Seattle Sounders Scouting Report: Prepping for a Knife Fight in the Gutter

I don't know, we just seem to have so much in common...

[UPDATE/PSA: I tried to create the usual mini-post/pop quiz for this post on reddit, but shit got weird and it just kind of sat there doing nothing for four or five hours. As such, I said "fuck it" and deleted the reddit post. I may still bounce around in there, maybe even post something of my own occasionally (so long as those go live, or whatever happens in the guts of reddit), but I'm not going try to navigate whatever weird bar they have for posting links to original content. Basically, the only place you'll find links to posts to this site is Bluesky. Until that platform explodes, implodes, or whatever verb applies to social media sites when they die their righteous and probably well-justified death.] 

Well, let’s see how many things I can get wrong this week…happily, I can't fuck up the facts. Right?

The Basics
The Record: 2-5-4 (hello, sexy!), 10 pts., home 1-1-3, away 1-4-1, 13 gf, 13 ga (0)
Last 10 Games: TTLLWTLLWT
Strength of Schedule: Literally a couple loin-stirring wins – e.g., a 5-0 blowout over Club du Foot Montreal back in Week 6, place a recent road win at a puzzling Philadelphia Union team – with free points squandered all around - e.g., home draws v Austin FC and the Colorado Rapids before they found their feet, a road draw at FC Dallas (who cough up points like a busted one-armed bandit), and a road loss at perennial no-hopers, San Jose Earthquakes. Suffice to say the might have fallen - and, golly, isn't it a hoot?

In what feels like a total-eclipse-like rarity, Seattle and the Portland Timbers share the same shitty overall record, but Seattle holds a thin edge in the standings thanks to neutral goal differential. They built that shaky foundation by allowing ten fewer goals on one side, while scoring eight less on the other. And, holy shit, are the natives restless up there…

The Lineup
Brian Schmetzer has ride or die committed to the 4-2-3-1 regardless of who he has on hand – though, honestly, he seems deeply committed to the same starters despite the poor returns. The first-choice back four typically features (left to right) Nouhou, Yeimar, Jackson Regan, and Alex Roldan – but Roldan the Younger has missed the last few games and, from what I understand, Yeimar will miss Sunday’s game (and there was great rejoicing). The deeper midfield two has generally involved Josh Atencio and, anytime he can walk, Joao Paulo, with Obed Vargas filling in when he can't, while the preferred, higher midfield three features (left to right) Jordan Morris, Albert Rusnak, and Cristian Roldan. And, topping it all off, like the star on your Christmas tree, Raul Ruidiaz.

If many of those names seem familiar to the point of where you’re sick of seeing them, Sounders fans have your back. If you turn your ear north and listen carefully, you may hear clamoring for a youth movement…

MLS Weakly, MLS Week 1 Review: The Expected, the Noted and the Holy Shit, What?

Think one of those set ups in volleyball. #Goals.

And…yes, I’m attempting a form of global coverage of Major League Soccer. Again. Fear & Self-Loathing in Hillsboro, etc.

The approach turns on the gap between expectations versus results, and with a strong emphasis on the results gained in the actual time/space dimension we all occupy. The mechanics are also pretty straightforward: 1) I check who’s playing who each week and, based on what I think/know, take a stab at what seems likeliest to happen in each game and post it on the twitters (and the dozens of notepads littered around my house), and 2) note what actually happened in these weekly posts. And, once I have said results in hand, I’ll sort them into the following categories:

Expected
Noted
Holy Shit, What?

That, only in reverse order. The meat of these posts will dig into three (3; and only three) of the “Holy Shit, What?” results, which games I’ll review through the MLS-in-15 videos, box scores and anything else I can think of besides post-game interviews because, dang me, are those things as worthless as a White House press conference. I’ll start the post with those three, continue through the “Noted” results - i.e., games with something that feel worth flagging for future reference - and wrap up with the “Expected” results - i.e., the ones that follow expectations. My notes on the latter two groups won't take that long, honest.

Well, that’s the program. If that doesn’t make sense, just look at this Week 1 review as an open hand in cards. The concept will (or should) make sense by the end. Let’s roll - and, the link to The Mothership's Buffet of Easy Data shows up as a link in the score of each game. I'll throw in the odd fitting link, but the rest is up to you.