbus. Which feels like an apt metaphor for their season. And, say, look who they play next (and they’ll need that one, because I’d call four of their next five games - @ NE, @NYC, v LAFC, @ ATL - less than gentle)…
Sporting Kansas City
They didn’t play terribly. The bad things keep happening. I’ve got them one loss away from slipping into…
Hell (aka, Don’t; Teams Who Help Other Teams Reach the Playoffs by Repeated Failing)
DC United, FC Cincinnati, Inter Miami CF, Vancouver Whitecaps FC, San Jose Earthquakes
My only notes here, even against a “heavily-rotated” Seattle team, that’s not a result that any sane observer of 2022 Miami expects them to win. The same goes for their win over the Revs the week before. Threatening the step outta hell, who’d a thunk it? I give them…let’s call it a respectable chance of keeping up through the end of May, but I don’t see them climbing. The rest are where they seem to belong.
That’s all for this edition. And these will get shorter as the trends get longer. Promise.
Based on all of that - and I’ll work in the notes - I’ve organized all the teams in MLS into a three-tiered hierarchy that…yeah, I’d call it self-explanatory. Because I’ve only got three options for fonts, and because the background for this ancient damn site makes using a color code land on the wrong side of a back-of-the-napkin cost-benefit analysis, the teams in italics are the ones that moved between tiers. From the saved to the fallen, and with notes where they feel worth making, here goes…
Heaven (aka, Comfortably Project to Playoffs)
Philadelphia Union, Los Angeles FC, Seattle Sounders, Orlando City SC, New York City FC, Los Angeles Galaxy, Nashville SC
Sure, both Seattle and Philly dropped games that 8 out of 10 bookmakers would have tipped them to win and, yes, Nashville drew against the shittiest team in MLS, on and off paper, aka, the same one that fired its long-suffering head coach yesterday, but per a preview thread posted to twitter Saturday morning, those results don’t change my read on any of those teams and I also don’t see them changing anyone’s mind. Moving on and setting aside (reasonable) questions about the opposition, both LAFC and NYCFC backed up their placement in this tier, with a sturdy win and a blow-out, respectively, but Orlando gets my hat-tip of the week for going the furthest in helping me believe I’ve got them in the correct tier. I didn’t even glance at the Galaxy’s dueling goose-egg draw at Chicago, but did read something about them playing a defensive line-up. To pick at a couple teams a little more…
Los Angeles FC
They hardly played SKC off the pitch - and the numbers back that up - but they played with…I guess I’d call it persistence. LAFC gets hold of the ball and just keeps probing, Kwadwo Opoku from one side, Latif Blessing from another, like a series of small fires. Ismael Tajouri-Shradi’s wunder-goal drew most of the attention, but I see Jose Cifuentes’ insurance goal as the real payoff for that method. SKC took the lead on a fortune-favors-the-brave kind of run from Johnny Russell, but LAFC punched back three times. They don’t steam-roll teams like they used to, but they really do just keep coming.
New York City FC
The game was over by the time I sat down to watch it, but they put RSL through a clinic at the cleaners even while I watched. I saw a “stop the fight” tweet somewhere in the middle and, as such, this result doesn’t read as terribly educational. But, unless the schedule in the Form Guide is lying to me, they’ve got the next four games at home, all of them gettable (v TFC, v SJ, v SKC, v CLB…and I may as well throw-in at DC, and why the hell not, v CHI?). If they’re not good for at least three wins through that…
Philadelphia Union
That is one aggressive team. Oh, and they did score an equalizer, think it was Kai Wagner, where he fired from miles onside, but the Union had an offside player blind-side Alex Bono, so no goal.
Orlando City SC
Kara looks good, but the team as a whole feels like a smarter bet to not fall off down the stretch than past Orlando teams. Better still, they play pretty stuff. Based on 1/6th of a match, they had to survive an early Columbus onslaught - I’d call the blocked shots the key number - and they did.
Right, into the thick of it…
Purgatory (aka, Need to Work Out Some Sins, or Fail to)
Real Salt Lake, Atlanta United FC, Chicago Fire FC, Columbus Crew SC, Club du Foot Montreal, Toronto FC, FC Dallas, Houston Dynamo FC, Sporting Kansas City, Portland Timbers, Austin FC, New England Revolution, Colorado Rapids, Charlotte FC, Red Bull New York, Minnesota United FC
Now, because this group takes in the drunken brawl punching and swinging at the middle of the table, breaking it down a little further feels, if not wise, clarifying. So, without further ado, but with explanations where warranted, the sub-groupings of Purgatory:
I Have Expectations
Club du Foot Montreal
Thanks to Djordje Mihailovic, the Celebration, I got to the see the goals from Montreal’s win over Vancouver, but, because I expected the result (and publicly), I didn’t look at anything else. Between what little chatter I pick up and what I’ve seen of them earlier, seeing Montreal win three straight confirms an impression. Looking ahead (e.g., @ PHI, v ATL v ORL, @ CLT, @ NSH, v RSL), I expect them to drop points. It’s to the extent they don’t that I’m watching.
Austin FC
I’ve dropped DC into the bin that reads “pay no mind,” but, having watched 25-27 minutes of this game, they didn’t look like road-kill, even at the end. The referee/The Fates handed Austin a man-advantage for a whole damn half, but they still did it. I type this as a guy who keeps looking for reasons to doubt, but results like this make Austin at second in the West look like less of a glitch.
Toronto FC
They looked lively against Philly and scored twoborderline dunks against a team that hadn’t allowed a goal in four-plus matches (or something like that). Jesus Jimenez has landed on his feet, they’ve got hyper-active youngsters all over, most of them technically sound - think a little gaggle of junior Jonathan Osorios - and then you’ve got Alejandro Pozuelo shuffle-stepping into the area like some damn Jedi master. Again, Philly gave ‘em what for - and I might have missed the best of it - but Toronto look promising in a way they haven’t for a couple.
FC Dallas
I didn’t know what they’d do at the Red Bulls, but a goal-less draw surprised me so little that it only took skimming some copy to feel current enough. They’re inching toward salvation as fast, and possibly more securely, as any team.
Minnesota United FC
Being defensively-sound is always Step 1, and the Loons have had that down so far this season, but I lifted them out of the “loitering” classes after their 3-1 win over the Rapids to send a signal as to how little I think it’ll take this team to arrive at competitive. If they can score two goals in a game - or, God forbid, three - they’ll roll. To confirm the rumors, Reynoso did have himself a game against the Rapids - and credit the whole team for creating the conditions that helped him thrive - but I’m guessing Minnesota can still get on the right side of its share of 1-0 games. Their near-term schedule (v CHI, @ LAFC, v CIN, @ SEA, v LAG, @ FCD, v NYC) should get a clearer bead on their level.
Charlotte FC
They’re here for the sole reason that they’re better than they have any right to be. Based on what I saw, their loss at New England played out as a battle between book-learning and real-world experience. This team can play - their ball movement is pretty damn smart, and often effective - but they fell victim to a Revs team that was more ruthless in every facet of the game.
Loitering (Doing…a Thing That Is Not Completely Terrible)
Chicago Fire FC
They have still allowed just two goals all season, best in MLS. They’ve also scored just five, one goal fewer than teams (e.g., Vancouver and SKC) that people rightfully shit on. They have arrived at immovable object…which cuts both ways, sadly.
Red Bull New York
They have just one win in their last five games, and four of those were at home. And they’ve scored just three goals over that stretch. The numbers can “love them” to the point where they buy them chocolates and ask them to wear their letterman’s jackets, but they’re stalled at “pain in the ass” until they start posting Ws.
Portland Timbers
Watching the attack is like watching a 13-year-old try to construct a working Rube Goldberg machine. In the here and now, they’ll stay in touch to the extent their defense gives that mess a chance to win or draw any given game. I can’t say I’m optimistic yet. And I don’t see that turning around over the next seven games (v RSL, @ COL, @RBNY, v SKC, @ SJ, v PHI, @ MIA).
Houston Dynamo FC
Related, I strongly suspect this team is about to get found out, one way or another, over the same period (@ FCD, v ATX, @ DC, v NSH, v SEA, @ LAG, @ RSL). If they get more than 10 points out of that, I’d start to pay attention.
New England Revolution
All their (healthy) stars showed up - e.g., Adam Buksa and Carles Gil (major honorable mention to Matt Polster, who looked great) - and Justin Rennicks gives them good eager-puppy energy, but they need to keep the wins going to get out of the mire of the middle. If their next five games (@ DC, v MIA, v CLB, @ ATL, @ CIN) don’t help them, I’m not sure what will.
Colorado Rapids
I’ve seen a fair amount of granular analysis about how they “do everything better except score,” but has anyone considered the Rapids just might be shit on the road? One point of 12 out there.
Atlanta United FC
I’ve had to piece this result together, courtesy of MLS broadcasting bullshit, and they combine to give the impression that Atlanta pushed Cincy to the wall - e.g., the penalty kick, about 20 minutes’ worth of a man-advantage - but couldn’t score a go-ahead goal on 20+ shots. And they lost Brad Guzan for the season…
Descending (Going the Wrong Way, and from Whichever Perch)
Real Salt Lake
No, I don’t see the 6-0 trip behind the toolshed as representative, but, like the few people I actually read, I do see their four-game stumble in that light. Their next six games (@ POR, v LAG, @ NSH, v ATX, @ MTL, v HOU) don’t raise their odds for a recovery and they don’t have a lot of cushion below.
Columbus Crew SC
Based on what I saw, the game just sort of slipped away from Columbus. Which feels like an apt metaphor for their season. And, say, look who they play next (and they’ll need that one, because I’d call four of their next five games - @ NE, @NYC, v LAFC, @ ATL - less than gentle)…
Sporting Kansas City
They didn’t play terribly. The bad things keep happening. I’ve got them one loss away from slipping into…
Hell (aka, Don’t; Teams Who Help Other Teams Reach the Playoffs by Repeated Failing)
DC United, FC Cincinnati, Inter Miami CF, Vancouver Whitecaps FC, San Jose Earthquakes
My only notes here, even against a “heavily-rotated” Seattle team, that’s not a result that any sane observer of 2022 Miami expects them to win. The same goes for their win over the Revs the week before. Threatening the step outta hell, who’d a thunk it? I give them…let’s call it a respectable chance of keeping up through the end of May, but I don’t see them climbing. The rest are where they seem to belong.
That’s all for this edition. And these will get shorter as the trends get longer. Promise.
No comments:
Post a Comment