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| Oh, how I laughed. So, so loud. |
When I went to see the live-action Speed Racer, I went in with expectations as low as I was high. I walked out on Cloud 9, wearing one of those smiles that doesn’t go away till you fall asleep and, I’m guessing, pupils big as saucers. I expected nothing, basically, and walked out feeling like a won the lottery. Then again, the same thing happened with Cats. Cats was fucking terrible, but, goddamn, did I have fun watching it…
That’s the only experience I can come up that matches what happened tonight in the Portland Timbers positively rolling 7-2 win over Sporting Kansas City. Everything thing I’d seen and read going in prepped me for SKC to compact its defense and for the Timbers to smash tiny fists against it for 90 minutes, plus stoppage time. Instead, the second half happened, and very early on.
Because drawing talking points out of a blip within a blip feels like the greatest fools errand since the invention of the snipe hunt, I won’t let the magic of seven goals scored carry me too far in either direction; I’ll neither hype the result, nor wallow in its flaws. In the biggest of pictures, the fact that SKC has sucked more than their share this season falls well short of a state secret, so I didn’t expect anything more from them than energetic resistance. And, to give a general opinion, how have they not moved on from Peter Vermes? His shit’s been baking in the sun for a year or three by now…
In my mind, the entire game turned on SKC handing Portland the first goal, and so cheaply too. The defenders parted and, lo, goal opened wide for Bill Tuiloma. Nothing about that goal made sense; all that time to organize and you let a guy shoot free from eight yards out. The game didn’t end there, of course - they had a whole damn second half of slapstick ahead - and SKC briefly threatened to get back into it. I put that period into the space between the 10th minute and the 25th, and it produced a couple shots from range, but not much more. Things loosened up a bit over final 20 minutes of the first half, but neither team did much; as recorded in one strand of the mini-multiverse of twitter threads I had in this game, I begged for someone, anyone to find inspiration around Portland in the first half, because I could not.
A parade of pretty Portland goals followed in a second half that, not unlike fine South Korean action cinema, wouldn’t let up. The goal that put Portland up 2-0 followed from something that feels significant - i.e., after a long injury layoff/rejuvenation, Eryk Williamson made one of those “not-on-my-watch” runs into the corner to keep a play alive. His next touch hooked the ball out to Cristhian Paredes - who, again, I’m still calling my Rock of Portland 2022 - and he looped a positively immaculate one-time ball to Sebastian Blanco, in stride, who buried it first time. That's the kind of soccer I 1) believe in, and 2) believe the Timbers have in them…if under the right set of circumstances and when the mood strikes them, with an emphasis on the latter. Sticking with that thought…
Somewhere around the 60th minute, I saw the Timbers do something I hadn’t seen since the season opener against the New England Revolution - i.e., they moved the ball like they do at their best. For the first time in actual fucking weeks, the angles and movement realigned, players seemed to know where to look and where to go, and that helped them kill off the game by playing out of (most of the) danger, plus a little keep away near the center-stripe as the game wound down. If I had to name something that made me feel unambiguously good about tonight, this is it. That’s not to say it’s alone.
I’m not going to walk through/link to all of Portland’s goals tonight, and for a variety of reasons (also, the highlights are, like, 80% that), but the one goal I do want to highlight and savor was Nathan Fogaca’s first. Happy as I am for tonight’s lucky draftee - and that finish was equal parts good and not easy - my personal piece of mind turns more on the ounce-perfect weight on Blanco’s leading pass. For the first time in months, Blanco looked like his best self and it was good enough to make him an obvious walk-on for MLS’s Team of the Week. Two goals, two assists, enough quality that he could loan it out with a hiccup of interest. A lot of Timbers need to get going, but Blanco’s a big one.
To return to another takeaway, I don’t want to read too much into this result and hereby advise anyone else against it. All the players did their bit, and have every right to take a bow for it, but this game laid out for them like the proverbial red carpet. That Portland got clicking certainly didn’t hurt, but, as the numbers show, SKC’s leg-drunk, bedraggled defense let damn near every transitional moment turn into a goal - and I’m completely serious about that; Portland fired 11 shots total - and I can count the teams who do that one just one hand. All in all, this game borders on shaking up a puzzle and having it fall into the complete picture when it hits the ground.
That’s the only experience I can come up that matches what happened tonight in the Portland Timbers positively rolling 7-2 win over Sporting Kansas City. Everything thing I’d seen and read going in prepped me for SKC to compact its defense and for the Timbers to smash tiny fists against it for 90 minutes, plus stoppage time. Instead, the second half happened, and very early on.
Because drawing talking points out of a blip within a blip feels like the greatest fools errand since the invention of the snipe hunt, I won’t let the magic of seven goals scored carry me too far in either direction; I’ll neither hype the result, nor wallow in its flaws. In the biggest of pictures, the fact that SKC has sucked more than their share this season falls well short of a state secret, so I didn’t expect anything more from them than energetic resistance. And, to give a general opinion, how have they not moved on from Peter Vermes? His shit’s been baking in the sun for a year or three by now…
In my mind, the entire game turned on SKC handing Portland the first goal, and so cheaply too. The defenders parted and, lo, goal opened wide for Bill Tuiloma. Nothing about that goal made sense; all that time to organize and you let a guy shoot free from eight yards out. The game didn’t end there, of course - they had a whole damn second half of slapstick ahead - and SKC briefly threatened to get back into it. I put that period into the space between the 10th minute and the 25th, and it produced a couple shots from range, but not much more. Things loosened up a bit over final 20 minutes of the first half, but neither team did much; as recorded in one strand of the mini-multiverse of twitter threads I had in this game, I begged for someone, anyone to find inspiration around Portland in the first half, because I could not.
A parade of pretty Portland goals followed in a second half that, not unlike fine South Korean action cinema, wouldn’t let up. The goal that put Portland up 2-0 followed from something that feels significant - i.e., after a long injury layoff/rejuvenation, Eryk Williamson made one of those “not-on-my-watch” runs into the corner to keep a play alive. His next touch hooked the ball out to Cristhian Paredes - who, again, I’m still calling my Rock of Portland 2022 - and he looped a positively immaculate one-time ball to Sebastian Blanco, in stride, who buried it first time. That's the kind of soccer I 1) believe in, and 2) believe the Timbers have in them…if under the right set of circumstances and when the mood strikes them, with an emphasis on the latter. Sticking with that thought…
Somewhere around the 60th minute, I saw the Timbers do something I hadn’t seen since the season opener against the New England Revolution - i.e., they moved the ball like they do at their best. For the first time in actual fucking weeks, the angles and movement realigned, players seemed to know where to look and where to go, and that helped them kill off the game by playing out of (most of the) danger, plus a little keep away near the center-stripe as the game wound down. If I had to name something that made me feel unambiguously good about tonight, this is it. That’s not to say it’s alone.
I’m not going to walk through/link to all of Portland’s goals tonight, and for a variety of reasons (also, the highlights are, like, 80% that), but the one goal I do want to highlight and savor was Nathan Fogaca’s first. Happy as I am for tonight’s lucky draftee - and that finish was equal parts good and not easy - my personal piece of mind turns more on the ounce-perfect weight on Blanco’s leading pass. For the first time in months, Blanco looked like his best self and it was good enough to make him an obvious walk-on for MLS’s Team of the Week. Two goals, two assists, enough quality that he could loan it out with a hiccup of interest. A lot of Timbers need to get going, but Blanco’s a big one.
To return to another takeaway, I don’t want to read too much into this result and hereby advise anyone else against it. All the players did their bit, and have every right to take a bow for it, but this game laid out for them like the proverbial red carpet. That Portland got clicking certainly didn’t hurt, but, as the numbers show, SKC’s leg-drunk, bedraggled defense let damn near every transitional moment turn into a goal - and I’m completely serious about that; Portland fired 11 shots total - and I can count the teams who do that one just one hand. All in all, this game borders on shaking up a puzzle and having it fall into the complete picture when it hits the ground.
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| A metaphor, I reckon... |
Before wrapping up, I want to kick at SKC. This is a team at sea, in rolling waves and in a very tiny boat. And, to be clear, I fully appreciate the fact that the seven goals Portland scored tonight accounts for a full near third of their total goals against this season (30.4%, as it happens)…but, regardless of what I think of Peter Vermes (actually admire him, if as a certain type I generally avoid), Kansas City is not a team with a history of dying in defense. They laid a rotten egg once over the past six seasons (67 goals allowed in 2019), but have otherwise kept goals against somewhere around 40 goals allowed over 34 games since 2016 - and they posted a stingy AF goals against of 29(?!) in 2017. That’s not their only problem, obviously - they’re well on the wrong side of the mean on both goals stats - but the combination of a back-firing attack and giving up two-plus goals per game in seven of twelve games spells “Sleepover in the Basement with Vancouver” in any professional league. I haven’t watched SKC a ton this season, but the main vibe I get from them is unfinished thought.
They still scored a couple goals - I can’t decide which was worst from Portland’s perspective, honestly (Vote 1 or Vote 2) - but they also haven’t won in weeks and this…it just looks like one of those blows that’ll take a while to shake off.
Think I covered everything…Blanco looking sharp, yep; Williamson playing like he’s getting internet again, yep, Diego Chara back on the field and playing the full 90, yep; Paredes still ticking like a metronome, yep: that’s pretty much all I have for this one. You had some let-downs in this one - e.g., the first half - but I also can’t remember the last time I had fun watching the Timbers play. And, sure, Josecarlos Van Rankin got sent off again, but that feels more like a call-back to the last sending-off every time it happens - i.e., the joke’s starting to get good, guys. I mean, this is comedy gold, people.
Overall, and as much as I enjoyed this game and that veritable shower of goals, I don’t trust this result. What I’m trying to say is…why does it feel like winning $500 on a scratch-it?
They still scored a couple goals - I can’t decide which was worst from Portland’s perspective, honestly (Vote 1 or Vote 2) - but they also haven’t won in weeks and this…it just looks like one of those blows that’ll take a while to shake off.
Think I covered everything…Blanco looking sharp, yep; Williamson playing like he’s getting internet again, yep, Diego Chara back on the field and playing the full 90, yep; Paredes still ticking like a metronome, yep: that’s pretty much all I have for this one. You had some let-downs in this one - e.g., the first half - but I also can’t remember the last time I had fun watching the Timbers play. And, sure, Josecarlos Van Rankin got sent off again, but that feels more like a call-back to the last sending-off every time it happens - i.e., the joke’s starting to get good, guys. I mean, this is comedy gold, people.
Overall, and as much as I enjoyed this game and that veritable shower of goals, I don’t trust this result. What I’m trying to say is…why does it feel like winning $500 on a scratch-it?
Aww, Jeff. It's our right to always extrapolate the rest of the season from a win like last night! It was fun to be there - especially as the game started off with the players (and the fans) a little unfocused and low energy. Tuiloma woke everybody up; the Timbers could then play while not in the usual state of inhibited performance anxiety.
ReplyDeleteBlanco definitely brought it; was it an improving Blanco or only a momentary glimpse of an old Blanco version? ¿Quién sabe? Williamson, Rasmussen and Nathan F all had nice games. Van Rankin wasn't bad - until his patented tackling over-reactions. I know about the problem with receiving lots of yellow cards. Does Van Rankin have to worry about red card accumulation? Will the MLS' Dean Wormer hand out "double secret probation" to VR?
Love the Animal House reference...
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