Level Set 20, Seattle Sounders: The Kristoffersons of MLS

Good at everything, etc., but mostly defense.

What follows is a brief history of the Seattle Sounders, plus more brief notes on whatever long-term tendencies they have. Their 2025 season gets weighed on both sides of that and the whole thing ends with where I see things with them in this very specific moment in time - i.e., before First Kick 2026. You should count on things happening between here and there.

The post ends with a scale I came up with to measure the long-term success of every team in Major League Soccer. It does some things well (e.g., count trophies/achievements), other things less well (capture recent trends). It's called the Joint Points Scale and you can find a link that explains what it does. I was really stoned when I came up with the scale and wrote the post. Caveat lector. With that...

Thumbnail History
The Seattle Sounders have missed the playoffs just three times since joining MLS in 2009 – and, here, “missing the playoffs” includes falling out at any point before the conference quarterfinals (though they did whiff entirely in 2022) – and their haul of trophies makes them the second-best team of the past decade on the Joy Points Scale*. Only Los Angeles FC tops them over that period (though not all time…wait for it…). That hits closer to home for Timbers fan, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Smart first-season signings laid the foundation for that success: think everything from Jhon Kennedy Hurtado from Colombia, Sebastian Le Toux from the USL, and most important for me (because I obsess over the No. 6/No. 8 area), midfield wrecker Osvaldo Alonso (from one of the many in-tournament defections from a visiting Cuban team). Throw in a smart reclamation or two from the Expansion Draft – all-time utility-player great Brad Evans stood out – add a good first DP (Colombian forward Fredy Montero), put it all under a road-tested, road-approved MLS head coach like Sigi Schmid, and the Sounders had themselves a team. They made the playoffs both from the jump, then season after season, including percolating into the semifinals by their third season (2012; not easy, even even in the multi-DP era) and returning again in 2014. Those “blurps” into the big time followed from more smart signings – e.g., DP winger/midfielder Mauro Rosales and then-USMNT-regular Eddie Johnson in 2012, then USMNT fixture Clint Dempsey and the bustling Nigerian, Obafemi Martins in 2014 – and letting them cook without a care in the world in front of one of the Sounders’ many (insanely) reliable defenses. It was raining trophies from there (hallelujah): the Supporters’ Shield in 2014 (amen), then an MLS Cup in 2016 (amen) and another, better one in 2019 (amen; also, MLS Cup 2016 almost put me off soccer). Whether one starts that run in 2014 or 2016, that makes Seattle MLS’s fourth Shadynasty, after late 1990s DC United, early-to-mid-2000s San Jose/Houston, and the LA Galaxy teams from the first half of 2010s. Beyond the names listed above, Seattle owes that success to having smart succession plans plan for game-winning talent – e.g., just one season separates Morales’ departure from the arrival Nicolas Lodeiro (a better DP, frankly); they only burned one season of riding Dempsey’s aging knees and a mish-mash of attacking half-solutions before calling in Raul Ruidiaz (2018) to boost the next generation of attacking players (e.g., Jordan Morris) and the next round of journeyman (e.g., Will Bruin); Kim Kee-Hee took over the defense after MLS legend/monster Chad Marshall retired (2018?) and Roman Torres couldn’t step onto the field often enough, and Yeimar cane in after him. It even applies at the coaching level - Brian Schmetzer replaced Schmid after 2016 and he’s been there ever since and with very little cause to leave. The Sounders have never really fallen behind, on or off the field. After eight trophies over 16 seasons, one more thing sets them apart: they won MLS’s first, and only, “real” CONCACAF Champions’ title in 2022. (With all the respect in the world to the 1998 DC team and the 2000 LA Galaxy team, I think it took those teams winning for Liga MX to take that tourney seriously again). And, finally, maybe even fittingly, Seattle is just one of three teams to win three straight U.S. Open Cups (the other three: Fall River F.C. 1929-1931; Stix, Baer and Fuller 1933-1934 (does it even count if it’s over two legs? New Bedford Whalers second the "yes" motion); Greek American AA (1967-69). That’s one hell of a tradition to hold up and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’d like to see them drop it for five, six seasons. Time in the wilderness builds character for both a team and a fanbase.

Getting Reacquainted with the Seattle Sounders, the Kristoffersons of MLS

It's the way they make it look easy, honestly.

Thumbnail History
The Seattle Sounders have missed the playoffs just twice since joining MLS in 2009  – and, here, “missing the playoffs” includes falling out at any point before the last eight teams wild card slot to qualify. Their haul of trophies makes them the second-best team of the past decade on the Joy Points Scale* – only Los Angeles FC tops them over that period (though not all time…wait for it…) – and, sure, that hits closer to him as a Timbers fan, but it doesn’t make it any less true. The question is how they pulled that off. It started with smart first-season signings – think everyone from Jhon Kennedy Hurtado from Colombia, Sebastian Le Toux from the USL, and most important for me, midfield wrecker Osvaldo Alonso, from one of the many in-tournament defections from a visiting Cuban team. After throwing in a smart reclamation or two from the Expansion Draft – all-time utility-player great Brad Evans stood out – adding their first DP (Swedish midfielder Freddie Ljungberg) and putting it all under a road-tested, road-approved MLS head coach like Sigi Schmid, the Sounders had themselves a team. They made the playoffs both from the jump, then season after season. They percolated into the semifinals by their third (2012) – still not an easy thing, even in the multi-DP era – and returned again in 2014. Those first two little “blurps” into the big time followed from signing league-leading attacking pieces – e.g., DP winger/midfielder Mauro Rosales and then-USMNT-regular Eddie Johnson in 2012, then USMNT fixture Clint Dempsey and the bustling Nigerian, Obafemi Martins in 2014 – and letting them cook without a care in the world in front of one of the Sounders’ many (insanely) reliable defenses. And then came the trophies: the Supporters’ Shield in 2014, then an MLS Cup in 2016 and another, better one in 2019 (MLS Cup 2016 almost put me off soccer). The Sounders had already won three U.S. Open Cups before 2016 and they’d compete in two more MLS Cups before 2020. Whether one starts that run in 2014 or 2016, it made Seattle the fourth Shadynasty in MLS history – i.e., late 1990s DC United first, then the San Jose/Houston teams of the early-to-mid 2000s, followed by the LA Galaxy from the first half of 2010s, then Seattle – and, again, they never really came down. Mapping out the succession of talent does a good job of explaining how all this worked: for instance, only one season separates the departure of DP midfielder Mauro Morales and the arrival of (improved) DP midfielder Nicloas Lodeiro (in 2016); they only burned one season of riding Dempsey’s aging knees and a mish-mash of attacking half-solutions before calling in Raul Ruidiaz (2018) to boost the next generation of attacking players (e.g., Jordan Morris) and the next round of journeyman (e.g., Will Bruin); Kim Kee-Hee took over the defense after MLS legend/monster Chad Marshall retired (2018?) and Roman Torres couldn’t step onto the field often enough, and Yeimar cane in after him. It even applies at the coaching level - Brian Schmetzer replaced Schmid after 2016 and he’s been there every since, with very little cause to leave – and that’s what separates the Sounders from the most MLS teams: they simply have yet to fall behind, on or off the field. That’s how a team wins eight trophies in 16 seasons in MLS, including the league’s first‑ever CONCACAF Champions’ League trophy in 2022. I’ve been waiting for the collapse, believe me, but I haven’t seen it either.

Total Joy Points: 50

Seattle Sounders Scouting Report: Prepping for a Knife Fight in the Gutter

I don't know, we just seem to have so much in common...

[UPDATE/PSA: I tried to create the usual mini-post/pop quiz for this post on reddit, but shit got weird and it just kind of sat there doing nothing for four or five hours. As such, I said "fuck it" and deleted the reddit post. I may still bounce around in there, maybe even post something of my own occasionally (so long as those go live, or whatever happens in the guts of reddit), but I'm not going try to navigate whatever weird bar they have for posting links to original content. Basically, the only place you'll find links to posts to this site is Bluesky. Until that platform explodes, implodes, or whatever verb applies to social media sites when they die their righteous and probably well-justified death.] 

Well, let’s see how many things I can get wrong this week…happily, I can't fuck up the facts. Right?

The Basics
The Record: 2-5-4 (hello, sexy!), 10 pts., home 1-1-3, away 1-4-1, 13 gf, 13 ga (0)
Last 10 Games: TTLLWTLLWT
Strength of Schedule: Literally a couple loin-stirring wins – e.g., a 5-0 blowout over Club du Foot Montreal back in Week 6, place a recent road win at a puzzling Philadelphia Union team – with free points squandered all around - e.g., home draws v Austin FC and the Colorado Rapids before they found their feet, a road draw at FC Dallas (who cough up points like a busted one-armed bandit), and a road loss at perennial no-hopers, San Jose Earthquakes. Suffice to say the might have fallen - and, golly, isn't it a hoot?

In what feels like a total-eclipse-like rarity, Seattle and the Portland Timbers share the same shitty overall record, but Seattle holds a thin edge in the standings thanks to neutral goal differential. They built that shaky foundation by allowing ten fewer goals on one side, while scoring eight less on the other. And, holy shit, are the natives restless up there…

The Lineup
Brian Schmetzer has ride or die committed to the 4-2-3-1 regardless of who he has on hand – though, honestly, he seems deeply committed to the same starters despite the poor returns. The first-choice back four typically features (left to right) Nouhou, Yeimar, Jackson Regan, and Alex Roldan – but Roldan the Younger has missed the last few games and, from what I understand, Yeimar will miss Sunday’s game (and there was great rejoicing). The deeper midfield two has generally involved Josh Atencio and, anytime he can walk, Joao Paulo, with Obed Vargas filling in when he can't, while the preferred, higher midfield three features (left to right) Jordan Morris, Albert Rusnak, and Cristian Roldan. And, topping it all off, like the star on your Christmas tree, Raul Ruidiaz.

If many of those names seem familiar to the point of where you’re sick of seeing them, Sounders fans have your back. If you turn your ear north and listen carefully, you may hear clamoring for a youth movement…

Getting Reacquainted with the Seattle Sounders, the Kristofferson of MLS

Different one, no Streisand.

[Standing Disclaimer: While I have watched…just a stupid amount of MLS over the years, I don’t watch the vast majority of games, never mind all of them. As such, it’s fair to take anything below that isn’t a hard number or a physical trophy as an impression, a couple steps removed.]

Thumbnail History

Hurts to admit this, but the Seattle Sounders managed to reach second place in terms of all-time success in Major League Soccer (based on the Joy Point Scale; methodology below*) and that’s with nine other teams having a 13-season head-start. They joined in 2009, just the fourth expansion team in the post-contraction era, but took only one season to fall in step with the first two (and their direct rivals), Chivas USA and Real Salt Lake; moreover, Seattle hoisted their first Supporters’ Shield (2014) the season before MLS’s third expansion team, Toronto FC, made the playoffs for the first time. And, in a flourish that feels unintentional in the way Kristofferson just could not stop outdoing Ash (Fantastic Mr. Fox), Seattle snatched its first MLS Cup on Toronto’s home field in 2016 (if in one of the shittiest finals in league history, btw). The Sounders had something gratingly close to a standing invitation to MLS Cup over the next four seasons - and they won two of them (2016 and 2019). Hell, they won U.S. Open Cup in each of their first three season in MLS, and then won it again in 2014, aka, the same season they won the Shield. Bottom line, Sounders fans have never experienced pain, only mild discomfort…the spoiled assholes. Seattle missed the playoffs for the first time (the first!) in 2022.

Best Season(s)

Tough call, but I’m guessing Seattle fans feel more pride about the 2019 team that beat Toronto 3-1 than they do about the one that beat a better version of the same team by the tips of Stefan Frei’s finger-nails in Toronto. Looking at the rosters for 2014 (Shield), 2016 (Cup) and 2019 (Cup) doesn’t give you a lot to work with in terms of tie-breakers. I have answers to all of these questions, but: who do you choose between Kasey Keller and Stefan Frei? Was Chad Marshall really a better defender than Roman Torres, or Xavier Arreaga or Yeimar? Did Obafemi Martins have more upside than Raul Ruidiaz? Then again, what’s the point in arguing about which player is better when all of them worked? Seattle has won eight trophies in its 15 years in MLS, including the league’s first‑ever CONCACAF Champions’ League trophy. So, yeah, hard to say.

FC Cincinnati 1- 0 Seattle Sounders: Smooth Like Victor...

Victor Mature, in a less than mature moment...

I can’t tell you how much hearing the broadcast booth dip into the cliche about tonight’s game being “kind of like a playoff game” got under my skin...

...and yet the sons o’ bitches got it more right than wrong. The game labored under the pacing of a slow-burn drama, but FC Cincinnati’s 1-0 home win over the (once) red-hot Seattle Sounders (I’ve earned that; Portland Timbers fan) came to life shortly after Seattle decided to take chances. To that point, yep, both teams really did play it in the risk-averse fashion of a playoff game – something I find utterly bizarre given how little any given game counts in the MLS regular season. I get playing for the win, but I also get swinging for the fences when points matter as little as they do right now, aka, buckle up for 20 weeks’ worth of loose claims about this result or that one “proving [YOUR TEAM] really belongs this season.” Yessir, “statement win” articles are already dropping.

As noted/argued in my game thread on this one, a watchable soccer game relies on one team sincerely believing it’s the better on as a starting premise. If Seattle felt that tonight, they didn’t show it, at least not at the beginning. To harp on a theme I expect I’ll be playing all season long, Seattle pumped up their aura with two season-opening wins, but...had you described the setting and opposition of each – i.e., the Colorado Rapids and Real Salt Lake, both in Seattle – I doubt you’d have to make a long case for them getting all six points. As implied at the top of the game thread, I saw Cincinnati away as Seattle’s first real challenge of 2023.

Before going any further, I want to make one thing clear: I will not be indulging in any “your team really belongs” narratives until sometime after the 20th week in the season. Going the other way, Cincy put together an impressive evening, maybe even a complete one. Call it a mature performance, the kind of wily veteran shit you see in a team that feels a breeze at its back. That’s not always entertaining to watch – won’t lie, I was bored for fair stretches of this one – but a well-managed game provides comforts and satisfactions of its own.

Seattle Sounders 0-3 Portland Timbers: Fun! (And Pointless Anxiety!)

First, so, SO good.

Tonight’s challenge is to walk the line between celebrating a good, useful, comedy-rich win and acknowledging that, despite the 3-0 score-line, the Portland Timbers didn’t play a great game. They may not have even played a good one.

Going the other way, I see not just free money in my bank account, but a fall-down fucking hysterical situation where Mike Penso waves off a penalty shout for a trip on Nico Lodeiro that 90% of the world agrees he should give, only to reward the Timbers with an equally obvious call (something like) 40-45 minutes later for a handball just inside the area, and only after video review. Maybe the whole CCL banner stunt felt tacky to Penso too...

Because I’m about to grind a couple personal axes, I want to make a couple things very clear. First, I genuinely enjoyed the win. If nothing else, it’s exciting, i.e., a dramatic pratfall in the middle of Seattle’s presumed stroll to the throne that so many people (including me) expect them to make. Everything down to the start of the game worked toward setting up that narrative; Seattle even had one of their typical flurries around the 17th-19th minutes, one of those periods where they got off two quality shots out of a period of sustained pressure. Related thereto, and more than a little fortunate, Aljaz Ivacic completely missed both shots; he didn’t see Raul Ruidiaz’s shot till it bonked off his head and bravo, Claudio Bravo, for clearing the ball off the line on the other, but ain’t that soccer, sometimes? (Surely, you get all or some of that in here?) Isn’t that why they call it the blues?

For what it’s worth, I don’t think the game only really turned when Seattle’s Jackson Ragen got sent off for a wild-ass foul on Eryk Williamson, like, stupid early in the second half. Sure, Portland scored a go-ahead goal out of three passes and Jaroslaw Niezgoda’s ass at the 24th minute – also, hold this thought, because I’m obsessing – but I didn’t feel the weight of resignation among Seattle's players until after Ragen’s dismissal. As much as Portland’s opener put Seattle on their heels, they played as if someone had set their game-plan on fire and waggled it in front of them (while doing some really uncomfortable, faux-erotic dance) after the Ragen’s second yellow. From that point forward, some vague sense of not knowing what to do next weighed on their every step and every pass.

Basically, as good as the goal felt (very! thanks!), it didn’t take too much to imagine how Seattle would get back into the game at the half-time whistle. Five minutes after that red card, I straight up knew they had too much doubt in their heads to get anything better than the draw. Part of me thinks Brian Schmetzer chased his charges onto the field after burning the thought “put your stamp on the game” into their heads. When Ragen did, the wheels spun off.

Seattle Sounders v Portland Timbers Preview: Look Out for the Rich Kids, Take Aim...

The enemy. Obviously.

I saw a tweet about how the Portland/Seattle series features an unusual games where the home team loses. I didn’t screen-cap it and I can’t figure out a low-effort way to look it up, so, pffftt...

Seattle Sounders
Record/Basics: 8-7-2, 26 points, 5-3-1 home, 3-4-1 away; 26 gf, 19 ga, +7 goal differential
Last 10: WLWWLWTWLW (4-1-1 home, 2-0-2 away; more businesslike than outstanding)
Oppo: v VAN, @ FCD, v MIN, @ HOU, @ COL, v CLT, v LAFC, v SKC, v MTL, @ TFC

What We Know About Them
You mean besides the fact they’re like the rich-kid villain from every coming-of-age movie ever made? Personages from a dream from which you wish you could awake, only more annoying than frightening?

Look, hate ‘em or hate ‘em, the Seattle Sounders have been the most consistent team in Major League Soccer since joining in...I don’t care when. Even the players people (which, here, means Portland Timbers fans) shit on – e.g., Cristian Roldan; I’ll never get that one – tend to be good parts of the machine, even if they’re not the best players.

Despite the rocky start – which (how fucking on-brand is this?) paid off – Seattle wasted little time clawing itself back over the playoff line. Moreover, if anyone doubted they’d do exactly that, I never saw or heard them say it. As for my personal theory about the secret of Seattle’s success, it comes in two parts: 1) their goals allowed consistently falls below the league average (often well; related, the present average for goals allowed is 24.7, Seattle has let in 19); and 2) their attack puts teams in what I call “the Murder Box,” i.e., pinning the opposition in their defensive third with waves of bodies and often getting at least two shots/sequence off that.

People who watch more closely appreciate the Sounders made the climb despite missing a literal handful of regular starters (e.g., João Paulo, Xavier Arriaga, Raúl Ruidíaz, Will Bruin and Obed Vargas(?)), and that brings the story to the present.

Portland Timbers 1-2 Seattle Sounders: Spurning Gifts

FUCK YOU! (A metaphor)

A handful of metaphors come to mind for this one - including a decent painting ruined by someone dragging a smudge of ink across it - but that one feels right for telling the story of that confounding damn thing we all watched a few hours ago.

I’m seeing a light split in opinion online, mostly around the question of whether or not the Portland Timbers controlled a game they ultimately lost 1-2, and in more ways than one. On the latter, Jeff Attinella’s (at time of writing) freak injury around the 70th minute, which left the Timbers in goalkeeper purgatory, i.e., a space where you factually have a goalkeeper, but do you? - no offense to Hunter Sulte, but you’re not really supposed to go that far down the depth chart to find a guy to push between the sticks, at least not outside a feel-good movie with that right outcome, but here we are. There was also Diego Valeri getting stuffed on a penalty kick by Stefan Frei, then getting handed a second chance on the penalty, only to shank that one off the post, then knock back his own rebound. (I’ll just go ahead and admit I forgot that’s a no-no.) My frustration with this game comes from/with that moment. I’ll get to that…

I hereby note the box score, mostly on the grounds it shows an even game (but do give that passing map a gander), but also because it shows something I wouldn’t have guessed, i.e., Portland firing as many shots as Seattle. A few only come back to me because I wrote them in my notes - a pair by Marvin Loria (more later), in particular - but my primary recollection of this match sees Timbers’ players giving-and-going all around the 18, sometimes poking through the odd ball, but mostly moving around a lot to get an obstructed view of a goal, only from a different angle. The thicket of Seattle defenders never left the front of the goal and Portland’s attackers seemed bound by some silent agreement that they’d bash through that or lose trying. When I tweeted, “shoot the ball, please,” it didn’t come from nowhere.

Still, between that set of factsd and what Sounders head coach Brian Schmetzer said at the half, I’d call that a kind of control: Portland won most of the 50/50s, I don’t think Seattle wanted to lose the ball where they did, or as often, and Portland didn’t have much trouble advancing the ball. In my book, that’s control. All that delivered some chances - e.g., a cut-back from Valeri that Jeremy Ebobisse will bury when he’s match-fit - but it mostly applied pressure on Seattle’s defense and kept them on the back-foot. And, when a team plays from the back foot, they sometimes make mistakes - e.g., Seattle’s Shane O’Neill to roll forward a lazy pass that Eryk Williamson stepped into and fed to Ebobisse, leading to a Timbers’ penalty and a chance to take the lead. Which, given the Timbers’ struggles with getting a clean look, counts as a gift.

MLS Weakly, MLS Week 1 Review: The Expected, the Noted and the Holy Shit, What?

Think one of those set ups in volleyball. #Goals.

And…yes, I’m attempting a form of global coverage of Major League Soccer. Again. Fear & Self-Loathing in Hillsboro, etc.

The approach turns on the gap between expectations versus results, and with a strong emphasis on the results gained in the actual time/space dimension we all occupy. The mechanics are also pretty straightforward: 1) I check who’s playing who each week and, based on what I think/know, take a stab at what seems likeliest to happen in each game and post it on the twitters (and the dozens of notepads littered around my house), and 2) note what actually happened in these weekly posts. And, once I have said results in hand, I’ll sort them into the following categories:

Expected
Noted
Holy Shit, What?

That, only in reverse order. The meat of these posts will dig into three (3; and only three) of the “Holy Shit, What?” results, which games I’ll review through the MLS-in-15 videos, box scores and anything else I can think of besides post-game interviews because, dang me, are those things as worthless as a White House press conference. I’ll start the post with those three, continue through the “Noted” results - i.e., games with something that feel worth flagging for future reference - and wrap up with the “Expected” results - i.e., the ones that follow expectations. My notes on the latter two groups won't take that long, honest.

Well, that’s the program. If that doesn’t make sense, just look at this Week 1 review as an open hand in cards. The concept will (or should) make sense by the end. Let’s roll - and, the link to The Mothership's Buffet of Easy Data shows up as a link in the score of each game. I'll throw in the odd fitting link, but the rest is up to you.

Portland Timbers 0-3 Seattle Sounders: Indigestion & Sporting Metaphors

Straight up Umbrella Academy, man...

There isn’t really much to say about the Portland Timbers' 0-3 loss to dread rivals, the Seattle Sounders. If I had to liken it to anything, I’d go with high-stakes arm-wrestling (e.g., the good kind, where arms come off) or most tug-o-wars: basically, a contest that stays in balance for some length of time - about 70 minutes in this case - only to have things unravel very, very badly for one side or the other…

…this time, sadly, the Timbers were the team that unraveled. It’s in the way that you use it, or something like that. It comes and it goes…

All in all, this was your usual classic, tight rivalry affair, a game in which neither team took any real advantage until one team (again, Seattle) took all the advantages. The only real question - and it’s one larded in 500 pounds of bacon fat - is whether or not this worries Timbers fans in the near or short term…of which, near as I can tell, most Portland fans don’t even believe in a long-term - i.e., they believe COVID will fell the season before any meaningful resolution arrives - e.g., an MLS Cup, if one weighted to the bottom of the sea.

The long-term side of the equation deals in the simplest question of all: how big an obstacle does this Seattle team make on the way to…whatever happens at the end of an actually successful MLS 2020, assuming one even happens? And that’s where the rubber really hits the road: even post-Chad Marshall, post-Kim Yee-Hee, and without the (ever dubious) Javier Arreaga, the Sounders arrived in Providence Park as their usual, damnable, stubborn selves. They generally try to pace the game, trusting a succession of reliable defenses to give them time to experiment, while they let the attacking talent sort it out. Which they did - or rather, he did, with he being RaulRuidiaz (and then he got the secondary assist on the Seattle’s…reinsurance(?) goal), and, honestly, I could stop writing right here and you’d know nearly everything relevant about this game. Again, this was two good teams standing off until one of them broke through, at which point it became the team that broke through punishing the trailing team for trying. Oldest story in soccer, people…

Los Angeles Galaxy 2-2 Seattle Sounders: My First Scouting Report...on a Travesty!

You fucking wish, John Champion.

If you’ve heard anything about the Seattle Sounders in this game, believe every word. First, yes, they really did only draw this game by the mercy of Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s 71^st minute miss and the David Bingham-Jorgen Skjelvic tag-team-super-fuck-up-own-goal 10 minutes or so later.

Heightened moments aside, and ignore the box score, because that shit absolutely did not happen, Seattle sucked on both sides of the ball. On the defensive side, players bunched, blocked each other out of the game, and generally couldn’t decide who should do what. The lying box score says they posted 21 shots, but I remember only one or two of the six they put on goal. What really stood out was the general, universal disconnect among Seattle’s players. At some point, Jane Campion mentioned something about Gustav Svensson and Cristian Roldan getting into a tiff about who should do something (their theory: push into the offense). The bigger issues came on offense: way too many of Seattle’s players simply did not see simple, useful, available options – whether a long, cross-field diagonal to a fullback open as all outdoors, or even the next obvious one. When that’d gone on long enough, players stopped making the runs – because why would they? – and, when they did, they just got burned all over again, like Lucy yanking away the goddamn football on loop.

I will not let myself believe the Sounders will be so magnificently incompetent when they come to visit Portland. There lies folly. (How does one use “folly” fancy? Asking for a friend.) And, to start a little gossip, they might be missing Gustav Svensson, who had his leg wrapped in ice after limping off for reasons I missed through random fast-forwarding. (I put in the time; if this was porn, I would have caught, like, 3/4 of the actual plot.) Still, the team Portland will face looked decidedly average, both on Saturday and of late.

For context, here’s a table that should look familiar to people:

SEATTLE SOUNDERS, 11-8-7, 40 points, 40 gf, 39 ga, (8-2-3 home, 3-6-4 away)

Last 10 games: WLWWLWLDLD (4-4-2)

Last 10 at home: WWLLD

Last 10 away: LWWLD

W	L	W	W	L	W	L	D	L	D
v VAN	a NYC	a CLB	v ATL	v POR	a HOU	v SKC	v NE	a RSL	a LAG
1-0	0-3	2-1	2-1	1-2	1-0	2-3	3-3	0-3	2-2

Who They Are in One Sentence: I count one win to be proud of in those last 10 games – Atlanta, way back – plus a stray or two. The key thing to remember: Seattle used to shut down teams. They’ve given up 11 goals over their last four and, as nearly everyone’s pointing out, they’re usually surging right now.

Their Last Game: See above. And weep.

Next Games. @ POR (8/23), v LAG (9/1), @ COL (9/7), v RBNY (9/15), v FCD (9/18), @ DC (9/22), @ SJ (9/29), v MIN (10/6)

Allowing for, let’s face it, fairly consistent error, the above shows the results and opponents from Seattle’s last 10, along with the teams they played. I threw in the rest of the Sounders’ 2019 regular season schedule to add value, while omitting the strength of schedule stuff I tried to include in the Form Guide ULTRA. Enough about me, here are some more big picture thoughts on Seattle:

The New Guard Nods Off (a Bit)

There are some “stats are lies” static in the thin collection of numbers (e.g., Seattle rocked a 44 gf, 43 ga in its 2016 championship season), but Seattle had its most success by keeping the goal allowed down and running up the goal differential as far as their latest trick-pony could raise it. Last year was their best, with a +15 goal differential on 52 goals for, and 37 goals against. They’d stay tight, keep out the goals, and find some special player or another – e.g., Clint Dempsey, Raul Ruidiaz, Nico Lodeiro; someone always seemed to show up – to either score or create enough goals to cover it. While the scoring side has…mostly held up – with eight games left, they’re on 40 goals scored, so they probably won’t be far off their actual (four-year) average. It’s the defense that thwarts ‘em. I’m aware that Zlatan does it to most defenders (i.e., 20 goals – X penalty kicks), but Kim Kee-hee died out there tonight. That’s the real story with Seattle, they’ve got 39 goals against already – just four goals shy of their worst defensive season, goddamn 2016, when they allowed…oh, see the beginning of the paragraph...

“Star”-“Power”

I went hunting to find the players who might be letting Seattle down this season, only to find that most their key players – barring Joevin Jones due to absence/injury – are pretty much on pace for their “Sounders-version” of normal numbers. Both Lodeiro and Ruidiaz should match their output from 2018 – more fodder for the “blame the defense” theory – while, with Morris, it’s tricky. He put up crazy numbers for a rookie, only to have a pair of lost/semi-lost seasons between 2016 and today. Like the rest, Morris is on pace for 2016 numbers in 2019, but…

What Does “Elite” Even Mean Anymore?

The fascist-adjacent hacks at MLS (I’ll only do that once, promise) didn’t include it in the highlights, but Morris spurned a “just-touch-it” header early in the game, and that was before throttling two to three promising plays in the crib by bumbling offside.

Morris also played a hand in Seattle’s only coherent and reliable attacking move of the night – e.g., a ball over the top of a high line to a fast guy (gave 'em their first goal) – so he’s a weapon – one, coincidentally, likely to aim at the heart of one of the Portland Timbers’ most famous weaknesses.

Overall, though, he mattered about as much as the rest of the Sounders tonight, which is to say neither much nor often. And that’s where I want to close this out, the question of Seattle’s collection of actual talent. With Chad Marshall retired to save that magnificent cabeza and Roman Torres taking time off to get huger(!!), Seattle has relied on Kim Kee-hee and 24-year-old new kid, Xavier Arreaga, at centerback. Arreaga had at least a half dozen punishable mistakes, and I’ve already noted Kim’s game. They look exploitable...for the right collection of players...

Roldan, Harry Shipp, and even a guy like Svensson are the “stars” of this team, the players tasked to hold together the newer parts on either side of them. With respect to all of them – precisely because they’re the guys that make any star player better – these are reliable parts, not a nitrous boost. When you think about it that way, it’s less surprising that Seattle’s not entirely holding together. They’re vulnerable. And they should be doubly-vulnerable playing in Portland…against that, there’s the meth-esque rush of the rivalry to consider…

That’s it. I’ll fill in Portland’s side in a twitter thread.

Seattle Sounders 1-2 Portland Timbers: Good, Slightly Dirty, Feelings

The same coiled buttocks, I tell you....

If there’s a soccer equivalent of telling someone they won a good-sized raffle only to tell them you read the name wrong one minute and fifteen seconds later, this was it. After applying too little pressure to notice for…more or less the entire game, the Seattle Sounders poached a goal off a Julio Cascante bungle to even the score at 1-1. In that tiny amount of time later, Sebastian Blanco earned his paycheck by feeding Brian Fernandez the inch-perfect pass that Fernandez would slip under Stefan Frei’s elbow and win the game for the Portland Timbers. 2-1 to Portland in Seattle, and all is forgiven for at least one of those home draws. Fuck it, both. Tonight has me in a giving mood.

Fernandez got the Timbers’ other goal tonight, a put-back on the kind of Jorge Moreira overlap ‘n’ drive that he’ll surely be patenting before too long (along with that brick of hair he sports atop his head). As much as the last 15-20 minutes made me want to crawl out of my own skin and read a book in a quiet corner, Seattle got the same kinds of chances when the Timbers laid back as they did all game, and that’s more or less the tale of the tape: Portland handled everything Seattle threw at them, and mostly without panicking. Moreover, when Portland actually played – as in tried to dictate what happened on the field and where – they were the better team tonight.

I ended my preview thread for this game with one thought – e.g., the question of whether Seattle is (or was) 10 points better than Portland, as they were in the standings at the start of the day. The current answer is seven points, which is the number of points that separate the teams right now; the question is if/when Portland will overtake the Sounders in the standings. To pick up something noted in the same thread, Seattle has built their vaunted home record by stealing lunch money (big fan of that phrase suddenly) – i.e., winning games against weaker opposition in favorable circumstances. I still rate the Sounders a good bet for the playoffs, but I don’t see the current team roaring into the post-season as they have over the past three years. This isn’t the same team, not without Osvaldo Alonso and Chad Marshall. Losing a spine tends to have consequences…

Portland, on the other hand, looks like they’ve got another year with its main components intact and firing right: Diego Chara showed what he’s all about when he ran down Joevin Jones with his first touch of the ball; Brian Fernandez did the same by trading jabs with Roman Torres…pretty much all game; and, for as long as they pressed the game, the usual suspects, Blanco and Diego Valeri, found a succession of pockets from which to prod Seattle’s defenses. For as long as all that holds up – and for as long Portland can recruit and maintain a sound defense behind it – the Timbers will be competitive in MLS. And, with Larrys Mabiala anchoring that line and Steve Clark playing like his own number one fan behind him, I’m not worried about that part. Portland will always be at its best when it can get its animal spirits running free, and they pulled it off tonight and at the best possible time and place.

Seattle Sounders 3(2)-3(4) Portland Timbers: Love Hangover

It's on me, guys. @ me.

I can’t remember whether I wrote it or tweeted it – and I’m not about to find it - but sometime in the very recent past I said that I never needed to see Dairon Asprilla in a Timbers uniform again. Yes, that sentiment resides at the intersection of harsh and ruthless, and you can go ahead and call me a bastard for it, but, obviously, 1,000 erotic poets banging away on 1,000 typewriters and stoned on “molly” could not express my appreciation for the man and his works in last night’s absolutely fucking glorious victory over the Seattle Sounders. In Seattle. Just…savor it. I re-watched the highlights just now and I want a gif of the little dance Asprilla did after slamming the winning penalty kick past “The Dread” Stefan Frei for Christmas.

While I’m in the business of giving shout-outs to Timbers I’ve recently crapped on, I want to single out/salute Andy Polo for setting the tone at “never-say-die-motherfucker” over the match’s opening 20 minutes. Until Jair Marrufo pulled him aside for a little chat, Polo played like he wanted to fight not just the Sounders starting eleven, but every last one of the 40,000 Sounders fans in attendance.

I’ll close out the introductions with a nod to Marrufo, who let both teams play in a way that was brave, even gutsy, and fair. No quarter was asked, and no quarter was given between the teams and credit to Marrufo for toeing what could have been a damned precarious line.

Getting into the usual (or sometimes?) fine-tooth combing over tactics, goals, or game states feels misplaced, like talking about the brush strokes of a beautiful painting instead of stepping back to appreciate the whole thing. Another factor: with all the goals came late in the match, I couldn’t remember half of them (aka, around the time “the root kicked in”); factually, I couldn’t remember even one of Seattle’s goals this morning* and, given my understanding of how trauma works, that’s something. Asprilla’s headed goal, on the other hand, somehow set up permanent, immovable residency in my mind, like one of those “core memories” in Inside Out.

(* Having now relived them – this one and this one, in particular – God bless the root and keep it holy. The intensity of…just everything swallowed up the sheer awfulness of the mistakes involved. Holy shit, how’d the Timbers get out of there alive?)

Diana Ross recorded a song called “Love Hangover” back when, and that’s very much part of my personal hangover collection this morning. Sounders head coach Brian Schmetzer called this “the most painful loss of my career.” Coming at the experience from the opposite side, this goes down as my favorite all-time Timbers victory. Yes, even more than winning MLS Cup in 2015.

This morning, I am sloppy with happiness.

There were moments of doubt last night – none more sticky and ominous than the goal Raul Ruidiaz scored that would have put the Sounders through to the Western Conference finals. I worried that the Timbers had spent too much time absorbing waves of Sounders attacks; I wasn’t sure the team could re-orient to punching back, not just on the road and in that particular stadium. As they did when they went down a goal in the first leg, the Timbers clapped back just 10 minutes later. The gloom and anxiety never had time to settle.

Along the same lines, the way Portland opened the game made little room for doubt. They back four defended lustily, winning just about every battle they were called on to fight; I’ll admit that Alvas Powell scared the holy living shit out of me here and there, but he held up, Jorge Villafana put out at least two fires that threatened to rage, and both Liam Ridgewell and Larrys Mabiala won a little place in my heart forever. Every Timbers player on the field dusted himself off every time he got knocked down and was back in the fight seconds later. I’m fully aware of how over-the-top all this reads, but this is as good an occasion for hyperbole as any I’ve experienced. Just freaking incredible.

In one my preview tweets yesterday, I wrote something about how the Timbers wouldn’t be where they are without the players who held the team together when the starters were down. And that’s why I want to close this mash-note with Andres Flores. I don’t think any player on the field played as many shitty passes as Flores did; in the attacking third, especially, “wayward” charitably describes the worst of his passes. All the same, Flores is a dude one season out of the NASL and last night he played in one of the biggest games in the Timbers’ MLS history, and with 40,000 people watching and willing him to fuck up. (In a moment of clarity last night, I finally understood why the crowd really matters; took me 40+ years; I’m slow.) Flores held it together. The whole damn team did, and that’s magical.

The Portland Timbers needed every player on its roster last night, just as they did all season long. I know I’ll be back to calling out players and putting sharp questions to their personal livelihoods. And, yeah, that makes me a bit of a bastard. This morning, though, I want to buy every man on the team a drink, one of those big colorful fancy ones with garnishes and novelty umbrellas, the whole damn nine-yards. Hit me up, guys. There’s room on my credit card.