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| Department of Curt Explanations |
The editorial note first: I’ve decided to separate the weekly review and weekly preview posts. It turns out posting content in the literally dead middle of relevant events wasn’t a great idea. Who knew?
I can’t call MLS Week 2 important, but it did entertain here and there. Sadly, it failed to do so in the games starring the two teams nearest and dearest to my heart, the Portland Timbers and FC Cincinnati. I watched all...or enough of those games and wrote extended, sometimes speculative notes about each game. While both played on the road, and neither lived up to their own, or even their fans' expectations (then again, in Portland’s case....), Cincy had the better afternoon and by a fair stretch. Coulda won that one...the Timbers, meanwhile, were fortunate to salvage some dignity after a first half to forget. At any rate, if you’re interested in those extended, speculative notes hit the links below.
Orlando City SC 0-0 FC Cincinnati
Los Angeles FC 3-2 Portland Timbers
To get back to the plot, Week 2 had some clunkers. While I’m not going to ignore those games entirely, I am going to bury them at the bottom of the post and dismiss them with a curt explanation of why I didn’t care about that game and/or your local team. As for the rest, I’ve adopted a new model for these reviews:
I’ll take deeper dives into a total of four games every week, two because the teams involved play either Portland or Cincinnati the following week(end), and two more because they seem important/interesting/amusing.
After that, I’ll review highlights and box scores for any game that strikes me as worth the time – three this week, for the record – and close by spitting on the dregs...oops, shit. Already covered that. Right, on to the big picture.
It’s Week 2, obviously, so, no, none of these results actually matter. Between history and the...things I’ve seen, I expect to see just one of the two teams now topping each conference in the same place by season’s end (Seattle), but I’m also an easy-going kind of guy who’s here for the thrillz, so what can I say but surprise me? Going the other way, I’m not unconvinced that we’ll see, at most, a team or two swap out of the top half of the Eastern Conference as now constituted – i.e., the “Playoff Half” – by the time the 2023 playoffs roll around. The West just looks more fluid to me right now...but can I seriously say that I can’t picture all five of the teams now below the line (for reference, Sporting Kansas City, the Colorado Rapids, the Vancouver Whitecaps, the Los Angeles Galaxy and Houston Dynamo FC) ending in the same mire? No. No, I cannot.
That’s what we’re here for, yeah? Time to tick through the results. And, as always, I link to The Mothership’s game summaries under each final score and I’ve got links to exciting things (goals; it’s almost always goals) sprinkled throughout, and I’ve also noted which parts of each game I watched in parentheses. That’s enough ado for now. Let’s get to it.
I can’t call MLS Week 2 important, but it did entertain here and there. Sadly, it failed to do so in the games starring the two teams nearest and dearest to my heart, the Portland Timbers and FC Cincinnati. I watched all...or enough of those games and wrote extended, sometimes speculative notes about each game. While both played on the road, and neither lived up to their own, or even their fans' expectations (then again, in Portland’s case....), Cincy had the better afternoon and by a fair stretch. Coulda won that one...the Timbers, meanwhile, were fortunate to salvage some dignity after a first half to forget. At any rate, if you’re interested in those extended, speculative notes hit the links below.
Orlando City SC 0-0 FC Cincinnati
Los Angeles FC 3-2 Portland Timbers
To get back to the plot, Week 2 had some clunkers. While I’m not going to ignore those games entirely, I am going to bury them at the bottom of the post and dismiss them with a curt explanation of why I didn’t care about that game and/or your local team. As for the rest, I’ve adopted a new model for these reviews:
I’ll take deeper dives into a total of four games every week, two because the teams involved play either Portland or Cincinnati the following week(end), and two more because they seem important/interesting/amusing.
After that, I’ll review highlights and box scores for any game that strikes me as worth the time – three this week, for the record – and close by spitting on the dregs...oops, shit. Already covered that. Right, on to the big picture.
It’s Week 2, obviously, so, no, none of these results actually matter. Between history and the...things I’ve seen, I expect to see just one of the two teams now topping each conference in the same place by season’s end (Seattle), but I’m also an easy-going kind of guy who’s here for the thrillz, so what can I say but surprise me? Going the other way, I’m not unconvinced that we’ll see, at most, a team or two swap out of the top half of the Eastern Conference as now constituted – i.e., the “Playoff Half” – by the time the 2023 playoffs roll around. The West just looks more fluid to me right now...but can I seriously say that I can’t picture all five of the teams now below the line (for reference, Sporting Kansas City, the Colorado Rapids, the Vancouver Whitecaps, the Los Angeles Galaxy and Houston Dynamo FC) ending in the same mire? No. No, I cannot.
That’s what we’re here for, yeah? Time to tick through the results. And, as always, I link to The Mothership’s game summaries under each final score and I’ve got links to exciting things (goals; it’s almost always goals) sprinkled throughout, and I’ve also noted which parts of each game I watched in parentheses. That’s enough ado for now. Let’s get to it.
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| Better luck next time, Jesus. |
FC Dallas 3-1 Los Angeles Galaxy (Minutes 30-45+, 50-70)
The win Dallas needed, and the start the Galaxy didn’t want to see. The latter shouldn’t feel too bad in the grand scheme, because what is losing on the road to a good team but the norm? Drilling down a bit, and with allowances for the fact I might have missed the Galaxy’s better moments, the game didn’t look as even as the numbers read (e.g., xG 1.9 v 1.6, shots 11/4 v 13/6, on/off). Sure, the Galaxy opened the scoring with Kelvin Leerdam pinging the ball of Dejan Joveljic, but the broadcast booth told me Jonathan Bond made a big save sometime before I tuned in and Dallas not only answered back three times at close to ten minutes intervals, Jesus Ferreira damn nearly capped his brace with a hattie and Paul Arriola (who assisted on the equalizer, btw) almost lobbed the ball into an open net two minutes after the last time noted above. Put this down as a result Dallas very much needed after tripping over their first home game against Minnesota and erase one of the more intriguing “what ifs” from the early 2023 calendar (in this case, what if Dallas had lost its first two home games). Getting Ferreira going = big deal, of course, and Dallas fans should take a minute to relive his finishing on the first goal and the cheeky run on his second, but one can make a case that seeing the defense function at something like the same level as last season feels like the bigger news. All that said, the fact I have the Galaxy filed under “mystery meat” until further notice makes me reluctant to bless the A.M.H. era (After Matt Hedges) as a success. They have good pieces – and, for me, the biggest props go to Gaston Brugman and Efrain Alvarez – but, again, that whole thing is messy and with unknowns cavorting all over the place. Still, this was a good and big win for Dallas, three points banked, and so on.
Inter Miami CF 2-0 Philadelphia Union (Minutes 10-35, 70-90+)
In last week’s Review/Preview, I topped the game previews titled “...Can They Get Away With It Again?” with this very game. And, golly gosh and gee whiz, Miami took care of business at home once again, and against another of last year’s better teams. To answer a likely first question, no, the Union did not start a heavily-rotated squad ahead of tomorrow’s CCL leg against Alianza; most the gang was there and most of Jim Curtin’s subs looked more about either performance or tactics than giving players a breather. My top-line takeaway: Gregore and Jean Mota have looked real damn good both anchoring Miami’s central midfield and driving it forward; add a seemingly bought in Rodolfo Pizzaro to the mix and you’ve got yourself a midfield to reckon with...or with which to reckon. Philly had their chances – e.g., Drake Callendar’s save on Philly’s Daniel Gazdag when the latter tried to make him pay for a mistake – and the game had a pinch of controversy – e.g., when Callendar up-ended Mikael Uhre – and Philly edged the attacking numbers to boot (both shots and xG), but Miami went toe-to-toe and without even a whiff of nerves. I’ve seen the same thing over the two games I’ve (mostly) watched Miami: they know what they’re doing, strong composure on the ball and technique equal to, and so on. True, they won it on the back of two bangers (seriously, here and here) – i.e., the kinds of shots that typically land somewhere between concessions and the parking lot – but neither goal came about due to a good spell in Miami’s direction and a bad one for Philly; Miami was good for a goal over every minute I watched. So, that’s two teams worth keeping an eye on...
St. Louis CITY FC 3-1 Charlotte FC (Minutes 15-30, 35-45+, 60-75)
The first thing you have to know about this result is that other teams can’t stop handing St. Louis free looks – or, in this game, own-goals (take a bow, Bill Tuiloma, the next contestant on “Hand St. Louis a Goal!”) – as if they’re trying to make up for the 70+ years it took St. Louis to get (or regain) a top-flight soccer team. To finish that thought, yes, another player – in this case, Charlotte’s Addison Malanda – passed the ball more or less directly to a St. Louis player – in this case, Joao Klauss (who, as Taylor Twellman accurately pointed out, “looks like a deer getting out of a car”) – which put Klauss in one-v-one against Charlotte’s Pablo Sisniega (who’d made some solid saves to that point!). That takes care of St. Louis’ 1st and 3rd goal. They made the last one a little more credibly, but St. Louis (and Eduard Lowen with aplomb and authority) scored that one from the spot. Credit where it’s due, St. Louis fights for every inch – when they come to your town, kids, expect a lot of fouling – but they don’t lack for talent and it isn’t all just success by bullying, even when it looks a little like. I appreciate this makes two straight losses for Charlotte, but, based on what I saw, they have a fair chance of knocking around the edges of the playoffs. Kamil Jozwiak gives off great Energizer Bunny, Karol Swiderski brings (more or less) quality, and Enzo Copetti looked like a sharp and active forward – and that’s on top of coming off as a chippy little shit (i.e., a player who gets under skin). I think they’ll get good games/mileage out of Derrick Jones and Brandt Bronico looked a couple levels better than his mullet at right back (kidding aside, that looks like a good spot for him). In all honesty, I only gave this game a long look because St. Louis plays the Timbers next weekend. Related, good to know how much St. Louis has benefitted from good fortune and timely assists in making that perfect record.
Seattle Sounders 2-0 Real Salt Lake (45-90+)
I only watched the second half of this one, but I saw plenty. First things first, RSL didn’t look so bad – i.e., they could get on the ball, move it around all right, etc. They peeled off at least one good shot (or maybe it was just a strong move?) as I watched...but a stat posted at the 75th minute of the game serves up the headline: xG was 1.6 to 0.3 in Seattle’s favor and the baseline shots read something like 14/5 v 3/0, shots on/off, respectively. Yeah, yeah, that xG number isn’t all that, but that had more to do with the relative infrequency of the Sounders chances than the quality: when Seattle pulled RSL apart, let’s just say it was thorough. I saw some clips of a smooth Seattle move floating around Twitter today and my only addition is, yes, but times six – which, here, actually does mean frequency – because they put together back-to-front flayings of RSL at least that many times. Don’t write RSL off or anything, but Seattle played at an entirely different level any time they got things going. Both Joao Paolo and Cristian Roldan played strong second halves and I’d call Albert Rusnak the MVP over them, the defenders were there and standing, presumably, and, yeah, Seattle made it look easy in all the bad ways. The goal they scored didn’t light up the night sky or anything, but it was 1) indicative of how much chaos Seattle could spin off, and 2) just to note it, Heber’s second of the season.
That's it for the big narratives. Moving on to the curious glances, i.e., the games where I reviewed just the highlights and box scores.
Columbus Crew SC 2-0 DC United
Lucas Zelarayan scored the pair of beauties you may have heard about (a solid contender for GotW), but Columbus also got some fine use out of Cucho Hernandez drifting left – i.e., the place where he fed Zelarayan’s first and teed up Alexandriu Matan for a tricky shot from point-blank range – and generally looked the better team, or at least that’s what Big MLS wants you to believe based on the highlights. Going the other way, this was Columbus hosting and DC for the opposition and what else do you expect under those circumstances for a team with any kind of hope and/or ambition? Just to note it, DC had a couple chances and they played even on virtually every number. Whether that last piece bodes ill for Columbus remains to be seen.
New England Revolution 3-0 Houston Dynamo FC
“Houston Dynamo cut to ribbons” can’t be good for Houston fans...that said, won’t lie, the audio for this recap borders on auditory hallucination, in that it gets stuck on the commentary after Dylan Borrero’s (admittedly nice) opening goal. Bobby Wood scored the one after and Brandon Bye the one after that (that after skying a clear look at goal to elevations generally unknown in Massachusetts) and I wouldn’t recommend putting much stock into the five saves Dorde Petrovic had to make, if only because three of them reminded me of practicing fielding grounders in my youth baseball days. This was another case of (relatively) even numbers except where it counts: on the scoreboard (the xG is pretty telling honestly).
San Jose Earthquakes 2-1 Vancouver Whitecaps FC
First, how the hell does San Jose’s xG top out at 1.8 in this one? I mean, how many points does a good look give you on the xG scale (don't send a link; swear to God), because ‘Quakes generated a lot of good looks in this one (tho 20 shots seems fair). Vancouver scored the opener and that may be the best thing I can say about them. They looked over-matched all over, San Jose ran up the numbers, and Jeremy Ebobisse had enough looks to score four goals...it’s just, I can’t count the number of times I’ve read, “Vancouver has the personnel to compete” over the past I no longer know how many more seasons. I only know this looks familiar. San Jose, on the other hand, looks poised to complicate the Hell out of everything in the West.
And now...the damned.
The Rest
Red Bull New York 0-0 Nashville SC
Austin FC 1-0 Club de Foot Montreal
Atlanta United FC 1-1 Toronto FC
Chicago Fire FC 1-1 New York City FC
Colorado Rapids 0-0 Sporting Kansas City
Again, this is where I bury results I don’t particularly care about. In no particular order...
I refuse to get excited about Chicago until they go on a run, and refuse to pay attention to NYCFC until they have all hands on deck and assembled (and, yeah, I saw that Santi Rodriguez (right?) and James Sands rejoined the team this week) and I don’t see enough to get excited about and among Atlanta, Toronto, Colorado and SKC. Wherever they climb from here, I predicted goal-less drudgery between the Red Bulls and Nashville, and I still don’t trust Hernan Losada’s Montreal enough to care about Austin beating them in Austin.
That’s it for this edition. Hope you found something either educational or amusing in there.
The win Dallas needed, and the start the Galaxy didn’t want to see. The latter shouldn’t feel too bad in the grand scheme, because what is losing on the road to a good team but the norm? Drilling down a bit, and with allowances for the fact I might have missed the Galaxy’s better moments, the game didn’t look as even as the numbers read (e.g., xG 1.9 v 1.6, shots 11/4 v 13/6, on/off). Sure, the Galaxy opened the scoring with Kelvin Leerdam pinging the ball of Dejan Joveljic, but the broadcast booth told me Jonathan Bond made a big save sometime before I tuned in and Dallas not only answered back three times at close to ten minutes intervals, Jesus Ferreira damn nearly capped his brace with a hattie and Paul Arriola (who assisted on the equalizer, btw) almost lobbed the ball into an open net two minutes after the last time noted above. Put this down as a result Dallas very much needed after tripping over their first home game against Minnesota and erase one of the more intriguing “what ifs” from the early 2023 calendar (in this case, what if Dallas had lost its first two home games). Getting Ferreira going = big deal, of course, and Dallas fans should take a minute to relive his finishing on the first goal and the cheeky run on his second, but one can make a case that seeing the defense function at something like the same level as last season feels like the bigger news. All that said, the fact I have the Galaxy filed under “mystery meat” until further notice makes me reluctant to bless the A.M.H. era (After Matt Hedges) as a success. They have good pieces – and, for me, the biggest props go to Gaston Brugman and Efrain Alvarez – but, again, that whole thing is messy and with unknowns cavorting all over the place. Still, this was a good and big win for Dallas, three points banked, and so on.
Inter Miami CF 2-0 Philadelphia Union (Minutes 10-35, 70-90+)
In last week’s Review/Preview, I topped the game previews titled “...Can They Get Away With It Again?” with this very game. And, golly gosh and gee whiz, Miami took care of business at home once again, and against another of last year’s better teams. To answer a likely first question, no, the Union did not start a heavily-rotated squad ahead of tomorrow’s CCL leg against Alianza; most the gang was there and most of Jim Curtin’s subs looked more about either performance or tactics than giving players a breather. My top-line takeaway: Gregore and Jean Mota have looked real damn good both anchoring Miami’s central midfield and driving it forward; add a seemingly bought in Rodolfo Pizzaro to the mix and you’ve got yourself a midfield to reckon with...or with which to reckon. Philly had their chances – e.g., Drake Callendar’s save on Philly’s Daniel Gazdag when the latter tried to make him pay for a mistake – and the game had a pinch of controversy – e.g., when Callendar up-ended Mikael Uhre – and Philly edged the attacking numbers to boot (both shots and xG), but Miami went toe-to-toe and without even a whiff of nerves. I’ve seen the same thing over the two games I’ve (mostly) watched Miami: they know what they’re doing, strong composure on the ball and technique equal to, and so on. True, they won it on the back of two bangers (seriously, here and here) – i.e., the kinds of shots that typically land somewhere between concessions and the parking lot – but neither goal came about due to a good spell in Miami’s direction and a bad one for Philly; Miami was good for a goal over every minute I watched. So, that’s two teams worth keeping an eye on...
St. Louis CITY FC 3-1 Charlotte FC (Minutes 15-30, 35-45+, 60-75)
The first thing you have to know about this result is that other teams can’t stop handing St. Louis free looks – or, in this game, own-goals (take a bow, Bill Tuiloma, the next contestant on “Hand St. Louis a Goal!”) – as if they’re trying to make up for the 70+ years it took St. Louis to get (or regain) a top-flight soccer team. To finish that thought, yes, another player – in this case, Charlotte’s Addison Malanda – passed the ball more or less directly to a St. Louis player – in this case, Joao Klauss (who, as Taylor Twellman accurately pointed out, “looks like a deer getting out of a car”) – which put Klauss in one-v-one against Charlotte’s Pablo Sisniega (who’d made some solid saves to that point!). That takes care of St. Louis’ 1st and 3rd goal. They made the last one a little more credibly, but St. Louis (and Eduard Lowen with aplomb and authority) scored that one from the spot. Credit where it’s due, St. Louis fights for every inch – when they come to your town, kids, expect a lot of fouling – but they don’t lack for talent and it isn’t all just success by bullying, even when it looks a little like. I appreciate this makes two straight losses for Charlotte, but, based on what I saw, they have a fair chance of knocking around the edges of the playoffs. Kamil Jozwiak gives off great Energizer Bunny, Karol Swiderski brings (more or less) quality, and Enzo Copetti looked like a sharp and active forward – and that’s on top of coming off as a chippy little shit (i.e., a player who gets under skin). I think they’ll get good games/mileage out of Derrick Jones and Brandt Bronico looked a couple levels better than his mullet at right back (kidding aside, that looks like a good spot for him). In all honesty, I only gave this game a long look because St. Louis plays the Timbers next weekend. Related, good to know how much St. Louis has benefitted from good fortune and timely assists in making that perfect record.
Seattle Sounders 2-0 Real Salt Lake (45-90+)
I only watched the second half of this one, but I saw plenty. First things first, RSL didn’t look so bad – i.e., they could get on the ball, move it around all right, etc. They peeled off at least one good shot (or maybe it was just a strong move?) as I watched...but a stat posted at the 75th minute of the game serves up the headline: xG was 1.6 to 0.3 in Seattle’s favor and the baseline shots read something like 14/5 v 3/0, shots on/off, respectively. Yeah, yeah, that xG number isn’t all that, but that had more to do with the relative infrequency of the Sounders chances than the quality: when Seattle pulled RSL apart, let’s just say it was thorough. I saw some clips of a smooth Seattle move floating around Twitter today and my only addition is, yes, but times six – which, here, actually does mean frequency – because they put together back-to-front flayings of RSL at least that many times. Don’t write RSL off or anything, but Seattle played at an entirely different level any time they got things going. Both Joao Paolo and Cristian Roldan played strong second halves and I’d call Albert Rusnak the MVP over them, the defenders were there and standing, presumably, and, yeah, Seattle made it look easy in all the bad ways. The goal they scored didn’t light up the night sky or anything, but it was 1) indicative of how much chaos Seattle could spin off, and 2) just to note it, Heber’s second of the season.
That's it for the big narratives. Moving on to the curious glances, i.e., the games where I reviewed just the highlights and box scores.
Columbus Crew SC 2-0 DC United
Lucas Zelarayan scored the pair of beauties you may have heard about (a solid contender for GotW), but Columbus also got some fine use out of Cucho Hernandez drifting left – i.e., the place where he fed Zelarayan’s first and teed up Alexandriu Matan for a tricky shot from point-blank range – and generally looked the better team, or at least that’s what Big MLS wants you to believe based on the highlights. Going the other way, this was Columbus hosting and DC for the opposition and what else do you expect under those circumstances for a team with any kind of hope and/or ambition? Just to note it, DC had a couple chances and they played even on virtually every number. Whether that last piece bodes ill for Columbus remains to be seen.
New England Revolution 3-0 Houston Dynamo FC
“Houston Dynamo cut to ribbons” can’t be good for Houston fans...that said, won’t lie, the audio for this recap borders on auditory hallucination, in that it gets stuck on the commentary after Dylan Borrero’s (admittedly nice) opening goal. Bobby Wood scored the one after and Brandon Bye the one after that (that after skying a clear look at goal to elevations generally unknown in Massachusetts) and I wouldn’t recommend putting much stock into the five saves Dorde Petrovic had to make, if only because three of them reminded me of practicing fielding grounders in my youth baseball days. This was another case of (relatively) even numbers except where it counts: on the scoreboard (the xG is pretty telling honestly).
San Jose Earthquakes 2-1 Vancouver Whitecaps FC
First, how the hell does San Jose’s xG top out at 1.8 in this one? I mean, how many points does a good look give you on the xG scale (don't send a link; swear to God), because ‘Quakes generated a lot of good looks in this one (tho 20 shots seems fair). Vancouver scored the opener and that may be the best thing I can say about them. They looked over-matched all over, San Jose ran up the numbers, and Jeremy Ebobisse had enough looks to score four goals...it’s just, I can’t count the number of times I’ve read, “Vancouver has the personnel to compete” over the past I no longer know how many more seasons. I only know this looks familiar. San Jose, on the other hand, looks poised to complicate the Hell out of everything in the West.
And now...the damned.
The Rest
Red Bull New York 0-0 Nashville SC
Austin FC 1-0 Club de Foot Montreal
Atlanta United FC 1-1 Toronto FC
Chicago Fire FC 1-1 New York City FC
Colorado Rapids 0-0 Sporting Kansas City
Again, this is where I bury results I don’t particularly care about. In no particular order...
I refuse to get excited about Chicago until they go on a run, and refuse to pay attention to NYCFC until they have all hands on deck and assembled (and, yeah, I saw that Santi Rodriguez (right?) and James Sands rejoined the team this week) and I don’t see enough to get excited about and among Atlanta, Toronto, Colorado and SKC. Wherever they climb from here, I predicted goal-less drudgery between the Red Bulls and Nashville, and I still don’t trust Hernan Losada’s Montreal enough to care about Austin beating them in Austin.
That’s it for this edition. Hope you found something either educational or amusing in there.
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